Almost Heaven
Page 143
Ian broke off, the door still open, staring at what he momentarily thought was a hallucination, a trick of the flames dancing in the fireplace, and then he realized the vision was real. Elizabeth was standing perfectly still, looking at him. And lying at her feet was a young Labrador retriever.
Trying to buy time, Ian turned around and carefully closed the door as if latching it with precision were the most paramount thing in his life, while he tried to decide whether she'd looked happy or not to see him. In the long lonely nights without her, he'd rehearsed dozens of speeches to her-from stinging lectures to gentle discussions. Now, when the time was finally here, he could not remember one damn word of any of them.
Left with no other choice, he took the only neutral course available. Turning back to the room, Ian looked at the Labrador. "Who's this?" he asked, walking forward and crouching down to pet the dog, because he didn't know what the hell to say to his wife.
Elizabeth swallowed her disappointment as he ignored her and stroked the Labrador's glossy black head. "I-I call her Shadow."
The sound of her voice was so sweet, Ian almost pulled her down into his arms. Instead, he glanced at her, thinking it encouraging she'd named her dog after his. "Nice name."
Elizabeth bit her lip, trying to hide her sudden wayward smile. "Original, too."
The smile hit Ian like a blow to the head, snapping him out of his untimely and unsuitable preoccupation with the dog. Straightening, he backed up a step and leaned his hip against the table, his weight braced on his opposite leg.
Elizabeth instantly noticed the altering of his expression and watched nervously as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching her, his face inscrutable. "You-you look well," she said, thinking he looked unbearably handsome.
"I'm perfectly fine," he assured her, his gaze level. "Remarkably well, actually, for a man who hasn't seen the sun shine in more than three months, or been able to sleep without drinking a bottle of brandy."
His tone was so frank and unemotional that Elizabeth didn't immediately grasp what he was saying. When she did, tears of joy and relief sprang to her eyes as he continued: "I've been working very hard. Unfortunately, I rarely get anything accomplished, and when I do, it's generally wrong. All things considered, I would say that I'm doing very well-for a man who's been more than half dead for three months."
Ian saw the tears shimmering in her magnificent eyes, and one of them traced unheeded down her smooth cheek.
With a raw ache in his voice he said, "If you would take one step forward, darling, you could cry in my arms. And while you do, I'll tell you how sorry I am for everything I've done-" Unable to wait, Ian caught her, pulling her tightly against him. "And when I'm finished," he whispered hoarsely as she wrapped her arms around him and wept brokenly, "you can help me find a way to forgive myself."
Tortured by her tears, he clasped her tighter and rubbed his jaw against her temple, his voice a ravaged whisper: "I'm sorry," he told her. He cupped her face between his palms, tipping it up and gazing into her eyes, his thumbs moving over her wet cheeks. "I'm sorry." Slowly, he bent his head, covering her mouth with his. "I'm so damned sorry. "
She kissed him back, holding him fiercely to her while shattered sobs racked her slender body and tears poured from her eyes. Tormented by her anguish, Ian dragged his mouth from hers, kissing her wet cheeks, running his hands over her shaking back and shoulders, trying to comfort her. "Please darling, don't cry anymore," he pleaded hoarsely. "Please don't." She held him tighter, weeping, her cheek pressed to his chest, her tears soaking his heavy woolen shirt and tearing at his heart.
"Don't," Ian whispered, his voice raw with his own unshed tears. "You're tearing me apart." An instant after he said those words, he realized that she'd stop crying to keep from hurting him, and he felt her shudder, trying valiantly to get control. He cupped the back of her head, crumpling the silk of her hair, holding her face pressed to his chest, imagining the nights he'd made her weep like this, despising himself with a virulence that was almost past bearing.
He'd driven her here, to hide from the vengeance of his divorce petition, and still she had been waiting for him. In all the endless weeks since she'd confronted him in his study and warned him she wouldn't let him put her out of his life, Ian had never imagined that she would be hurting like this.
She was twenty years old and she had loved him. In return, he had tried to divorce her, publicly scorned her, privately humiliated her, and then he had driven her here to weep in solitude and wait for him. Self-loathing and shame poured through him like hot acid, almost doubling him over, Humbly, he whispered, "Will you come upstairs with me?"
She nodded, her cheek rubbing his chest, and he swung her into his arms, cradling her tenderly against him, brushing his lips against her forehead. He carried her upstairs, intending to take her to bed and give her so much pleasure that-at least for tonight-she'd be able to forget the misery he'd caused her.
Elizabeth knew, the moment he put her down in the bed chamber and began gently undressing her, that something was ,different. Confusion fluttered through her as he took her in his arms in bed, his body rigid with desire, his mouth and hands skillful as he kissed and caressed her, but the moment she tried to caress him in return, he forced her back onto the pillows, evading her touch, gently imprisoning her wrists. Kissed and caressed into near insensibility, desperate to please him as he had taught her to do, Elizabeth reached for him the moment his grip loosened on her hands. His body jerked away from her touch. "Don't," he whispered, but she heard the passion thickening his voice, and so she obeyed"
Refusing to let her do anything to increase his pleasure, he brought her to the very brink of fulfillment with his hands and mouth before he shifted on top of her and entered her with one sure, powerful thrust. Elizabeth strained toward him in trembling need, her nails biting into his back as his rhythmic thrusts began, and then slowly, he started increasing their tempo. The sweetness of being filled by him again, combined with the fierce power of his body driving deeply into hers again and again, sent pleasure streaking through her and she instinctively arched herself upward in a fevered need to share it with him. His hands gripped her hips, while he quickened the pace of his deep plunging strokes, circling his hips, forcing the trembling ecstasy to overtake her until she cried out, shuddering with the sweet violence of it, her arms locked fiercely around his broad shoulders.
Trying to buy time, Ian turned around and carefully closed the door as if latching it with precision were the most paramount thing in his life, while he tried to decide whether she'd looked happy or not to see him. In the long lonely nights without her, he'd rehearsed dozens of speeches to her-from stinging lectures to gentle discussions. Now, when the time was finally here, he could not remember one damn word of any of them.
Left with no other choice, he took the only neutral course available. Turning back to the room, Ian looked at the Labrador. "Who's this?" he asked, walking forward and crouching down to pet the dog, because he didn't know what the hell to say to his wife.
Elizabeth swallowed her disappointment as he ignored her and stroked the Labrador's glossy black head. "I-I call her Shadow."
The sound of her voice was so sweet, Ian almost pulled her down into his arms. Instead, he glanced at her, thinking it encouraging she'd named her dog after his. "Nice name."
Elizabeth bit her lip, trying to hide her sudden wayward smile. "Original, too."
The smile hit Ian like a blow to the head, snapping him out of his untimely and unsuitable preoccupation with the dog. Straightening, he backed up a step and leaned his hip against the table, his weight braced on his opposite leg.
Elizabeth instantly noticed the altering of his expression and watched nervously as he crossed his arms over his chest, watching her, his face inscrutable. "You-you look well," she said, thinking he looked unbearably handsome.
"I'm perfectly fine," he assured her, his gaze level. "Remarkably well, actually, for a man who hasn't seen the sun shine in more than three months, or been able to sleep without drinking a bottle of brandy."
His tone was so frank and unemotional that Elizabeth didn't immediately grasp what he was saying. When she did, tears of joy and relief sprang to her eyes as he continued: "I've been working very hard. Unfortunately, I rarely get anything accomplished, and when I do, it's generally wrong. All things considered, I would say that I'm doing very well-for a man who's been more than half dead for three months."
Ian saw the tears shimmering in her magnificent eyes, and one of them traced unheeded down her smooth cheek.
With a raw ache in his voice he said, "If you would take one step forward, darling, you could cry in my arms. And while you do, I'll tell you how sorry I am for everything I've done-" Unable to wait, Ian caught her, pulling her tightly against him. "And when I'm finished," he whispered hoarsely as she wrapped her arms around him and wept brokenly, "you can help me find a way to forgive myself."
Tortured by her tears, he clasped her tighter and rubbed his jaw against her temple, his voice a ravaged whisper: "I'm sorry," he told her. He cupped her face between his palms, tipping it up and gazing into her eyes, his thumbs moving over her wet cheeks. "I'm sorry." Slowly, he bent his head, covering her mouth with his. "I'm so damned sorry. "
She kissed him back, holding him fiercely to her while shattered sobs racked her slender body and tears poured from her eyes. Tormented by her anguish, Ian dragged his mouth from hers, kissing her wet cheeks, running his hands over her shaking back and shoulders, trying to comfort her. "Please darling, don't cry anymore," he pleaded hoarsely. "Please don't." She held him tighter, weeping, her cheek pressed to his chest, her tears soaking his heavy woolen shirt and tearing at his heart.
"Don't," Ian whispered, his voice raw with his own unshed tears. "You're tearing me apart." An instant after he said those words, he realized that she'd stop crying to keep from hurting him, and he felt her shudder, trying valiantly to get control. He cupped the back of her head, crumpling the silk of her hair, holding her face pressed to his chest, imagining the nights he'd made her weep like this, despising himself with a virulence that was almost past bearing.
He'd driven her here, to hide from the vengeance of his divorce petition, and still she had been waiting for him. In all the endless weeks since she'd confronted him in his study and warned him she wouldn't let him put her out of his life, Ian had never imagined that she would be hurting like this.
She was twenty years old and she had loved him. In return, he had tried to divorce her, publicly scorned her, privately humiliated her, and then he had driven her here to weep in solitude and wait for him. Self-loathing and shame poured through him like hot acid, almost doubling him over, Humbly, he whispered, "Will you come upstairs with me?"
She nodded, her cheek rubbing his chest, and he swung her into his arms, cradling her tenderly against him, brushing his lips against her forehead. He carried her upstairs, intending to take her to bed and give her so much pleasure that-at least for tonight-she'd be able to forget the misery he'd caused her.
Elizabeth knew, the moment he put her down in the bed chamber and began gently undressing her, that something was ,different. Confusion fluttered through her as he took her in his arms in bed, his body rigid with desire, his mouth and hands skillful as he kissed and caressed her, but the moment she tried to caress him in return, he forced her back onto the pillows, evading her touch, gently imprisoning her wrists. Kissed and caressed into near insensibility, desperate to please him as he had taught her to do, Elizabeth reached for him the moment his grip loosened on her hands. His body jerked away from her touch. "Don't," he whispered, but she heard the passion thickening his voice, and so she obeyed"
Refusing to let her do anything to increase his pleasure, he brought her to the very brink of fulfillment with his hands and mouth before he shifted on top of her and entered her with one sure, powerful thrust. Elizabeth strained toward him in trembling need, her nails biting into his back as his rhythmic thrusts began, and then slowly, he started increasing their tempo. The sweetness of being filled by him again, combined with the fierce power of his body driving deeply into hers again and again, sent pleasure streaking through her and she instinctively arched herself upward in a fevered need to share it with him. His hands gripped her hips, while he quickened the pace of his deep plunging strokes, circling his hips, forcing the trembling ecstasy to overtake her until she cried out, shuddering with the sweet violence of it, her arms locked fiercely around his broad shoulders.
