A New Hope
Page 75
“Never?” he asked.
“Hardly,” she said. “But that’s not the point. I couldn’t talk to you because I already knew what you’d say. You’d say, that’s great! And tell your family and everyone and then disappear into the trees again. And I’d be alone. Then I’d be alone with a child I wasn’t ready to have. I knew eventually you’d get me on this damn farm! Turn me into a drudge.”
“Wait,” he said. “George’s wife isn’t a farm wife—she’s a physical therapist and has a career.”
“And she wasn’t at all the family dinners, either. She was busy. She made her own life, but George stayed on the farm. I wasn’t sure I could do what Lori did— Lori’s so smart and independent and no one ever rolled their eyes at her.” She wiped her cheeks. “But I loved you. So much.”
He smiled sympathetically. He was guilty as charged. He had ignored her complaints and hoped she’d get over them. He’d married a prissy model and his mother had thought he’d lost his mind. He kept bringing her back to the farm even though she didn’t like the landscape, the people or the food. The truth was—he didn’t want to go dancing. He didn’t give a shit about brunch at the Monaco and thought modeling was shallow and a waste of time.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I think I wasn’t a very good husband.”
“But...did you ever love me?” she asked.
“Oh-ho,” he said, laughing. “I loved you like a freight train! You knocked me out. And I didn’t want you to be any different, either. I wanted you to be just exactly the way you are. But I think you’re right about me—my expectations were unfair. You couldn’t be the way you are with me or with my family. I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to be a good husband. And maybe you thought so, too.”
“Are you ready now?” she asked. “Because if you’re ready now...”
“Natalie, we made a mistake. We had some good chemistry but that was the beginning and end of it. Everything else we faced as a couple? We couldn’t handle it. We were too different. We’ll always be too different.”
“But now that we know...”
“Now that we know, we have a chance to be smarter the next time around, but I’m afraid not with each other. I’m in love with someone else now.” He gestured over his shoulder. “See this RV? I think we’re going to live in it while I build a house right over there. An RV, just like all those gypsies in the Lacoumette family.” He shook his head. “You don’t want me or my life. And, for what it’s worth, I still think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. But that won’t make it work.”
“What about her?” she asked. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“She’s beautiful,” he said. Beautiful inside and out. “You have nothing in common with her, though. I’m not going to keep marrying beautiful women until I find one who does things my way. This woman I’m going to marry—she loves me and my life.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m sorry, Natalie. It wasn’t all your fault it didn’t work. You picked the wrong guy.”
“I loved you,” she said with a hiccup.
“I loved you. We have to move on. You’re going to find the right guy.” He grinned at her. “And have brunch at the Monaco every Sunday!”
“I can’t move on until you forgive me. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I swear to God. I did it to save myself.”
Despite all his effort, he felt that ache in his throat that signaled the threat of choking sobs. “I know,” he said in a breath.
“Please tell me you understand.”
“I think I do,” he said. And then he borrowed Ginger’s words. “I think I see how I was complicit. I do forgive you. Can you forgive me? I guess I wasn’t easy.”
“Oh, yes, I forgive you, of course.” She wiped at her eyes. “If we could run away somewhere, away from farms and modeling jobs and everything, we could be happy, I know we could.”
He shook his head. “Nah, it wouldn’t work. Neither one of us should try to be someone else.”
“I guess that’s right,” she said. “Will we be friends?” she asked.
He smiled. “What would we do as friends, Natalie? Maybe go out dancing some night?” He shook his head. “Tell you what, kiddo. I’ll be in the biology department now and then. If the coffeepot is on, we’ll visit for a few minutes. Catch up. But you don’t have to invite me to your wedding.”
“Because you’re not inviting me to yours,” she said. It was not a question.
“I don’t think we’re inviting anyone,” he said with a laugh. “We’ve both had first marriages that didn’t work very well. It’ll be small and efficient. Then, with luck and experience, we’ll work on what it means to be partners. But you? You’ll be fine. You’ll find the kind of guy exactly right for the kind of girl you are.”
“So you really forgive me?”
“Sure. Yes. Doesn’t mean I’m not sad about it, but I share responsibility. We married the wrong people, Natalie.”
“Okay,” she said. “Okay. At least you’re not threatening to call the police or anything.”
He laughed at her. “I was still mad. I’m not mad anymore.”
She put a hand on his chest. “I wish we had a second chance,” she whispered.
She really was a sweet girl. So pretty. He kissed her forehead. “No, you don’t. Go on now. Start over. You deserve something that really works for you.”
She smiled. She stood and walked away alone.
Matt sat in the canvas chair for a long time. He heard her car start. A minute or two later he saw her white BMW turn at the road. He sat another minute. Then he folded the canvas chairs, attached them to the storage device that slid neatly under the RV and went inside.
He hoped Ginger would like this RV. The living room was comfortable with a soft leather sectional and recliner. The kitchen was compact but completely functional, the bathroom large, the master bedroom with queen-size bed was spacious. This one had a deep closet rather than narrow wall units. He wanted her to be okay with this, he really did. But if she didn’t love it he would find whatever it took because this time he was going to listen.
“Hardly,” she said. “But that’s not the point. I couldn’t talk to you because I already knew what you’d say. You’d say, that’s great! And tell your family and everyone and then disappear into the trees again. And I’d be alone. Then I’d be alone with a child I wasn’t ready to have. I knew eventually you’d get me on this damn farm! Turn me into a drudge.”
“Wait,” he said. “George’s wife isn’t a farm wife—she’s a physical therapist and has a career.”
“And she wasn’t at all the family dinners, either. She was busy. She made her own life, but George stayed on the farm. I wasn’t sure I could do what Lori did— Lori’s so smart and independent and no one ever rolled their eyes at her.” She wiped her cheeks. “But I loved you. So much.”
He smiled sympathetically. He was guilty as charged. He had ignored her complaints and hoped she’d get over them. He’d married a prissy model and his mother had thought he’d lost his mind. He kept bringing her back to the farm even though she didn’t like the landscape, the people or the food. The truth was—he didn’t want to go dancing. He didn’t give a shit about brunch at the Monaco and thought modeling was shallow and a waste of time.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I think I wasn’t a very good husband.”
“But...did you ever love me?” she asked.
“Oh-ho,” he said, laughing. “I loved you like a freight train! You knocked me out. And I didn’t want you to be any different, either. I wanted you to be just exactly the way you are. But I think you’re right about me—my expectations were unfair. You couldn’t be the way you are with me or with my family. I’m sorry. I thought I was ready to be a good husband. And maybe you thought so, too.”
“Are you ready now?” she asked. “Because if you’re ready now...”
“Natalie, we made a mistake. We had some good chemistry but that was the beginning and end of it. Everything else we faced as a couple? We couldn’t handle it. We were too different. We’ll always be too different.”
“But now that we know...”
“Now that we know, we have a chance to be smarter the next time around, but I’m afraid not with each other. I’m in love with someone else now.” He gestured over his shoulder. “See this RV? I think we’re going to live in it while I build a house right over there. An RV, just like all those gypsies in the Lacoumette family.” He shook his head. “You don’t want me or my life. And, for what it’s worth, I still think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world. But that won’t make it work.”
“What about her?” she asked. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“She’s beautiful,” he said. Beautiful inside and out. “You have nothing in common with her, though. I’m not going to keep marrying beautiful women until I find one who does things my way. This woman I’m going to marry—she loves me and my life.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “I’m sorry, Natalie. It wasn’t all your fault it didn’t work. You picked the wrong guy.”
“I loved you,” she said with a hiccup.
“I loved you. We have to move on. You’re going to find the right guy.” He grinned at her. “And have brunch at the Monaco every Sunday!”
“I can’t move on until you forgive me. I didn’t do it to hurt you, I swear to God. I did it to save myself.”
Despite all his effort, he felt that ache in his throat that signaled the threat of choking sobs. “I know,” he said in a breath.
“Please tell me you understand.”
“I think I do,” he said. And then he borrowed Ginger’s words. “I think I see how I was complicit. I do forgive you. Can you forgive me? I guess I wasn’t easy.”
“Oh, yes, I forgive you, of course.” She wiped at her eyes. “If we could run away somewhere, away from farms and modeling jobs and everything, we could be happy, I know we could.”
He shook his head. “Nah, it wouldn’t work. Neither one of us should try to be someone else.”
“I guess that’s right,” she said. “Will we be friends?” she asked.
He smiled. “What would we do as friends, Natalie? Maybe go out dancing some night?” He shook his head. “Tell you what, kiddo. I’ll be in the biology department now and then. If the coffeepot is on, we’ll visit for a few minutes. Catch up. But you don’t have to invite me to your wedding.”
“Because you’re not inviting me to yours,” she said. It was not a question.
“I don’t think we’re inviting anyone,” he said with a laugh. “We’ve both had first marriages that didn’t work very well. It’ll be small and efficient. Then, with luck and experience, we’ll work on what it means to be partners. But you? You’ll be fine. You’ll find the kind of guy exactly right for the kind of girl you are.”
“So you really forgive me?”
“Sure. Yes. Doesn’t mean I’m not sad about it, but I share responsibility. We married the wrong people, Natalie.”
“Okay,” she said. “Okay. At least you’re not threatening to call the police or anything.”
He laughed at her. “I was still mad. I’m not mad anymore.”
She put a hand on his chest. “I wish we had a second chance,” she whispered.
She really was a sweet girl. So pretty. He kissed her forehead. “No, you don’t. Go on now. Start over. You deserve something that really works for you.”
She smiled. She stood and walked away alone.
Matt sat in the canvas chair for a long time. He heard her car start. A minute or two later he saw her white BMW turn at the road. He sat another minute. Then he folded the canvas chairs, attached them to the storage device that slid neatly under the RV and went inside.
He hoped Ginger would like this RV. The living room was comfortable with a soft leather sectional and recliner. The kitchen was compact but completely functional, the bathroom large, the master bedroom with queen-size bed was spacious. This one had a deep closet rather than narrow wall units. He wanted her to be okay with this, he really did. But if she didn’t love it he would find whatever it took because this time he was going to listen.
