All or Nothing at All
Page 51
He let out an animallike cry and rose to his feet, pacing madly in front of her. Waves of fury and confusion whipped from his figure. Fear knotted her belly, but she kept her breathing even, knowing this was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done, getting him to understand. “You said nothing,” he gritted out. “Never mentioned anything about a pregnancy.”
“I was going to tell you that night, but then you said you were leaving, and I knew, Tristan, I just knew if I told you about the baby, you’d feel trapped. You didn’t want to stay with me.”
“I asked you to go to New York with me!” he shouted. “Is that the lie you’ve been telling yourself for seven fucking years? You never gave me a chance!”
“Lower your voice,” she hissed. Fear choked her at the idea of Becca coming into this confrontation. She wrapped her shaking hands tight around her body. Somehow, she had to make him see what she had that night. “I saw your face. You were like an animal stuck in a cage, and I was your jailer. You would’ve hated me for trapping you into a life you resented. You would’ve hated both of us, and I swear to God, I was not going to do that to my child. My parents didn’t want me, and I had to live with that. I refused to give Becca a life of regrets!”
“And what about the second time?” he practically spit out. “When I came to the dressing room and you were in your wedding dress? I asked you again to come with me! What are your excuses for not telling me you were pregnant and marrying some other guy to hide the truth?”
“He was ready to be a father to Becca. He wanted to marry me and build a life in Harrington. He gave me everything I thought I wanted, the type of security I dreamed about for our baby! He wanted what you didn’t!”
“Then why did he leave?”
“Because I couldn’t love him the way he deserved,” she choked out. “He knew it, and so did I. We tried, but we realized after Becca was born, he could never take the place of you.”
He whirled around, muttering a string of foul language that zinged her ears. “She doesn’t know anything, does she?” he asked. “About me?”
Sydney prayed for calm to get through this. Already her idea of making him understand why she’d made such a decision burned in a cloud of smoke. Right now, he was wild, in pain, and ready to attack. She needed to keep her control so they didn’t begin screaming at each other, dragging them back into their past. “No. Jason got a job in Australia when she was six months old. We talked about trying to make it work long-distance, but we both knew the marriage was over. We decided it would be best if he stayed out of her life so she didn’t get confused. He’s remarried now with a child of his own. When Becca was old enough to ask questions, I explained her father lived far away for his job and couldn’t come home. I explained he may not be a part of her life, but she was celebrated the day she was born and she was a precious gift.”
“And she just accepted your weak explanation? Never asked why? Never demanded to see him or talk to him?”
She dragged in a breath. “No. But I’m preparing for when she begins asking more questions and know I’ll have to face a discussion when she gets old enough to truly understand.”
“What did you plan on telling her? More lies? Were you gonna pretend I never existed?”
She held her ground. “No. I knew one day the truth needed to come out, for everyone. I just wasn’t ready to face it all back then, and Becca was too young to understand. I thought you’d left for good, Tristan. When you came back because of your father’s will, you were so cold to me. To Becca. You ignored me and acted like you wanted nothing to do with either of us. I couldn’t take it. It was only recently when you began to mend our relationship that I knew the truth had to be told.”
He gave a bitter laugh, staring at her with disdain and resentment. “Must be nice to control it all, huh? You got to decide everything. I don’t think I believe you were going to tell me about Becca. If I hadn’t pushed this relationship forward, you would’ve kept the truth from me forever. Dear God, I’ve been back for two years! I sat next to Becca, talked to her, took her to that damn recital, and all the time she was mine. The only reason you finally decided this was a good idea is because we ended up in bed with each other.”
She winced but held firm. “I always intended to tell you eventually.”
“I don’t believe you. Do you know how much time I’ve lost? Time I can’t get back. Do you know what that feels like, Sydney?”
Eyes glittering with fury, he stepped toward her, his muscled body tight with drawn tension. “How would you feel if you found out you had a daughter and missed the first seven years of her life? Missed her first step, first word, first smile? And you had no choice, because the person you once trusted decided to keep her from you?”
Tears stung her eyes. “I would be heartbroken,” she whispered. “Angry. Full of pain. But I’m asking you to think back to that time, Tristan. I was so young, and scared, and our relationship had blown up after your mother’s death. I didn’t know what to do! The idea of you being trapped in Harrington, with me and a baby . . . That wasn’t your future. I knew it, and you knew it. You can tell yourself whatever excuses you need and blame me, but I made the best decision I could. I needed to make sure this baby felt loved and not like an accident. Becca will always be my first priority.”
He let out an agonized roar, and the tears flowed faster. God, she’d done this to him.
“You never gave me a chance. Even when I came back, and you had opportunities to tell me, you continued to lie.” He backed away again, his face haunted. “Even in bed, with me buried inside of you, thinking we had this connection nothing could break, you lied.”
A sob choked her. “I knew after that night together we had another chance. A chance to be a family. I wanted to tell you both the truth so we can move forward. Together.”
In that moment, it was as if all the emotion drained out of him, leaving him lifeless. It was more terrifying than the rage. He stared at the wall, his voice completely dead. “You took her away from me. You allowed me to treat her like a stranger, when she’s my flesh and blood—part of the Pierce dynasty—and I swear to God, I’ll never forgive you for that. Never.”
“Tristan.”
“I was going to tell you that night, but then you said you were leaving, and I knew, Tristan, I just knew if I told you about the baby, you’d feel trapped. You didn’t want to stay with me.”
“I asked you to go to New York with me!” he shouted. “Is that the lie you’ve been telling yourself for seven fucking years? You never gave me a chance!”
“Lower your voice,” she hissed. Fear choked her at the idea of Becca coming into this confrontation. She wrapped her shaking hands tight around her body. Somehow, she had to make him see what she had that night. “I saw your face. You were like an animal stuck in a cage, and I was your jailer. You would’ve hated me for trapping you into a life you resented. You would’ve hated both of us, and I swear to God, I was not going to do that to my child. My parents didn’t want me, and I had to live with that. I refused to give Becca a life of regrets!”
“And what about the second time?” he practically spit out. “When I came to the dressing room and you were in your wedding dress? I asked you again to come with me! What are your excuses for not telling me you were pregnant and marrying some other guy to hide the truth?”
“He was ready to be a father to Becca. He wanted to marry me and build a life in Harrington. He gave me everything I thought I wanted, the type of security I dreamed about for our baby! He wanted what you didn’t!”
“Then why did he leave?”
“Because I couldn’t love him the way he deserved,” she choked out. “He knew it, and so did I. We tried, but we realized after Becca was born, he could never take the place of you.”
He whirled around, muttering a string of foul language that zinged her ears. “She doesn’t know anything, does she?” he asked. “About me?”
Sydney prayed for calm to get through this. Already her idea of making him understand why she’d made such a decision burned in a cloud of smoke. Right now, he was wild, in pain, and ready to attack. She needed to keep her control so they didn’t begin screaming at each other, dragging them back into their past. “No. Jason got a job in Australia when she was six months old. We talked about trying to make it work long-distance, but we both knew the marriage was over. We decided it would be best if he stayed out of her life so she didn’t get confused. He’s remarried now with a child of his own. When Becca was old enough to ask questions, I explained her father lived far away for his job and couldn’t come home. I explained he may not be a part of her life, but she was celebrated the day she was born and she was a precious gift.”
“And she just accepted your weak explanation? Never asked why? Never demanded to see him or talk to him?”
She dragged in a breath. “No. But I’m preparing for when she begins asking more questions and know I’ll have to face a discussion when she gets old enough to truly understand.”
“What did you plan on telling her? More lies? Were you gonna pretend I never existed?”
She held her ground. “No. I knew one day the truth needed to come out, for everyone. I just wasn’t ready to face it all back then, and Becca was too young to understand. I thought you’d left for good, Tristan. When you came back because of your father’s will, you were so cold to me. To Becca. You ignored me and acted like you wanted nothing to do with either of us. I couldn’t take it. It was only recently when you began to mend our relationship that I knew the truth had to be told.”
He gave a bitter laugh, staring at her with disdain and resentment. “Must be nice to control it all, huh? You got to decide everything. I don’t think I believe you were going to tell me about Becca. If I hadn’t pushed this relationship forward, you would’ve kept the truth from me forever. Dear God, I’ve been back for two years! I sat next to Becca, talked to her, took her to that damn recital, and all the time she was mine. The only reason you finally decided this was a good idea is because we ended up in bed with each other.”
She winced but held firm. “I always intended to tell you eventually.”
“I don’t believe you. Do you know how much time I’ve lost? Time I can’t get back. Do you know what that feels like, Sydney?”
Eyes glittering with fury, he stepped toward her, his muscled body tight with drawn tension. “How would you feel if you found out you had a daughter and missed the first seven years of her life? Missed her first step, first word, first smile? And you had no choice, because the person you once trusted decided to keep her from you?”
Tears stung her eyes. “I would be heartbroken,” she whispered. “Angry. Full of pain. But I’m asking you to think back to that time, Tristan. I was so young, and scared, and our relationship had blown up after your mother’s death. I didn’t know what to do! The idea of you being trapped in Harrington, with me and a baby . . . That wasn’t your future. I knew it, and you knew it. You can tell yourself whatever excuses you need and blame me, but I made the best decision I could. I needed to make sure this baby felt loved and not like an accident. Becca will always be my first priority.”
He let out an agonized roar, and the tears flowed faster. God, she’d done this to him.
“You never gave me a chance. Even when I came back, and you had opportunities to tell me, you continued to lie.” He backed away again, his face haunted. “Even in bed, with me buried inside of you, thinking we had this connection nothing could break, you lied.”
A sob choked her. “I knew after that night together we had another chance. A chance to be a family. I wanted to tell you both the truth so we can move forward. Together.”
In that moment, it was as if all the emotion drained out of him, leaving him lifeless. It was more terrifying than the rage. He stared at the wall, his voice completely dead. “You took her away from me. You allowed me to treat her like a stranger, when she’s my flesh and blood—part of the Pierce dynasty—and I swear to God, I’ll never forgive you for that. Never.”
“Tristan.”
