All for This
Page 35
“She’s going to live with me.”
The girls turn toward Nate’s voice at the back door, but I don’t turn. Any kernel of hope Janelle’s rambling gave me is crushed. Hanna’s moving in with Nate.
MAX LOOKS to me, Janelle, and finally to Nate. Then he turns on his heel and heads out the door to the front of the bakery. I hear the front bell ring as he exits to the street.
Crap. That’s not how I wanted that to go.
I don’t know how long Nate’s been there, but judging from the look on his face, I’d say it’s fair to say he heard his twin going on about my choice to marry Max.
I hate the idea of hurting either of them, and I’m killing them both.
“I’m not moving in with you.” I stalk toward Nate and prop my hands on my hips. “That was never part of the deal.”
Nate raises a brow. “You really think I’m going to buy a house in this town and then bunk with the newlyweds when I visit?”
“What’s going on?” Janelle asks behind me. “Hanna, I thought you were marrying Max.”
Nate snaps his mouth shut at those words and his jaw ticks.
“I called it off,” I whisper. “Excuse me. I need to go tell Liz to stop packing my stuff.”
I leave, but I don’t go to the front, where I can hear Liz talking to Sam. I climb the stairs to my apartment, shut the door behind me, and sink to the floor.
“She’s moving in with me.”
If only he meant that as it sounded. If only he meant we could be together, a family who lives in the same house in the same town. But he’s committed to another family, and I’m plagued by these questions about a decision I can’t remember making.
14
“SEE EVERYTHING you miss when you hole up for months without access to the outside world?” I attempt a smile but it falls flat.
Janelle, on the other hand, is having no trouble smiling. In fact, she’s grinning like a madwoman. “It worked!”
“What are you talking about?”
“When I sent her to pull you from your drunken pity party, I was hoping she’d…you know, come to her senses and decide not to marry Max. Of course, I had no idea about the amnesia at the time, and that must have complicated things. But God, you were being such a whiny loser.”
“She chose him,” I growl. “I made a promise to respect that decision and I was trying not to break that promise.”
“What did you promise, exactly? To be a loser who wouldn’t fight for the woman he loves? The only woman in the world who makes him happy?” She attempts a scowl, but it’s washed away by a smile she can’t seem to resist. “But you two are moving in together now, so it’s all good, right?” She frowns. “Or are you? She didn’t seem so sure.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “I bought her a house. I assumed she knew I planned on staying there while I was in town.”
“You bought her a house? And she accepted?” She frowns. “That doesn’t sound anything like Hanna.”
“She’s pregnant.” The words pummel my heart because I know that, if it weren’t for those babies, Hanna would have never agreed to move into a house I bought.
“Get the f**k out. Seriously? And the baby is yours?”
“Babies,” I correct. “Twins. I bought her a house so she’d have someplace safe to raise them since she won’t leave New Hope.”
“Of course she’s not leaving. Who the hell wants to live in LA? You’re going to have to move out here. It’ll be good for you.”
“I’m not leaving Collin. I’ll just have to visit here as much as I can.”
“You can’t make a life with someone by ‘visiting’ them.”
“Then I guess it’s lucky that she doesn’t want a life with me,” I mutter.
“You’re so sure about that?”
“Where have you been?” I glare at her. “You were just standing there, telling her all about how she chose Max.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” She points to the door where Hanna left. “She’s pregnant with your babies. Stop letting your fear of rejection rule you. You love that girl, and she loves you.”
“And she loves Max.” She chose Max. Part of me never believed it. Part of me wanted another explanation for that ring being on her finger when she woke up.
Janelle grabs my shoulders. “When she chose Max, it had as much to do with trying to give you the life you wanted as it did with loving him.”
“How do you know that?”
“We’re friends,” she says. “We talk. Man up and fight for her.” Silence pulses between us, and when I meet her eyes, she looks as sad as I feel. As if she just realized she lost a battle she thought she won.
“I can’t leave Collin.”
“I get that you want to be Dad of the Year. We had the same ass**le father, remember? But what’s better for your son than seeing his dad with someone who makes him happy? You’re going to stand there and tell me you think Collin’s better off with the miserable lump you become when Hanna’s not in your life? Better off with a dad who gets drunk every time his kid’s not around because nothing else about his life is worth staying sober for? Make him see that Dad’s worthy of love and happiness, and when he’s an adult, he’ll believe the same of himself.”
I shrug her hands off my shoulders and turn away. Fuck. I need a drink. But seeing as how it’s not even nine a.m., I opt for a deep breath instead. “What if I’m not worthy?” My voice breaks on the question. I might as well be a pubescent boy—Hanna makes me feel about that vulnerable.
The girls turn toward Nate’s voice at the back door, but I don’t turn. Any kernel of hope Janelle’s rambling gave me is crushed. Hanna’s moving in with Nate.
MAX LOOKS to me, Janelle, and finally to Nate. Then he turns on his heel and heads out the door to the front of the bakery. I hear the front bell ring as he exits to the street.
Crap. That’s not how I wanted that to go.
I don’t know how long Nate’s been there, but judging from the look on his face, I’d say it’s fair to say he heard his twin going on about my choice to marry Max.
I hate the idea of hurting either of them, and I’m killing them both.
“I’m not moving in with you.” I stalk toward Nate and prop my hands on my hips. “That was never part of the deal.”
Nate raises a brow. “You really think I’m going to buy a house in this town and then bunk with the newlyweds when I visit?”
“What’s going on?” Janelle asks behind me. “Hanna, I thought you were marrying Max.”
Nate snaps his mouth shut at those words and his jaw ticks.
“I called it off,” I whisper. “Excuse me. I need to go tell Liz to stop packing my stuff.”
I leave, but I don’t go to the front, where I can hear Liz talking to Sam. I climb the stairs to my apartment, shut the door behind me, and sink to the floor.
“She’s moving in with me.”
If only he meant that as it sounded. If only he meant we could be together, a family who lives in the same house in the same town. But he’s committed to another family, and I’m plagued by these questions about a decision I can’t remember making.
14
“SEE EVERYTHING you miss when you hole up for months without access to the outside world?” I attempt a smile but it falls flat.
Janelle, on the other hand, is having no trouble smiling. In fact, she’s grinning like a madwoman. “It worked!”
“What are you talking about?”
“When I sent her to pull you from your drunken pity party, I was hoping she’d…you know, come to her senses and decide not to marry Max. Of course, I had no idea about the amnesia at the time, and that must have complicated things. But God, you were being such a whiny loser.”
“She chose him,” I growl. “I made a promise to respect that decision and I was trying not to break that promise.”
“What did you promise, exactly? To be a loser who wouldn’t fight for the woman he loves? The only woman in the world who makes him happy?” She attempts a scowl, but it’s washed away by a smile she can’t seem to resist. “But you two are moving in together now, so it’s all good, right?” She frowns. “Or are you? She didn’t seem so sure.”
I drag a hand through my hair. “I bought her a house. I assumed she knew I planned on staying there while I was in town.”
“You bought her a house? And she accepted?” She frowns. “That doesn’t sound anything like Hanna.”
“She’s pregnant.” The words pummel my heart because I know that, if it weren’t for those babies, Hanna would have never agreed to move into a house I bought.
“Get the f**k out. Seriously? And the baby is yours?”
“Babies,” I correct. “Twins. I bought her a house so she’d have someplace safe to raise them since she won’t leave New Hope.”
“Of course she’s not leaving. Who the hell wants to live in LA? You’re going to have to move out here. It’ll be good for you.”
“I’m not leaving Collin. I’ll just have to visit here as much as I can.”
“You can’t make a life with someone by ‘visiting’ them.”
“Then I guess it’s lucky that she doesn’t want a life with me,” I mutter.
“You’re so sure about that?”
“Where have you been?” I glare at her. “You were just standing there, telling her all about how she chose Max.”
“You’re kidding me, right?” She points to the door where Hanna left. “She’s pregnant with your babies. Stop letting your fear of rejection rule you. You love that girl, and she loves you.”
“And she loves Max.” She chose Max. Part of me never believed it. Part of me wanted another explanation for that ring being on her finger when she woke up.
Janelle grabs my shoulders. “When she chose Max, it had as much to do with trying to give you the life you wanted as it did with loving him.”
“How do you know that?”
“We’re friends,” she says. “We talk. Man up and fight for her.” Silence pulses between us, and when I meet her eyes, she looks as sad as I feel. As if she just realized she lost a battle she thought she won.
“I can’t leave Collin.”
“I get that you want to be Dad of the Year. We had the same ass**le father, remember? But what’s better for your son than seeing his dad with someone who makes him happy? You’re going to stand there and tell me you think Collin’s better off with the miserable lump you become when Hanna’s not in your life? Better off with a dad who gets drunk every time his kid’s not around because nothing else about his life is worth staying sober for? Make him see that Dad’s worthy of love and happiness, and when he’s an adult, he’ll believe the same of himself.”
I shrug her hands off my shoulders and turn away. Fuck. I need a drink. But seeing as how it’s not even nine a.m., I opt for a deep breath instead. “What if I’m not worthy?” My voice breaks on the question. I might as well be a pubescent boy—Hanna makes me feel about that vulnerable.
