A Beautiful Funeral
Page 4
“He’s a little banged up. They’re three goons short.”
She breathed out a laugh and then lifted her chin, her eyes wide and glossing over with realization. “I’m going to have to tell them, aren’t I? It will have to be me.”
I hesitated, conflicted feelings swirling inside me. I didn’t want to put her through that. My eyebrows pulled in. “The Carlisis will just send more, Liis. I know it’s a long shot … but you have to.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I ….”
I clenched my teeth, trying to keep it together and stay strong for her. I cupped her jaw in my hands. “It’ll be okay. You can do it.”
Her chest caved, and she puffed out a breath. “How can I do that to them?” She touched her forehead, shaking her head in disbelief.
“We do what we have to do. Like we always have.”
Liis glanced back toward the nursery. “But this time, even more is at stake.”
I checked my watch and sighed. “I have to pack and make some calls.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’ll help you.”
Stella began to fuss, and I nearly lost it. “This is too much. This isn’t right, leaving you alone with her. She’s barely a day old, and you here, alone …”
She hugged me. “I won’t be alone.”
I squeezed my arms around her, breathing in her hair, memorizing the softness of her skin. “I can’t … I can’t tell her goodbye,” I said. I’d had my heart broken more than once, but this was torture. I was already in love with the tiny girl in the crib, and leaving her would be the hardest thing I would ever do.
“So don’t.”
I nodded and then crept into the nursery, watching Stella breathe easily, swaddled and happily dreaming of whatever newborns dreamed of—Liis’s heartbeat; my muffled voice. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her thick, dark hair. “I’ll see you soon, my love. Daddy loves you.”
I walked across the room and reached down for my vest, slipping it on as she watched with a pained expression, then I stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a bag and raised my phone, tapping out Trenton’s number. I tried to keep my voice casual while telling him to expect us sooner than originally planned. In less than five minutes, I’d done everything I could do to prepare.
“Who’s out there?” Liis asked when I hung up with Trenton.
“Dustin Johns and Canton,” I said, putting on a light jacket.
“Brent Canton?” she confirmed. When I nodded, she sighed, relieved. They were the best snipers in the Bureau.
“They’d better not miss,” she snapped.
“They won’t,” I said. I hoped not. I was putting my life in their hands. I took Liis into my arms, holding her tight, and then pressed my lips against hers, hoping it wasn’t for the last time. “I’m going to ask you to marry me when we see each other again, and this time, you’re going to say yes.”
“Make sure we see each other again,” she said.
Hyde opened the front door. “Thirty seconds, sir.”
I nodded to her, grabbed my car keys, and glanced back at Liis, taking one last look before closing the door behind me.
CHAPTER TWO
TAYLOR
“CHEER UP, BUD. I bet she’ll be at the house by shift’s end,” Jubal said, watching me fold laundry.
“You’ve said that every shift since she left,” I grumbled, shaking out a pair of standard-issue navy blue cargo pants. The color was fading.
When Falyn did the laundry, she somehow kept them looking brand new for months. I cooked dinner and took out the trash; she’d do the laundry and the dishes. We tag-teamed taking care of the kids. Having Hollis and Hadley four months apart was a lot like having twins. One of us held down flailing legs and pulled out baby wipes while the other cleaned and re-diapered. I’d take Hollis to soccer, and she would take Hadley to volleyball. For nine years, we’d worked like a well-oiled machine. We’d even perfected fighting. Anger, negotiation, make-up sex. Now that she was gone, I had no one to compromise with, no kids to juggle, no dinner for four. I’d been doing my own laundry for two months—since she’d moved back to Colorado Springs with the kids—and my pants were already looking like shit. One more reason to miss her.
I folded the cargos over a hanger and hooked it on the rod inside my armoire. I hadn’t been on the mountain digging firebreaks in four years. Only being home for six months out of the year had taken its toll on our marriage, so I hung up my pulaski and took a full-time job with the city fire department.
In the end, it didn’t matter what I did. Falyn wasn’t happy.
“How are the kids liking the new school?” Jubal asked.
“They’re not.”
Jubal sighed. “I wondered if it would be tough for Hollis. I’m surprised you let her take him.”
“Split ‘em up? No,” I said, shaking my head. “Besides, she’s his mother. She always has been. It wouldn’t be right to pull the biological card now.”
Jubal nodded. “True.” He patted my shoulder. “You’re a good man, Taylor.”
My brow furrowed. “Not good enough.”
My cell phone rang. I held the receiver to my ear, and Jubal nodded, already knowing I needed privacy. He walked back into the living area, and I swiped my thumb across the display, holding the phone to my ear.
“Hi, honey,” I said.
“Hi.” Falyn was uncomfortable with terms of endearment now—as if I shouldn’t care about her because she’d left me.
The truth was I’d tried yelling. I’d tried being angry. I begged and pleaded and even threw tantrums, but all that did was push her further away. Now, I listened more and lost my temper less. Something my brothers had all learned early on. They still had their wives.
“I was just thinking about you,” I said.
“Oh, yeah?” she asked. “I was calling because … Hollis isn’t doing well. He got in a fight today.”
“A fistfight? Is he okay?”
“Of course, he’s okay. You taught him how to defend himself. But he’s different. He’s angry. Thank God it was the last day before summer break or he would have been suspended. He still might. Taylor, I think …” She sighed. She sounded as lost as I did, and it was both painful and a relief not to be alone in that. “I think I made a mistake.”
I held my breath, hoping she would finally say she was coming home. It didn’t matter why. Once Falyn came back, I could make things right.
“I was hoping … maybe …”
“Yeah? I mean, yeah. Whatever it is.”
She paused again. Those in-between moments felt like dying a thousand times. Her voice said it all. She knew when she’d called she’d be getting my hopes up, but this conversation was about the kids, not me. Not us. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind helping me find a rent house in Estes. You have more connections there for housing than I do. It’s going to be hard to find a three-bedroom apartment. The kids are too old to share.”
I sat down on my bed, feeling like the air had been knocked out of me. “Couldn’t you just … move back in? The kids’ rooms are all set up. It’s familiar. I’d love for you to come back. I want you to. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than if you got your own place. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
She breathed out a laugh and then lifted her chin, her eyes wide and glossing over with realization. “I’m going to have to tell them, aren’t I? It will have to be me.”
I hesitated, conflicted feelings swirling inside me. I didn’t want to put her through that. My eyebrows pulled in. “The Carlisis will just send more, Liis. I know it’s a long shot … but you have to.”
She shook her head. “I can’t. I ….”
I clenched my teeth, trying to keep it together and stay strong for her. I cupped her jaw in my hands. “It’ll be okay. You can do it.”
Her chest caved, and she puffed out a breath. “How can I do that to them?” She touched her forehead, shaking her head in disbelief.
“We do what we have to do. Like we always have.”
Liis glanced back toward the nursery. “But this time, even more is at stake.”
I checked my watch and sighed. “I have to pack and make some calls.”
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I’ll help you.”
Stella began to fuss, and I nearly lost it. “This is too much. This isn’t right, leaving you alone with her. She’s barely a day old, and you here, alone …”
She hugged me. “I won’t be alone.”
I squeezed my arms around her, breathing in her hair, memorizing the softness of her skin. “I can’t … I can’t tell her goodbye,” I said. I’d had my heart broken more than once, but this was torture. I was already in love with the tiny girl in the crib, and leaving her would be the hardest thing I would ever do.
“So don’t.”
I nodded and then crept into the nursery, watching Stella breathe easily, swaddled and happily dreaming of whatever newborns dreamed of—Liis’s heartbeat; my muffled voice. I leaned down and pressed my lips to her thick, dark hair. “I’ll see you soon, my love. Daddy loves you.”
I walked across the room and reached down for my vest, slipping it on as she watched with a pained expression, then I stuffed some clothes and toiletries into a bag and raised my phone, tapping out Trenton’s number. I tried to keep my voice casual while telling him to expect us sooner than originally planned. In less than five minutes, I’d done everything I could do to prepare.
“Who’s out there?” Liis asked when I hung up with Trenton.
“Dustin Johns and Canton,” I said, putting on a light jacket.
“Brent Canton?” she confirmed. When I nodded, she sighed, relieved. They were the best snipers in the Bureau.
“They’d better not miss,” she snapped.
“They won’t,” I said. I hoped not. I was putting my life in their hands. I took Liis into my arms, holding her tight, and then pressed my lips against hers, hoping it wasn’t for the last time. “I’m going to ask you to marry me when we see each other again, and this time, you’re going to say yes.”
“Make sure we see each other again,” she said.
Hyde opened the front door. “Thirty seconds, sir.”
I nodded to her, grabbed my car keys, and glanced back at Liis, taking one last look before closing the door behind me.
CHAPTER TWO
TAYLOR
“CHEER UP, BUD. I bet she’ll be at the house by shift’s end,” Jubal said, watching me fold laundry.
“You’ve said that every shift since she left,” I grumbled, shaking out a pair of standard-issue navy blue cargo pants. The color was fading.
When Falyn did the laundry, she somehow kept them looking brand new for months. I cooked dinner and took out the trash; she’d do the laundry and the dishes. We tag-teamed taking care of the kids. Having Hollis and Hadley four months apart was a lot like having twins. One of us held down flailing legs and pulled out baby wipes while the other cleaned and re-diapered. I’d take Hollis to soccer, and she would take Hadley to volleyball. For nine years, we’d worked like a well-oiled machine. We’d even perfected fighting. Anger, negotiation, make-up sex. Now that she was gone, I had no one to compromise with, no kids to juggle, no dinner for four. I’d been doing my own laundry for two months—since she’d moved back to Colorado Springs with the kids—and my pants were already looking like shit. One more reason to miss her.
I folded the cargos over a hanger and hooked it on the rod inside my armoire. I hadn’t been on the mountain digging firebreaks in four years. Only being home for six months out of the year had taken its toll on our marriage, so I hung up my pulaski and took a full-time job with the city fire department.
In the end, it didn’t matter what I did. Falyn wasn’t happy.
“How are the kids liking the new school?” Jubal asked.
“They’re not.”
Jubal sighed. “I wondered if it would be tough for Hollis. I’m surprised you let her take him.”
“Split ‘em up? No,” I said, shaking my head. “Besides, she’s his mother. She always has been. It wouldn’t be right to pull the biological card now.”
Jubal nodded. “True.” He patted my shoulder. “You’re a good man, Taylor.”
My brow furrowed. “Not good enough.”
My cell phone rang. I held the receiver to my ear, and Jubal nodded, already knowing I needed privacy. He walked back into the living area, and I swiped my thumb across the display, holding the phone to my ear.
“Hi, honey,” I said.
“Hi.” Falyn was uncomfortable with terms of endearment now—as if I shouldn’t care about her because she’d left me.
The truth was I’d tried yelling. I’d tried being angry. I begged and pleaded and even threw tantrums, but all that did was push her further away. Now, I listened more and lost my temper less. Something my brothers had all learned early on. They still had their wives.
“I was just thinking about you,” I said.
“Oh, yeah?” she asked. “I was calling because … Hollis isn’t doing well. He got in a fight today.”
“A fistfight? Is he okay?”
“Of course, he’s okay. You taught him how to defend himself. But he’s different. He’s angry. Thank God it was the last day before summer break or he would have been suspended. He still might. Taylor, I think …” She sighed. She sounded as lost as I did, and it was both painful and a relief not to be alone in that. “I think I made a mistake.”
I held my breath, hoping she would finally say she was coming home. It didn’t matter why. Once Falyn came back, I could make things right.
“I was hoping … maybe …”
“Yeah? I mean, yeah. Whatever it is.”
She paused again. Those in-between moments felt like dying a thousand times. Her voice said it all. She knew when she’d called she’d be getting my hopes up, but this conversation was about the kids, not me. Not us. “I was hoping you wouldn’t mind helping me find a rent house in Estes. You have more connections there for housing than I do. It’s going to be hard to find a three-bedroom apartment. The kids are too old to share.”
I sat down on my bed, feeling like the air had been knocked out of me. “Couldn’t you just … move back in? The kids’ rooms are all set up. It’s familiar. I’d love for you to come back. I want you to. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than if you got your own place. I’ll sleep on the couch.”
