All She Wants for Christmas
Page 11
There was nothing he had to give her that she didn’t already have.
He dug into his paperwork and shut down the dumbass thoughts in his head.
***
Riley had spent entirely too much time primping for Christmas Eve. A ridiculous amount of time considering when she wasn’t on tour she never fussed with her appearance. She loved downtime because it meant no hairdressers or makeup artists hovering around putting false eyelashes on her and doing her hair “up to there.”
So when she had time off, it meant straight hair and no makeup. No high-heeled boots, no glitter, and absolutely nothing with sequins.
Absent the glitter, sequins and high-heeled boots, she had styled her hair and put on makeup. She’d put on her favorite pair of black jeans, a tight sweater and a pair of fancy boots.
She twirled in the mirror and thought about changing clothes, then realized she wasn’t going on a date, she was going to Ethan’s parents’ house to spend Christmas Eve with his entire family.
But her heart still fluttered with excitement when the doorbell rang.
She ran downstairs, flung the door open and saw Ethan’s smiling face.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey, yourself.”
Despite all they’d shared last night—and again this morning before he’d left—she still didn’t know where they stood.
Until he stepped inside and dragged her into his arms for a body-melting kiss that left her dizzy.
“Nice to see you too,” she said when he let her go. “I missed you today.”
“I worked for a while at the office, then had the obligatory help-the-parents-get-ready-for-Christmas Eve thing. How was your day?”
She loved that he asked as she went to grab her coat. “I did a little writing. It was a productive day.”
He helped her put her coat on and they walked outside. It was cold and the skies were dark, no sign of stars. Maybe it would snow for Christmas, which would be delightful.
“Glad it was a good day for you.”
She slid into the car and waited for him to get inside. “I don’t think it could have been anything but a perfect day after last night.”
The smile he directed at her was dazzling. And promising. “I’m glad.”
Still, they hadn’t talked about last night or what it had meant or where they’d go from here. Riley tried not to make more of it than what it was—really great sex between two people who’d known each other for a very long time.
And maybe it had seemed like more at the time—more of a soul-type connection. But she was both a woman and a songwriter, a lethal combination. Women were emotional by nature, and artists tended to throw their hearts and souls into everything they did, whereas Ethan had probably just wanted to get laid.
So she should probably stop turning last night into the holy grail of lovemaking experiences, when to Ethan it had likely just been a night of decent sex.
“You’re kind of quiet over there,” he said as they pulled into his parents’ driveway.
“Oh, just thinking of some lyrics. Hard to turn off the job sometimes.”
He laughed. “I know how that is.”
They went inside and Riley was assaulted by a three-foot whirlwind with dark hair in a ponytail. “Riley Jensen! You’re here!”
Ethan took her coat with an apologetic look and leaned in to whisper. “Sorry. You’ll get no peace tonight. She kind of adores you.”
She grinned and whispered back. “It’s okay. The feeling is mutual.”
“Miss Zoey. How are you tonight?”
“Did you know Santa is coming tonight? You have to go to bed early or he won’t come to your house. Where is your house, Riley Jensen?”
“I’m staying at the bed and breakfast over on Conner Street. Do you think Santa will be able to find me?” Riley said as she and Zoey wandered into the living room.
“Santa can always find you.”
Everyone was there already. Wyatt and his scowling face, Brody and his amused one, and Ethan’s parents, who grinned and enveloped her in a huge hug.
They had dinner, then spent the evening playing board games and cards, then watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas, both the half-hour cartoon version and the movie version because Zoey loved both. And so did Riley. She and Zoey snuggled together on the sofa, laughing at the Grinch, then feeling bad because he was misunderstood.
As Zoey scooted closer and held Riley’s hand, it occurred to her how much she’d missed out on, and how much she craved a family of her own someday.
Or now.
Family. She fell into it and welcomed it for as long as she had it.
This wasn’t her family. Zoey wasn’t her daughter, and Ethan wasn’t hers to keep. After Christmas she had to head back to Nashville, and Ethan and Zoey’s lives were here.
She couldn’t have everything.
***
There were no television cameras, no photographers, and as Ethan watched Riley snuggled up on the sofa with his daughter, his heart clenched. Riley had scooped her hair up into a ponytail, kicked off her boots and thrown a blanket over her and Zoey, both of them yawning as they watched television.
She’d wriggled into his family as if she belonged there, as if she’d never left. She threw Brody’s zingers right back at him, ignored Wyatt’s bad moods, and helped out with cooking and serving dinner and then the dishes, never once acting as if she were a superstar or a diva.
And then she’d sat on the floor cross-legged and played with his daughter. For hours. Not out of any sense of obligation, but as if she’d truly enjoyed playing with a seven-year-old. They’d done puzzles, sang together, read together, played dolls and even make-believe fairies. Riley hadn’t once acted as if it were a chore to play with his kid. She’d seemed to be having a great time with Zoey.
Now they curled up together on the sofa watching a movie. Riley stroked Zoey’s hair as his daughter’s eyes drifted closed, and so did Riley’s. They looked comfortable together, right together, as if they belonged to each other.
Shit.
He was making something out of nothing. Riley was being polite, was being herself. And Zoey had a monster case of hero worship. Though she didn’t take to women all that well. Ethan had tried dating a few times, had included Zoey once or twice, and while Zoey was friendly, she didn’t have mad love for the women like she did with Riley. And despite Riley’s star status, he didn’t think Zoey would be snuggled up against her like this if she didn’t have feelings for her, considering Zoey’s bullshit meter and all, which was outstanding. The kid just knew whether someone genuinely cared or not.
Which was just making the fact Riley would leave them both even harder. He should separate them before his daughter got hurt. He could handle it. Zoey wouldn’t understand it.
Coward that he was, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee, and found his mother pulling down plates from the cabinet.
“Let me help you.”
He reached the top cabinet and pulled the plates down.
“Thank you. And why aren’t you in there watching television with Riley and Zoey?”
“They’re both asleep. Or almost asleep.”
“Aww, how sweet. Zoey really likes her.”
“Too much, I think.”
His mother frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means when Riley leaves town it’s going to hurt her. I need to put a stop to the two of them getting any closer.”
She put her hands on her hips. “Don’t you dare, Ethan Kent. I never thought of you as a coward before.”
He backed up a step. “What do you expect me to do, Mom? Riley will be leaving after the holidays. And by then Zoey will think she can keep her.”
“Oh, I see.” She pushed the plates to the side and pulled out a chair, then pointed to another. Ethan sat. “We’re not really talking about Zoey now, are we?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Okay, we’re not talking only about Zoey. You’re afraid for your own heart, too.”
He shrugged. “I’m a big boy. I can take it. She’s just a kid. She won’t understand.”
“You still love her.”
“I’ve always loved her. I never stopped.”
She laid her hand over his. “It’s okay to feel that way. Have you told Riley how you feel?”
“What good would that do? She still has to leave.”
“But you never told her before. Maybe it’s time you do. Maybe it’ll make a difference.”
He laughed. “No, it won’t.”
“See, that’s always been your problem, Ethan.”
“What’s my problem?”
“Guilt. It’s been your best friend for so long you don’t know how to live without it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you? First it was guilt over the whole Amanda thing. It kept you from seriously trying to find Riley. Then it was Amanda’s pregnancy, so you ended up staying married to her when maybe you shouldn’t have.”
“If I hadn’t stayed married to Amanda, I wouldn’t have Zoey.”
“That’s true, and we’re all grateful for Zoey. But what about what you want, Ethan?”
“I have everything I want.”
“No, you don’t, and you’re once again going to let guilt decide for you. You feel guilty for letting Riley down. You’re still feeling guilty about it, and it’ll keep you from thinking you’re good enough to ask her to stay.”
“It’s not the same thing at all this time, Mom.”
“Isn’t it? You’re going to let her go without letting her know how you feel. To me it’s the same thing.”
“I need to take her home.”
His mother nodded, then stood and came over to him, wrapped his face in her hands. “I have faith in you, Ethan. I think it’s time you had faith in yourself and what you have to offer.”
“I can’t compete with what she already has.”
Her eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Can’t you?”
She kissed his cheek and let him go.
When he walked in to the living room, his heart turned over at the sight of Riley’s head lying on top of Zoey’s, both of them sound asleep.
And then he thought about what his mother said.
Riley was going to spend the holidays alone. She had no family. How many Thanksgivings and Christmases did she do that? What must that be like for her, to send her crew home to their families, then go home to an empty house for the holidays?
Ethan had his mother, father, brothers, and he had Zoey. He was wrapped up in the warmth and love of family surrounding him, not just at the holidays, but every single day of his life.
As he looked down at Riley and Zoey huddled together, he realized maybe there was something he had to offer.
But would Riley even want that? Maybe she was content with the life she’d created for herself.
He swept his daughter up and took her upstairs to the bedroom where she slept at his mom’s. They were going to have Christmas over here in the morning, so she’d spend the night here anyway. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead and swept her hair away from her face.
“I love you, Zoey,” he whispered, then turned out the light. She pulled her snuggly bear close to her and he smiled, then closed the door partway.
One beautiful girl down, one to go.
Riley was still out, so he slid on the sofa next to her. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”
She moaned, then turned on her side.
“Time to wake up.”
“Don’t wanna.”
He laughed, then nuzzled her neck with a kiss. “You want to sleep on the couch tonight? You might get a peek at Santa. Or is it the cookies and milk you’re after?”
She giggled. “You’ve spoiled my master plan.” She turned over and tunneled her fingers into his hair, pressing her lips against his.
“If you’re going to start something, we should head to your place.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re at my parents and my mom is in the kitchen.”
“Oh. Good point. Okay.” She pushed off his chest, yawned and stretched.
With her hair half sticking out of her ponytail and a sleepy look on her face, she was devastating to his senses.
She stumbled into her boots, went into the kitchen to say good-night to his mother, and they climbed into their coats. But instead of heading over to the B and B, he took her to his house.
She turned to look at him when he pulled into the driveway.
“I wanted you to see my place.”
She smiled. “I’d love to.”
“It’s nothing fancy. Nothing like your house in Nashville.”
She reached for his hand. “Ethan. Don’t compare Nashville and here. It’s never about money. It’s about home and what makes you happy.”
She opened the car door and stepped out, staring at the house. “I wish it was daylight. Did you build the house?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s lovely. I’m sure Amanda loved it.”
“This isn’t the house where Amanda and I lived.”
She turned to him, frowning. “It’s not?”
“No. After she died I wanted a fresh start, didn’t want those memories clouding mine and Zoey’s life. Plus the house we had was tiny. So I built this place.”
He tried to imagine what Riley would think of it. It wasn’t oversized. It was a two story, gray and white, with a nice-sized back yard.
“I love all the trees. And the porch. I love porches.”
He dug into his paperwork and shut down the dumbass thoughts in his head.
***
Riley had spent entirely too much time primping for Christmas Eve. A ridiculous amount of time considering when she wasn’t on tour she never fussed with her appearance. She loved downtime because it meant no hairdressers or makeup artists hovering around putting false eyelashes on her and doing her hair “up to there.”
So when she had time off, it meant straight hair and no makeup. No high-heeled boots, no glitter, and absolutely nothing with sequins.
Absent the glitter, sequins and high-heeled boots, she had styled her hair and put on makeup. She’d put on her favorite pair of black jeans, a tight sweater and a pair of fancy boots.
She twirled in the mirror and thought about changing clothes, then realized she wasn’t going on a date, she was going to Ethan’s parents’ house to spend Christmas Eve with his entire family.
But her heart still fluttered with excitement when the doorbell rang.
She ran downstairs, flung the door open and saw Ethan’s smiling face.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey, yourself.”
Despite all they’d shared last night—and again this morning before he’d left—she still didn’t know where they stood.
Until he stepped inside and dragged her into his arms for a body-melting kiss that left her dizzy.
“Nice to see you too,” she said when he let her go. “I missed you today.”
“I worked for a while at the office, then had the obligatory help-the-parents-get-ready-for-Christmas Eve thing. How was your day?”
She loved that he asked as she went to grab her coat. “I did a little writing. It was a productive day.”
He helped her put her coat on and they walked outside. It was cold and the skies were dark, no sign of stars. Maybe it would snow for Christmas, which would be delightful.
“Glad it was a good day for you.”
She slid into the car and waited for him to get inside. “I don’t think it could have been anything but a perfect day after last night.”
The smile he directed at her was dazzling. And promising. “I’m glad.”
Still, they hadn’t talked about last night or what it had meant or where they’d go from here. Riley tried not to make more of it than what it was—really great sex between two people who’d known each other for a very long time.
And maybe it had seemed like more at the time—more of a soul-type connection. But she was both a woman and a songwriter, a lethal combination. Women were emotional by nature, and artists tended to throw their hearts and souls into everything they did, whereas Ethan had probably just wanted to get laid.
So she should probably stop turning last night into the holy grail of lovemaking experiences, when to Ethan it had likely just been a night of decent sex.
“You’re kind of quiet over there,” he said as they pulled into his parents’ driveway.
“Oh, just thinking of some lyrics. Hard to turn off the job sometimes.”
He laughed. “I know how that is.”
They went inside and Riley was assaulted by a three-foot whirlwind with dark hair in a ponytail. “Riley Jensen! You’re here!”
Ethan took her coat with an apologetic look and leaned in to whisper. “Sorry. You’ll get no peace tonight. She kind of adores you.”
She grinned and whispered back. “It’s okay. The feeling is mutual.”
“Miss Zoey. How are you tonight?”
“Did you know Santa is coming tonight? You have to go to bed early or he won’t come to your house. Where is your house, Riley Jensen?”
“I’m staying at the bed and breakfast over on Conner Street. Do you think Santa will be able to find me?” Riley said as she and Zoey wandered into the living room.
“Santa can always find you.”
Everyone was there already. Wyatt and his scowling face, Brody and his amused one, and Ethan’s parents, who grinned and enveloped her in a huge hug.
They had dinner, then spent the evening playing board games and cards, then watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas, both the half-hour cartoon version and the movie version because Zoey loved both. And so did Riley. She and Zoey snuggled together on the sofa, laughing at the Grinch, then feeling bad because he was misunderstood.
As Zoey scooted closer and held Riley’s hand, it occurred to her how much she’d missed out on, and how much she craved a family of her own someday.
Or now.
Family. She fell into it and welcomed it for as long as she had it.
This wasn’t her family. Zoey wasn’t her daughter, and Ethan wasn’t hers to keep. After Christmas she had to head back to Nashville, and Ethan and Zoey’s lives were here.
She couldn’t have everything.
***
There were no television cameras, no photographers, and as Ethan watched Riley snuggled up on the sofa with his daughter, his heart clenched. Riley had scooped her hair up into a ponytail, kicked off her boots and thrown a blanket over her and Zoey, both of them yawning as they watched television.
She’d wriggled into his family as if she belonged there, as if she’d never left. She threw Brody’s zingers right back at him, ignored Wyatt’s bad moods, and helped out with cooking and serving dinner and then the dishes, never once acting as if she were a superstar or a diva.
And then she’d sat on the floor cross-legged and played with his daughter. For hours. Not out of any sense of obligation, but as if she’d truly enjoyed playing with a seven-year-old. They’d done puzzles, sang together, read together, played dolls and even make-believe fairies. Riley hadn’t once acted as if it were a chore to play with his kid. She’d seemed to be having a great time with Zoey.
Now they curled up together on the sofa watching a movie. Riley stroked Zoey’s hair as his daughter’s eyes drifted closed, and so did Riley’s. They looked comfortable together, right together, as if they belonged to each other.
Shit.
He was making something out of nothing. Riley was being polite, was being herself. And Zoey had a monster case of hero worship. Though she didn’t take to women all that well. Ethan had tried dating a few times, had included Zoey once or twice, and while Zoey was friendly, she didn’t have mad love for the women like she did with Riley. And despite Riley’s star status, he didn’t think Zoey would be snuggled up against her like this if she didn’t have feelings for her, considering Zoey’s bullshit meter and all, which was outstanding. The kid just knew whether someone genuinely cared or not.
Which was just making the fact Riley would leave them both even harder. He should separate them before his daughter got hurt. He could handle it. Zoey wouldn’t understand it.
Coward that he was, he went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee, and found his mother pulling down plates from the cabinet.
“Let me help you.”
He reached the top cabinet and pulled the plates down.
“Thank you. And why aren’t you in there watching television with Riley and Zoey?”
“They’re both asleep. Or almost asleep.”
“Aww, how sweet. Zoey really likes her.”
“Too much, I think.”
His mother frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means when Riley leaves town it’s going to hurt her. I need to put a stop to the two of them getting any closer.”
She put her hands on her hips. “Don’t you dare, Ethan Kent. I never thought of you as a coward before.”
He backed up a step. “What do you expect me to do, Mom? Riley will be leaving after the holidays. And by then Zoey will think she can keep her.”
“Oh, I see.” She pushed the plates to the side and pulled out a chair, then pointed to another. Ethan sat. “We’re not really talking about Zoey now, are we?”
“Yes, we are.”
“Okay, we’re not talking only about Zoey. You’re afraid for your own heart, too.”
He shrugged. “I’m a big boy. I can take it. She’s just a kid. She won’t understand.”
“You still love her.”
“I’ve always loved her. I never stopped.”
She laid her hand over his. “It’s okay to feel that way. Have you told Riley how you feel?”
“What good would that do? She still has to leave.”
“But you never told her before. Maybe it’s time you do. Maybe it’ll make a difference.”
He laughed. “No, it won’t.”
“See, that’s always been your problem, Ethan.”
“What’s my problem?”
“Guilt. It’s been your best friend for so long you don’t know how to live without it.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t you? First it was guilt over the whole Amanda thing. It kept you from seriously trying to find Riley. Then it was Amanda’s pregnancy, so you ended up staying married to her when maybe you shouldn’t have.”
“If I hadn’t stayed married to Amanda, I wouldn’t have Zoey.”
“That’s true, and we’re all grateful for Zoey. But what about what you want, Ethan?”
“I have everything I want.”
“No, you don’t, and you’re once again going to let guilt decide for you. You feel guilty for letting Riley down. You’re still feeling guilty about it, and it’ll keep you from thinking you’re good enough to ask her to stay.”
“It’s not the same thing at all this time, Mom.”
“Isn’t it? You’re going to let her go without letting her know how you feel. To me it’s the same thing.”
“I need to take her home.”
His mother nodded, then stood and came over to him, wrapped his face in her hands. “I have faith in you, Ethan. I think it’s time you had faith in yourself and what you have to offer.”
“I can’t compete with what she already has.”
Her eyes twinkled as she smiled. “Can’t you?”
She kissed his cheek and let him go.
When he walked in to the living room, his heart turned over at the sight of Riley’s head lying on top of Zoey’s, both of them sound asleep.
And then he thought about what his mother said.
Riley was going to spend the holidays alone. She had no family. How many Thanksgivings and Christmases did she do that? What must that be like for her, to send her crew home to their families, then go home to an empty house for the holidays?
Ethan had his mother, father, brothers, and he had Zoey. He was wrapped up in the warmth and love of family surrounding him, not just at the holidays, but every single day of his life.
As he looked down at Riley and Zoey huddled together, he realized maybe there was something he had to offer.
But would Riley even want that? Maybe she was content with the life she’d created for herself.
He swept his daughter up and took her upstairs to the bedroom where she slept at his mom’s. They were going to have Christmas over here in the morning, so she’d spend the night here anyway. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead and swept her hair away from her face.
“I love you, Zoey,” he whispered, then turned out the light. She pulled her snuggly bear close to her and he smiled, then closed the door partway.
One beautiful girl down, one to go.
Riley was still out, so he slid on the sofa next to her. “Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”
She moaned, then turned on her side.
“Time to wake up.”
“Don’t wanna.”
He laughed, then nuzzled her neck with a kiss. “You want to sleep on the couch tonight? You might get a peek at Santa. Or is it the cookies and milk you’re after?”
She giggled. “You’ve spoiled my master plan.” She turned over and tunneled her fingers into his hair, pressing her lips against his.
“If you’re going to start something, we should head to your place.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re at my parents and my mom is in the kitchen.”
“Oh. Good point. Okay.” She pushed off his chest, yawned and stretched.
With her hair half sticking out of her ponytail and a sleepy look on her face, she was devastating to his senses.
She stumbled into her boots, went into the kitchen to say good-night to his mother, and they climbed into their coats. But instead of heading over to the B and B, he took her to his house.
She turned to look at him when he pulled into the driveway.
“I wanted you to see my place.”
She smiled. “I’d love to.”
“It’s nothing fancy. Nothing like your house in Nashville.”
She reached for his hand. “Ethan. Don’t compare Nashville and here. It’s never about money. It’s about home and what makes you happy.”
She opened the car door and stepped out, staring at the house. “I wish it was daylight. Did you build the house?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s lovely. I’m sure Amanda loved it.”
“This isn’t the house where Amanda and I lived.”
She turned to him, frowning. “It’s not?”
“No. After she died I wanted a fresh start, didn’t want those memories clouding mine and Zoey’s life. Plus the house we had was tiny. So I built this place.”
He tried to imagine what Riley would think of it. It wasn’t oversized. It was a two story, gray and white, with a nice-sized back yard.
“I love all the trees. And the porch. I love porches.”
