All the Pretty Poses
Page 22
“Not when you spring it on me like this, it won’t.”
Like the last five minutes never happened, a smile curves Claire’s glossy mouth and her voice turns to a purr rather than a screech. “This morning was just a misunderstanding, obviously. There’s no reason we can’t still enjoy the rest of our stay.” She closes the distance between us, dragging the backs of her fingers down my cheek. “Especially once you wash off the stink of your latest victim.”
I grab her wrist in an iron grip and pull it away from me. “She’s not my latest anything, Claire. And no, we won’t be spending any time together this trip.”
Her bottom lip juts out in a pout. “What a shame. Your father did warn me that you like to slum it, though.”
I grit my teeth, reminding myself that Claire is, in fact, a woman, therefore I can’t physically hurt her. No matter how much I’d like to.
“The best thing you could do right now, Claire, is to get the hell off my boat, get the hell off Fiji and give me some time to cool off.”
I walk to the door and hold it open for her. She hesitates only for a few seconds before she glides out into the hall in her beauty-pageant gait.
She continues a few steps before stopping right in front of Kennedy’s door, saying loudly enough for practically anyone to hear, including Kennedy, “See you in a few weeks, lover.” The smile she gives me before she walks away assures me that she did that very much on purpose.
I wait until I hear the click of her heels on the floors of the lounge above before I go back into Kennedy’s room. She’s still sitting exactly where I left her, still pale as a ghost, still looking like I cut out her heart and threw it into the ocean.
“God, what an awful way to wake up. Can we just go back to sleep and try that again?” I ask, hoping to diffuse the situation rather than trying to explain it when she’s upset.
“You’re kidding, right?” she asks.
It was worth a try.
“Of course,” I tell her, swallowing my sigh as I sit on the end of the bed. Something tells me she won’t want me very close until we get this straightened out.
“Who was that, Reese?”
“That was Claire Norton. She’s the daughter of a business associate of mine and my father’s.”
“I don’t care about any of that. You know what I’m asking. Was she telling the truth? Is she your fiancée?”
Her voice cracks on the last word, as though she almost choked on it as it came out.
“She is, but it’s never been anything more than a business transaction, trust me.”
“Trust you?” she whispers. And then more loudly. “Trust you?” Her laugh is bitter and I can see tears glistening in her eyes. “How in the world can you even ask that? We’ve spent nearly every waking moment together for weeks and you’ve somehow neglected to mention a tiny detail like the fact that you’re engaged. Of course I can’t trust you, Reese.” She gets up and paces to the bathroom door, stunning in her nudity. It’s hard for me to ignore, but now is not the time to be appreciating her physical attributes.
“If it were important, I would’ve told you sooner, but it’s just…not. In fact, I haven’t given Claire a single thought since I saw you dancing that first night in Chicago. That’s how not a big deal this actually is.”
“Reese! How can you say that? You. Are. Engaged.” She pauses, the breath whooshing out of her as if the notion just struck her all over again, a physical punch. “To be married. How could this not be a big deal?”
“Kennedy,” I say gently, getting up to go to her. Carefully, I place my hands on her shoulders. “It is a business arrangement. Nothing else. There is no love between us. She will never interfere with us. In fact, you’ll probably never even see her again.”
“So your plan is to…to…what? Have us both? Marry her and have me on the side?”
“It’s not like that, Kennedy. I’ll be married to her in name only. It’s just business. Nothing more. She will never mean any more than that to me. She will never mean even a tiny bit as much as what you mean to me.”
Her mouth is hanging open and she’s staring at me incredulously. “And that doesn’t sound the least bit scummy to you?”
“Kennedy, what does it matter if a piece of paper ties my family to hers when it’s you that has my heart?”
“Reese, you can’t give someone your heart and then marry someone else. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“But why not? Why can’t it work that way?”
A dark cloud rolls over her beautiful features. “It could never work that way with me, Reese. Never. I won’t share you.”
“You won’t be sharing me.”
“So you’ve never slept with her?”
“I didn’t say that, but I can tell you that I will never be sleeping with her again. You’re the only one I want, Kennedy. Can’t you see that?”
“How could I? You’ve never told me that, and now, when you finally do, it’s because your fiancée showed up. What do you expect me to think, Reese? How do you expect me to feel?”
“I had hoped you felt the same way about me that I feel about you.”
“Obviously that’s not the case. I could never…would never…marry someone else if my heart wasn’t in it.”
“It’s just business, Kennedy,” I repeat in exasperation. “Stuff like this happens all the time.”
“Not in my world it doesn’t.”
“But my world is your world now. We can be together. I promise you that Claire won’t be a problem.”
For the longest time Kennedy says nothing. I watch the anger and indignation leave her face as an incredible sadness sweeps in. It causes my heart to freeze right inside my chest. I know before she opens her mouth that she’ll be saying goodbye.
“I told you I’m a simple girl, Reese. I don’t need diamonds or expensive perfumes. I don’t need to travel all around the world and eat food that costs more than my rent. All I need is someone to trust. If you can’t see that Claire is already a problem for me, then you’re not the man I thought you were.”
When she turns to walk away, fading into the bathroom and closing the door behind her, I know our time has come to an end.
I also know that I can’t let her go.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR - Kennedy
An unbearable explosion is happening in my chest. It threatens my wholeness. As soon as the bathroom door is closed, I fold over, wrapping my arms around myself to hold together the jagged pieces of what used to be me.
I stay like that until my legs start to tingle with numbness. When I rise and stumble to the sink, I see the tear-stained face of a fifteen year old girl who made the mistake of trusting the wrong man fourteen years ago, the same man. As bad as that hurt, it now seems insignificant in comparison.
A sob strains against my throat. Stubbornly, I refuse to let it loose. Instead, I turn on the shower in hopes of hiding my grief in the steamy mist and then letting the drain carry it away forever.
Over an hour later, when my face is so red from hot water that tear tracks can no longer be seen, I wrap myself in a towel and march bravely into the next room for my clothes. My heart trips over itself at the renewed pain of seeing Reese sitting on the edge of my bed, his hands clasped between his knees, his eyes pleading.
“Kennedy, please,” he says. The words are simple, but it’s his voice that tells the tale. It sounds like the raw, gaping wound that now occupies the space where my heart used to be.
“There’s nothing left to say, Reese. I’m packing my stuff and staying the night in Fiji. I’ll get a flight home from there.”
He closes his eyes. “Please don’t do this. Please don’t go.”
“We both knew this was only temporary. I hate that it’s ending this way, but something would’ve happened sooner or later.”
I hope my words sound more convincing than they feel. In my heart, I had hoped this would never end, that I’d finally get my happily ever after with the man of my dreams. But I found out long ago that there are no heroes, that there’s no Superman waiting to rescue me. It’s just me and whatever happiness I can manage to dredge up for myself. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I didn’t want it to end, Kennedy. I wanted us to be together. I still do.”
“I’m sorry, Reese. I truly am.”
I keep my expression as blank as I can as I walk past him to the closet. I tell myself that if I can just hold it together for a few more hours, I can curl up in a ball in the privacy of some tropical hotel room and give in to the urge to mourn the parts of my heart and soul that have just died.
“Kennedy please. Please don’t leave me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the sting of tears and I bite my lip to hold back another gut-wrenching sob that’s welled up inside me. I don’t trust myself to speak, to answer him in any way, so I don’t. I just pull out a blouse and some shorts and drop my towel to slip them on.
When I turn, the stricken look on Reese’s face stops me in my tracks.
“I’m in love with you, Kennedy. You’re what I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life looking for. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know that I was the man I’ve always wanted to be before I left you. And I’ve been less of a man every day since. Please don’t walk away. I’ve never begged for a single thing in my entire life, but I’m begging you. Please. Please don’t go.”
I can’t hold it in one more second. The sound is torn from me as though something vicious and awful ripped it out. “Get out, Reese. I can’t do this again. I can’t survive it. Please. Just get out.”
My knees quiver slightly before they give out on me, dumping me in the floor. I cover my face and cry mercilessly into my hands.
I feel Reese at my side before I hear him, like an inescapable gravity pulling me toward him. But I resist. I have to. I know that it’ll be a miracle if I survive this much again. I can’t let him take what’s left. I can’t.
When his arm comes around me, I jerk violently away. “Don’t touch me! Just get out.”
The warmth of his presence recedes as he stands and backs away. I hear his pause and I wait. Finally, after forever has passed and taken a few more pieces of me with it, he walks toward the door. I’m sobbing so loudly, I almost miss his soft words.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. For fourteen years, I’ve loved you. And I’ll love you for a million more.”
I hear another pause before the door opens and then closes with a hushed, final click.
That’s when the pain really starts.
********
As much as I try to do on my own, being in a foreign place with zero preparation and zero information is more than I can deal with right now. Finally, I enlist Brian’s help. I call him and, thankfully, he answers right away.
“Well, hello there, Belle. Has the ball stopped long enough for you to remember us little people?” he asks in his teasing, Disney way.
“Can you come to my room?” I ask without preamble.
The line is quiet for a few seconds. His response tells me he knows the situation is dire. “I’ll be right there.”
Less than two minutes after the click of the line going dead, there’s a muted knock at my door. Hesitantly, I open it a crack, looking to confirm that it’s Brian and not Reese.
He pushes past me and closes the door behind himself. “Good God, what happened? You look like you’ve been run over by a garbage truck.”
I’m too numb to even appreciate his colorful analogy. “I need some help finding a place to stay on the island until I can get a flight home. I don’t know…I don’t know anything about Fiji, I have no money and don’t know where to find a bank that’ll help an American. Do they have taxis here? Do they have ATMs? Do they have places I can stay at the last minute? I mean…I just don’t know anything. I’m so unprepared. I…” I trail off, feeling so overwhelmed, I can’t even put my thoughts into adequate words.
“Why do you need any of those things? What happened?”
I look Brian directly in the eye for the first time. I didn’t want him to see the wreckage, but maybe seeing it will save me from having to explain it. “Things just didn’t work out.”
His eyebrows fly up. “That boy is off the market for you. What the hell is that matter with you?”
“He’s engaged,” I answer simply.
Brian’s mouth falls into a silent, round O. It’s plain to see that he didn’t know either.
When he recovers, he takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Tell me what you need. I’ll make it happen.”
I give him a watery smile and squeeze his hand back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE - Reese
“I found her, sir,” Karesh says when I answer. Relief washes through me.
“Where is she?”
“She’s staying at a small bed and breakfast in the heart of downtown.”
“So she didn’t use the bure either.” It’s bad enough that Kennedy is leaving me, but the fact that she won’t even let me help her is tearing me up inside. I had Karesh make every conceivable arrangement for her, but she hasn’t used any of them. Not the car, not the bure, not the money that was wired to her.
“Has she claimed the plane tickets yet?”
“No, sir. From what I can ascertain, Brian has helped her make her own arrangements for her return trip. It seems she’s determined not to avail herself of your assistance”
Like the last five minutes never happened, a smile curves Claire’s glossy mouth and her voice turns to a purr rather than a screech. “This morning was just a misunderstanding, obviously. There’s no reason we can’t still enjoy the rest of our stay.” She closes the distance between us, dragging the backs of her fingers down my cheek. “Especially once you wash off the stink of your latest victim.”
I grab her wrist in an iron grip and pull it away from me. “She’s not my latest anything, Claire. And no, we won’t be spending any time together this trip.”
Her bottom lip juts out in a pout. “What a shame. Your father did warn me that you like to slum it, though.”
I grit my teeth, reminding myself that Claire is, in fact, a woman, therefore I can’t physically hurt her. No matter how much I’d like to.
“The best thing you could do right now, Claire, is to get the hell off my boat, get the hell off Fiji and give me some time to cool off.”
I walk to the door and hold it open for her. She hesitates only for a few seconds before she glides out into the hall in her beauty-pageant gait.
She continues a few steps before stopping right in front of Kennedy’s door, saying loudly enough for practically anyone to hear, including Kennedy, “See you in a few weeks, lover.” The smile she gives me before she walks away assures me that she did that very much on purpose.
I wait until I hear the click of her heels on the floors of the lounge above before I go back into Kennedy’s room. She’s still sitting exactly where I left her, still pale as a ghost, still looking like I cut out her heart and threw it into the ocean.
“God, what an awful way to wake up. Can we just go back to sleep and try that again?” I ask, hoping to diffuse the situation rather than trying to explain it when she’s upset.
“You’re kidding, right?” she asks.
It was worth a try.
“Of course,” I tell her, swallowing my sigh as I sit on the end of the bed. Something tells me she won’t want me very close until we get this straightened out.
“Who was that, Reese?”
“That was Claire Norton. She’s the daughter of a business associate of mine and my father’s.”
“I don’t care about any of that. You know what I’m asking. Was she telling the truth? Is she your fiancée?”
Her voice cracks on the last word, as though she almost choked on it as it came out.
“She is, but it’s never been anything more than a business transaction, trust me.”
“Trust you?” she whispers. And then more loudly. “Trust you?” Her laugh is bitter and I can see tears glistening in her eyes. “How in the world can you even ask that? We’ve spent nearly every waking moment together for weeks and you’ve somehow neglected to mention a tiny detail like the fact that you’re engaged. Of course I can’t trust you, Reese.” She gets up and paces to the bathroom door, stunning in her nudity. It’s hard for me to ignore, but now is not the time to be appreciating her physical attributes.
“If it were important, I would’ve told you sooner, but it’s just…not. In fact, I haven’t given Claire a single thought since I saw you dancing that first night in Chicago. That’s how not a big deal this actually is.”
“Reese! How can you say that? You. Are. Engaged.” She pauses, the breath whooshing out of her as if the notion just struck her all over again, a physical punch. “To be married. How could this not be a big deal?”
“Kennedy,” I say gently, getting up to go to her. Carefully, I place my hands on her shoulders. “It is a business arrangement. Nothing else. There is no love between us. She will never interfere with us. In fact, you’ll probably never even see her again.”
“So your plan is to…to…what? Have us both? Marry her and have me on the side?”
“It’s not like that, Kennedy. I’ll be married to her in name only. It’s just business. Nothing more. She will never mean any more than that to me. She will never mean even a tiny bit as much as what you mean to me.”
Her mouth is hanging open and she’s staring at me incredulously. “And that doesn’t sound the least bit scummy to you?”
“Kennedy, what does it matter if a piece of paper ties my family to hers when it’s you that has my heart?”
“Reese, you can’t give someone your heart and then marry someone else. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“But why not? Why can’t it work that way?”
A dark cloud rolls over her beautiful features. “It could never work that way with me, Reese. Never. I won’t share you.”
“You won’t be sharing me.”
“So you’ve never slept with her?”
“I didn’t say that, but I can tell you that I will never be sleeping with her again. You’re the only one I want, Kennedy. Can’t you see that?”
“How could I? You’ve never told me that, and now, when you finally do, it’s because your fiancée showed up. What do you expect me to think, Reese? How do you expect me to feel?”
“I had hoped you felt the same way about me that I feel about you.”
“Obviously that’s not the case. I could never…would never…marry someone else if my heart wasn’t in it.”
“It’s just business, Kennedy,” I repeat in exasperation. “Stuff like this happens all the time.”
“Not in my world it doesn’t.”
“But my world is your world now. We can be together. I promise you that Claire won’t be a problem.”
For the longest time Kennedy says nothing. I watch the anger and indignation leave her face as an incredible sadness sweeps in. It causes my heart to freeze right inside my chest. I know before she opens her mouth that she’ll be saying goodbye.
“I told you I’m a simple girl, Reese. I don’t need diamonds or expensive perfumes. I don’t need to travel all around the world and eat food that costs more than my rent. All I need is someone to trust. If you can’t see that Claire is already a problem for me, then you’re not the man I thought you were.”
When she turns to walk away, fading into the bathroom and closing the door behind her, I know our time has come to an end.
I also know that I can’t let her go.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR - Kennedy
An unbearable explosion is happening in my chest. It threatens my wholeness. As soon as the bathroom door is closed, I fold over, wrapping my arms around myself to hold together the jagged pieces of what used to be me.
I stay like that until my legs start to tingle with numbness. When I rise and stumble to the sink, I see the tear-stained face of a fifteen year old girl who made the mistake of trusting the wrong man fourteen years ago, the same man. As bad as that hurt, it now seems insignificant in comparison.
A sob strains against my throat. Stubbornly, I refuse to let it loose. Instead, I turn on the shower in hopes of hiding my grief in the steamy mist and then letting the drain carry it away forever.
Over an hour later, when my face is so red from hot water that tear tracks can no longer be seen, I wrap myself in a towel and march bravely into the next room for my clothes. My heart trips over itself at the renewed pain of seeing Reese sitting on the edge of my bed, his hands clasped between his knees, his eyes pleading.
“Kennedy, please,” he says. The words are simple, but it’s his voice that tells the tale. It sounds like the raw, gaping wound that now occupies the space where my heart used to be.
“There’s nothing left to say, Reese. I’m packing my stuff and staying the night in Fiji. I’ll get a flight home from there.”
He closes his eyes. “Please don’t do this. Please don’t go.”
“We both knew this was only temporary. I hate that it’s ending this way, but something would’ve happened sooner or later.”
I hope my words sound more convincing than they feel. In my heart, I had hoped this would never end, that I’d finally get my happily ever after with the man of my dreams. But I found out long ago that there are no heroes, that there’s no Superman waiting to rescue me. It’s just me and whatever happiness I can manage to dredge up for myself. Nothing more. Nothing less.
“I didn’t want it to end, Kennedy. I wanted us to be together. I still do.”
“I’m sorry, Reese. I truly am.”
I keep my expression as blank as I can as I walk past him to the closet. I tell myself that if I can just hold it together for a few more hours, I can curl up in a ball in the privacy of some tropical hotel room and give in to the urge to mourn the parts of my heart and soul that have just died.
“Kennedy please. Please don’t leave me.”
I squeeze my eyes shut against the sting of tears and I bite my lip to hold back another gut-wrenching sob that’s welled up inside me. I don’t trust myself to speak, to answer him in any way, so I don’t. I just pull out a blouse and some shorts and drop my towel to slip them on.
When I turn, the stricken look on Reese’s face stops me in my tracks.
“I’m in love with you, Kennedy. You’re what I’ve spent the last fourteen years of my life looking for. I just didn’t know it. I didn’t know that I was the man I’ve always wanted to be before I left you. And I’ve been less of a man every day since. Please don’t walk away. I’ve never begged for a single thing in my entire life, but I’m begging you. Please. Please don’t go.”
I can’t hold it in one more second. The sound is torn from me as though something vicious and awful ripped it out. “Get out, Reese. I can’t do this again. I can’t survive it. Please. Just get out.”
My knees quiver slightly before they give out on me, dumping me in the floor. I cover my face and cry mercilessly into my hands.
I feel Reese at my side before I hear him, like an inescapable gravity pulling me toward him. But I resist. I have to. I know that it’ll be a miracle if I survive this much again. I can’t let him take what’s left. I can’t.
When his arm comes around me, I jerk violently away. “Don’t touch me! Just get out.”
The warmth of his presence recedes as he stands and backs away. I hear his pause and I wait. Finally, after forever has passed and taken a few more pieces of me with it, he walks toward the door. I’m sobbing so loudly, I almost miss his soft words.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. For fourteen years, I’ve loved you. And I’ll love you for a million more.”
I hear another pause before the door opens and then closes with a hushed, final click.
That’s when the pain really starts.
********
As much as I try to do on my own, being in a foreign place with zero preparation and zero information is more than I can deal with right now. Finally, I enlist Brian’s help. I call him and, thankfully, he answers right away.
“Well, hello there, Belle. Has the ball stopped long enough for you to remember us little people?” he asks in his teasing, Disney way.
“Can you come to my room?” I ask without preamble.
The line is quiet for a few seconds. His response tells me he knows the situation is dire. “I’ll be right there.”
Less than two minutes after the click of the line going dead, there’s a muted knock at my door. Hesitantly, I open it a crack, looking to confirm that it’s Brian and not Reese.
He pushes past me and closes the door behind himself. “Good God, what happened? You look like you’ve been run over by a garbage truck.”
I’m too numb to even appreciate his colorful analogy. “I need some help finding a place to stay on the island until I can get a flight home. I don’t know…I don’t know anything about Fiji, I have no money and don’t know where to find a bank that’ll help an American. Do they have taxis here? Do they have ATMs? Do they have places I can stay at the last minute? I mean…I just don’t know anything. I’m so unprepared. I…” I trail off, feeling so overwhelmed, I can’t even put my thoughts into adequate words.
“Why do you need any of those things? What happened?”
I look Brian directly in the eye for the first time. I didn’t want him to see the wreckage, but maybe seeing it will save me from having to explain it. “Things just didn’t work out.”
His eyebrows fly up. “That boy is off the market for you. What the hell is that matter with you?”
“He’s engaged,” I answer simply.
Brian’s mouth falls into a silent, round O. It’s plain to see that he didn’t know either.
When he recovers, he takes my hand in his and gives it a squeeze. “Tell me what you need. I’ll make it happen.”
I give him a watery smile and squeeze his hand back.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE - Reese
“I found her, sir,” Karesh says when I answer. Relief washes through me.
“Where is she?”
“She’s staying at a small bed and breakfast in the heart of downtown.”
“So she didn’t use the bure either.” It’s bad enough that Kennedy is leaving me, but the fact that she won’t even let me help her is tearing me up inside. I had Karesh make every conceivable arrangement for her, but she hasn’t used any of them. Not the car, not the bure, not the money that was wired to her.
“Has she claimed the plane tickets yet?”
“No, sir. From what I can ascertain, Brian has helped her make her own arrangements for her return trip. It seems she’s determined not to avail herself of your assistance”
