A Shade of Doubt
Page 25
I kept running until I reached the ocean. And I didn’t stop. I dove in, burying my head beneath the waves as if the cool waters would help to extinguish the furnace in my stomach.
“Ben!” A female called my name as I ducked once again beneath the waves. It wasn’t my mother this time. I looked up to see Abby. She was already wading through the waters toward me. I kicked back and swam away from her.
She was in no danger from me, but somehow I didn’t want anyone approaching me for miles. I just wanted complete space. Everything about The Shade suddenly seemed closed, claustrophobic.
I swam further and further down the beach until Abby gave up on following me. Even though she was a vampire herself, her speed was no match for mine. I looked back to see her silhouette bobbing in the water in the distance.
Every part of me felt on fire. I didn’t even know who I was any more. The bloodlust was consuming all rational thought. One vision replayed over and over in my mind—ripping open a human’s throat and drinking until they had no breath left to spend. Until their fragile bodies collapsed in my arms. I could barely even concentrate on my surroundings, I was so consumed with the vision.
I was afraid that the first time I laid eyes on a human, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from ripping their throat out. It was horrifying to realize that the vision both disgusted and delighted me.
I continued swimming, for how long, I wasn’t sure. I noticed my mother following me along the beach, keeping watch on me. I was glad that she didn’t follow me in. That she gave me this space.
Although I felt close to passing out from hunger, I forced myself to remain in the water. I was afraid of what might happen if I allowed myself back on land.
“Ben!” This time it was the baritone voice of my father.
I’d been expecting him to arrive at some point.
Unlike my mother, he immediately leapt into the water. It seemed that he was the only one who could match my speed. He caught up with me and, gripping my arm, pulled me round to face him. “Ben,” he repeated, staring at me with a mixture of concern and horror. His grip around my arm tightened. “You need to drink the blood your mother gave you.”
I growled and pulled away from his grasp, swimming further up the shore. My father caught up with me again, gripping me firmer this time and pulling me toward the shore. I thrashed against him, but he kept holding me and wrestled me into submission. By the time we reached the shore, I was still fighting against him.
He pinned me down against the sand, my arms locked in an arm bar behind me as he forced me to stand up.
“If you don’t fill yourself with animal blood, you won’t be able to keep yourself from attacking humans.”
I stopped struggling against my father as a moment of clarity fell upon me.
So this is what it’s like to be a vampire.
At that moment, I didn’t understand why I’d ever wanted to become one. Had I known this was what it would feel like, I doubted I ever would have wanted to turn. Of course, my parents had described what it was like. But no words could have prepared me for the pain burning through me now.
Still gripping my arm tightly, my father ran with me until we reached my mother and Abby, waiting for us on the shore. I allowed my father to lead me back to the penthouse. My chest heaved as I stared at the animal blood still waiting for me on the table.
My hands trembling, I picked up the glass.
“Just hold your nose and swallow it back,” he said.
I glared at him, but did as he said. With one swift motion, I swallowed back half the glass in one gulp. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the revolting taste. I was about to swallow down the rest of the glass when I doubled over, coughing. I retched all the blood I’d just swallowed onto the floor.
It was completely involuntary, as though my body was having an allergic reaction to it. I leaned against the back of the chair, my mother wiping my mouth with a towel. When I looked up at them, both were looking at me with concern.
“I can’t drink that stuff,” I breathed, before retching again. “I… I need proper blood. Human blood.”
I could barely believe the words spilling from my own mouth.
My parents exchanged worried glances.
“We can try injecting you with blood,” my father said. “At least that will help to ease some of the burning.”
“I’ll go to Corrine’s medical room in the Sanctuary and fetch some equipment,” my mother said and hurried off out of the door.
I groaned, sinking into a chair, gripping my head in my hands. In addition to my burning insides, I now felt a splitting headache coming on.
My father sat down next to me, watching me silently.
I looked up at him. “Is this normal?” I managed, clutching my abdomen.
My father frowned. “Detesting animal blood is normal. Throwing it up isn’t,” he said bluntly.
I squeezed the sides of the table, another wave of hunger roaring through my stomach.
“And being injected with animal blood,” I gasped, “it will make the burning stop?”
“The craving for human blood will remain, but the burning will calm down. It won’t be as unbearable…” He pointed to the jug of blood. “Why don’t you try once more to stomach it while we’re waiting for Mom to return?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ll just wait—”
Barely had I finished my sentence when there was a knock at the door. I breathed out in relief. My father sprang to his feet and opened it. I turned my head, expecting to see my mother back already.
“Ben!” A female called my name as I ducked once again beneath the waves. It wasn’t my mother this time. I looked up to see Abby. She was already wading through the waters toward me. I kicked back and swam away from her.
She was in no danger from me, but somehow I didn’t want anyone approaching me for miles. I just wanted complete space. Everything about The Shade suddenly seemed closed, claustrophobic.
I swam further and further down the beach until Abby gave up on following me. Even though she was a vampire herself, her speed was no match for mine. I looked back to see her silhouette bobbing in the water in the distance.
Every part of me felt on fire. I didn’t even know who I was any more. The bloodlust was consuming all rational thought. One vision replayed over and over in my mind—ripping open a human’s throat and drinking until they had no breath left to spend. Until their fragile bodies collapsed in my arms. I could barely even concentrate on my surroundings, I was so consumed with the vision.
I was afraid that the first time I laid eyes on a human, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from ripping their throat out. It was horrifying to realize that the vision both disgusted and delighted me.
I continued swimming, for how long, I wasn’t sure. I noticed my mother following me along the beach, keeping watch on me. I was glad that she didn’t follow me in. That she gave me this space.
Although I felt close to passing out from hunger, I forced myself to remain in the water. I was afraid of what might happen if I allowed myself back on land.
“Ben!” This time it was the baritone voice of my father.
I’d been expecting him to arrive at some point.
Unlike my mother, he immediately leapt into the water. It seemed that he was the only one who could match my speed. He caught up with me and, gripping my arm, pulled me round to face him. “Ben,” he repeated, staring at me with a mixture of concern and horror. His grip around my arm tightened. “You need to drink the blood your mother gave you.”
I growled and pulled away from his grasp, swimming further up the shore. My father caught up with me again, gripping me firmer this time and pulling me toward the shore. I thrashed against him, but he kept holding me and wrestled me into submission. By the time we reached the shore, I was still fighting against him.
He pinned me down against the sand, my arms locked in an arm bar behind me as he forced me to stand up.
“If you don’t fill yourself with animal blood, you won’t be able to keep yourself from attacking humans.”
I stopped struggling against my father as a moment of clarity fell upon me.
So this is what it’s like to be a vampire.
At that moment, I didn’t understand why I’d ever wanted to become one. Had I known this was what it would feel like, I doubted I ever would have wanted to turn. Of course, my parents had described what it was like. But no words could have prepared me for the pain burning through me now.
Still gripping my arm tightly, my father ran with me until we reached my mother and Abby, waiting for us on the shore. I allowed my father to lead me back to the penthouse. My chest heaved as I stared at the animal blood still waiting for me on the table.
My hands trembling, I picked up the glass.
“Just hold your nose and swallow it back,” he said.
I glared at him, but did as he said. With one swift motion, I swallowed back half the glass in one gulp. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the revolting taste. I was about to swallow down the rest of the glass when I doubled over, coughing. I retched all the blood I’d just swallowed onto the floor.
It was completely involuntary, as though my body was having an allergic reaction to it. I leaned against the back of the chair, my mother wiping my mouth with a towel. When I looked up at them, both were looking at me with concern.
“I can’t drink that stuff,” I breathed, before retching again. “I… I need proper blood. Human blood.”
I could barely believe the words spilling from my own mouth.
My parents exchanged worried glances.
“We can try injecting you with blood,” my father said. “At least that will help to ease some of the burning.”
“I’ll go to Corrine’s medical room in the Sanctuary and fetch some equipment,” my mother said and hurried off out of the door.
I groaned, sinking into a chair, gripping my head in my hands. In addition to my burning insides, I now felt a splitting headache coming on.
My father sat down next to me, watching me silently.
I looked up at him. “Is this normal?” I managed, clutching my abdomen.
My father frowned. “Detesting animal blood is normal. Throwing it up isn’t,” he said bluntly.
I squeezed the sides of the table, another wave of hunger roaring through my stomach.
“And being injected with animal blood,” I gasped, “it will make the burning stop?”
“The craving for human blood will remain, but the burning will calm down. It won’t be as unbearable…” He pointed to the jug of blood. “Why don’t you try once more to stomach it while we’re waiting for Mom to return?”
I shook my head. “No, I’ll just wait—”
Barely had I finished my sentence when there was a knock at the door. I breathed out in relief. My father sprang to his feet and opened it. I turned my head, expecting to see my mother back already.
