A Stranger in the Mirror
Chapter 13
In a strange way, it was Millie who was responsible for Toby Temple's rise to stardom. Before their marriage, he had been just another up-and-coming comic, one of dozens. Since the wedding, a new ingredient had been added: hatred. Toby had been forced into a marriage with a girl he despised, and there was such rage in him that he could have killed her with his bare hands.
Although Toby did not realize it, Millie was a wonderful, devoted wife. She adored him and did everything she could to please him. She decorated the house in Benedict Canyon, and did it beautifully. But the more Millie tried to please Toby, the more he loathed her. He was always meticulously polite to her, careful never to do or say anything that might upset her enough to call Al Caruso. As long as he lived, Toby would not forget the awful agony of that tire iron smashing into his arm, or the look on Al Caruso's face when he said, "If you ever hurt Millie..."
Because Toby could not take out his aggressions on his wife, he turned his fury on his audiences. Anyone who rattled a dish, or rose to go to the washroom or dared talk while Toby was on stage was the instant object of a savage tirade. Toby did it with such wide-eyed, naive charm that the audiences adored it, and when Toby ripped apart some hapless victim, people laughed until they cried. The combination of his innocent, guileless face and his wicked, funny tongue made him irresistible. He could say the most outrageous things and get away with them. It became a mark of distinction to be singled out for a tongue lashing by Toby Temple. It never even occurred to his victims that Toby meant every word he said. Where before Toby had been just another promising young comedian, now he became the talk of the entertainment circuit.
When Clifton Lawrence returned from Europe, he was amazed to learn that Toby had married a showgirl. It had seemed out of character, but when he asked Toby about it, Toby looked him in the eye and said, "What's there to tell, Cliff? I met Millie, fell in love with her and that was that."
Somehow, it had not rung true. And there was something else that puzzled the agent. One day in his office, Clifton told Toby, "You're really getting hot. I've booked you into the Thunderbird for a four-week gig. Two thousand a week."
"What about that tour?"
"Forget it. Las Vegas pays ten times as much, and everybody will see your act."
"Cancel Vegas. Get me the tour."
Clifton looked at him in surprise. "But Las Vegas is - "
"Get me the tour." There was a note in Toby's voice that Clifton Lawrence had never heard before. It was not arrogance or temperament; it was something beyond that, a deep, controlled rage.
What made it frightening was that it emanated from a face that had grown more genial and boyish than ever.
From that time on, Toby was on the road constantly. It was his only escape from his prison. He played night clubs and theaters and auditoriums, and when those bookings ran out, he badgered Clifton Lawrence to book him into colleges. Anywhere, to get away from Millie.
The opportunities to go to bed with eager, attractive women were limitless. It was the same in every town. They waited in Toby's dressing room before and after the show and waylaid him in his hotel lobby.
Toby went to bed with none of them. He thought of the man's penis being hacked off and set on fire and Al Caruso saying to Toby, You're really hung.... I wouldn't hurt you. You're my friend. As long as you're good to Millie...
And Toby turned all the women away.
"I'm in love with my wife," he would say shyly. And they believed him and admired him for it, and the word spread, as Toby meant it to spread: Toby Temple did not fool around; he was a real family man.
But the lovely, nubile young girls kept coming after him, and the more Toby refused, the more they wanted him. And Toby was so hungry for a woman that he was in constant physical pain. His groin ached so much that sometimes it was difficult for him to work. He started to masturbate again. Each time he did, he thought of all the beautiful girls waiting to go to bed with him, and he cursed and raged against fate.
Because Toby could not have it, sex was on his mind all the time. Whenever he returned home after a tour, Millie was waiting for him, eager and loving and ready. And the moment Toby saw her, all his sexual desire drained away. She was the enemy, and Toby despised her for what she was doing to him. He forced himself to go to bed with her, but it was Al Caruso he was satisfying. Whenever Toby took Millie, it was with a savage brutality that forced gasps of pain from her. He pretended that he thought they were sounds of pleasure, and he pounded into her harder and harder, until finally he came in an explosion of fury that poured his venomous semen into her. He was not making love.
He was making hate.
In June, 1950, the North Koreans moved across the 38th Parallel and attacked the South Koreans, and President Truman ordered United States troops in. No matter what the rest of the world thought about it, to Toby the Korean War was the best thing that ever happened.
In early December, there was an announcement in Daily Variety that Bob Hope was getting ready to make a Christmas tour to entertain the troops in Seoul. Thirty seconds after he read it, Toby was on the telephone, talking to Clifton Lawrence.
"You've got to get me on it, Cliff."
"What for? You're almost thirty years old. Believe me, dear boy, those tours are no fun. I - "
"I don't give a damn whether they're fun or not," Toby shouted into the phone. "Those soldiers are out there risking their lives. The least I can do is give them a few laughs."
It was a side of Toby Temple that Clifton had not seen before. He was touched and pleased.
"Okay. If you feel that strongly about it, I'll see what I can do," Clifton promised.
An hour later he called Toby back. "I talked to Bob. He'd be happy to have you. But if you should change your mind - "
"No chance," Toby said, hanging up.
Clifton Lawrence sat there a long time, thinking about Toby. He was very proud of him. Toby was a wonderful human being, and Clifton Lawrence was delighted to be his agent, delighted to be the man helping to shape his growing career.
Toby played Taegu and Pusan and Chonju, and he found solace in the laughter of the soldiers. Millie faded into the background of his mind.
Then Christmas was over. Instead of returning home, Toby went to Guam. The boys there loved him. He went to Tokyo and entertained the wounded in the army hospital. But finally, it was time to return home.
In April, when Toby came back from a ten-week tour in the Midwest, Millie was waiting at the airport for him. Her first words were, "Darling - I'm going to have a baby!"
He stared at her, stunned. She mistook his expression for happiness.
"Isn't it wonderful?" she exclaimed. "Now, when you're away, I'll have the baby to keep me company. I hope it's a boy so that you can take him to baseball games and..."
Toby did not hear the rest of the stupidities she was mouthing. It was as though her words were being filtered from far away. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Toby had believed that someday, somehow, there would be an escape for him. They had been married two years, and it seemed like an eternity. Now this. Millie would never let him go.
Never.
The baby was due around Christmastime. Toby had made arrangements to go to Guam with a troupe of entertainers, but he had no idea whether Al Caruso would approve of his being away while Millie was having the baby. There was only one way to find out. Toby called Las Vegas.
Caruso's cheerful, familiar voice came on the line immediately and said, "Hi, kid. Good to hear your voice."
"It's good to hear yours, Al."
"I hear you're gonna be a father. You must be real excited."
"Excited isn't the word for it," Toby said truthfully. He let his voice take on a note of careful concern. "That's the reason I'm calling you, Al. The baby's going to be born around Christmas, and - " He had to be very careful. "I don't know what to do. I want to be here with Millie when the kid's born, but they asked me to go back to Korea and Guam to entertain the troops."
There was a long pause. "That's a tough spot."
"I don't want to let our boys down, but I don't want to let Millie down, either."
"Yeah." There was another pause. Then, "I'll tell you what I think, kid. We're all good Americans, right? Those kids are out there fighting for us, right?"
Toby felt his body suddenly relax. "Sure. But I hate to - "
"Millie'll be okay," Caruso said. "Women have been havin' babies a hell of a long time. You go to Korea."
Six weeks later, on Christmas Eve, as Toby walked off a stage to thunderous applause at the army post in Pusan, he was handed a cable, informing him that Millie had died while giving birth to a stillborn son.
Toby was free.
Although Toby did not realize it, Millie was a wonderful, devoted wife. She adored him and did everything she could to please him. She decorated the house in Benedict Canyon, and did it beautifully. But the more Millie tried to please Toby, the more he loathed her. He was always meticulously polite to her, careful never to do or say anything that might upset her enough to call Al Caruso. As long as he lived, Toby would not forget the awful agony of that tire iron smashing into his arm, or the look on Al Caruso's face when he said, "If you ever hurt Millie..."
Because Toby could not take out his aggressions on his wife, he turned his fury on his audiences. Anyone who rattled a dish, or rose to go to the washroom or dared talk while Toby was on stage was the instant object of a savage tirade. Toby did it with such wide-eyed, naive charm that the audiences adored it, and when Toby ripped apart some hapless victim, people laughed until they cried. The combination of his innocent, guileless face and his wicked, funny tongue made him irresistible. He could say the most outrageous things and get away with them. It became a mark of distinction to be singled out for a tongue lashing by Toby Temple. It never even occurred to his victims that Toby meant every word he said. Where before Toby had been just another promising young comedian, now he became the talk of the entertainment circuit.
When Clifton Lawrence returned from Europe, he was amazed to learn that Toby had married a showgirl. It had seemed out of character, but when he asked Toby about it, Toby looked him in the eye and said, "What's there to tell, Cliff? I met Millie, fell in love with her and that was that."
Somehow, it had not rung true. And there was something else that puzzled the agent. One day in his office, Clifton told Toby, "You're really getting hot. I've booked you into the Thunderbird for a four-week gig. Two thousand a week."
"What about that tour?"
"Forget it. Las Vegas pays ten times as much, and everybody will see your act."
"Cancel Vegas. Get me the tour."
Clifton looked at him in surprise. "But Las Vegas is - "
"Get me the tour." There was a note in Toby's voice that Clifton Lawrence had never heard before. It was not arrogance or temperament; it was something beyond that, a deep, controlled rage.
What made it frightening was that it emanated from a face that had grown more genial and boyish than ever.
From that time on, Toby was on the road constantly. It was his only escape from his prison. He played night clubs and theaters and auditoriums, and when those bookings ran out, he badgered Clifton Lawrence to book him into colleges. Anywhere, to get away from Millie.
The opportunities to go to bed with eager, attractive women were limitless. It was the same in every town. They waited in Toby's dressing room before and after the show and waylaid him in his hotel lobby.
Toby went to bed with none of them. He thought of the man's penis being hacked off and set on fire and Al Caruso saying to Toby, You're really hung.... I wouldn't hurt you. You're my friend. As long as you're good to Millie...
And Toby turned all the women away.
"I'm in love with my wife," he would say shyly. And they believed him and admired him for it, and the word spread, as Toby meant it to spread: Toby Temple did not fool around; he was a real family man.
But the lovely, nubile young girls kept coming after him, and the more Toby refused, the more they wanted him. And Toby was so hungry for a woman that he was in constant physical pain. His groin ached so much that sometimes it was difficult for him to work. He started to masturbate again. Each time he did, he thought of all the beautiful girls waiting to go to bed with him, and he cursed and raged against fate.
Because Toby could not have it, sex was on his mind all the time. Whenever he returned home after a tour, Millie was waiting for him, eager and loving and ready. And the moment Toby saw her, all his sexual desire drained away. She was the enemy, and Toby despised her for what she was doing to him. He forced himself to go to bed with her, but it was Al Caruso he was satisfying. Whenever Toby took Millie, it was with a savage brutality that forced gasps of pain from her. He pretended that he thought they were sounds of pleasure, and he pounded into her harder and harder, until finally he came in an explosion of fury that poured his venomous semen into her. He was not making love.
He was making hate.
In June, 1950, the North Koreans moved across the 38th Parallel and attacked the South Koreans, and President Truman ordered United States troops in. No matter what the rest of the world thought about it, to Toby the Korean War was the best thing that ever happened.
In early December, there was an announcement in Daily Variety that Bob Hope was getting ready to make a Christmas tour to entertain the troops in Seoul. Thirty seconds after he read it, Toby was on the telephone, talking to Clifton Lawrence.
"You've got to get me on it, Cliff."
"What for? You're almost thirty years old. Believe me, dear boy, those tours are no fun. I - "
"I don't give a damn whether they're fun or not," Toby shouted into the phone. "Those soldiers are out there risking their lives. The least I can do is give them a few laughs."
It was a side of Toby Temple that Clifton had not seen before. He was touched and pleased.
"Okay. If you feel that strongly about it, I'll see what I can do," Clifton promised.
An hour later he called Toby back. "I talked to Bob. He'd be happy to have you. But if you should change your mind - "
"No chance," Toby said, hanging up.
Clifton Lawrence sat there a long time, thinking about Toby. He was very proud of him. Toby was a wonderful human being, and Clifton Lawrence was delighted to be his agent, delighted to be the man helping to shape his growing career.
Toby played Taegu and Pusan and Chonju, and he found solace in the laughter of the soldiers. Millie faded into the background of his mind.
Then Christmas was over. Instead of returning home, Toby went to Guam. The boys there loved him. He went to Tokyo and entertained the wounded in the army hospital. But finally, it was time to return home.
In April, when Toby came back from a ten-week tour in the Midwest, Millie was waiting at the airport for him. Her first words were, "Darling - I'm going to have a baby!"
He stared at her, stunned. She mistook his expression for happiness.
"Isn't it wonderful?" she exclaimed. "Now, when you're away, I'll have the baby to keep me company. I hope it's a boy so that you can take him to baseball games and..."
Toby did not hear the rest of the stupidities she was mouthing. It was as though her words were being filtered from far away. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Toby had believed that someday, somehow, there would be an escape for him. They had been married two years, and it seemed like an eternity. Now this. Millie would never let him go.
Never.
The baby was due around Christmastime. Toby had made arrangements to go to Guam with a troupe of entertainers, but he had no idea whether Al Caruso would approve of his being away while Millie was having the baby. There was only one way to find out. Toby called Las Vegas.
Caruso's cheerful, familiar voice came on the line immediately and said, "Hi, kid. Good to hear your voice."
"It's good to hear yours, Al."
"I hear you're gonna be a father. You must be real excited."
"Excited isn't the word for it," Toby said truthfully. He let his voice take on a note of careful concern. "That's the reason I'm calling you, Al. The baby's going to be born around Christmas, and - " He had to be very careful. "I don't know what to do. I want to be here with Millie when the kid's born, but they asked me to go back to Korea and Guam to entertain the troops."
There was a long pause. "That's a tough spot."
"I don't want to let our boys down, but I don't want to let Millie down, either."
"Yeah." There was another pause. Then, "I'll tell you what I think, kid. We're all good Americans, right? Those kids are out there fighting for us, right?"
Toby felt his body suddenly relax. "Sure. But I hate to - "
"Millie'll be okay," Caruso said. "Women have been havin' babies a hell of a long time. You go to Korea."
Six weeks later, on Christmas Eve, as Toby walked off a stage to thunderous applause at the army post in Pusan, he was handed a cable, informing him that Millie had died while giving birth to a stillborn son.
Toby was free.
