All for This
Page 20
Liz tenses. “What do you mean by that?”
Nix just studies me, so finally I say, “Nix thinks my injuries were too severe to be from just a fall. She suspects that some of them were…inflicted intentionally.”
“What? By whom?” Liz asks. “How?”
I nod at Nix, silently giving her permission to talk about it, and she takes a breath. “I think maybe there was foul play—a fight with punches thrown, that kind of thing. I’m not excluding the possibility that Hanna took an accidental fall down the stairs, but given the state of her injuries, I suspected there might be more to it than that. Not knowing Max very well, I immediately asked about him.”
“We can rule out that possibility,” I say softly. “Max would lay down his life for me.”
“What about Meredith?” Maggie says. “You were stealing her man.”
Cally snorts. “I’m no defender of Meredith, but a fistfight? That doesn’t seem her style.”
“True,” Liz says. “She might break a nail.”
“I’m not convinced there was anything more than a fall,” I say. “I wasn’t eating and I could have passed out and fallen.”
“Even if that’s true, that doesn’t answer the question about how you came to choose Max,” Liz says. “I think it’s reasonable to want to know, even if you aren’t marrying him.”
Maggie’s frowning into her wine. “Am I the only one who thinks it seems unlikely that Hanna would give her virginity to Nate and, less than a week later, decide to marry someone else?”
“Maybe,” I say softly. Nix, who was about to chime in, shuts her mouth. “Maybe I wanted to make love to Nate for the same reasons any woman wants to have sex with a man she loves. I know that might be hard to understand, but I do love them both.” I look at my friends’ and sisters’ faces. “Letting go of either one of them seemed impossible the day Nate told me I needed to make a choice.” It still seems impossible, but I don’t say that aloud.
Liz refills her wine. “Maybe it came down to which guy could give you the future that you want.”
“Probably.” I thought of that too.
I don’t want to leave New Hope for LA or anywhere. How would a real relationship with Nate even work? Would he want me to move to LA or would our life be a series of two- or three-day visits here and there? Him coming to New Hope when he didn’t have performances or need to put time in at the studio, me flying out to see him perform when I could get away from the bakery?
“Max looks better on paper,” Cally says. “Except for Meredith, of course.”
“Maybe Hanna found out about the bakery,” Liz suggests. “I mean, the guy sacrificed his house just so she could have her dream.”
“I did,” I admit, thinking of my most recent memory. “I was at Max’s apartment and I saw a letter from the law firm that handles the arrangement with the bakery. But would that be enough to make me choose to marry him?”
Maggie cocks her head. “So you believe you chose Max over Nate before the accident, and you want to know what finally brought you to your final decision.”
I nod. “Wouldn’t you?”
Liz opens a drawer and removes a pad of paper and a pen. “Okay, let’s figure out what we do know.” She writes HANNA’S MISSING DAYS at the top and draws a line under it. Down the side, she writes the days of the week through Thursday, and next to Thursday, she writes Accident on stairs.
“Can we assume that’s when I put on the ring too?” I ask. “Did anyone see it on me before that?”
Liz shakes her head. “That was the day. I would have noticed if you’d had it on sooner.” She adds Puts on ring to Thursday.
“When did you sleep with Nate?” Maggie asks.
“Saturday,” I say, pointing. “And that’s when he told me I had to make a choice. Then, later, we…” I swallow. “We got caught up in the moment and had unprotected sex in the shower.”
“And hello, twins,” Nix says.
“Hello, horribly timed baby conversation,” I reply. The girls all stare at me expectantly, so I explain, “It’s a new memory. And not a good one.”
“How can shower sex with Nate Crane be a bad memory?” Nix asks.
My cheeks burn. “Well, that part isn’t bad.”
“I hate you a little right now,” Nix says.
“It was the after,” I say, “when we realized what we’d done and I…” I swallow hard. “I pushed him about what would happen if I got pregnant, and we had this terrible fight because he didn’t want to talk about it and I insisted. I needed to know.”
“Of course you did,” Liz says. “And you were right to ask.”
“I guess,” I say. “But think about it from Nate’s point of view. He’s been commitment-averse since his son was born. He didn’t want a long-term relationship, marriage, kids, none of that. Collin comes first. Then, just hours after he said that he’d change his rules for me, that he’d find a way to make it work for me, there I am, talking about babies and the future.”
“Not for nothing,” Maggie says, eyes dropping meaningfully to my stomach. “Turns out it was a conversation you needed to have.”
Liz writes Baby fight on the chart. “What else?”
I shrug. “I remember going to Max’s and finding out about the bakery and then waking up in the hospital.”
Nix just studies me, so finally I say, “Nix thinks my injuries were too severe to be from just a fall. She suspects that some of them were…inflicted intentionally.”
“What? By whom?” Liz asks. “How?”
I nod at Nix, silently giving her permission to talk about it, and she takes a breath. “I think maybe there was foul play—a fight with punches thrown, that kind of thing. I’m not excluding the possibility that Hanna took an accidental fall down the stairs, but given the state of her injuries, I suspected there might be more to it than that. Not knowing Max very well, I immediately asked about him.”
“We can rule out that possibility,” I say softly. “Max would lay down his life for me.”
“What about Meredith?” Maggie says. “You were stealing her man.”
Cally snorts. “I’m no defender of Meredith, but a fistfight? That doesn’t seem her style.”
“True,” Liz says. “She might break a nail.”
“I’m not convinced there was anything more than a fall,” I say. “I wasn’t eating and I could have passed out and fallen.”
“Even if that’s true, that doesn’t answer the question about how you came to choose Max,” Liz says. “I think it’s reasonable to want to know, even if you aren’t marrying him.”
Maggie’s frowning into her wine. “Am I the only one who thinks it seems unlikely that Hanna would give her virginity to Nate and, less than a week later, decide to marry someone else?”
“Maybe,” I say softly. Nix, who was about to chime in, shuts her mouth. “Maybe I wanted to make love to Nate for the same reasons any woman wants to have sex with a man she loves. I know that might be hard to understand, but I do love them both.” I look at my friends’ and sisters’ faces. “Letting go of either one of them seemed impossible the day Nate told me I needed to make a choice.” It still seems impossible, but I don’t say that aloud.
Liz refills her wine. “Maybe it came down to which guy could give you the future that you want.”
“Probably.” I thought of that too.
I don’t want to leave New Hope for LA or anywhere. How would a real relationship with Nate even work? Would he want me to move to LA or would our life be a series of two- or three-day visits here and there? Him coming to New Hope when he didn’t have performances or need to put time in at the studio, me flying out to see him perform when I could get away from the bakery?
“Max looks better on paper,” Cally says. “Except for Meredith, of course.”
“Maybe Hanna found out about the bakery,” Liz suggests. “I mean, the guy sacrificed his house just so she could have her dream.”
“I did,” I admit, thinking of my most recent memory. “I was at Max’s apartment and I saw a letter from the law firm that handles the arrangement with the bakery. But would that be enough to make me choose to marry him?”
Maggie cocks her head. “So you believe you chose Max over Nate before the accident, and you want to know what finally brought you to your final decision.”
I nod. “Wouldn’t you?”
Liz opens a drawer and removes a pad of paper and a pen. “Okay, let’s figure out what we do know.” She writes HANNA’S MISSING DAYS at the top and draws a line under it. Down the side, she writes the days of the week through Thursday, and next to Thursday, she writes Accident on stairs.
“Can we assume that’s when I put on the ring too?” I ask. “Did anyone see it on me before that?”
Liz shakes her head. “That was the day. I would have noticed if you’d had it on sooner.” She adds Puts on ring to Thursday.
“When did you sleep with Nate?” Maggie asks.
“Saturday,” I say, pointing. “And that’s when he told me I had to make a choice. Then, later, we…” I swallow. “We got caught up in the moment and had unprotected sex in the shower.”
“And hello, twins,” Nix says.
“Hello, horribly timed baby conversation,” I reply. The girls all stare at me expectantly, so I explain, “It’s a new memory. And not a good one.”
“How can shower sex with Nate Crane be a bad memory?” Nix asks.
My cheeks burn. “Well, that part isn’t bad.”
“I hate you a little right now,” Nix says.
“It was the after,” I say, “when we realized what we’d done and I…” I swallow hard. “I pushed him about what would happen if I got pregnant, and we had this terrible fight because he didn’t want to talk about it and I insisted. I needed to know.”
“Of course you did,” Liz says. “And you were right to ask.”
“I guess,” I say. “But think about it from Nate’s point of view. He’s been commitment-averse since his son was born. He didn’t want a long-term relationship, marriage, kids, none of that. Collin comes first. Then, just hours after he said that he’d change his rules for me, that he’d find a way to make it work for me, there I am, talking about babies and the future.”
“Not for nothing,” Maggie says, eyes dropping meaningfully to my stomach. “Turns out it was a conversation you needed to have.”
Liz writes Baby fight on the chart. “What else?”
I shrug. “I remember going to Max’s and finding out about the bakery and then waking up in the hospital.”
