A Dance with Darkness
Page 19
His blue eyes bugged and he stopped breathing for several moments. At last he drew a long, quivering breath and composed himself. “The grimoire was irreplaceable.”
“Life is irreplaceable,” I shot back through gritted teeth. “Life cannot be returned. A book can be rewritten.”
“You’re right,” he said, breaking eye contact. “But knowledge is also invaluable. And I know you, Madeleine. You didn’t burn the book.”
I would neither confirm nor deny that, though my refusal to do so was enough answer for him. “Has Evantia discovered that you had the grimoire? And lost it?”
Despite my callous comment, nothing in his face changed. I expected him to get angry, but he didn’t. “Evantia is dead. I killed her after I saw you last night. I am now the most powerful demonic reaper in England.”
“Congratulations,” I said. “You finally have what you want.”
“I don’t have you.”
“That is your own fault.”
“Have you honestly lost all your love for me?”
“Not all,” I confessed, “but enough to realize now that this will never work. I did love you, Bastian, so very much, and I will always have part of you with me.” My words were choked off by grief and despair, because he would never know the full truth in them. I could never tell him. If he knew I carried his child, then I could never escape. Even if he didn’t kill me, he would never let me go. I could not fight him, because I could not risk the life growing inside me. Bastian would take this child and raise him or her the way he raised Cadan: through brutality and cruelty. Unlike poor Cadan, my child would grow up knowing kindness and a gentle touch. My child would know what real love was like.
“You must forgive me,” Bastian said, his voice raw as his vulnerability leaked through.
“I must? I have no choice in the matter? I am not your property. I belong to no one.”
“Please,” he said, forcing the word out of his mouth like dirt. “Please forgive me.”
I shook my head. “I can’t forgive you this time. I’ve forgiven you for a lot of things, Bastian, but I have no more forgiveness left in me, for you have used it all up.”
“Maddie, please—”
“You must leave now. Good-bye, Bastian,” I said to him. I watched him go, and he paused before he shut the door, meeting my gaze with his beautiful cerulean eyes for what I knew would be the last time.
When I was alone, something collapsed in my chest and suddenly I could barely stand. I forced myself to cross the room to my bed, where I climbed onto the mattress and lay down on my side. I curled my limbs close to my body and I looked at my belly. I brushed my fingers over the front of my dress where I knew my child grew safely. He or she would be safe as long as I controlled my fate. As long as I stayed far away from the demonic threat, away from Bastian.
I woke to Nathaniel sitting beside me, pushing my hair over my shoulder and down my back, out of my face. The serene look in his gaze faded when he noticed the dried tears smeared over my cheeks.
“Maddie,” he whispered. “What is going on?”
“We have to leave,” I told him as I sat up. “Our location has been compromised.”
“The demonic?”
I pushed myself to my feet and started to pace. “Yes. They know about this house and that I took the grimoire. You can’t stay in London anymore, and I have to leave—hide. I have to hide. And if you came with me, I would be grateful. I need you to come with me, but if you choose not to, I won’t hold it against you.”
“Hide?” he asked, standing. In his copper eyes, I could see his thoughts blazing. “You’re not one to run from a fight. What has happened?”
“Something wonderful,” I replied, struggling to maintain my composure as my voice trembled. “But also complicated and dangerous. I’m happy, but I’m afraid.”
He shook his head in confusion, and then his gaze lowered to my belly, and agony filled his expression. “You’re with child.”
Hearing someone else say it made it seem more real and even more terrifying. “Yes. And I need your help, Nathaniel.”
“Why are you in danger? Who is the father?”
“I can’t tell you. And I won’t.”
“Maddie,” he said softly, “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me everything.”
“Yes, you can. Promise me, Nathaniel, promise me you will never ask me who the father is.”
“I promise, but I don’t know why I should.”
“For my sake. For my child’s sake.”
He studied my face for the longest time and finally he said, “All right. Where should we go?”
My voice was distant and seemed to belong to someone else. “I should go north. Scotland. There are many remote villages in the Highlands. Maybe we should go to one of the isles.”
Nathaniel exhaled and put a hand on my shoulder. He gave a gentle squeeze. “Skye is beautiful. Every child should grow up in such a magical place.”
I smiled. “The Isle of Skye it is.”
Epilogue
Five years later
THE SEA RAVAGED THE EDGES OF THE CLIFFS, slowly tearing them down and carving the coastline over the course of thousands of years. I stood on the edge, letting the cold, salty wind whip through my hair and billow my skirts in the air. The gulls cried mournfully overhead and my child’s laughter echoed through the hills, bringing a smile to my face. I turned my head to watch William roll through a patch of clover and stop to pluck a fat, purple blossom. He climbed clumsily to his feet and ran over to where I stood.
“Life is irreplaceable,” I shot back through gritted teeth. “Life cannot be returned. A book can be rewritten.”
“You’re right,” he said, breaking eye contact. “But knowledge is also invaluable. And I know you, Madeleine. You didn’t burn the book.”
I would neither confirm nor deny that, though my refusal to do so was enough answer for him. “Has Evantia discovered that you had the grimoire? And lost it?”
Despite my callous comment, nothing in his face changed. I expected him to get angry, but he didn’t. “Evantia is dead. I killed her after I saw you last night. I am now the most powerful demonic reaper in England.”
“Congratulations,” I said. “You finally have what you want.”
“I don’t have you.”
“That is your own fault.”
“Have you honestly lost all your love for me?”
“Not all,” I confessed, “but enough to realize now that this will never work. I did love you, Bastian, so very much, and I will always have part of you with me.” My words were choked off by grief and despair, because he would never know the full truth in them. I could never tell him. If he knew I carried his child, then I could never escape. Even if he didn’t kill me, he would never let me go. I could not fight him, because I could not risk the life growing inside me. Bastian would take this child and raise him or her the way he raised Cadan: through brutality and cruelty. Unlike poor Cadan, my child would grow up knowing kindness and a gentle touch. My child would know what real love was like.
“You must forgive me,” Bastian said, his voice raw as his vulnerability leaked through.
“I must? I have no choice in the matter? I am not your property. I belong to no one.”
“Please,” he said, forcing the word out of his mouth like dirt. “Please forgive me.”
I shook my head. “I can’t forgive you this time. I’ve forgiven you for a lot of things, Bastian, but I have no more forgiveness left in me, for you have used it all up.”
“Maddie, please—”
“You must leave now. Good-bye, Bastian,” I said to him. I watched him go, and he paused before he shut the door, meeting my gaze with his beautiful cerulean eyes for what I knew would be the last time.
When I was alone, something collapsed in my chest and suddenly I could barely stand. I forced myself to cross the room to my bed, where I climbed onto the mattress and lay down on my side. I curled my limbs close to my body and I looked at my belly. I brushed my fingers over the front of my dress where I knew my child grew safely. He or she would be safe as long as I controlled my fate. As long as I stayed far away from the demonic threat, away from Bastian.
I woke to Nathaniel sitting beside me, pushing my hair over my shoulder and down my back, out of my face. The serene look in his gaze faded when he noticed the dried tears smeared over my cheeks.
“Maddie,” he whispered. “What is going on?”
“We have to leave,” I told him as I sat up. “Our location has been compromised.”
“The demonic?”
I pushed myself to my feet and started to pace. “Yes. They know about this house and that I took the grimoire. You can’t stay in London anymore, and I have to leave—hide. I have to hide. And if you came with me, I would be grateful. I need you to come with me, but if you choose not to, I won’t hold it against you.”
“Hide?” he asked, standing. In his copper eyes, I could see his thoughts blazing. “You’re not one to run from a fight. What has happened?”
“Something wonderful,” I replied, struggling to maintain my composure as my voice trembled. “But also complicated and dangerous. I’m happy, but I’m afraid.”
He shook his head in confusion, and then his gaze lowered to my belly, and agony filled his expression. “You’re with child.”
Hearing someone else say it made it seem more real and even more terrifying. “Yes. And I need your help, Nathaniel.”
“Why are you in danger? Who is the father?”
“I can’t tell you. And I won’t.”
“Maddie,” he said softly, “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me everything.”
“Yes, you can. Promise me, Nathaniel, promise me you will never ask me who the father is.”
“I promise, but I don’t know why I should.”
“For my sake. For my child’s sake.”
He studied my face for the longest time and finally he said, “All right. Where should we go?”
My voice was distant and seemed to belong to someone else. “I should go north. Scotland. There are many remote villages in the Highlands. Maybe we should go to one of the isles.”
Nathaniel exhaled and put a hand on my shoulder. He gave a gentle squeeze. “Skye is beautiful. Every child should grow up in such a magical place.”
I smiled. “The Isle of Skye it is.”
Epilogue
Five years later
THE SEA RAVAGED THE EDGES OF THE CLIFFS, slowly tearing them down and carving the coastline over the course of thousands of years. I stood on the edge, letting the cold, salty wind whip through my hair and billow my skirts in the air. The gulls cried mournfully overhead and my child’s laughter echoed through the hills, bringing a smile to my face. I turned my head to watch William roll through a patch of clover and stop to pluck a fat, purple blossom. He climbed clumsily to his feet and ran over to where I stood.
