A Reclusive Heart
Page 21
“She’s going to be mad,” Jamie said, worrying her bottom lip even as her stomach coiled tightly in guilt.
It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been the one to hang up or that she hadn’t done anything wrong, she still felt guilty. Her mother always made her feel bad about everything. When she was a kid it was so much worse because she truly believed everything her mother said. She’d become so racked up with guilt that she’d end up making herself sick. When she moved out things slowly got a little bit better and she realized that her mother was laying everything at her feet even things that she had no control over and hadn’t done.
Unfortunately knowing that her mother overreacted didn’t help her stomach.
She couldn’t shove away the sense of dread over what her mother would do now.
Would she leave messages of her crying? Give Jamie the silent treatment? She wasn’t sure what passive aggressive nonsense her mother had in store for her and really shouldn’t care, but she did. She couldn’t help it.
“Do you want to go see if we can rent a bike and hit the road for a few hours?”
Nick asked.
She gave him a forced small smile as she shook her head and murmured, “No, thank you.” Even though she’d rather do that than sit in her room feeling guilty she couldn’t. She hated when her mother was mad at her, probably because it felt like another rejection. She knew her mother had too much power over her, but she couldn’t help it. Maybe by the end of this tour she’d figure out how to deal with her, but it hadn’t happened yet.
A few minutes later they were in the hotel lobby waiting for the elevator when Nick reached over and took her hand into his and gave it a small squeeze before letting it go, startling her. She looked up at him to find him scowling down at her. Great another person she’d pissed off. This day was just getting better and better, she thought.
“There’s nothing wrong with your books, Jamie. They’re great. They’re not trash and they’re certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I don’t know what’s going on in your family, but I can guarantee you that you didn’t embarrass your family. If anything your mother and sister are probably jealous,” he said with a shrug as if what he just suggested wasn’t ludicrous. Her mother and sister would never be jealous of her. They were beautiful, popular, and married while she barely had anyone that she would consider a real friend, kind of okay looking now and didn’t even have a man interested in her.
Still…….
“Why do you think they’re jealous?” she found herself asking.
Nick simply shrugged as he gestured for her to step into the elevator before him. “I know women,” he simply said and she found that she couldn’t really argue that point, but sadly it didn’t really clear the matter up for her.
“Meaning?” she prompted when he didn’t add anything else.
“Meaning,” he said as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, “that she wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of this if she wasn’t jealous. For whatever reason your mother and sister are too petty to be happy for you. They’re upset about the amount of attention that you’re getting so they’re trying to tear you down a bit to make themselves feel better,” Nick said, stepping out of the elevator next to her as she thought that over.
Was it possible? she wondered as she walked past Nick’s door and pulled out her keycard. It did seem that they acted this way every time anything good happened for her. They also went well out of their way to make her feel bad for it and did whatever they could to shine the light back on themselves. Not that she cared. She really didn’t like attention, especially all the attention that she was receiving on this tour. The only reason she was sticking it out and not running for the hills was her contract and the “List.”
Well, both lists.
Thanks to this tour she was trying new things and learning about herself.
She’d worked really hard to get to this point and maybe, just maybe it was time to stop allowing her family to make her feel like garbage. Maybe she should…..should…..
Her thoughts kind of drifted off as her brain registered the feel of Nick’s mouth on hers. As she tried to figure out what was happening he reached up and gently cupped her face in his large hands. His lips moved tenderly against hers and she couldn’t help but relax against him. The kiss was tender, sweet and did funny things to her stomach and it was also perfect. She honestly could not have hoped for a better first kiss.
He pressed one last kiss against her lips before pulling back. She opened her mouth to say something only to find her mouth covered with his again, this time with a pained groan that had her toes curling.
“Don’t let them bring you down, Jamie,” he whispered against her lips before pulling back.
“What was that for?” she asked in a daze as she fought against the urge to throw herself at him for another kiss.
“Now you don’t have to worry about going out tonight for a kiss. Go relax, take a hot bath and get some work done,” he said, taking the keycard out of her hand and opening the door for her and giving her a gentle shove inside the room before closing the door and leaving her slightly confused.
It didn’t take long to figure out that he’d done that to get her mind off of her family drama. It was kind of sweet, but the fact that it had been done out of pity and probably to get her to focus back on work kind of spoiled it, but not enough to stop her from smiling as she went about doing exactly what he asked her to do.
Chapter 13
This was sure to be an awkward moment, Nick decided as he stood outside of Jamie’s door. What the hell had he been thinking last night? He had no business kissing her, but even knowing that he couldn’t force himself to regret doing it. As much as he would love to say that he did it for her, he knew the kiss had been for him.
All day yesterday he’d struggled against the urge to reach out and touch her, hold her and kiss her and when she looked so damn miserable standing in front of her room yesterday he couldn’t help himself. He’d kissed her. It wasn’t wild or out of control, but it had been the most pleasurable kiss of his life. The kiss had been simple and controlled, but still managed to leave him hard and aching for her.
He’d shocked even himself by walking away from her last night when everything in him screamed to take her to bed. It would have been easy. She was desperate to lose her virginity and for the first time in his life he was more than eager to take it. He’d never wanted a virgin before her, but he wanted her. He wanted to be the first man to touch her, taste her and take her until she could barely scream his name and that was why he walked away from her.
Jamie was not the screw and leave kind of woman. She was the type of woman any man, besides him, could happily do forever with. She might think that she can handle ha**ng s*x with a man and never see him again, but he knew her well enough by now to know that wasn’t the case. She might be able to go through with sleeping with a man she didn’t know the first time, but he knew the moment it ended she would be racked with guilt. If the guilt that she slept with a guy didn’t get to her then the loneliness afterwards would.
This type of life wasn’t for her. She needed to wait for a guy that loved her and wanted to take care of her. Wasting her virginity on some loser she met at a bar was only going to cause her pain. He couldn’t let her do this and it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t like the idea of another man touching her.
He knew he was just worried about her because he felt responsible for her in a way and that was why he didn’t like the idea of some ass**le touching her. It had nothing to do with jealousy because he didn’t get jealous. When she announced that she was going to hit a bar last night to get that first kiss and he wanted to put his fist through something it was because he didn’t want to see her hurt.
It was his job after all to make sure that she was safe. He had no problem teaching her about sex, especially if it kept from doing something stupid like trust some ass**le. He’d teach her and discourage her from doing anything stupid. She was a timid little thing so he didn’t think it would take all that much to get her to stay clear of men while they were on tour. When they got back he would ask Dana if she knew any decent available men for his little recluse. Of course he would have to meet them first to make that they were good enough.
It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been the one to hang up or that she hadn’t done anything wrong, she still felt guilty. Her mother always made her feel bad about everything. When she was a kid it was so much worse because she truly believed everything her mother said. She’d become so racked up with guilt that she’d end up making herself sick. When she moved out things slowly got a little bit better and she realized that her mother was laying everything at her feet even things that she had no control over and hadn’t done.
Unfortunately knowing that her mother overreacted didn’t help her stomach.
She couldn’t shove away the sense of dread over what her mother would do now.
Would she leave messages of her crying? Give Jamie the silent treatment? She wasn’t sure what passive aggressive nonsense her mother had in store for her and really shouldn’t care, but she did. She couldn’t help it.
“Do you want to go see if we can rent a bike and hit the road for a few hours?”
Nick asked.
She gave him a forced small smile as she shook her head and murmured, “No, thank you.” Even though she’d rather do that than sit in her room feeling guilty she couldn’t. She hated when her mother was mad at her, probably because it felt like another rejection. She knew her mother had too much power over her, but she couldn’t help it. Maybe by the end of this tour she’d figure out how to deal with her, but it hadn’t happened yet.
A few minutes later they were in the hotel lobby waiting for the elevator when Nick reached over and took her hand into his and gave it a small squeeze before letting it go, startling her. She looked up at him to find him scowling down at her. Great another person she’d pissed off. This day was just getting better and better, she thought.
“There’s nothing wrong with your books, Jamie. They’re great. They’re not trash and they’re certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. I don’t know what’s going on in your family, but I can guarantee you that you didn’t embarrass your family. If anything your mother and sister are probably jealous,” he said with a shrug as if what he just suggested wasn’t ludicrous. Her mother and sister would never be jealous of her. They were beautiful, popular, and married while she barely had anyone that she would consider a real friend, kind of okay looking now and didn’t even have a man interested in her.
Still…….
“Why do you think they’re jealous?” she found herself asking.
Nick simply shrugged as he gestured for her to step into the elevator before him. “I know women,” he simply said and she found that she couldn’t really argue that point, but sadly it didn’t really clear the matter up for her.
“Meaning?” she prompted when he didn’t add anything else.
“Meaning,” he said as he pressed the button for the fifth floor, “that she wouldn’t be making a huge deal out of this if she wasn’t jealous. For whatever reason your mother and sister are too petty to be happy for you. They’re upset about the amount of attention that you’re getting so they’re trying to tear you down a bit to make themselves feel better,” Nick said, stepping out of the elevator next to her as she thought that over.
Was it possible? she wondered as she walked past Nick’s door and pulled out her keycard. It did seem that they acted this way every time anything good happened for her. They also went well out of their way to make her feel bad for it and did whatever they could to shine the light back on themselves. Not that she cared. She really didn’t like attention, especially all the attention that she was receiving on this tour. The only reason she was sticking it out and not running for the hills was her contract and the “List.”
Well, both lists.
Thanks to this tour she was trying new things and learning about herself.
She’d worked really hard to get to this point and maybe, just maybe it was time to stop allowing her family to make her feel like garbage. Maybe she should…..should…..
Her thoughts kind of drifted off as her brain registered the feel of Nick’s mouth on hers. As she tried to figure out what was happening he reached up and gently cupped her face in his large hands. His lips moved tenderly against hers and she couldn’t help but relax against him. The kiss was tender, sweet and did funny things to her stomach and it was also perfect. She honestly could not have hoped for a better first kiss.
He pressed one last kiss against her lips before pulling back. She opened her mouth to say something only to find her mouth covered with his again, this time with a pained groan that had her toes curling.
“Don’t let them bring you down, Jamie,” he whispered against her lips before pulling back.
“What was that for?” she asked in a daze as she fought against the urge to throw herself at him for another kiss.
“Now you don’t have to worry about going out tonight for a kiss. Go relax, take a hot bath and get some work done,” he said, taking the keycard out of her hand and opening the door for her and giving her a gentle shove inside the room before closing the door and leaving her slightly confused.
It didn’t take long to figure out that he’d done that to get her mind off of her family drama. It was kind of sweet, but the fact that it had been done out of pity and probably to get her to focus back on work kind of spoiled it, but not enough to stop her from smiling as she went about doing exactly what he asked her to do.
Chapter 13
This was sure to be an awkward moment, Nick decided as he stood outside of Jamie’s door. What the hell had he been thinking last night? He had no business kissing her, but even knowing that he couldn’t force himself to regret doing it. As much as he would love to say that he did it for her, he knew the kiss had been for him.
All day yesterday he’d struggled against the urge to reach out and touch her, hold her and kiss her and when she looked so damn miserable standing in front of her room yesterday he couldn’t help himself. He’d kissed her. It wasn’t wild or out of control, but it had been the most pleasurable kiss of his life. The kiss had been simple and controlled, but still managed to leave him hard and aching for her.
He’d shocked even himself by walking away from her last night when everything in him screamed to take her to bed. It would have been easy. She was desperate to lose her virginity and for the first time in his life he was more than eager to take it. He’d never wanted a virgin before her, but he wanted her. He wanted to be the first man to touch her, taste her and take her until she could barely scream his name and that was why he walked away from her.
Jamie was not the screw and leave kind of woman. She was the type of woman any man, besides him, could happily do forever with. She might think that she can handle ha**ng s*x with a man and never see him again, but he knew her well enough by now to know that wasn’t the case. She might be able to go through with sleeping with a man she didn’t know the first time, but he knew the moment it ended she would be racked with guilt. If the guilt that she slept with a guy didn’t get to her then the loneliness afterwards would.
This type of life wasn’t for her. She needed to wait for a guy that loved her and wanted to take care of her. Wasting her virginity on some loser she met at a bar was only going to cause her pain. He couldn’t let her do this and it had nothing to do with the fact that he didn’t like the idea of another man touching her.
He knew he was just worried about her because he felt responsible for her in a way and that was why he didn’t like the idea of some ass**le touching her. It had nothing to do with jealousy because he didn’t get jealous. When she announced that she was going to hit a bar last night to get that first kiss and he wanted to put his fist through something it was because he didn’t want to see her hurt.
It was his job after all to make sure that she was safe. He had no problem teaching her about sex, especially if it kept from doing something stupid like trust some ass**le. He’d teach her and discourage her from doing anything stupid. She was a timid little thing so he didn’t think it would take all that much to get her to stay clear of men while they were on tour. When they got back he would ask Dana if she knew any decent available men for his little recluse. Of course he would have to meet them first to make that they were good enough.
