Against the Ropes
Page 93
“Go on, baby.”
“I tried to wake her up, and he came in and saw us. Susie ran away, but I couldn’t leave my mom. He said I could trust him and we would run away together. He said he would never hurt me.” I draw in a ragged breath and squeeze my legs tight. “I said no and held up my hands to ward him away. He was so angry. He lifted me by my wrists and pulled me into the air. I kicked out and hit him, and he dropped me. He was really angry then. He picked me up around the waist and threw me into the wall.”
Max makes a choking sound. Stones crunch and suddenly his arms are around me and my cheek is against his chest. I shudder into his warmth.
“Keep going,” he whispers. “I’m here for you.”
I swallow hard and dig my fingers into his arm. “I lay on the floor and watched him hunt for the bat. I thought we were all going to die. I closed my eyes, and I don’t know what happened next. I guess I gave up. Next thing I remember is Susie slapping my cheek. My father was lying on the floor, out cold but still breathing. We got Mom up and we all ran away with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Despite everything, it was exciting to run away in the dark, knowing we would never be afraid again.” My body tightens. “That’s how I know I’m not a fighter. They needed me and I gave up. It has always stayed with me.”
Max’s fists clench and unclench against my back. His voice lowers and thickens. “How did he die?”
“We found out later he got in the car—presumably to chase after us—but he was so drunk he hit a post. He died instantly.”
“What about Susie? Couldn’t she tell you what happened?”
I shake my head. “She never talked about it. I don’t think she remembers. She left home as soon as she could.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice wavers. “No wonder you have issues with violence and being restrained. I would never have asked you to work at the club. I would never have—” He chokes on his words. “Christ.”
I close my eyes and breathe in his warm, sexy Max smell. “I like being with you, Max. You make me feel alive. I like the things we do together. I won’t lie and say they don’t scare me. They do. But I trust you, and that trust turns the fear into something thrilling. The flashbacks only come when I’ve lost control—like when you tie me up.”
Do I tell him my real fears? That he needs a level of control I can’t give, or that he will turn his violence on me? Was today a game or a warning?
Max pulls me up and holds my face between his hands. “What we do together is totally different from what happened that night. You are in total control. One word and it stops. The only problem would be if you didn’t trust me enough to know I would stop when you said the word.”
“That’s what happened today,” I whisper. “You were angry at me. I couldn’t tell if we were playing or if it was real, and if it was real then I was afraid you had lost control and you wouldn’t stop. Like him. Violence and anger together scare me more than anything else.”
Max dips his head and presses his forehead to mine. “I told you before, I could never be angry with you, baby. You are who you are. I was angry at myself for not managing the situation better, but the minute we stepped through the door I put it aside. You were so wound up, I thought you could handle something more intense. I am a violent man, but I don’t want you ever to worry that I’ll be violent with you. I would rather cut off my hand than hurt you.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Okay.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“I think I just need a bit of time.”
His brow creases with worry. “Are you…do you want to—”
I kiss him softly. “No, Max. I’m not running away this time.”
Chapter 23
You didn’t trust me
We make it back to the club just before opening. I have just prepped the first aid room when my phone vibrates. I check the Caller ID. Max. He tried to be respectful of my need to be alone on our trip home, but now that we’re back, my brief respite appears to be over.
Where are u?
First aid room. U know this **raises eyebrows**
Just checking
Okay
Do you need anything?
No, thanks
Medical supplies?
No
Are you thirsty?
No
Hungry?
No
Cold?
No
Lonely?
No
I miss you
U just saw me ten minutes ago
Ten minutes is a long time
This is true
Do you need more time alone?
If I did, I wouldn’t be here
Good. I’m coming to see you
Bad Max. Injured fighters only
I am injured
U r not **folds arms**
I need minx medicine
Have to go. Amanda calling
***
Within ten seconds of speaking to Amanda on the phone, I deduce she is drunk. She only ever calls me Makayla when she is over her limit.
“What have you been up to this afternoon?” I ask after she mumbles something unintelligible into the phone. “It’s only seven o’clock on a Saturday night. You’re wasting your weekend.”
“We settled a big case and the clients took us out for a few drinks.”
“On a Saturday?”
“Time has no meaning in a law firm,” she admonishes me. “You know that.”
“Where are you now?”
She giggles. “In a cab on my way to the Geek Club. I need to speak to Jake. I want to know if we would have had a chance if I hadn’t called a break.”
“I tried to wake her up, and he came in and saw us. Susie ran away, but I couldn’t leave my mom. He said I could trust him and we would run away together. He said he would never hurt me.” I draw in a ragged breath and squeeze my legs tight. “I said no and held up my hands to ward him away. He was so angry. He lifted me by my wrists and pulled me into the air. I kicked out and hit him, and he dropped me. He was really angry then. He picked me up around the waist and threw me into the wall.”
Max makes a choking sound. Stones crunch and suddenly his arms are around me and my cheek is against his chest. I shudder into his warmth.
“Keep going,” he whispers. “I’m here for you.”
I swallow hard and dig my fingers into his arm. “I lay on the floor and watched him hunt for the bat. I thought we were all going to die. I closed my eyes, and I don’t know what happened next. I guess I gave up. Next thing I remember is Susie slapping my cheek. My father was lying on the floor, out cold but still breathing. We got Mom up and we all ran away with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Despite everything, it was exciting to run away in the dark, knowing we would never be afraid again.” My body tightens. “That’s how I know I’m not a fighter. They needed me and I gave up. It has always stayed with me.”
Max’s fists clench and unclench against my back. His voice lowers and thickens. “How did he die?”
“We found out later he got in the car—presumably to chase after us—but he was so drunk he hit a post. He died instantly.”
“What about Susie? Couldn’t she tell you what happened?”
I shake my head. “She never talked about it. I don’t think she remembers. She left home as soon as she could.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice wavers. “No wonder you have issues with violence and being restrained. I would never have asked you to work at the club. I would never have—” He chokes on his words. “Christ.”
I close my eyes and breathe in his warm, sexy Max smell. “I like being with you, Max. You make me feel alive. I like the things we do together. I won’t lie and say they don’t scare me. They do. But I trust you, and that trust turns the fear into something thrilling. The flashbacks only come when I’ve lost control—like when you tie me up.”
Do I tell him my real fears? That he needs a level of control I can’t give, or that he will turn his violence on me? Was today a game or a warning?
Max pulls me up and holds my face between his hands. “What we do together is totally different from what happened that night. You are in total control. One word and it stops. The only problem would be if you didn’t trust me enough to know I would stop when you said the word.”
“That’s what happened today,” I whisper. “You were angry at me. I couldn’t tell if we were playing or if it was real, and if it was real then I was afraid you had lost control and you wouldn’t stop. Like him. Violence and anger together scare me more than anything else.”
Max dips his head and presses his forehead to mine. “I told you before, I could never be angry with you, baby. You are who you are. I was angry at myself for not managing the situation better, but the minute we stepped through the door I put it aside. You were so wound up, I thought you could handle something more intense. I am a violent man, but I don’t want you ever to worry that I’ll be violent with you. I would rather cut off my hand than hurt you.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Okay.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“I think I just need a bit of time.”
His brow creases with worry. “Are you…do you want to—”
I kiss him softly. “No, Max. I’m not running away this time.”
Chapter 23
You didn’t trust me
We make it back to the club just before opening. I have just prepped the first aid room when my phone vibrates. I check the Caller ID. Max. He tried to be respectful of my need to be alone on our trip home, but now that we’re back, my brief respite appears to be over.
Where are u?
First aid room. U know this **raises eyebrows**
Just checking
Okay
Do you need anything?
No, thanks
Medical supplies?
No
Are you thirsty?
No
Hungry?
No
Cold?
No
Lonely?
No
I miss you
U just saw me ten minutes ago
Ten minutes is a long time
This is true
Do you need more time alone?
If I did, I wouldn’t be here
Good. I’m coming to see you
Bad Max. Injured fighters only
I am injured
U r not **folds arms**
I need minx medicine
Have to go. Amanda calling
***
Within ten seconds of speaking to Amanda on the phone, I deduce she is drunk. She only ever calls me Makayla when she is over her limit.
“What have you been up to this afternoon?” I ask after she mumbles something unintelligible into the phone. “It’s only seven o’clock on a Saturday night. You’re wasting your weekend.”
“We settled a big case and the clients took us out for a few drinks.”
“On a Saturday?”
“Time has no meaning in a law firm,” she admonishes me. “You know that.”
“Where are you now?”
She giggles. “In a cab on my way to the Geek Club. I need to speak to Jake. I want to know if we would have had a chance if I hadn’t called a break.”
