A Fool's Gold Christmas
Page 23
She managed to stand and felt her thighs start to tremble. She moved behind the chair and placed her hand on the back to keep herself upright.
“That’s exciting,” she said, hoping her voice sounded normal. “Aspen. I’ve never been. Of course I don’t ski or snowboard, so I don’t think I’ve missed that much. You have a good time, though.”
Dante studied her. “Evie,” he began.
She waved her hand to cut him off. “Don’t,” she told him. “This is what we agreed to. Just fun, right? Getting each other through the holidays. Mission accomplished. You’re going to miss some delicious cookies, but maybe my mom will freeze some for you.”
She glanced at her wrist—not that she was wearing a watch. “Oh, look at the time. I need to grab some lunch before the pets arrive. I’ll see you after the first of the year.”
She released the chair and willed her body to stay strong. All she had to do was grab her bag, and then she could escape. If she could just have a few minutes by herself, she could get her feelings under control and survive the day.
“Evie, wait.”
She kept on walking. She could see her purse on a table. She reached for the handle and continued toward the exit. Once outside, she broke into a run. Her previously injured leg protested a little, but not enough to slow her down. She turned at the first corner she came to, and then another, ending up on the edge of the big park in town. It was cold and gray, but there still wasn’t any snow.
She put her hand on the bark of a bare tree and tried to catch her breath. Only instead of inhaling, she began to sob. Deep, soul-ripping sobs that welled up from deep inside of her.
He was leaving. Dante was leaving. Worse, he was going to be with someone else. There was another woman he would laugh with and talk to and make love with. Someone else would hear his silly jokes and know the warmth of his body first thing in the morning. Someone else would be with him for Christmas.
After not being willing to trust herself enough to love anyone, she’d finally given her heart, only to have it tossed back at her. Dante didn’t love her, and he certainly didn’t want her to love him. He’d told her that from the beginning. She just hadn’t been listening. She hadn’t believed.
And now he was gone, and somehow, she had to get through days and days of activities, including the performance on Christmas Eve.
She gulped in air, then straightened. She could do it, she told herself. She was strong. She’d handled worse and survived, she would get through this. The trick was to not let anyone know. Sympathy, while well meant, would only make it harder to go on. When Christmas was over, she would figure out how she was supposed to stop loving him, but for now, she would simply put one foot in front of the other. After all, she was used to dancing through the pain.
Chapter Eighteen
“I love him!”
The girl speaking was maybe six or seven. She hung on to the large black Labrador mix with both arms. The dog, probably four or five and still skinny from being abandoned and trying to survive in the mountains, wagged his tail back and forth, obviously pleased by the turn of events.
Evie did her best to get lost in the moment, to feel happy for the family and their new pet. The young couple took the offered food and the information on care.
“We went to the shelter several times,” the wife said happily. “He’s perfect for us. We’re calling him Wally.”
The little girl beamed up at her parents. “I’m so happy, I almost don’t need presents this year.”
“That’s pretty happy,” her dad said.
She nodded. “We could ask Santa to take them to children who don’t have a new puppy.”
The parents exchanged a look of pride and love.
“That’s very nice,” her mother said. “Let’s talk about that when we get home.”
Evie handed over their dog license and the rest of the paperwork. “Have a great holiday,” she said and watched them walk away, Wally trotting at their side.
“Another happy ending,” May said as she walked over with more completed forms in her hand. “We’ve found homes for all the puppies and kittens, which isn’t a surprise but is still nice. Most of the cats are claimed. Someone took all the fish earlier. Did you see that? I don’t understand fish as pets. They can’t even interact.”
“I think you’re just supposed to watch them.”
“I’d rather watch a movie.” Her mother gave her a quick hug. “I see you’re adopting that cat.”
“Alexander. I’m taking him home with me this afternoon.”
“I hope you’ll be very happy together.” Her mother studied her for a second. “Are you all right? You’ve been quiet today.”
“I’m fine,” Evie said quickly. “Just tired from everything I have to get done. The performance isn’t that many days away and we start full rehearsals on the actual stage next week. I need to make sure my dancers are comfortable with the entire show. All those seats are intimidating.”
She hoped talking about the upcoming performance was enough of a distraction to get her mother to stop asking questions. Eventually she would have to come clean about what had happened with Dante, but right now she couldn’t talk about it. Not only was her heart breaking, but she was also left feeling stupid. It was as if she’d had a party and no one came. There were decorations and food and music, but no guests. While she’d been busy falling in love, Dante had been looking for a way out. He’d found a good one, too.
All she had to do was get through the rest of the afternoon. Then she could go home and have a private meltdown.
May stared at her. Her gaze was so intent that Evie was sure she’d figured out the truth.
“I know what it is,” her mother said at last, then startled Evie by suddenly starting to cry. “It’s all my fault.”
“That’s not possible,” Evie said, as tears filled May’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
“Of course it is. You’re my daughter and I love you so much. But I lost you because I was stupid, and what if you never forgive me? What if I’ve done too much damage? What if you can’t forgive me?”
She covered her face with her hands and continued to cry.
Evie stood immobilized by shock. She recognized she was at a crossroads, and whatever she decided at this moment would influence the rest of her life.
Yes, her mother had made mistakes. There were reasons, some better than others, for what had happened, but in the end it came down to a choice. Hang on to the past and stay stuck or forgive and move on.
Which meant no choice at all. There was only what was right. While she was still battered and bruised from what Dante had done, she felt a deeper wound finally heal. It wasn’t much right now, but later that healing would give her strength. She wanted and needed to be a part of her family.
She reached for her mother and pulled her close. “You didn’t lose me, Mom. I’m right here, and I love you, too.”
May looked at her. “You do? You swear?”
“I swear. We still have a long way to go. But I’ve decided to stay in Fool’s Gold. We’ll hang out together. You can help me find a place to buy. How’s that?”
May hugged her so tight, Evie couldn’t breathe. But that was okay. Because right now, this was exactly what she needed.
“I do love you,” May told her.
“I know. Now you have to promise to stop apologizing. The past is done. From now on, we’re just going to deal with the present. Together.”
May squeezed again. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Evie shook her head. “I have to thank you, too, Mom. For making the effort. I’m not sure I would have been able to put pride aside and risk reaching out.”
“You mean it about staying here?”
“Yes. Dominique wants to expand the dance school, and I have some ideas for that.”
“You could do a dance exercise class for women my age. To help us get in shape. Everyone I know wants to move like you do. You’re always so graceful.”
“I’d like that.”
“I’m not sure what we’d call it. Exercise and dance for old women probably isn’t a good name.”
Evie started to laugh, and her mom joined in.
May sniffed, then glanced around. While no one was overtly watching, Evie was pretty sure they were the center of attention.
“All right then,” her mother said, wiping her cheeks. “Is my mascara running?”
“You look beautiful.”
May smiled. “I think that’s an exaggeration. I’m going to duck into the bathroom and spruce myself up. Then I’ll be back and we can see what we can do about getting the rest of these pets adopted.”
* * *
“HERE IT IS,” Evie said, carefully lifting the cat carrier out of the backseat of her car. “I’m sorry to make you ride back here, but I didn’t want to have to worry about the air bag deploying. Not that I’m a bad driver and we’re at risk for being in an accident.”
She pressed her lips together. “I’m babbling, I know. I’m a little nervous. I’ve already been rejected by one guy in my life. I guess I’m afraid you’ll be critical.”
She closed the car door and walked into her place.
The previous night she’d set up the cat supplies. She’d put the litter box upstairs in the guest bathroom. She’d folded an old, soft blanket on the window seat in the guest room. On sunny days Alexander could sun himself there.
The food and water bowls were full and on a placemat in a quiet part of her kitchen. She wasn’t sure where to put his cat bed. From what she’d read, he would find where he was most comfortable, so for now, it was in a corner, tucked next to a chair. He could see out, but still feel a little protected.
She took the carrier upstairs to the guest room. She figured they would start near the bathroom and let him find his way from there. She set it on the floor and opened the wire door.
“You’re home,” she said in a quiet voice. “Alexander, come on, big guy. This is it. Where you belong.”
He slowly, cautiously, stepped out of the carrier. After glancing at her, he walked into the bathroom and sniffed. He paused at the litter box, but didn’t use it.
“I hope I got the right kind,” she said. “It has baking soda in it.”
He walked past her and went under the guest bed. Before she could wonder if he was going to hide there for a while, he came out the other side and headed for the hallway.
She’d closed the door to the master, thinking she didn’t want to confuse him. He headed downstairs, and she followed.
He made a circuit of the rest of the place, pausing to delicately lap at the water and sniff the dry food. Then he walked to the sofa, jumped up and stared at her.
She paused at the bottom of the stairs.
“I should probably tell you about myself,” she murmured, thinking she was being an idiot, but not sure how else to start a conversation with a cat.
“I’ve never had a pet before, so it’s possible I won’t get everything right. If you could just be a little patient with me, I would appreciate it. I’m, um, a dance teacher, which I like a lot. Do you like children? Because there might be some around, from time to time. I just broke up with the guy I was seeing.”
Evie paused, feeling the pain of the words. “I thought he was pretty great. I thought…” She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. “I was in love with him,” she whispered, fighting tears. “Stupid, huh?”
She crossed to the sofa, sitting at the opposite end from Alexander, so as not to frighten him. “I’ve never had a successful romantic relationship, so it’s really just going to be the two of us. But I’m hoping you and I can get along. I want to take good care of you.”
Steady green eyes regarded her.
“It would really help if you could tell me what you’re thinking,” she said.
Alexander stood and walked across the back of the sofa. He jumped down on the cushion next to her and then sat, looking at her. Slowly, carefully, she reached out to pet him. She stroked the length of his back, then rubbed the side of his face. When she scratched under his chin, he raised his head up and forward.
“Do you like that?” she asked. “Is that nice?”
Without warning, he jumped onto her lap and stood facing her. She rubbed his soft fur. He turned once and then curled up on her lap and began to purr.
She continued to pet him, feeling the quiet rumble as she rubbed his chin. More tears fell. She didn’t try to stop them. She knew that acknowledging the pain was a part of the process. Eventually she would heal, and one day she would be able to look back, saying she’d learned something. Until then she had to figure out a way to survive with a Dante-size hole in her heart.
* * *
EVIE FOUGHT AGAINST a pounding headache. She’d spent most of Sunday holed up in her townhouse, getting to know her new cat and sobbing uncontrollably. She’d been forced to duck out for food in the afternoon, then had retreated to her ongoing pity party.
For a second night, she’d mostly been awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering what she could have done differently and asking impossible questions. Like was she ever going to meet “the one” and fall in love?
Alexander had settled the issue of his sleeping arrangements by joining her. He was a thoughtful roommate, curling up at the foot of the bed and sleeping silently. When she’d started crying again at four in the morning, he’d draped himself across her chest and had purred until she’d managed to calm herself.
“That’s exciting,” she said, hoping her voice sounded normal. “Aspen. I’ve never been. Of course I don’t ski or snowboard, so I don’t think I’ve missed that much. You have a good time, though.”
Dante studied her. “Evie,” he began.
She waved her hand to cut him off. “Don’t,” she told him. “This is what we agreed to. Just fun, right? Getting each other through the holidays. Mission accomplished. You’re going to miss some delicious cookies, but maybe my mom will freeze some for you.”
She glanced at her wrist—not that she was wearing a watch. “Oh, look at the time. I need to grab some lunch before the pets arrive. I’ll see you after the first of the year.”
She released the chair and willed her body to stay strong. All she had to do was grab her bag, and then she could escape. If she could just have a few minutes by herself, she could get her feelings under control and survive the day.
“Evie, wait.”
She kept on walking. She could see her purse on a table. She reached for the handle and continued toward the exit. Once outside, she broke into a run. Her previously injured leg protested a little, but not enough to slow her down. She turned at the first corner she came to, and then another, ending up on the edge of the big park in town. It was cold and gray, but there still wasn’t any snow.
She put her hand on the bark of a bare tree and tried to catch her breath. Only instead of inhaling, she began to sob. Deep, soul-ripping sobs that welled up from deep inside of her.
He was leaving. Dante was leaving. Worse, he was going to be with someone else. There was another woman he would laugh with and talk to and make love with. Someone else would hear his silly jokes and know the warmth of his body first thing in the morning. Someone else would be with him for Christmas.
After not being willing to trust herself enough to love anyone, she’d finally given her heart, only to have it tossed back at her. Dante didn’t love her, and he certainly didn’t want her to love him. He’d told her that from the beginning. She just hadn’t been listening. She hadn’t believed.
And now he was gone, and somehow, she had to get through days and days of activities, including the performance on Christmas Eve.
She gulped in air, then straightened. She could do it, she told herself. She was strong. She’d handled worse and survived, she would get through this. The trick was to not let anyone know. Sympathy, while well meant, would only make it harder to go on. When Christmas was over, she would figure out how she was supposed to stop loving him, but for now, she would simply put one foot in front of the other. After all, she was used to dancing through the pain.
Chapter Eighteen
“I love him!”
The girl speaking was maybe six or seven. She hung on to the large black Labrador mix with both arms. The dog, probably four or five and still skinny from being abandoned and trying to survive in the mountains, wagged his tail back and forth, obviously pleased by the turn of events.
Evie did her best to get lost in the moment, to feel happy for the family and their new pet. The young couple took the offered food and the information on care.
“We went to the shelter several times,” the wife said happily. “He’s perfect for us. We’re calling him Wally.”
The little girl beamed up at her parents. “I’m so happy, I almost don’t need presents this year.”
“That’s pretty happy,” her dad said.
She nodded. “We could ask Santa to take them to children who don’t have a new puppy.”
The parents exchanged a look of pride and love.
“That’s very nice,” her mother said. “Let’s talk about that when we get home.”
Evie handed over their dog license and the rest of the paperwork. “Have a great holiday,” she said and watched them walk away, Wally trotting at their side.
“Another happy ending,” May said as she walked over with more completed forms in her hand. “We’ve found homes for all the puppies and kittens, which isn’t a surprise but is still nice. Most of the cats are claimed. Someone took all the fish earlier. Did you see that? I don’t understand fish as pets. They can’t even interact.”
“I think you’re just supposed to watch them.”
“I’d rather watch a movie.” Her mother gave her a quick hug. “I see you’re adopting that cat.”
“Alexander. I’m taking him home with me this afternoon.”
“I hope you’ll be very happy together.” Her mother studied her for a second. “Are you all right? You’ve been quiet today.”
“I’m fine,” Evie said quickly. “Just tired from everything I have to get done. The performance isn’t that many days away and we start full rehearsals on the actual stage next week. I need to make sure my dancers are comfortable with the entire show. All those seats are intimidating.”
She hoped talking about the upcoming performance was enough of a distraction to get her mother to stop asking questions. Eventually she would have to come clean about what had happened with Dante, but right now she couldn’t talk about it. Not only was her heart breaking, but she was also left feeling stupid. It was as if she’d had a party and no one came. There were decorations and food and music, but no guests. While she’d been busy falling in love, Dante had been looking for a way out. He’d found a good one, too.
All she had to do was get through the rest of the afternoon. Then she could go home and have a private meltdown.
May stared at her. Her gaze was so intent that Evie was sure she’d figured out the truth.
“I know what it is,” her mother said at last, then startled Evie by suddenly starting to cry. “It’s all my fault.”
“That’s not possible,” Evie said, as tears filled May’s eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
“Of course it is. You’re my daughter and I love you so much. But I lost you because I was stupid, and what if you never forgive me? What if I’ve done too much damage? What if you can’t forgive me?”
She covered her face with her hands and continued to cry.
Evie stood immobilized by shock. She recognized she was at a crossroads, and whatever she decided at this moment would influence the rest of her life.
Yes, her mother had made mistakes. There were reasons, some better than others, for what had happened, but in the end it came down to a choice. Hang on to the past and stay stuck or forgive and move on.
Which meant no choice at all. There was only what was right. While she was still battered and bruised from what Dante had done, she felt a deeper wound finally heal. It wasn’t much right now, but later that healing would give her strength. She wanted and needed to be a part of her family.
She reached for her mother and pulled her close. “You didn’t lose me, Mom. I’m right here, and I love you, too.”
May looked at her. “You do? You swear?”
“I swear. We still have a long way to go. But I’ve decided to stay in Fool’s Gold. We’ll hang out together. You can help me find a place to buy. How’s that?”
May hugged her so tight, Evie couldn’t breathe. But that was okay. Because right now, this was exactly what she needed.
“I do love you,” May told her.
“I know. Now you have to promise to stop apologizing. The past is done. From now on, we’re just going to deal with the present. Together.”
May squeezed again. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”
Evie shook her head. “I have to thank you, too, Mom. For making the effort. I’m not sure I would have been able to put pride aside and risk reaching out.”
“You mean it about staying here?”
“Yes. Dominique wants to expand the dance school, and I have some ideas for that.”
“You could do a dance exercise class for women my age. To help us get in shape. Everyone I know wants to move like you do. You’re always so graceful.”
“I’d like that.”
“I’m not sure what we’d call it. Exercise and dance for old women probably isn’t a good name.”
Evie started to laugh, and her mom joined in.
May sniffed, then glanced around. While no one was overtly watching, Evie was pretty sure they were the center of attention.
“All right then,” her mother said, wiping her cheeks. “Is my mascara running?”
“You look beautiful.”
May smiled. “I think that’s an exaggeration. I’m going to duck into the bathroom and spruce myself up. Then I’ll be back and we can see what we can do about getting the rest of these pets adopted.”
* * *
“HERE IT IS,” Evie said, carefully lifting the cat carrier out of the backseat of her car. “I’m sorry to make you ride back here, but I didn’t want to have to worry about the air bag deploying. Not that I’m a bad driver and we’re at risk for being in an accident.”
She pressed her lips together. “I’m babbling, I know. I’m a little nervous. I’ve already been rejected by one guy in my life. I guess I’m afraid you’ll be critical.”
She closed the car door and walked into her place.
The previous night she’d set up the cat supplies. She’d put the litter box upstairs in the guest bathroom. She’d folded an old, soft blanket on the window seat in the guest room. On sunny days Alexander could sun himself there.
The food and water bowls were full and on a placemat in a quiet part of her kitchen. She wasn’t sure where to put his cat bed. From what she’d read, he would find where he was most comfortable, so for now, it was in a corner, tucked next to a chair. He could see out, but still feel a little protected.
She took the carrier upstairs to the guest room. She figured they would start near the bathroom and let him find his way from there. She set it on the floor and opened the wire door.
“You’re home,” she said in a quiet voice. “Alexander, come on, big guy. This is it. Where you belong.”
He slowly, cautiously, stepped out of the carrier. After glancing at her, he walked into the bathroom and sniffed. He paused at the litter box, but didn’t use it.
“I hope I got the right kind,” she said. “It has baking soda in it.”
He walked past her and went under the guest bed. Before she could wonder if he was going to hide there for a while, he came out the other side and headed for the hallway.
She’d closed the door to the master, thinking she didn’t want to confuse him. He headed downstairs, and she followed.
He made a circuit of the rest of the place, pausing to delicately lap at the water and sniff the dry food. Then he walked to the sofa, jumped up and stared at her.
She paused at the bottom of the stairs.
“I should probably tell you about myself,” she murmured, thinking she was being an idiot, but not sure how else to start a conversation with a cat.
“I’ve never had a pet before, so it’s possible I won’t get everything right. If you could just be a little patient with me, I would appreciate it. I’m, um, a dance teacher, which I like a lot. Do you like children? Because there might be some around, from time to time. I just broke up with the guy I was seeing.”
Evie paused, feeling the pain of the words. “I thought he was pretty great. I thought…” She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. “I was in love with him,” she whispered, fighting tears. “Stupid, huh?”
She crossed to the sofa, sitting at the opposite end from Alexander, so as not to frighten him. “I’ve never had a successful romantic relationship, so it’s really just going to be the two of us. But I’m hoping you and I can get along. I want to take good care of you.”
Steady green eyes regarded her.
“It would really help if you could tell me what you’re thinking,” she said.
Alexander stood and walked across the back of the sofa. He jumped down on the cushion next to her and then sat, looking at her. Slowly, carefully, she reached out to pet him. She stroked the length of his back, then rubbed the side of his face. When she scratched under his chin, he raised his head up and forward.
“Do you like that?” she asked. “Is that nice?”
Without warning, he jumped onto her lap and stood facing her. She rubbed his soft fur. He turned once and then curled up on her lap and began to purr.
She continued to pet him, feeling the quiet rumble as she rubbed his chin. More tears fell. She didn’t try to stop them. She knew that acknowledging the pain was a part of the process. Eventually she would heal, and one day she would be able to look back, saying she’d learned something. Until then she had to figure out a way to survive with a Dante-size hole in her heart.
* * *
EVIE FOUGHT AGAINST a pounding headache. She’d spent most of Sunday holed up in her townhouse, getting to know her new cat and sobbing uncontrollably. She’d been forced to duck out for food in the afternoon, then had retreated to her ongoing pity party.
For a second night, she’d mostly been awake, staring at the ceiling, wondering what she could have done differently and asking impossible questions. Like was she ever going to meet “the one” and fall in love?
Alexander had settled the issue of his sleeping arrangements by joining her. He was a thoughtful roommate, curling up at the foot of the bed and sleeping silently. When she’d started crying again at four in the morning, he’d draped himself across her chest and had purred until she’d managed to calm herself.
