After the Ex Games
Page 11
I reached over and grabbed Nancy’s hand, and she looked up at me with big, wide eyes.
“Well, here I am, Nancy. Go ahead and say hello. I’m sure you know by now that I’m your father.”
Chapter 15
Unknown/Nancy
“I’m your father.”
I stared at Brandon as he said the words I’d been waiting to hear. It felt surreal staring into his eyes. I could almost see myself in his face.
“That’s weird.” I laughed uncomfortably and looked down. “I mean, to hear you say that. It sounds weird. I didn’t even know about you.”
“It’s okay.” Brandon squeezed my hand. His fingers felt warm and soft, and I looked up at him again. “I understand how you feel.”
“I don’t understand.” I looked into his eyes then. “I don’t understand why you gave me up.”
“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he said slowly, and his eyes looked pained.
“Why didn’t you come for me when she died?”
“Your mother thought it would be better if her parents raised you as theirs. She was pretty young when she had you. We thought it would be the best idea. I wasn’t ready to be a father. She wasn’t ready to be a mother.”
“So she just decided to pretend.” My heart broke, not understanding how she could have done that to me.
“It was my idea,” Greyson said, and I looked over at him. “I was the one who told them it would be better if you were adopted or given to your grandparents to raise.”
“Oh.” I looked away from him, trying to ignore the anger I felt in my stomach towards him.
“I was selfish.” He shrugged. “I thought I was doing it to protect Brandon. I don’t know now. Maybe I was a bad influence. But I thought it was for the best. They were both young. They weren’t in love. They were on and off for years. It was just about the sex. I didn’t think they would make the best parents.”
“I agreed with him,” Brandon admitted and sighed. “I thought it was a perfect idea at the time.”
“What I don’t get…” Katie started. “What I don’t get is how this is all possible? I thought Maria was eighteen ten years ago? How could she be Nancy’s mom?”
“She wasn’t eighteen,” I answered. “That’s what she told us to tell anyone who asked. She had an issue with growing old.” I shrugged. “When I was eight, she came home with Brandon and she told us that if anyone asked, we were to say she’d gone to college but ended up working at a cool club instead. We were to tell anyone who asked that she was only eighteen. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do.” I looked at Brandon, my father, and he nodded.
“It was my idea.” He sighed. “If she said she was eighteen, then there was no way she could be Nancy’s mother. No one would ever suspect. It was a lie that we all agreed upon.”
“So she lied about her age, you all lied about her age, so no one could ever add up the dots?” Meg looked shocked and saddened.
“Yes.” He nodded. “It was a horrible thing to do.”
“You lied about so much to me.” Katie’s voice was sad. “When I first met you, you said she was your college girlfriend.”
“I know,” he sighed.
“But she wasn’t in college and she wasn’t even young.”
“She was young when they first started dating,” I said, feeling bad for him. “They were on and off for years.”
“Yeah.” Brandon sighed and closed his eyes. “It just all feels like a different world.”
“Are you mad at me?” I whispered and looked down at my feet. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Brandon put his arm around me. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“I remember that weekend,” I mumbled. “I remember the weekend you came home with Maria. She was so happy, but then she started crying. She was crying so much.”
“She wanted us to get married.” His eyes looked sad. “She thought we were going to be one big happy family. I told her I didn’t love her and that I wasn’t interested in marrying her.”
“I see.” I bit my lip to stop my tears.
“I only went home with her that weekend to see you, Nancy.” His voice caught. “I’d thought about you all those years and I wanted to see you. That’s the only reason I went home with her. That’s the only reason I stayed close with her all those years. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I needed to see you. You were my daughter.” His voice cracked, and the room was silent again as we all just sat there.
“I still am,” I said softly and stood up. “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused, but you broke my mother. Do you know how weird it feels to say that? She was my sister, but she’s really my mother. And my father was my grandfather and you’re my dad. Do you know how f**ked up I feel right now?”
“I don’t know what to say.” Brandon made a face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you get it? Sorry isn’t good enough.” I started crying then—big, hard, ugly tears. “How could you give me away? How could you not love me?”
“I don’t—” He started talking, but I continued on.
“When she died, you could have come and gotten me. I was your daughter. You should have come for me. You didn’t even think about me. I’m nothing to you. I don’t understand why you never loved me.” I fell to the ground and sobbed, unable to keep it all in any longer. “Why didn’t you love me?” I felt arms on my back then and looked into Meg’s concerned eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” I whispered to her. “I just wanted to understand.”
“It’s okay.” She rubbed my back and pulled me into her arms. “It’s okay, Nancy.”
“Why didn’t he love me?” I cried out again, and I watched as Brandon stood up and left the room.
I felt my heart breaking then. He was walking out on me again. I didn’t understand how a father couldn’t love his child. I was a part of him. I couldn’t comprehend why or how he could have done this to me.
“I always knew something was off in my family,” I whispered to Meg. “I always just assumed it was because Maria had killed herself. I thought my parents were just in shock over that, but I could see it in their eyes. There was always something that seemed off. I always felt like they wanted to tell me something, but they didn’t know how.”
“He loves you, Nancy.” Katie walked towards me then with a small smile. She sat down on the ground with Meg and me, and she looked into my eyes. “He loves you more than you know. I’m sure of that.”
“You knew about me?” I frowned
“He told me last night.” She nodded. “He said he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. He was sorry for having lied about it. He didn’t know how to come clean. I think he didn’t want to believe he’d been that person.”
“He did that for you, not me.” My heart ached. “I know he loves you. You’re the one. That’s what Patsy told me. She said she never believed it would happen. She thought you were a fool. She knew all about your relationship with him. She said that you had a child with him. That I had a brother. That he had raised my brother because he loved you and wanted a part of you in his life. He didn’t love Maria and he didn’t love me and that’s why he never came for me.” I felt wooden as I spoke and the words came out. “He loves you and that’s why he told you.”
“Oh, Nancy.” Katie’s eyes filled with tears, and I knew she couldn’t defend him anymore. She knew what I was saying was true. He loved her with all his heart. I was nothing to him.
“You’re wrong, Nancy.” Brandon’s voice surprised us all as he walked back into the room. “You’re very, very wrong.” He had some files in his hand, and I looked at him in confusion. “I did tell Katie because I love her. I love her with all my heart and I knew that I couldn’t lie anymore. I was never ashamed of you. I was ashamed of who I was as a human being. I was ashamed of all the horrible things I’ve done. I didn’t think I was worthy of her love.” He stopped in front of me. “And I didn’t think I was worthy of your love, but never for a second think I haven’t loved you. Never for a second think that I’ve not thought of you. You have been in my heart from the moment you were born.”
“Then why didn’t you come for me?”
“I didn’t want to upset your life. You were with your parents. They loved you. They took care of you. I made sure to send money every month. I made sure you were okay. I had someone make sure you were okay. I’m sorry. If I were to do it again, I’d make another choice,”
I looked down at the floor then, not knowing what to say or how to feel.
“See this?” He took something out of the file. “This is a picture you drew for me that weekend.” He handed me a drawing that I vaguely remembered. “You drew it and you gave it to me with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. I gave you a hug and I never wanted to let go.” His voice caught. “I’ve had this picture with me since that day. I look at it and I think of you. I think of my daughter. I think of how much I love you. I think about how proud I am of you.”
“Proud?” I frowned.
“I’m proud because you’re a straight A student. I’m proud because you volunteer at an animal shelter. I’m proud because last year you went to prom with a guy who has Down’s syndrome. I’m proud because you think with your heart and you do what you think is right.”
“How did you know all that?” I looked up at him with a beating heart.
“I may not have been in your life, but I’ve made sure to keep track of your life.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears. “You’ve always been in my heart. I’m not proud of the man that I was. I’m not proud of the secrets I’ve kept, the lies I’ve told, the jealousy in my heart. But I want things to change. I want things to be different. I want you in my life. I want us to have a relationship. I want the chance to be the father I should have been from the beginning.”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip and looked at Katie to see how she was reacting.
“I want that as well, Nancy.” She looked into my eyes. “Brandon and I have our own tumultuous history, and there have been times that I have hated him, but he’s a good man. He’s the man I love. He’s the man I want to spend my life with. I know this is hard for you and this is your decision, but know that you are welcome into our family with open arms.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I stood up and looked at Brandon. “I didn’t know you cared at all.”
“You can see in these files.” He handed them to me. “I’ve been keeping up with everything in your life.”
“Why didn’t you come to the club when I was there?”
“He didn’t know.” Greyson spoke up then. “He didn’t know you were there. I didn’t know who you were at first. Patsy didn’t tell me. I thought you were just another girl. When I found out you were Maria’s sister, I didn’t know what to do. I knew, of course, that you were the baby we’d covered up, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t tell Brandon right away. I was so caught up in Meg. I wanted to pretend that my past didn’t exist. I felt like the devil and I just didn’t know what to do. And then I saw you and Meg getting close and I was scared. I didn’t know what you knew. I didn’t know what you would say. I asked Patsy what was going on. She said she didn’t know.” He sighed. “I trusted her. I should have known she was the weak link. She knew everything, of course. She was the only one who knew everything, aside from Brandon and me.”
“He told me that you were there the day you went missing.” Brandon spoke up then. “We thought David or Patsy had you. We were going to talk to her, but then the notes started arriving and we didn’t know what to think. The only thing we knew was that you knew the truth. We just wanted to meet you and talk to you, but then you never showed up to the lunch.” His eyes looked at me with a question and I shrugged.
“Patsy told me to leave.”
“We waited for hours. I just wanted to see you, to explain, to hug you.”
“I wish I’d stayed.”
“Why did you leave?”
“I felt like I owed her.” I sighed. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Will you give me another chance?” He reached his hand out to me.
“Yes.” I smiled, and he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight.
“I love you, Nancy. Please always remember that I love you.”
“There’s something you should know.” I looked up at him. “Patsy’s pissed.”
He made a face. “She’s always pissed.”
“No.” I shook my head. “She’s really pissed. When she found out that Katie was pregnant, she got really mad.”
“What?” He froze and looked down at me.
“She said—” I started, and then we heard a loud noise.
We all froze and looked towards the door. Patsy walked in with a gun in her hands. She looked at me with a sneer and then started laughing.
“Well, what do we have here?”
“What are you doing here, Patsy?” Greyson stepped towards her, and she pointed the gun towards him.
“Well, here I am, Nancy. Go ahead and say hello. I’m sure you know by now that I’m your father.”
Chapter 15
Unknown/Nancy
“I’m your father.”
I stared at Brandon as he said the words I’d been waiting to hear. It felt surreal staring into his eyes. I could almost see myself in his face.
“That’s weird.” I laughed uncomfortably and looked down. “I mean, to hear you say that. It sounds weird. I didn’t even know about you.”
“It’s okay.” Brandon squeezed my hand. His fingers felt warm and soft, and I looked up at him again. “I understand how you feel.”
“I don’t understand.” I looked into his eyes then. “I don’t understand why you gave me up.”
“It’s not something I’m proud of,” he said slowly, and his eyes looked pained.
“Why didn’t you come for me when she died?”
“Your mother thought it would be better if her parents raised you as theirs. She was pretty young when she had you. We thought it would be the best idea. I wasn’t ready to be a father. She wasn’t ready to be a mother.”
“So she just decided to pretend.” My heart broke, not understanding how she could have done that to me.
“It was my idea,” Greyson said, and I looked over at him. “I was the one who told them it would be better if you were adopted or given to your grandparents to raise.”
“Oh.” I looked away from him, trying to ignore the anger I felt in my stomach towards him.
“I was selfish.” He shrugged. “I thought I was doing it to protect Brandon. I don’t know now. Maybe I was a bad influence. But I thought it was for the best. They were both young. They weren’t in love. They were on and off for years. It was just about the sex. I didn’t think they would make the best parents.”
“I agreed with him,” Brandon admitted and sighed. “I thought it was a perfect idea at the time.”
“What I don’t get…” Katie started. “What I don’t get is how this is all possible? I thought Maria was eighteen ten years ago? How could she be Nancy’s mom?”
“She wasn’t eighteen,” I answered. “That’s what she told us to tell anyone who asked. She had an issue with growing old.” I shrugged. “When I was eight, she came home with Brandon and she told us that if anyone asked, we were to say she’d gone to college but ended up working at a cool club instead. We were to tell anyone who asked that she was only eighteen. I didn’t understand at the time, but now I do.” I looked at Brandon, my father, and he nodded.
“It was my idea.” He sighed. “If she said she was eighteen, then there was no way she could be Nancy’s mother. No one would ever suspect. It was a lie that we all agreed upon.”
“So she lied about her age, you all lied about her age, so no one could ever add up the dots?” Meg looked shocked and saddened.
“Yes.” He nodded. “It was a horrible thing to do.”
“You lied about so much to me.” Katie’s voice was sad. “When I first met you, you said she was your college girlfriend.”
“I know,” he sighed.
“But she wasn’t in college and she wasn’t even young.”
“She was young when they first started dating,” I said, feeling bad for him. “They were on and off for years.”
“Yeah.” Brandon sighed and closed his eyes. “It just all feels like a different world.”
“Are you mad at me?” I whispered and looked down at my feet. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Brandon put his arm around me. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“I remember that weekend,” I mumbled. “I remember the weekend you came home with Maria. She was so happy, but then she started crying. She was crying so much.”
“She wanted us to get married.” His eyes looked sad. “She thought we were going to be one big happy family. I told her I didn’t love her and that I wasn’t interested in marrying her.”
“I see.” I bit my lip to stop my tears.
“I only went home with her that weekend to see you, Nancy.” His voice caught. “I’d thought about you all those years and I wanted to see you. That’s the only reason I went home with her. That’s the only reason I stayed close with her all those years. I wanted to make sure you were okay. I needed to see you. You were my daughter.” His voice cracked, and the room was silent again as we all just sat there.
“I still am,” I said softly and stood up. “I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused, but you broke my mother. Do you know how weird it feels to say that? She was my sister, but she’s really my mother. And my father was my grandfather and you’re my dad. Do you know how f**ked up I feel right now?”
“I don’t know what to say.” Brandon made a face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you get it? Sorry isn’t good enough.” I started crying then—big, hard, ugly tears. “How could you give me away? How could you not love me?”
“I don’t—” He started talking, but I continued on.
“When she died, you could have come and gotten me. I was your daughter. You should have come for me. You didn’t even think about me. I’m nothing to you. I don’t understand why you never loved me.” I fell to the ground and sobbed, unable to keep it all in any longer. “Why didn’t you love me?” I felt arms on my back then and looked into Meg’s concerned eyes. “I didn’t want to hurt anyone,” I whispered to her. “I just wanted to understand.”
“It’s okay.” She rubbed my back and pulled me into her arms. “It’s okay, Nancy.”
“Why didn’t he love me?” I cried out again, and I watched as Brandon stood up and left the room.
I felt my heart breaking then. He was walking out on me again. I didn’t understand how a father couldn’t love his child. I was a part of him. I couldn’t comprehend why or how he could have done this to me.
“I always knew something was off in my family,” I whispered to Meg. “I always just assumed it was because Maria had killed herself. I thought my parents were just in shock over that, but I could see it in their eyes. There was always something that seemed off. I always felt like they wanted to tell me something, but they didn’t know how.”
“He loves you, Nancy.” Katie walked towards me then with a small smile. She sat down on the ground with Meg and me, and she looked into my eyes. “He loves you more than you know. I’m sure of that.”
“You knew about me?” I frowned
“He told me last night.” She nodded. “He said he couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. He was sorry for having lied about it. He didn’t know how to come clean. I think he didn’t want to believe he’d been that person.”
“He did that for you, not me.” My heart ached. “I know he loves you. You’re the one. That’s what Patsy told me. She said she never believed it would happen. She thought you were a fool. She knew all about your relationship with him. She said that you had a child with him. That I had a brother. That he had raised my brother because he loved you and wanted a part of you in his life. He didn’t love Maria and he didn’t love me and that’s why he never came for me.” I felt wooden as I spoke and the words came out. “He loves you and that’s why he told you.”
“Oh, Nancy.” Katie’s eyes filled with tears, and I knew she couldn’t defend him anymore. She knew what I was saying was true. He loved her with all his heart. I was nothing to him.
“You’re wrong, Nancy.” Brandon’s voice surprised us all as he walked back into the room. “You’re very, very wrong.” He had some files in his hand, and I looked at him in confusion. “I did tell Katie because I love her. I love her with all my heart and I knew that I couldn’t lie anymore. I was never ashamed of you. I was ashamed of who I was as a human being. I was ashamed of all the horrible things I’ve done. I didn’t think I was worthy of her love.” He stopped in front of me. “And I didn’t think I was worthy of your love, but never for a second think I haven’t loved you. Never for a second think that I’ve not thought of you. You have been in my heart from the moment you were born.”
“Then why didn’t you come for me?”
“I didn’t want to upset your life. You were with your parents. They loved you. They took care of you. I made sure to send money every month. I made sure you were okay. I had someone make sure you were okay. I’m sorry. If I were to do it again, I’d make another choice,”
I looked down at the floor then, not knowing what to say or how to feel.
“See this?” He took something out of the file. “This is a picture you drew for me that weekend.” He handed me a drawing that I vaguely remembered. “You drew it and you gave it to me with the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen. I gave you a hug and I never wanted to let go.” His voice caught. “I’ve had this picture with me since that day. I look at it and I think of you. I think of my daughter. I think of how much I love you. I think about how proud I am of you.”
“Proud?” I frowned.
“I’m proud because you’re a straight A student. I’m proud because you volunteer at an animal shelter. I’m proud because last year you went to prom with a guy who has Down’s syndrome. I’m proud because you think with your heart and you do what you think is right.”
“How did you know all that?” I looked up at him with a beating heart.
“I may not have been in your life, but I’ve made sure to keep track of your life.” His eyes were bright with unshed tears. “You’ve always been in my heart. I’m not proud of the man that I was. I’m not proud of the secrets I’ve kept, the lies I’ve told, the jealousy in my heart. But I want things to change. I want things to be different. I want you in my life. I want us to have a relationship. I want the chance to be the father I should have been from the beginning.”
“I don’t know.” I bit my lip and looked at Katie to see how she was reacting.
“I want that as well, Nancy.” She looked into my eyes. “Brandon and I have our own tumultuous history, and there have been times that I have hated him, but he’s a good man. He’s the man I love. He’s the man I want to spend my life with. I know this is hard for you and this is your decision, but know that you are welcome into our family with open arms.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I stood up and looked at Brandon. “I didn’t know you cared at all.”
“You can see in these files.” He handed them to me. “I’ve been keeping up with everything in your life.”
“Why didn’t you come to the club when I was there?”
“He didn’t know.” Greyson spoke up then. “He didn’t know you were there. I didn’t know who you were at first. Patsy didn’t tell me. I thought you were just another girl. When I found out you were Maria’s sister, I didn’t know what to do. I knew, of course, that you were the baby we’d covered up, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t tell Brandon right away. I was so caught up in Meg. I wanted to pretend that my past didn’t exist. I felt like the devil and I just didn’t know what to do. And then I saw you and Meg getting close and I was scared. I didn’t know what you knew. I didn’t know what you would say. I asked Patsy what was going on. She said she didn’t know.” He sighed. “I trusted her. I should have known she was the weak link. She knew everything, of course. She was the only one who knew everything, aside from Brandon and me.”
“He told me that you were there the day you went missing.” Brandon spoke up then. “We thought David or Patsy had you. We were going to talk to her, but then the notes started arriving and we didn’t know what to think. The only thing we knew was that you knew the truth. We just wanted to meet you and talk to you, but then you never showed up to the lunch.” His eyes looked at me with a question and I shrugged.
“Patsy told me to leave.”
“We waited for hours. I just wanted to see you, to explain, to hug you.”
“I wish I’d stayed.”
“Why did you leave?”
“I felt like I owed her.” I sighed. “I don’t know anymore.”
“Will you give me another chance?” He reached his hand out to me.
“Yes.” I smiled, and he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight.
“I love you, Nancy. Please always remember that I love you.”
“There’s something you should know.” I looked up at him. “Patsy’s pissed.”
He made a face. “She’s always pissed.”
“No.” I shook my head. “She’s really pissed. When she found out that Katie was pregnant, she got really mad.”
“What?” He froze and looked down at me.
“She said—” I started, and then we heard a loud noise.
We all froze and looked towards the door. Patsy walked in with a gun in her hands. She looked at me with a sneer and then started laughing.
“Well, what do we have here?”
“What are you doing here, Patsy?” Greyson stepped towards her, and she pointed the gun towards him.
