Alaskan Holiday
Page 5
“I routinely bathe,” he rushed to tell me, as if it was vitally important that I know he had good hygiene.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.”
“I don’t put on any of that fancy cologne, though. That doesn’t bother you, does it?”
“Not in the least.” In all the months I’d been in Ponder, this was the oddest conversation I’d had with Palmer. I looked up, and his features were highlighted by the moonlight. Right away I noticed how pale he was. “Palmer, you are sick. It looks like you’re about to throw up.”
He leaned his back against a tree and closed his eyes. “I think I might.”
Coming to stand next to him, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Bend over and take in deep breaths.”
He did as I suggested and noisily dragged oxygen into his lungs. His shoulders heaved with the effort.
“Let me walk you back to your cabin. Do you need water?”
“What I need,” he grumbled, “is for this to be over.”
He wasn’t making sense. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I led him back the way we’d come, steering off the path toward his cabin. We hadn’t gone more than a few feet when he stopped abruptly. He turned so that he was facing me and placed his hands on my shoulders. His grip was tight.
“I don’t want you to go,” he said, his eyes imploring mine.
“Don’t worry, I’ll stay in your cabin with you for a bit, until you’re feeling better,” I assured him.
“Not my cabin, Josie,” Palmer corrected me. “I don’t want you to leave Ponder.”
That made absolutely no sense. “Not leave Ponder? But the lodge is closing for the winter.” He knew this as well as I did. The lodge closed every winter.
“You can stay.”
“No, I can’t.” What he was suggesting was utter nonsense. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was thinking. He knew I had a wonderful job waiting for me in Seattle; we’d talked about it multiple times.
“You like Alaska, don’t you?”
“It was a challenge in the beginning, but yes, I like it. These past six months have been a great experience, one that I will always treasure.”
His face relaxed. “Then you wouldn’t mind staying? Winters can be rough, but after a few years you grow accustomed to the freezing temperatures and dealing with the cold. There’s beauty here during the winter months that you won’t find anyplace else in the world.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“Then you’ll stay?” He looked hopeful and eager.
“Palmer. The lodge is closing. What would I do with my time? I need to work to support myself. I have a whole other life waiting for me back in Seattle. My mom is there, my friends, plus I have a great opportunity to work for Chef Anton. You know all that. I don’t understand what you want. In fact, this entire conversation isn’t making the least bit of sense.”
Palmer closed his eyes and then opened them again. His look was as serious as I’d seen. “You could cook for Jack and me. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and this is what I think you should do. I know this job is important to you, Josie, and remaining at the lake would be a big sacrifice on your part.”
His eyes made direct contact with mine before he continued.
“I would consider moving to Seattle, but living in a city would never work for me.”
“You’d move to Seattle just so I could cook for you?” I knew my way around a kitchen, but for him to turn his entire life upside down to take advantage of my culinary skills was nothing short of preposterous.
A determined look appeared on his face. “Well, of course. A husband needs to be with his wife.”
“His WIFE?” I practically exploded. At some point I’d completely lost track of where this odd conversation was leading. “You’re asking me to marry you?”
His gaze was warm and soft as he nodded his head, his eyes wide and sincere.
I placed my hand against my heart as I realized what Palmer had been trying to say. So this was why he’d started with all those silly compliments.
“Well, Josie?” he asked, his voice full of anticipation. “Will you?”
“You want to marry me?” I asked him again, to be certain I understood him.
“Yes,” he continued. “I’ve probably made a mess of this. I apologize, Josie, I should never have listened to Jack. He was sure if I told you how beautiful you are that it would sway you, so I tried to find ways to let you know it was more than just your looks and your cooking. I’ve never been in love before. Never spent as much time with a woman as I have with you. Being with you makes me happy. I want you to marry me more than anything. Put me out of this misery and say you’ll marry me and live here with me in Ponder.”
“Oh Palmer.” I honestly thought I might break into tears. It took awhile to gain my composure before I answered. Pressing my hands against the sides of his face, against his beard, I tried my best to explain. “Palmer, as much as I appreciate everything you’ve said”—my voice caught and cracked as I spoke—“I can’t. I…just can’t. I’m so sorry.”
He hung his head in defeat and slowly exhaled. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“My life is in Seattle.”
He nodded, acting like he wasn’t surprised that I’d turned him down.
“It’s always been my mom and me, and I can’t leave her, Palmer. I’m all she has.” We were close, always had been. While my friends had gone through tough times with their parents, I could honestly say I never had. My mother was everything to me. She and I had connected almost every day while I was in Ponder. Well, nearly every day. She seemed to be unusually busy this last summer, and there’d been a two- or three-day span when I hadn’t been able to reach her. Being away from her had been the hardest part of living in Alaska.
“Is there anything I can offer that would tempt you to change your mind?” he asked.
My throat felt raw with the effort to hold back tears, so rather than speak, I shook my head.
The silence between us was excruciating.
“Then it’s a definite no?”
I felt dreadful, sick at heart. “I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize.”
I couldn’t help it. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to maintain my composure. More than anything, I hated disappointing Palmer. It hurt me to reject him. And the truth was, I was tempted, sincerely tempted. I yearned to tell him how badly I wished things could be different, but it would be pointless. There might be a chance for us if he lived in Seattle, but it went without saying that I’d never ask that of him. Palmer was as much a part of Alaska as the rugged wilderness that surrounded the lake. He’d be completely out of his element and totally unhappy in the city.
Unexpectedly, Palmer pulled me into his arms and hugged me close. I wanted him to kiss me. He didn’t. I felt him take a slow, deep breath before he gently took hold of my shoulders.
“Have a good life, Josie.”
He held on to me a bit longer before he turned away. Without looking back, he walked toward his cabin.
I watched him go and my heart sank. Part of me wanted to holler and say I’d marry him, but I knew I couldn’t. The life and career that I had worked so hard for was back in Seattle, not in Ponder.
How long I stood in the dark, I couldn’t say. Eventually, I made my way back to the lodge. Both Jerry and Marianne Brewster were standing by the huge rock fireplace that dominated the lobby. The last guests had departed the day before, so only the Brewsters and a few staff members remained.
Jerry and Marianne looked at me expectantly, acting like they’d been waiting for my return and that I had some announcement to make.
Jack was there, too. When I entered the room, the older man slowly stood and stared at me with anticipation.
“Well?” he asked. “You gonna marry Palmer or not?”
I stood frozen, not more than two feet inside the door. It seemed everyone knew Palmer was going to propose tonight—everyone except me.
Sadly, I shook my head. Tears began to fall down my cheeks.
“Yes, I’m sure you do.”
“I don’t put on any of that fancy cologne, though. That doesn’t bother you, does it?”
“Not in the least.” In all the months I’d been in Ponder, this was the oddest conversation I’d had with Palmer. I looked up, and his features were highlighted by the moonlight. Right away I noticed how pale he was. “Palmer, you are sick. It looks like you’re about to throw up.”
He leaned his back against a tree and closed his eyes. “I think I might.”
Coming to stand next to him, I placed my hand on his shoulder. “Bend over and take in deep breaths.”
He did as I suggested and noisily dragged oxygen into his lungs. His shoulders heaved with the effort.
“Let me walk you back to your cabin. Do you need water?”
“What I need,” he grumbled, “is for this to be over.”
He wasn’t making sense. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I led him back the way we’d come, steering off the path toward his cabin. We hadn’t gone more than a few feet when he stopped abruptly. He turned so that he was facing me and placed his hands on my shoulders. His grip was tight.
“I don’t want you to go,” he said, his eyes imploring mine.
“Don’t worry, I’ll stay in your cabin with you for a bit, until you’re feeling better,” I assured him.
“Not my cabin, Josie,” Palmer corrected me. “I don’t want you to leave Ponder.”
That made absolutely no sense. “Not leave Ponder? But the lodge is closing for the winter.” He knew this as well as I did. The lodge closed every winter.
“You can stay.”
“No, I can’t.” What he was suggesting was utter nonsense. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he was thinking. He knew I had a wonderful job waiting for me in Seattle; we’d talked about it multiple times.
“You like Alaska, don’t you?”
“It was a challenge in the beginning, but yes, I like it. These past six months have been a great experience, one that I will always treasure.”
His face relaxed. “Then you wouldn’t mind staying? Winters can be rough, but after a few years you grow accustomed to the freezing temperatures and dealing with the cold. There’s beauty here during the winter months that you won’t find anyplace else in the world.”
“I’m sure that’s true.”
“Then you’ll stay?” He looked hopeful and eager.
“Palmer. The lodge is closing. What would I do with my time? I need to work to support myself. I have a whole other life waiting for me back in Seattle. My mom is there, my friends, plus I have a great opportunity to work for Chef Anton. You know all that. I don’t understand what you want. In fact, this entire conversation isn’t making the least bit of sense.”
Palmer closed his eyes and then opened them again. His look was as serious as I’d seen. “You could cook for Jack and me. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and this is what I think you should do. I know this job is important to you, Josie, and remaining at the lake would be a big sacrifice on your part.”
His eyes made direct contact with mine before he continued.
“I would consider moving to Seattle, but living in a city would never work for me.”
“You’d move to Seattle just so I could cook for you?” I knew my way around a kitchen, but for him to turn his entire life upside down to take advantage of my culinary skills was nothing short of preposterous.
A determined look appeared on his face. “Well, of course. A husband needs to be with his wife.”
“His WIFE?” I practically exploded. At some point I’d completely lost track of where this odd conversation was leading. “You’re asking me to marry you?”
His gaze was warm and soft as he nodded his head, his eyes wide and sincere.
I placed my hand against my heart as I realized what Palmer had been trying to say. So this was why he’d started with all those silly compliments.
“Well, Josie?” he asked, his voice full of anticipation. “Will you?”
“You want to marry me?” I asked him again, to be certain I understood him.
“Yes,” he continued. “I’ve probably made a mess of this. I apologize, Josie, I should never have listened to Jack. He was sure if I told you how beautiful you are that it would sway you, so I tried to find ways to let you know it was more than just your looks and your cooking. I’ve never been in love before. Never spent as much time with a woman as I have with you. Being with you makes me happy. I want you to marry me more than anything. Put me out of this misery and say you’ll marry me and live here with me in Ponder.”
“Oh Palmer.” I honestly thought I might break into tears. It took awhile to gain my composure before I answered. Pressing my hands against the sides of his face, against his beard, I tried my best to explain. “Palmer, as much as I appreciate everything you’ve said”—my voice caught and cracked as I spoke—“I can’t. I…just can’t. I’m so sorry.”
He hung his head in defeat and slowly exhaled. “I was afraid you’d say that.”
“My life is in Seattle.”
He nodded, acting like he wasn’t surprised that I’d turned him down.
“It’s always been my mom and me, and I can’t leave her, Palmer. I’m all she has.” We were close, always had been. While my friends had gone through tough times with their parents, I could honestly say I never had. My mother was everything to me. She and I had connected almost every day while I was in Ponder. Well, nearly every day. She seemed to be unusually busy this last summer, and there’d been a two- or three-day span when I hadn’t been able to reach her. Being away from her had been the hardest part of living in Alaska.
“Is there anything I can offer that would tempt you to change your mind?” he asked.
My throat felt raw with the effort to hold back tears, so rather than speak, I shook my head.
The silence between us was excruciating.
“Then it’s a definite no?”
I felt dreadful, sick at heart. “I’m sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize.”
I couldn’t help it. It took every ounce of self-control I possessed to maintain my composure. More than anything, I hated disappointing Palmer. It hurt me to reject him. And the truth was, I was tempted, sincerely tempted. I yearned to tell him how badly I wished things could be different, but it would be pointless. There might be a chance for us if he lived in Seattle, but it went without saying that I’d never ask that of him. Palmer was as much a part of Alaska as the rugged wilderness that surrounded the lake. He’d be completely out of his element and totally unhappy in the city.
Unexpectedly, Palmer pulled me into his arms and hugged me close. I wanted him to kiss me. He didn’t. I felt him take a slow, deep breath before he gently took hold of my shoulders.
“Have a good life, Josie.”
He held on to me a bit longer before he turned away. Without looking back, he walked toward his cabin.
I watched him go and my heart sank. Part of me wanted to holler and say I’d marry him, but I knew I couldn’t. The life and career that I had worked so hard for was back in Seattle, not in Ponder.
How long I stood in the dark, I couldn’t say. Eventually, I made my way back to the lodge. Both Jerry and Marianne Brewster were standing by the huge rock fireplace that dominated the lobby. The last guests had departed the day before, so only the Brewsters and a few staff members remained.
Jerry and Marianne looked at me expectantly, acting like they’d been waiting for my return and that I had some announcement to make.
Jack was there, too. When I entered the room, the older man slowly stood and stared at me with anticipation.
“Well?” he asked. “You gonna marry Palmer or not?”
I stood frozen, not more than two feet inside the door. It seemed everyone knew Palmer was going to propose tonight—everyone except me.
Sadly, I shook my head. Tears began to fall down my cheeks.
