All for This
Page 18
“I never wanted to hurt you,” she says, her eyes moist.
I want to kiss her. Hold her. Beg her to reconsider.
“I need to leave,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
My grandmother’s ring bites into my palm as I watch her head out the door.
8
Four Days Before Hanna’s Accident
WHEN I knock on Max’s door, it occurs to me that this is probably a terrible place to do this. I could have waited until tomorrow morning and caught him at the club. I could have called and asked him to meet me at the bakery. Instead, I came to his apartment.
The last time I was here, I took off my clothes and begged him to have sex with me. The last time I was here, he turned me down.
“Try me. Come back here sober and test me, Hanna.”
Ever since I got back from LA, I’ve been thinking about that night at Max’s house. Did I really want him to make love to me, or did I only say that because I knew he wouldn’t do it when I’d been drinking? I think part of me meant it at the time. I love Max, and if Meredith hadn’t screwed everything up, we’d be on our way to a wedding by now.
And now I’m here to give him back his ring.
When Max pulls the door open, he looks exhausted, but he grins as soon as he sees me. “Hey,” he says softly.
“Hey.”
He pulls the door wider, his gaze skimming over me. I’m in a jean skirt and red wrap shirt, nothing special, but his eyes on me make me feel beautiful. Sexy. Wanted.
“I don’t suppose you’re here for the same reason you were last time?”
My heart thuds, stumbles, and trips in my chest, and I can feel my cheeks burn. “I’m afraid not.”
He makes some sort of unintelligible sound at the back of his throat then says, “You want to come in?”
“Yeah. I mean, assuming Meredith’s not hiding in there somewhere.” I regret my joke when his face falls.
“There’s nothing between us but Claire.”
I follow him into the apartment and notice he has a Pack ’N Play set up in the corner and a diaper bag on the counter. Was all of that there when I was here last week and I was just too drunk to notice?
“I’m pretty sure Meredith wants me to think there’s more,” I say.
“What did she say to you?”
“She likes to send me texts when she’s over here. Implying…things.”
Max’s fingers are on my chin, tilting my face up until my eyes meet his. “I haven’t touched her since before I kissed you for the first time in November.”
My gut twists with guilt. Because maybe he hasn’t touched anyone else, but I can’t say the same. How would he feel if he knew I gave my virginity to another man? That I’ve been dating someone else all summer?
I shrug and drop my eyes to the ground. It’s not that I can’t face him. But there’s such a fierce intensity in his blue eyes I’m afraid I’ll kiss him if I don’t look away. I want to remember what his lips feel like on mine before I say goodbye. I want to have his arms curl around me and hold me tight so I can remember all the good days and stamp them into a safe place in my memory.
“I haven’t touched any woman but you, and that will remain true as long as my ring waits in your jewelry box.”
I press my palm against my thigh and finger the ring in the pocket of my jeans. I’m not here because I’m choosing Nate. After yesterday, I know Nate and I can’t be together. He says he loves me, but he’s not willing to sacrifice anything to be with me.
I’m here because I can’t choose either one of them, and I need to break it off with both.
Max’s gaze drops to my mouth and his eyes turn from warm and tender to hot and hungry. “I miss you, Hanna.”
“I miss you too.”
He traces my bottom lip with his thumb. My eyes float closed and my muscles soften even as my conscience bristles. I can’t keep this up much longer.
“I wanted to talk to you about Abby,” I say, and my conscience sings, Coward!
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, but she’s taken some pretty radical measures trying to stay thin, and I’m worried about her.”
He raises a brow. “I know how you feel.”
I frown. “You knew about Abby?”
“I’m talking about being worried about you.”
“Oh. No, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Or I will be. Catching Abby with those diet pills was a wakeup call for me, and I made an appointment with a psychiatrist in Indianapolis. “I was hoping you’d talk to her. Maybe go through a healthy, balanced diet and exercise plan. That kind of thing?”
“And would you be there to hear my lecture?”
I draw in a shaky breath. “Sure.” Our eyes lock for a minute before I say, “I am working on it. I know I haven’t been the healthiest role model for her.”
A phone starts ringing in the bedroom and Max sighs. “I need to grab that. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
I nod, and he heads to the bedroom to take the call.
His shoulders are so broad, so strong. I know Max would give me everything Nate wouldn’t, and it’s so tempting to take what he’s offering me.
I wander over to his kitchen table and my gaze catches on a piece of mail at the top of the stack. Smith, Peterson, and Frank Law Offices of Indianapolis.
I know that law firm. That’s the place that’s managing the arrangement with my anonymous investor for the bakery.
I want to kiss her. Hold her. Beg her to reconsider.
“I need to leave,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”
My grandmother’s ring bites into my palm as I watch her head out the door.
8
Four Days Before Hanna’s Accident
WHEN I knock on Max’s door, it occurs to me that this is probably a terrible place to do this. I could have waited until tomorrow morning and caught him at the club. I could have called and asked him to meet me at the bakery. Instead, I came to his apartment.
The last time I was here, I took off my clothes and begged him to have sex with me. The last time I was here, he turned me down.
“Try me. Come back here sober and test me, Hanna.”
Ever since I got back from LA, I’ve been thinking about that night at Max’s house. Did I really want him to make love to me, or did I only say that because I knew he wouldn’t do it when I’d been drinking? I think part of me meant it at the time. I love Max, and if Meredith hadn’t screwed everything up, we’d be on our way to a wedding by now.
And now I’m here to give him back his ring.
When Max pulls the door open, he looks exhausted, but he grins as soon as he sees me. “Hey,” he says softly.
“Hey.”
He pulls the door wider, his gaze skimming over me. I’m in a jean skirt and red wrap shirt, nothing special, but his eyes on me make me feel beautiful. Sexy. Wanted.
“I don’t suppose you’re here for the same reason you were last time?”
My heart thuds, stumbles, and trips in my chest, and I can feel my cheeks burn. “I’m afraid not.”
He makes some sort of unintelligible sound at the back of his throat then says, “You want to come in?”
“Yeah. I mean, assuming Meredith’s not hiding in there somewhere.” I regret my joke when his face falls.
“There’s nothing between us but Claire.”
I follow him into the apartment and notice he has a Pack ’N Play set up in the corner and a diaper bag on the counter. Was all of that there when I was here last week and I was just too drunk to notice?
“I’m pretty sure Meredith wants me to think there’s more,” I say.
“What did she say to you?”
“She likes to send me texts when she’s over here. Implying…things.”
Max’s fingers are on my chin, tilting my face up until my eyes meet his. “I haven’t touched her since before I kissed you for the first time in November.”
My gut twists with guilt. Because maybe he hasn’t touched anyone else, but I can’t say the same. How would he feel if he knew I gave my virginity to another man? That I’ve been dating someone else all summer?
I shrug and drop my eyes to the ground. It’s not that I can’t face him. But there’s such a fierce intensity in his blue eyes I’m afraid I’ll kiss him if I don’t look away. I want to remember what his lips feel like on mine before I say goodbye. I want to have his arms curl around me and hold me tight so I can remember all the good days and stamp them into a safe place in my memory.
“I haven’t touched any woman but you, and that will remain true as long as my ring waits in your jewelry box.”
I press my palm against my thigh and finger the ring in the pocket of my jeans. I’m not here because I’m choosing Nate. After yesterday, I know Nate and I can’t be together. He says he loves me, but he’s not willing to sacrifice anything to be with me.
I’m here because I can’t choose either one of them, and I need to break it off with both.
Max’s gaze drops to my mouth and his eyes turn from warm and tender to hot and hungry. “I miss you, Hanna.”
“I miss you too.”
He traces my bottom lip with his thumb. My eyes float closed and my muscles soften even as my conscience bristles. I can’t keep this up much longer.
“I wanted to talk to you about Abby,” I say, and my conscience sings, Coward!
“Is she okay?”
“Yeah, but she’s taken some pretty radical measures trying to stay thin, and I’m worried about her.”
He raises a brow. “I know how you feel.”
I frown. “You knew about Abby?”
“I’m talking about being worried about you.”
“Oh. No, don’t worry about me. I’m fine.” Or I will be. Catching Abby with those diet pills was a wakeup call for me, and I made an appointment with a psychiatrist in Indianapolis. “I was hoping you’d talk to her. Maybe go through a healthy, balanced diet and exercise plan. That kind of thing?”
“And would you be there to hear my lecture?”
I draw in a shaky breath. “Sure.” Our eyes lock for a minute before I say, “I am working on it. I know I haven’t been the healthiest role model for her.”
A phone starts ringing in the bedroom and Max sighs. “I need to grab that. Don’t go anywhere, okay?”
I nod, and he heads to the bedroom to take the call.
His shoulders are so broad, so strong. I know Max would give me everything Nate wouldn’t, and it’s so tempting to take what he’s offering me.
I wander over to his kitchen table and my gaze catches on a piece of mail at the top of the stack. Smith, Peterson, and Frank Law Offices of Indianapolis.
I know that law firm. That’s the place that’s managing the arrangement with my anonymous investor for the bakery.
