Almost Perfect
Page 12
“Crap,” she muttered as she carefully slid to her feet, then stood and steadied herself. “Crap, crap, crap.”
“Liz,” he began.
She held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” she ordered as she pulled down her skirt. Her panties were somewhere on the floor, but she didn’t bother looking for them. “Just don’t. This was really stupid. On the stupid scale, it gets a ten.”
He pulled up his boxers and jeans. “It’s not like I planned this. It was just one of those things.”
Typical man, she thought, picking her way through the broken glass. It was a whole lot more than that. It was trouble. No matter what happened between them, the sex would be lurking. She’d given in when she’d meant to be strong.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she demanded. “Don’t you ever use a condom?”
He stiffened.
She sucked in a breath. “I’m on the pill, you idiot, but haven’t you learned anything since high school? This was a huge mistake. It never happened. Am I clear? Never.”
“You can’t pretend it away.”
“Watch me,” she declared as she made her way to the front door.
Her purse was where she’d left it, on the small table in the entryway. She grabbed it and left, walking briskly to the sidewalk, ignoring the slightly squishy feeling that was the lingering proof of what they’d just done.
Ethan didn’t come after her and she was grateful. By the end of the block, she was willing to admit she might have overreacted. By the second block, she knew the person she was really angry with was herself, not him. By the time she got home, she didn’t feel any better about what had happened and she didn’t have a clue how she was ever going to face him again.
Whoever said you couldn’t go home again had been dead wrong, she thought as she climbed the steps to the house where she’d grown up. You could and being there was nothing but a disaster.
CHAPTER SEVEN
PASSING THROUGH A METAL detector, then being patted down before going into prison had a way of putting one’s life in perspective, Liz thought the next morning as she waited while the guard searched her purse. When she’d been cleared to proceed, she followed yet another guard into a small room with a table, half a dozen chairs and a small window looking out onto a courtyard.
Since it wasn’t a regular visiting day or a normal visiting room, they would have an element of privacy. She pulled out a metal chair and sat down. The room was cool and despite the small size, she felt oddly exposed. Although that could have more to do with what had happened the previous evening than her meeting with Roy.
She hadn’t slept at all. Telling herself she’d acted irresponsibly and impulsively didn’t make for a restful night. Nor did the waves of sense memory that shuddered through her from time to time. Physical reminders of the music Ethan had played on her skin.
The last thing they needed were more complications, but here they were. And she had no one to blame but herself.
Sucking in a deep breath, she pushed the memories and recriminations to the back of her mind. She would beat herself up some more on the drive back to Fool’s Gold. Right now she had to concentrate on seeing her brother for the first time in nearly eighteen years.
As if on cue, the door—opposite the one she’d used—opened and a man entered. He was a few inches taller than her, with thin gray hair and weary green eyes. She knew Roy was in his forties, but he could have easily passed for a man in his sixties. For a second he stared, confused, then he smiled.
“Damn. Look at you,” he greeted as he approached. “They said I had a visitor. I couldn’t figure out who. It’s not the regular day and no one comes to see me. I thought it was a mistake. How you doing, Liz?”
“Hi, Roy. It’s been a long time.”
She’d been twelve when he’d taken off without warning, leaving her in the hands of an indifferent parent. Still a child. She’d grown up a lot that summer.
“You look good,” he told her, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. “I’ve read your books. You’re famous now, aren’t you?”
“Not exactly.” She settled in a chair across the table. “But I know a guy who got me in to see you on a non-visiting day.”
“That’s something.”
He looked tired—as if the road of life had been too long.
“I’m real proud of you, Lizzy,” he continued. “Real proud.”
“Thanks.” She glanced around the bleak room. “What happened? How’d you end up here?”
He shrugged. “There was a fight in a bar. I defended myself, but the D.A. didn’t see it that way. It wasn’t my fault.”
The words were familiar. It had been like this before, she thought sadly. When she’d been younger. Nothing had ever been his fault.
“How long are you in?” she asked.
“Fifteen to twenty. I’ll get out sooner. For good behavior.” He leaned toward her. “You seen my girls?”
“I have. They’re great. They miss you.”
“I miss ’em, too. I should write more, I know. Time has a way of slipping by. I’m a busy man.”
He was in prison—how busy could he be? But she knew there was no point in having that conversation.
“I was surprised you’d moved back to Fool’s Gold,” she said. “When did that happen?”
“After Mom died.” He frowned. “I thought you knew. I always stayed in touch with her. I came back when she got sick. It was fast. She went into the hospital and a week later she was gone. I’d just married Bettina and we didn’t have a place, so when I found out Mom had left me the house, I moved us there.”
She shook her head. “You stayed in touch with Mom? You wrote and called?”
“Sure. I wrote you, too. After I left. You never answered. I thought you were irritated or something.”
“I never got the letters,” she said softly, trying to breathe through the pain. Roy had written? She’d thought he’d simply disappeared, abandoning her without a second thought.
“You know what Mom was like,” Roy reminded her. “She had her weird rules.”
Liz remembered. Her last contact with her mother had been the older woman’s request that Liz not bother her again. Someone in the hospital had contacted her through her publisher to tell Liz that her mother was sick. Before she could finalize her travel arrangements, she’d received another call saying her mother had died. At that point, returning to Fool’s Gold for the funeral had seemed pointless. Now she knew that Roy had been there.
“Relationships are complicated,” she murmured, not sure what she should have done differently. There was no real sense of loss, just an absence of connection, and sadness. Roy was her brother—they should have been a family, but they weren’t. They were only relatives.
“I came to see you because of your girls,” Liz informed him. “Melissa e-mailed me a few days ago.” She hesitated. “I’m sorry, Roy, but Bettina is gone.”
He turned away. “I wondered,” he muttered, returning his attention to her, looking more resigned than surprised. “I haven’t heard from her in a while. She took the girls with her?”
“Um, not exactly. Bettina took off a couple months ago. Melissa and Abby have been on their own ever since.”
The color drained from his tired, wrinkled face. “That bitch. She never said a word. Are they all right?”
“They’re fine. Melissa’s been taking care of both of them. When it got to be too much for her, she found me through my Web site. I came right away. Some arrangements have to be made….”
Roy rose and crossed to the window. He stood there, his shoulders bent. “I got no one, Lizzy. Those girls? They’re all I have. Can you take ’em?”
She wanted to say no. She barely knew her nieces and looking after them for a few days was very different than taking responsibility permanently. But even as she tried to refuse, she knew she couldn’t. If the girls didn’t stay with her, they would go into foster care, probably be separated. Who knew what would happen to them.
“I’ll sign whatever papers you want,” he added quickly. “To make it easy on you.”
“Of course I’ll take them,” she replied, smiling when he turned to face her. “But I can’t stay in Fool’s Gold. My life is in San Francisco, as is Tyler’s.”
“He your husband?”
“My son. He’s eleven.”
Roy grinned. “You got a boy? I didn’t know.”
Their mother had known, but obviously she hadn’t felt the need to pass on the information. “He’s great.” She pulled a picture out of her purse and carried it over to Roy.
Her brother stared at the photo. “He’s a good-looking kid.”
“I think so.”
He swallowed. “Maybe San Francisco would be better for my girls. A chance to start over where no one knows about me. I tried to settle in town, but it didn’t go well. People couldn’t get past the family name, you know? You could sell the house and put the money away for them. For college or a wedding or something.”
She thought about the battered old structure that was as tired-looking as Roy. “It would need some work,” she began.
“Not much. I got most of the projects started.”
“I noticed that.”
He smiled sheepishly. “I’m not one for finishing.” The smile faded. “I need you to take care of my girls, Lizzy.”
Perhaps it had always been inevitable that things would end up this way, she thought. “They’ll be safe with me.”
“I know they will. You’ve gone and gotten all fancy, with your books and everything. They’ll like that.”
“They’d like to see you.”
“No. Not here. I don’t want them thinking of me here.”
“You’re their father. They need to know you’re all right.”
He sucked in a breath. “Visiting day is bad, Lizzy. Everybody crying. There’s no being together.”
“Their stepmother abandoned them, they don’t know me at all. You’re the one person in their life they know loves them.”
“Fine. But give me a couple of weeks. I’ll write ’em and let ’em know I’m thinking about ’em.”
“Sure. I’ll be in Fool’s Gold a bit longer.” Figuring out what to do with the house would take some time. She had a feeling that neither girl would be especially excited about the thought of moving. Melissa had certainly been clear about that already.
“Thanks, Lizzy,” Roy said, hugging her.
She held on, trying to reconcile the man she hung on to with the brother she had adored. But it was impossible. Too much time, she thought sadly. Too many miles.
“I’ll be in touch,” she promised and walked toward the door that would lead to the outside world, while Roy stepped through the one that took him back to prison.
“SO IT’S A CAMP?” TYLER ASKED. “Mom sends me to a day camp in the summer. I went overnight a couple of times, up in the mountains.”
Ethan glanced at his son, then returned his attention to the road. “This is both,” he explained. “Kids come from all over and they stay for a couple weeks. Local kids can come up daily, if they want. There’s a bus that takes them.”
Liz had dropped off Tyler about an hour ago, hovering by the front door until the kid had reached Ethan’s office. As if she was avoiding him. Who was he kidding—of course she was avoiding him. Why wouldn’t she?
Ethan had planned for Tyler to stay in his office for the morning, maybe head over to the turbine manufacturing facility. But Raoul had called and asked to meet him at the camp and Ethan had figured that was as good a way to spend a morning as any. Maybe going to the camp would be a better distraction. He needed something to stop him from thinking about what he and Liz had done the previous night.
Ethan hadn’t meant for anything to happen. It had been so far off his radar, he hadn’t even thought about coming up with a plan to avoid ha**g s*x with Liz. He’d been so damned angry—he still was.
Although he had to admit seeing the letter had shifted things. And being alone with Liz had been better than he’d remembered. She’d always been beautiful and smart and funny. Now she was those things plus she had a maturity that appealed to him. He’d wanted her years ago and he still wanted her, even though being with her meant nothing but trouble.
He turned off the main highway, onto a private road marked by a red sign pointing to “End Zone for Kids.”
“The guy who started the camp used to play football,” Ethan said. “Raoul Moreno. He was a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.”
Tyler looked at him, his eyes wide. “I know who he is. Does he ever come to the camp? Do you think I can meet him?”
“Remember I told you I had a meeting with a guy? He’s that guy.”
“Sweet!” Tyler bounced in his seat. “That’s so awesome. I can’t wait to tell my friends.”
“I’ll take a picture with my cell,” Ethan told him. “You can e-mail it to them.”
“All right!” Tyler stared out of the front of the truck. “Are we there yet?”
Ethan laughed, then turned into the mostly empty parking lot. The camp would officially open on Saturday when the first inner-city kids arrived. The day camp for locals began on Monday.
Initially, Ethan had wondered at the wisdom of mixing the overnighters with kids from town. His sister Dakota who ran the camp for Raoul, had explained that it was a good learning experience for both groups. Usually small-town kids and inner-city kids had almost no contact, except possibly during regional and statewide play-offs. Getting them involved with each other now meant expanding their world view before they made up their minds about what the world was like.
“Liz,” he began.
She held up a hand to stop him. “Don’t,” she ordered as she pulled down her skirt. Her panties were somewhere on the floor, but she didn’t bother looking for them. “Just don’t. This was really stupid. On the stupid scale, it gets a ten.”
He pulled up his boxers and jeans. “It’s not like I planned this. It was just one of those things.”
Typical man, she thought, picking her way through the broken glass. It was a whole lot more than that. It was trouble. No matter what happened between them, the sex would be lurking. She’d given in when she’d meant to be strong.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she demanded. “Don’t you ever use a condom?”
He stiffened.
She sucked in a breath. “I’m on the pill, you idiot, but haven’t you learned anything since high school? This was a huge mistake. It never happened. Am I clear? Never.”
“You can’t pretend it away.”
“Watch me,” she declared as she made her way to the front door.
Her purse was where she’d left it, on the small table in the entryway. She grabbed it and left, walking briskly to the sidewalk, ignoring the slightly squishy feeling that was the lingering proof of what they’d just done.
Ethan didn’t come after her and she was grateful. By the end of the block, she was willing to admit she might have overreacted. By the second block, she knew the person she was really angry with was herself, not him. By the time she got home, she didn’t feel any better about what had happened and she didn’t have a clue how she was ever going to face him again.
Whoever said you couldn’t go home again had been dead wrong, she thought as she climbed the steps to the house where she’d grown up. You could and being there was nothing but a disaster.
CHAPTER SEVEN
PASSING THROUGH A METAL detector, then being patted down before going into prison had a way of putting one’s life in perspective, Liz thought the next morning as she waited while the guard searched her purse. When she’d been cleared to proceed, she followed yet another guard into a small room with a table, half a dozen chairs and a small window looking out onto a courtyard.
Since it wasn’t a regular visiting day or a normal visiting room, they would have an element of privacy. She pulled out a metal chair and sat down. The room was cool and despite the small size, she felt oddly exposed. Although that could have more to do with what had happened the previous evening than her meeting with Roy.
She hadn’t slept at all. Telling herself she’d acted irresponsibly and impulsively didn’t make for a restful night. Nor did the waves of sense memory that shuddered through her from time to time. Physical reminders of the music Ethan had played on her skin.
The last thing they needed were more complications, but here they were. And she had no one to blame but herself.
Sucking in a deep breath, she pushed the memories and recriminations to the back of her mind. She would beat herself up some more on the drive back to Fool’s Gold. Right now she had to concentrate on seeing her brother for the first time in nearly eighteen years.
As if on cue, the door—opposite the one she’d used—opened and a man entered. He was a few inches taller than her, with thin gray hair and weary green eyes. She knew Roy was in his forties, but he could have easily passed for a man in his sixties. For a second he stared, confused, then he smiled.
“Damn. Look at you,” he greeted as he approached. “They said I had a visitor. I couldn’t figure out who. It’s not the regular day and no one comes to see me. I thought it was a mistake. How you doing, Liz?”
“Hi, Roy. It’s been a long time.”
She’d been twelve when he’d taken off without warning, leaving her in the hands of an indifferent parent. Still a child. She’d grown up a lot that summer.
“You look good,” he told her, pulling out one of the chairs and sitting down. “I’ve read your books. You’re famous now, aren’t you?”
“Not exactly.” She settled in a chair across the table. “But I know a guy who got me in to see you on a non-visiting day.”
“That’s something.”
He looked tired—as if the road of life had been too long.
“I’m real proud of you, Lizzy,” he continued. “Real proud.”
“Thanks.” She glanced around the bleak room. “What happened? How’d you end up here?”
He shrugged. “There was a fight in a bar. I defended myself, but the D.A. didn’t see it that way. It wasn’t my fault.”
The words were familiar. It had been like this before, she thought sadly. When she’d been younger. Nothing had ever been his fault.
“How long are you in?” she asked.
“Fifteen to twenty. I’ll get out sooner. For good behavior.” He leaned toward her. “You seen my girls?”
“I have. They’re great. They miss you.”
“I miss ’em, too. I should write more, I know. Time has a way of slipping by. I’m a busy man.”
He was in prison—how busy could he be? But she knew there was no point in having that conversation.
“I was surprised you’d moved back to Fool’s Gold,” she said. “When did that happen?”
“After Mom died.” He frowned. “I thought you knew. I always stayed in touch with her. I came back when she got sick. It was fast. She went into the hospital and a week later she was gone. I’d just married Bettina and we didn’t have a place, so when I found out Mom had left me the house, I moved us there.”
She shook her head. “You stayed in touch with Mom? You wrote and called?”
“Sure. I wrote you, too. After I left. You never answered. I thought you were irritated or something.”
“I never got the letters,” she said softly, trying to breathe through the pain. Roy had written? She’d thought he’d simply disappeared, abandoning her without a second thought.
“You know what Mom was like,” Roy reminded her. “She had her weird rules.”
Liz remembered. Her last contact with her mother had been the older woman’s request that Liz not bother her again. Someone in the hospital had contacted her through her publisher to tell Liz that her mother was sick. Before she could finalize her travel arrangements, she’d received another call saying her mother had died. At that point, returning to Fool’s Gold for the funeral had seemed pointless. Now she knew that Roy had been there.
“Relationships are complicated,” she murmured, not sure what she should have done differently. There was no real sense of loss, just an absence of connection, and sadness. Roy was her brother—they should have been a family, but they weren’t. They were only relatives.
“I came to see you because of your girls,” Liz informed him. “Melissa e-mailed me a few days ago.” She hesitated. “I’m sorry, Roy, but Bettina is gone.”
He turned away. “I wondered,” he muttered, returning his attention to her, looking more resigned than surprised. “I haven’t heard from her in a while. She took the girls with her?”
“Um, not exactly. Bettina took off a couple months ago. Melissa and Abby have been on their own ever since.”
The color drained from his tired, wrinkled face. “That bitch. She never said a word. Are they all right?”
“They’re fine. Melissa’s been taking care of both of them. When it got to be too much for her, she found me through my Web site. I came right away. Some arrangements have to be made….”
Roy rose and crossed to the window. He stood there, his shoulders bent. “I got no one, Lizzy. Those girls? They’re all I have. Can you take ’em?”
She wanted to say no. She barely knew her nieces and looking after them for a few days was very different than taking responsibility permanently. But even as she tried to refuse, she knew she couldn’t. If the girls didn’t stay with her, they would go into foster care, probably be separated. Who knew what would happen to them.
“I’ll sign whatever papers you want,” he added quickly. “To make it easy on you.”
“Of course I’ll take them,” she replied, smiling when he turned to face her. “But I can’t stay in Fool’s Gold. My life is in San Francisco, as is Tyler’s.”
“He your husband?”
“My son. He’s eleven.”
Roy grinned. “You got a boy? I didn’t know.”
Their mother had known, but obviously she hadn’t felt the need to pass on the information. “He’s great.” She pulled a picture out of her purse and carried it over to Roy.
Her brother stared at the photo. “He’s a good-looking kid.”
“I think so.”
He swallowed. “Maybe San Francisco would be better for my girls. A chance to start over where no one knows about me. I tried to settle in town, but it didn’t go well. People couldn’t get past the family name, you know? You could sell the house and put the money away for them. For college or a wedding or something.”
She thought about the battered old structure that was as tired-looking as Roy. “It would need some work,” she began.
“Not much. I got most of the projects started.”
“I noticed that.”
He smiled sheepishly. “I’m not one for finishing.” The smile faded. “I need you to take care of my girls, Lizzy.”
Perhaps it had always been inevitable that things would end up this way, she thought. “They’ll be safe with me.”
“I know they will. You’ve gone and gotten all fancy, with your books and everything. They’ll like that.”
“They’d like to see you.”
“No. Not here. I don’t want them thinking of me here.”
“You’re their father. They need to know you’re all right.”
He sucked in a breath. “Visiting day is bad, Lizzy. Everybody crying. There’s no being together.”
“Their stepmother abandoned them, they don’t know me at all. You’re the one person in their life they know loves them.”
“Fine. But give me a couple of weeks. I’ll write ’em and let ’em know I’m thinking about ’em.”
“Sure. I’ll be in Fool’s Gold a bit longer.” Figuring out what to do with the house would take some time. She had a feeling that neither girl would be especially excited about the thought of moving. Melissa had certainly been clear about that already.
“Thanks, Lizzy,” Roy said, hugging her.
She held on, trying to reconcile the man she hung on to with the brother she had adored. But it was impossible. Too much time, she thought sadly. Too many miles.
“I’ll be in touch,” she promised and walked toward the door that would lead to the outside world, while Roy stepped through the one that took him back to prison.
“SO IT’S A CAMP?” TYLER ASKED. “Mom sends me to a day camp in the summer. I went overnight a couple of times, up in the mountains.”
Ethan glanced at his son, then returned his attention to the road. “This is both,” he explained. “Kids come from all over and they stay for a couple weeks. Local kids can come up daily, if they want. There’s a bus that takes them.”
Liz had dropped off Tyler about an hour ago, hovering by the front door until the kid had reached Ethan’s office. As if she was avoiding him. Who was he kidding—of course she was avoiding him. Why wouldn’t she?
Ethan had planned for Tyler to stay in his office for the morning, maybe head over to the turbine manufacturing facility. But Raoul had called and asked to meet him at the camp and Ethan had figured that was as good a way to spend a morning as any. Maybe going to the camp would be a better distraction. He needed something to stop him from thinking about what he and Liz had done the previous night.
Ethan hadn’t meant for anything to happen. It had been so far off his radar, he hadn’t even thought about coming up with a plan to avoid ha**g s*x with Liz. He’d been so damned angry—he still was.
Although he had to admit seeing the letter had shifted things. And being alone with Liz had been better than he’d remembered. She’d always been beautiful and smart and funny. Now she was those things plus she had a maturity that appealed to him. He’d wanted her years ago and he still wanted her, even though being with her meant nothing but trouble.
He turned off the main highway, onto a private road marked by a red sign pointing to “End Zone for Kids.”
“The guy who started the camp used to play football,” Ethan said. “Raoul Moreno. He was a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.”
Tyler looked at him, his eyes wide. “I know who he is. Does he ever come to the camp? Do you think I can meet him?”
“Remember I told you I had a meeting with a guy? He’s that guy.”
“Sweet!” Tyler bounced in his seat. “That’s so awesome. I can’t wait to tell my friends.”
“I’ll take a picture with my cell,” Ethan told him. “You can e-mail it to them.”
“All right!” Tyler stared out of the front of the truck. “Are we there yet?”
Ethan laughed, then turned into the mostly empty parking lot. The camp would officially open on Saturday when the first inner-city kids arrived. The day camp for locals began on Monday.
Initially, Ethan had wondered at the wisdom of mixing the overnighters with kids from town. His sister Dakota who ran the camp for Raoul, had explained that it was a good learning experience for both groups. Usually small-town kids and inner-city kids had almost no contact, except possibly during regional and statewide play-offs. Getting them involved with each other now meant expanding their world view before they made up their minds about what the world was like.
