Almost Perfect

Page 33

Why hadn’t she seen it? The truth was here—clearly visible in everything he did. Could reality be any bigger than the injunction? He’d played her from the beginning and she’d let him. She’d thought she was in love with him. Talk about stupid. Following her heart, letting herself trust and love again had cost her the only thing that had ever mattered.
Her son.
She pushed through the door into Ethan’s construction company. The receptionist at the front desk looked up and smiled.
“May I help you?”
“No,” Liz said and headed for Ethan’s private office.
The young woman got up and followed her. They reached Ethan’s door at about the same time.
“You don’t want to get in the middle of this,” Liz told her.
Ethan hung up the phone and stood. He took one look at Liz, then turned to the girl. “It’s all right, Cindy.”
Liz stepped into the office and carefully closed the door behind her. Now that she was here, she couldn’t think of a single thing to say. She’d thought she might want to throw things, to scream, to threaten. She’d worried if she had access to a weapon, she would use it. But all her energy was gone, bled away in the open wound of her missing heart.
“You don’t know what it means to love a child,” she said softly. “To be willing to die to protect him. Loving a child isn’t about winning. You don’t deserve him. But you can’t see that. You wanted to punish me. Well, congratulations. You have. You may think you’ve won, but you haven’t. Because for now, you’re a bright, shiny new toy. Eventually Tyler will see that. And then he’ll come home.”
At least that’s what she was telling herself with every breath. That her son would come back to her. That he would love her again. That he loved her now…still…he was just too angry to see it.
Ethan moved toward her, stopping in front of her. “What are you talking about?”
The question sounded genuine. He looked more confused than upset.
No. It was another trick. All of it. She couldn’t trust him. He was the enemy—she’d been the fool who’d forgotten that.
“Tyler told me that he wants to live with you,” she repeated flatly. “Don’t pretend this wasn’t part of your plan.”
“What?” Ethan took a step back. “Jesus, Liz. What are you saying? Tyler’s not living with me.”
He sounded so sincere, she thought. Of course he’d made love with her as if she was important to him. As if she mattered.
“You’ve played me from the beginning,” she revealed. “I let you, so I suppose the blame is as much mine. You pretended to want what was best for everyone. You kissed me and touched me, all the while knowing you were going to do this. You must not have a conscience. At least the guy who tried to kidnap me was honest in his intentions.”
“Wait a minute. Stop this.” He grabbed her upper arms. “Look at me. I’m not trying to hurt you. I never talked to Tyler about coming to live with me.”
Maybe that was true. Maybe Tyler thought of that on his own, but he would have had help getting there. “Didn’t you tell him that if you’d known I was pregnant that you would have married me?”
“Yes, but—”
“Didn’t you talk about all the time you’ve missed with him? Didn’t you blame me?”
“At first. I was angry. But not recently. Liz, I want what’s best for him and that means you. You’re great with him.”
“What was it you said that first week? That I’d had him eleven years, so you should get the rest of his childhood?”
He tightened his grip. “No. I didn’t do this.”
The worst part was she wanted to believe him. “I trusted you. Even when I knew what you’d done to me before, I believed in you.”
He stared into her eyes. “Don’t stop believing in me. Please, Liz. We can make this work.” He sucked in a breath. “Marry me.”
If he hadn’t been holding on to her, she would have fallen. “What?”
“Marry me. It solves everything. Then we both get Tyler. It would be better for the girls, too. They could stay here with their friends. Marry me.”
She pulled free of his grip and crossed to the sofa. After collapsing, she rested her elbows on her knees and dropped her face to her hands.
It was too much, she thought. She was physically and emotionally drained. That was the only reason she hadn’t run screaming into the afternoon. Or hurled a lamp at him.
Marriage as a practical solution?
“We have a child together,” he continued. “It makes sense.”
Of course it did. Because why would love enter into it? He’d married Rayanne because she was pregnant—why wouldn’t he marry her because they had a child together?
She straightened. “No.”
He sat on the sofa and angled toward her. “Come on, Liz. Why not?”
Where was she supposed to start? “We don’t love each other.”
Only a half truth. She loved him, but this was hardly the time to go into that.
“We like each other,” he stated. “We get along. And it’s better for the kids. You said being a good parent was all about making sacrifices.”
“Not those kind.” She rose.
“Wait.” He stood. “We have to figure this out.”
“No, we don’t. I have to.”
“Tyler is my son, too.”
“You’ve made that very clear—to all of us.”
She left.
Ethan stared after her, not sure if he should follow her or give her time to sort things out. He still couldn’t believe what Tyler had done. The kid hadn’t warned him that he was about to tell his mother he wanted to live with Ethan.
His son wanted to live with him. Ethan couldn’t help feeling excited at the idea of really getting to know his son. They could have so much fun together—really bond. Not that he wanted Liz hurt.
His office door opened and Nevada stood there.
Nevada was the quietest of the triplets, the most practical. She’d studied engineering, had come to work for him and did a helluva good job. Customers liked her, the other employees respected her. When he wasn’t around, she also ran things.
Now she stared at him with a combination of pity and amusement.
“You really are the stupidest man on the planet,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“I would have thought the statement was self-explanatory.” She leaned against the door frame. “I just passed Liz and asked how she was. She said you asked her to marry you for practical reasons. Tell me that she’s lying.”
“It’s not like that.”
Nevada raised her eyebrows. “Then what’s it like?”
He explained about Tyler and Liz being hurt and how getting married would solve all their problems.
“Very romantic, too,” she quipped sarcastically.
“This isn’t about romance. It’s about doing the right thing.”
Nevada stared at him for a long time. “I think it’s about you getting what you want. You’re not thinking about Liz. Why does she need to marry you?”
“Tyler needs a father.”
“Sure. But what does that have to do with Liz?”
“She’s his mother.”
“Yeah. I knew that. You’re not answering the question. What does Liz get out of marrying you? It’s not like she needs a second income. Or housing. Most people get married because they’re in love and want to be together, but you already took that off the table. So why exactly should she marry you?”
“I, ah…” He swore silently.
Something he’d never considered. Why would Liz want to be with him? He blurted out the proposal without thinking. Because it was the right thing.
Just like with Rayanne, he thought. Was that so wrong?
While he knew it wasn’t, he couldn’t escape a nagging sense of having screwed up in the worst way possible.
Nevada shook her head. “I’ll give you a hint because you’re my brother. The only thing Liz needs and wants from you is for you to love her.”
“You can’t know that.”
“Of course I can. It’s what every woman wants. Why else would she put up with your crap? She didn’t have to be this nice. She didn’t have to tell you about Tyler. She could have taken her nieces back to San Francisco that first night and you would never have known. Liz has been giving you chances since she got here and I’m going to guess you’ve blown every single one of them.”
“No,” he retorted, even as he wondered if Nevada was right.
“Here’s the thing, Ethan. You have a very limited window of time to make this right. Assuming you want to. Because if you’re trying to convince Liz to stay with you, you’re going about it all wrong.”
Then Nevada walked out, leaving him staring after her.
Wait. She couldn’t leave like that. He had more questions. Damn.
As he stood alone in his office, he realized that maybe his sister’s point was that he had to figure it out himself.
“I’m not the bad guy,” he spoke into the silence. “I’m doing the right thing.”
But for the first time in his life, he wondered if doing the right thing was going to be enough.
LIZ WALKED THROUGH TOWN. THERE were plenty of tourists on the street and she had to weave between them. Summer was a busy time, with visitors flooding the area to check out the wineries, hike in the mountains and spend time on the lake. To anyone who didn’t have a gaping hole in her chest, Fool’s Gold probably looked really good. She knew better. It was her own personal, living nightmare. It was the place where she’d lost both her heart and her son.
She turned onto a residential street and reminded herself that she hadn’t truly lost Tyler. It only felt that way. He would come around. What she didn’t know was how long it would take and she wasn’t completely sure she trusted Ethan to be impartial. A part of him had to love the fact that his son wanted to live with him.
But being a parent was about more than saying yes. It could be difficult and frustrating. There were lessons every child had to learn. If someone didn’t teach the kid right while he was young, life lessons were that much harder to grasp later.
Would Ethan get that? Would he look past his need to connect with Tyler to what was best for the boy? Even as she asked the question, a part of her knew she was searching for reasons to be able to tell Tyler and herself why spending more time—maybe even living with his dad—wasn’t possible.
Because the truth was, Ethan would be a great dad. He’d always been responsible. When his father had died, he’d taken over the family business. Because it was the right thing to do. He’d helped his mom, his brothers and sisters. He’d…
She stopped on the sidewalk and replayed the words in her mind. Because it was the right thing to do. That had always defined Ethan. He hadn’t loved Rayanne. He’d married her because she was pregnant. He’d claimed he would have done the same with Liz, and she believed him.
Had Ethan ever declared himself? Had he ever truly loved anyone?
There had been a time, when she’d been eighteen, she would have sworn he had loved her. Had she just been fooling herself? He’d admitted that he’d been too young then. Neither of them could have possibly known if they could make it. But he would have tried.
There was more to a relationship than just giving one’s heart. There was caring and commitment and doing the right thing. There was being a good person. Ethan had all those qualities.
But he didn’t love her.
That was why his offer of a practical marriage had hurt her so much. Why she couldn’t accept. She loved him too much to accept a half life, even if it was the right thing to do.
Which left her with a dilemma. What happened now?
As there was no easy answer, she kept walking. When she got close to Denise’s house, she saw Ethan’s mother sitting on the front porch, obviously watching for her.
“Tyler told me what happened,” the other woman said as Liz approached. “I’m so sorry.”
Liz found herself fighting the need to give in to tears. “Me, too. It’s not that I mind Tyler spending more time with his dad…” She had to stop and clear her throat.
“It’s that he’s rejecting you along the way,” Denise summarized softly, then patted the step. “Come sit down.”
Liz joined her. She felt sick and confused and lost.
Denise moved close and put her arm around her. The gesture was oddly comforting.
“This isn’t about you,” Denise began. “I know it feels like it, but it’s not. You’re a great mom. We can all see that. We don’t even have to watch you with Tyler to get it. Just being around him tells us. He’s bright and confident and curious. Open and friendly, but with plenty of common sense. He cares about other people. You did that. You raised a great son.”
Liz pressed her lips together and nodded. Her throat was too tight for her to speak.
“He’s also still a kid and he has no idea how he’s hurting you. He genuinely can’t see that.”
“I know,” she whispered, then had to wipe away several tears. “I keep telling myself it’s not about me. He’s angry about his dad and Ethan is new and exciting.”
“Exactly. If only knowing made it hurt less.”
Liz looked at her and nodded.
“Oh, honey, I wish I could make it better,” Denise told her.
“Thanks.” She swallowed and tried to get the tears under control. “Want to guess Ethan’s response?”