After the Game
Page 24
Gunner would hear about Riley before the day was over. I didn’t care. He could get angry all he wanted. Fact was, his brother was a douche bag and needed to be called out for what he’d done. I wasn’t protecting that asshole anymore. If Gunner wanted to, then fine. His brother had fucked him over too. And I understood that shit about family coming first, but if I could hate my father for his sins, then Gunner could hate his brother and recognize the fact that he’d lied.
My phone lit up and I glanced down to see West’s name on the screen. Picking it up, I read, You need me?
I’d say he wouldn’t understand. I could throw the phone down and say fuck it and ignore him. But he’d lost his dad recently and that hadn’t been easy. He understood pain. He’d lived through it before me. I got why he kept it to himself now. Not having to talk about it was easier.
No. But thanks, I replied, then drove out of the parking lot. I wasn’t hungry and doubted I would be again.
Here if you need me was his response.
I appreciated that. But I wouldn’t need him. I needed my dad to be the man he pretended to be. I needed my dad not to have fucked that blond woman. That’s what I fucking needed.
The park was only four miles from the school. I parked and waited in my truck. It was only noon, and I knew it was after lunch and Bryony’s nap that they came here. But I had nowhere else to go. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Silence was good. Here I had no questions and I wasn’t expected to perform.
Friday night I wasn’t sure I could play. My heart wasn’t in it and I no longer cared. The idea of how angry my dad would be made me want to skip it. Just leave town and hide. Make him feel some pain. Some disappointment. It was nothing compared to what I was dealing with.
Problem with that was I would let others down. West, who never missed a game, even while his dad was dying. My mom, who was my biggest fan. My coach, who had worked with me since junior high and believed in me. This town. Although it wasn’t perfect, they weren’t all to blame. That was all on my father.
I’d play the game. But winning it was another matter altogether. I didn’t think I had it in me. My drive for success was gone. I feared it always would be. My dad had made my life about him. I wanted to let him down. I wanted to destroy him like he’d destroyed me. This was the only weapon I had.
But could I hurt others to use it?
For the Moment
CHAPTER 31
RILEY
Brady’s truck was the first thing I noticed when Bryony and I strolled up to the park entrance. He was supposed to be in school. This wasn’t a good sign. Bryony pointed at his truck, remembering it, then waved as if he could see her.
I wasn’t sure if I should walk over to him or just go into the park. We were a secret, I thought. But at this point maybe we weren’t anymore. Or maybe he didn’t care. If he didn’t care, that meant he was giving up on the game. The championship. I got where his head was. I understood it, but he’d regret that later. I had regrets and I wished I didn’t. I wished someone had helped me see things differently.
I went ahead and took Bryony into the park. Brady could come talk to me if that was his choice. We needed to talk. Especially if he was giving up on his dream. But talking here wasn’t the best idea. Putting Bryony in his truck and riding around wasn’t happening either.
I bent down and let Bryony out of the stroller, and she squealed with delight and headed for the small slide she loved so much. I took my normal seat on the bench closest to the slide and watched her, although my thoughts were with that truck parked outside the gate.
Footsteps let me know he was headed my way, so I turned to see him. He looked lost. Defeated. Confused. And I wanted to just hug him. A guy like Brady with the life of dreams he had lived so far wasn’t emotionally prepared for this turn of events. It was unfair, but then so was life. Finding that out sooner rather than later would help him. It may not feel like it at the moment, but one day he’d understand.
“School too much?” I asked as he stopped beside me then sat down.
“Yeah” was his response.
I didn’t say more. He had come here looking for me. That was obvious. If he wanted to sit in silence, we could do that, too. Whatever worked. He knew what he needed.
“I can’t focus enough to play Friday night.”
I had been afraid of this.
“But all I can think is, West played when his dad was dying of cancer. He played when his heart was breaking. How can I not do the same? For him if no one else?”
“I think you just answered yourself. West is your best friend. You respect him. He didn’t let the team down when his world was falling apart.” I didn’t add and neither will you because he had to make that decision.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. He was thinking. I let him.
When he finally spoke, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. “I want to hurt my dad. This would hurt him.”
As much as I understood that, I also understood regret. Something Brady didn’t know about yet, but he would eventually. “Is hurting your dad more important than not letting West down? The team? Yourself?”
He ran his hands over his face and groaned. “No. They don’t deserve that.”
I agreed with him completely.
“Then you know what you have to do. There isn’t really a question. It’s how will you focus on the game and do it? You need to figure that out.”
He turned his head and looked at me. “Will you come? I’m going to need you after the game.”
I hadn’t been to a game in two years. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. “The others, the town, they won’t like it.”
“I don’t care what they like. If you’re there, I can win. I can remember what is important. But I need you there.”
Facing this town and all the people in it wasn’t terrifying anymore. I wasn’t the same young girl they had run off. I was strong and I knew the truth. To me that was all that mattered. They could believe what they wanted.
“Will my being there hurt the game because of the others?”
He shook his head. “I’ll have West, and if we need to, the two of us can win that game.”
Then I’d go. “I’ll be there.”
He let out a sigh, and a smile that didn’t really meet his eyes curled on his lips. “Thanks. That’s going to help.”
I wanted to know how he’d handled his dad this morning, but if he wasn’t going to talk about it I wasn’t going to ask. He needed his space and I was there to give it to him. I would only enter the space he needed me to.
“I cursed at my dad today. More than once.”
No wonder Maggie had come over. I thought about telling him, but I didn’t. She could tell him if she wanted him to know. I wasn’t getting involved in the family dynamics.
“I’d say you could sit with Maggie, but she’ll sit with my parents. I don’t want to see my dad when I look at you.”
“I’ll sit far away from them,” I told him.
He nodded. “Thank you. For last night. For this. I know it’s asking a lot.”
I shrugged. “It isn’t. I’m not the same girl who left this town. I found my strength. They can’t hurt me now.”
His hand closed over mine. The touch made my entire arm tingle, and I let the warmth soothe me. Turning my attention back to Bryony, I watched as she played with a little boy whose nanny brought him every Monday and Wednesday afternoon at this time. She had spoken to me a few times, assuming I, too, was a nanny since I was so young. I didn’t correct her; I just let her talk. No reason to make her act weird around me and possibly not come around with the boy when Bryony was here. Small towns could be judgmental, and it fell on the innocent too many times.
“Looks like she has a friend,” Brady said.
“His name is Luke, and he’s three. She plays with him twice a week here. I wish she could go to preschool next year. She loves being around other kids. But if we are still in this town, that isn’t possible.”
His hand squeezed mine “We will make sure she gets that.”
We. As in him and me? When did we become a we?
I didn’t ask or bring it up, but I pondered it. The rest of the time we sat there in silence, speaking only about Bryony and other things that had nothing to do with football or his father. Eventually he laced his fingers through mine and we just enjoyed each other, I cool fall air, and the laughter of the kids. In that moment I wasn’t a single teenage mom and he wasn’t a guy whose dad was about to ruin his family. We were just us and life was okay. For the moment.
My phone lit up and I glanced down to see West’s name on the screen. Picking it up, I read, You need me?
I’d say he wouldn’t understand. I could throw the phone down and say fuck it and ignore him. But he’d lost his dad recently and that hadn’t been easy. He understood pain. He’d lived through it before me. I got why he kept it to himself now. Not having to talk about it was easier.
No. But thanks, I replied, then drove out of the parking lot. I wasn’t hungry and doubted I would be again.
Here if you need me was his response.
I appreciated that. But I wouldn’t need him. I needed my dad to be the man he pretended to be. I needed my dad not to have fucked that blond woman. That’s what I fucking needed.
The park was only four miles from the school. I parked and waited in my truck. It was only noon, and I knew it was after lunch and Bryony’s nap that they came here. But I had nowhere else to go. I laid my head back and closed my eyes. Silence was good. Here I had no questions and I wasn’t expected to perform.
Friday night I wasn’t sure I could play. My heart wasn’t in it and I no longer cared. The idea of how angry my dad would be made me want to skip it. Just leave town and hide. Make him feel some pain. Some disappointment. It was nothing compared to what I was dealing with.
Problem with that was I would let others down. West, who never missed a game, even while his dad was dying. My mom, who was my biggest fan. My coach, who had worked with me since junior high and believed in me. This town. Although it wasn’t perfect, they weren’t all to blame. That was all on my father.
I’d play the game. But winning it was another matter altogether. I didn’t think I had it in me. My drive for success was gone. I feared it always would be. My dad had made my life about him. I wanted to let him down. I wanted to destroy him like he’d destroyed me. This was the only weapon I had.
But could I hurt others to use it?
For the Moment
CHAPTER 31
RILEY
Brady’s truck was the first thing I noticed when Bryony and I strolled up to the park entrance. He was supposed to be in school. This wasn’t a good sign. Bryony pointed at his truck, remembering it, then waved as if he could see her.
I wasn’t sure if I should walk over to him or just go into the park. We were a secret, I thought. But at this point maybe we weren’t anymore. Or maybe he didn’t care. If he didn’t care, that meant he was giving up on the game. The championship. I got where his head was. I understood it, but he’d regret that later. I had regrets and I wished I didn’t. I wished someone had helped me see things differently.
I went ahead and took Bryony into the park. Brady could come talk to me if that was his choice. We needed to talk. Especially if he was giving up on his dream. But talking here wasn’t the best idea. Putting Bryony in his truck and riding around wasn’t happening either.
I bent down and let Bryony out of the stroller, and she squealed with delight and headed for the small slide she loved so much. I took my normal seat on the bench closest to the slide and watched her, although my thoughts were with that truck parked outside the gate.
Footsteps let me know he was headed my way, so I turned to see him. He looked lost. Defeated. Confused. And I wanted to just hug him. A guy like Brady with the life of dreams he had lived so far wasn’t emotionally prepared for this turn of events. It was unfair, but then so was life. Finding that out sooner rather than later would help him. It may not feel like it at the moment, but one day he’d understand.
“School too much?” I asked as he stopped beside me then sat down.
“Yeah” was his response.
I didn’t say more. He had come here looking for me. That was obvious. If he wanted to sit in silence, we could do that, too. Whatever worked. He knew what he needed.
“I can’t focus enough to play Friday night.”
I had been afraid of this.
“But all I can think is, West played when his dad was dying of cancer. He played when his heart was breaking. How can I not do the same? For him if no one else?”
“I think you just answered yourself. West is your best friend. You respect him. He didn’t let the team down when his world was falling apart.” I didn’t add and neither will you because he had to make that decision.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. He was thinking. I let him.
When he finally spoke, he leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. “I want to hurt my dad. This would hurt him.”
As much as I understood that, I also understood regret. Something Brady didn’t know about yet, but he would eventually. “Is hurting your dad more important than not letting West down? The team? Yourself?”
He ran his hands over his face and groaned. “No. They don’t deserve that.”
I agreed with him completely.
“Then you know what you have to do. There isn’t really a question. It’s how will you focus on the game and do it? You need to figure that out.”
He turned his head and looked at me. “Will you come? I’m going to need you after the game.”
I hadn’t been to a game in two years. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. “The others, the town, they won’t like it.”
“I don’t care what they like. If you’re there, I can win. I can remember what is important. But I need you there.”
Facing this town and all the people in it wasn’t terrifying anymore. I wasn’t the same young girl they had run off. I was strong and I knew the truth. To me that was all that mattered. They could believe what they wanted.
“Will my being there hurt the game because of the others?”
He shook his head. “I’ll have West, and if we need to, the two of us can win that game.”
Then I’d go. “I’ll be there.”
He let out a sigh, and a smile that didn’t really meet his eyes curled on his lips. “Thanks. That’s going to help.”
I wanted to know how he’d handled his dad this morning, but if he wasn’t going to talk about it I wasn’t going to ask. He needed his space and I was there to give it to him. I would only enter the space he needed me to.
“I cursed at my dad today. More than once.”
No wonder Maggie had come over. I thought about telling him, but I didn’t. She could tell him if she wanted him to know. I wasn’t getting involved in the family dynamics.
“I’d say you could sit with Maggie, but she’ll sit with my parents. I don’t want to see my dad when I look at you.”
“I’ll sit far away from them,” I told him.
He nodded. “Thank you. For last night. For this. I know it’s asking a lot.”
I shrugged. “It isn’t. I’m not the same girl who left this town. I found my strength. They can’t hurt me now.”
His hand closed over mine. The touch made my entire arm tingle, and I let the warmth soothe me. Turning my attention back to Bryony, I watched as she played with a little boy whose nanny brought him every Monday and Wednesday afternoon at this time. She had spoken to me a few times, assuming I, too, was a nanny since I was so young. I didn’t correct her; I just let her talk. No reason to make her act weird around me and possibly not come around with the boy when Bryony was here. Small towns could be judgmental, and it fell on the innocent too many times.
“Looks like she has a friend,” Brady said.
“His name is Luke, and he’s three. She plays with him twice a week here. I wish she could go to preschool next year. She loves being around other kids. But if we are still in this town, that isn’t possible.”
His hand squeezed mine “We will make sure she gets that.”
We. As in him and me? When did we become a we?
I didn’t ask or bring it up, but I pondered it. The rest of the time we sat there in silence, speaking only about Bryony and other things that had nothing to do with football or his father. Eventually he laced his fingers through mine and we just enjoyed each other, I cool fall air, and the laughter of the kids. In that moment I wasn’t a single teenage mom and he wasn’t a guy whose dad was about to ruin his family. We were just us and life was okay. For the moment.
