A Tale of Two Vampires

Page 14

“You are a virgin?” He found that difficult to believe, not because he had first assumed she was a prostitute, but because she was so clearly meant for male delight, he didn’t believe any man would be so foolish as to leave her alone.
She sat bolt upright in his lap, her eyes spitting annoyance. “That, sir, is none of your business.”
“You are a virgin?”
“No, of course not! I’m in my thirties, for heaven’s sake. What do you think I am, some sort of nun or something? Sheesh.”
“Ah. Good. I dislike virgins. They tend to weep, and wring their hands, and recoil in horror from the sight of an erect penis, and nothing disturbs a man’s peace of mind more than a weeping, hand-wringing virgin shrieking about his penis up and down the house.” A thought occurred to him at that moment, an unpleasant thought. If she wasn’t a virgin, then she must have been with a man. He gritted his teeth at the thought of some man, probably one of those rough, unkempt colonials, sating his manly lust upon her.
“I think a wee chink in your research armor is showing, Nikola,” she said softly, turning her back to him.
He wanted to demand she tell him the name of the lusty colonial who took pleasure in her tempting body. He also wanted to tell himself he didn’t care one infinitesimally small jot about how many men had touched her body, but he knew that thought wouldn’t even complete itself satisfactorily before it was dismissed as irrelevant and untrue.
“In the history books I’ve read,” she continued, just as if he weren’t suffering untold torment envisioning the dirty, slovenly, no doubt ale-addled wastrel as he touched her with his filthy paws, “men were always super big on virginity for their women.”
His fingers itched for the rapier he’d left at home. He’d teach that odious, woman-defiling colonial a thing or two about sullying innocent, silky-thighed maidens!
“I hate to say it, but your Google-fu must not be very strong if you missed turning up that fact.” She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled.
He bared his teeth in return. “This monster who deflowered you—he isn’t on the continent, is he?” Oh, how he hoped for an answer in the affirmative.
Her eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed as she thought through what he had asked. “My first boyfriend? You mean Tony? A monster? You know, I’d point out yet again that you’re way over the line as far as what’s politically correct by asking about him—”
“First?” He pounced on the word. “Good god, woman, how many defilers have there been?”
Her jaw dropped a little. “I can’t believe you just asked—no. You didn’t. In the interests of U.S.-Austrian relations, I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask me how many men I’ve slept with. In fact, I think I’m just going to pretend I don’t know you.”
She turned her back on him again, sitting rigidly upright, careful not to touch him any more than she had to.
He didn’t like that at all. He liked the idea of her having multiple lovers even less. And most of all, he didn’t like just how much it mattered to him to find each and every man who had touched her, so he could lesson them within a hairsbreadth of their lives.
“Google…fu…” he growled, pulling out the journal and making another note. Then he added the name Tony, and a reminder to investigate the nearest ship sailing for the colonies.
He could have sworn she giggled, but she kept her back turned to him, and said nothing when they entered the outskirts of town. The silence lasted until she got a good look at buildings they were passing, and then all hell broke loose.
“What the—no!” she wailed, pushing herself off his thighs, almost pulling him off the horse as she struggled to the ground. “No, no, no! This can’t be! It just can’t!”
“The day I understand women is the day that I turn back into a normal man,” he told Demeter, watching as Io ran first to one side of the road, then the other, yelling at the top of her lungs at the small houses that staggered in a drunken line toward the town square. “I suppose I should stop her before she wakes up everyone.”
With a martyred sigh, he dismounted. Io was spinning around the square, her hands clutching her hair, her eyes huge with genuine fear, visible to him even in what remained of the moonlight.
Something in him stirred at the sight of the fear. She didn’t strike him as the type of woman who backed down from any challenge, and yet there she was, looking every inch the madwoman she claimed she was on the verge of becoming.
“Cease this noise,” he said sternly, striding toward her, the horses following him. He stopped and spun around to face them. “Stay there,” he said, pointing to the ground.
Demeter lipped his finger and nickered at him. Thor bit her flank, and received a swift rear hoof to the chest in response.
“Stay,” he repeated before turning back to Io. The horses followed him, just as he knew they would. He sighed yet another martyred sigh. When had anyone, his horses included, ever done as he ordered? “What is the matter now, woman?”
“The town is the matter!” Io wailed, her lower lip quivering. “It’s not right! It’s not the way it’s supposed to be, and even if you guys were some weirdo reenactment group, you couldn’t duplicate an entire town, could you? I mean, I can see that it’s right where it’s supposed to be, but it’s not right, not right at all!”
He put his hands on his hips and considered the town. “I don’t see anything amiss. It is not a large town, but it does have three inns, and four wells. I do not know of another of this size that has those amenities.”
She quivered for a few seconds before wrapping her arms around herself. “It’s…it’s…oh my god, it’s true, isn’t it? It really is 1703. You’re not pretending to be an Austrian duke.”
“Baron,” he corrected.
“I haven’t lost my mind. Well, except for the voices talking to me, but maybe that had something to do with the swirly thing, too, because that’s what did this to me, Nikola.” She took him by the edge of his lapel and shook him with a fervor that boded ill for his coat. “It was that swirly thing in the haunted woods. It sent me back in time. Me! Perfectly normal me! And now what the hell am I going to do?”
“What do you wish to do?” he asked.
“Go home!” she answered quickly. “Back to my own time, that is. Not home home, because there’s nothing waiting for me there but unemployment and all sorts of stress and crap that I really don’t need right now. But back to 2012.”
He was silent for a few seconds, assessing her behavior. He hadn’t ever run across anyone who’d believed they lived in another time, especially not more than three hundred years in the future, but despite all her talk of losing her mind, and the abuse to his coat, she didn’t strike him as mad.
Quite the contrary, she was reacting just as he thought he might should he be in her shoes. He ignored the memory of just how lovely her feet and ankles and legs and thighs were as she lay splayed on the ground, and instead asked, “Where is this phenomenon that you believe is responsible for you being here?”
She started to answer, then stopped, releasing his coat and giving him a curious look. “Wait just one second…. You aren’t telling me I’m nutso-cuckoo.”
He stared at her for a moment, then pulled out his journal. “Nutso-cuckoo.”
She smiled. “It’s a flip way of saying deranged. How come you don’t think I’m crazy, Nikola? Why haven’t you even said it’s impossible for me to have traveled back in time?”
He shrugged. “I have ample proof that the impossible is often all too possible.”
“You mean because your son thinks he’s a vampire?”
He glanced around the square, taking her arm and pulling her toward the road that led back up the side of the mountain, the horses trailing behind them. “The term is Dark One, as I’ve told you, and if you do not mind, I prefer to keep that news from the townspeople. Benedikt is young, and I have tried to shield him as best I can from the prejudice that arises from the unenlightened.”
“Wait a minute.” Io frowned down at the road for the time it took them to walk past three cottages. “I saw Benedikt and Imogen in my time—whoa, I can’t believe I just said that. Don’t you think I’m handling this whole impossible situation really well? I do. I think I should get some sort of commendation, or award, or at least a ‘Didn’t Go Insane When Others Would Have’ tiara. Where was I? Oh, I saw both Benedikt and Imogen yesterday. That’s my yesterday, not yours. Anyway, I just saw them, and they look a bit older than they do here, but not a lot older, not, you know, three hundred years older. Imogen looks like she’s in her early thirties, and Benedikt a few years younger than that. How can that be?”
“I was told that the children of unredeemed Dark Ones carry the stain of their father’s curse; hence Benedikt is as immortal as Imogen.”
“Imogen is a vampire, too? Wow. So, that stuff about vampires being immortal isn’t just folklore? It’s really true?” She was silent for a moment or two while she thought about that. “That’s kind of scary, and yet at the same time, really intriguing. I mean, all that stuff Imogen must have seen firsthand! It kind of boggles the mind. And it would also explain why she looks so much younger than Gretl.”
“Your cousin?”
“Yeah. I just can’t wrap my mind around the idea that Imogen is a vampire, too. She seems so normal. Does she drink bloo—whoa Nellie!” She stopped, spinning around to face him. Demeter bumped into his back when he, too, stopped. “The children of a Dark One? You mean you’re a vampire?”
“We established that fact earlier,” he answered, pulling her forward again so Demeter would stop nibbling on the back of his head. He’d gone out without a hat, a fact he now regretted considering the horse’s propensity to graze on his hair.