Always on My Mind
Page 21
“Oh my God,” Leah said, and stood up.
“Hey, aren’t you at least going to answer any of the questions before you storm out of your own place?” Aubrey asked.
Leah turned back. “No, no, and most definitely no.” She picked up the tray of pastries and hugged it close as both Ali and Aubrey hooted with laughter. “You’re both cut off.”
“Aw, don’t go away mad,” Ali said, laughing.
“I don’t care if you go,” Aubrey said. “But leave the pastries.”
Leah moved back to the table. “I have a question.”
“No answers until you put down the tray,” Aubrey said.
Leah set the tray down and bit her lip.
“Spill it,” Aubrey said, mouth already full as she gave her a go-ahead gesture with her hand.
“Okay.” Leah took a deep breath. “Have either of you ever secretly started to like someone, and then you sort of blow it, and I don’t know, say, vanish for a while? Like for years. And then you come back, and it turns out you still feel something for him, but now he’s over you and also a little wary. So you then blow it again by making it so you’re together but it’s pretend. Only you don’t want it to be pretend…”
They were both staring at her, goggle-eyed.
“You know what?” Leah said. “Never mind.” She started to turn, but Aubrey caught her and pointed to a chair. “Sit,” she said.
“I’m such an idiot,” Leah said, and sat.
“Yes.” Aubrey patted her hand. “But the good news is that I know all about being an idiot.”
“Me too,” Ali said, raising her hand. “I’m quite the experienced idiot.”
Leah’s phone vibrated. Her grandma. “Hey,” she answered. “I’ll be out of here in just a few—”
“Are you listening to the kitchen scanner?”
Leah glanced at it. She’d turned it off as Jack had asked. “No.”
“Town Hall’s on fire.”
Leah hurried down the street, Ali and Aubrey at her side. It was only a two-block walk, but they heard the sirens and saw the ominous plume of smoke the minute they’d stepped outside the bakery.
It was dark outside now, but commercial row was well lit. And if it hadn’t been, the flashing strobes and the glare of headlights made it easy to see the scene.
The entire block was cordoned off, and yellow police tape stretched everywhere, holding the crowd back. Police officers were standing guard. Fire trucks and emergency vehicles were angled between police cars, lights flashing.
The spectators were multiplying, spilling onto the street and clogging up the sidewalk. Leah moved as close as she could and stood there in shock. Ali found Luke and came back to Aubrey and Leah with news. “It started as a car fire in the back lot,” she said. “Possibly set purposely. The car exploded and the building caught.”
“Oh my God,” Aubrey said. Up until six weeks ago, she’d worked inside the building as an admin to the town clerk. “Did everyone get out?”
“Yes.”
“Except for the firefighters,” Dee said from right behind them, looking pale and shaken. “They’re still inside, including Jack.” She reached for Leah’s hand and gave her a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
She was talking to herself, and knowing it, Leah pulled her in for a hug. “Of course it’s going to be okay. Hell, this is your crazy son’s idea of fun.”
Dee let out a watery laugh and hugged Leah so tight it hurt to breathe. “Oh, Leah, you’re so good for him, you know that?”
Again she felt that now-familiar stab of guilt.
Dee held on to her. “You’re just so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.”
If only that were true.
Chapter 18
Several hours later, the fire had been put out. There was still a police presence, but the crowd had dwindled.
Jack was supervising the cleanup and going through the scene with Ronald. Town Hall had been saved, though there was some fairly extensive damage to the second floor and the roof, both of which had caught when the car exploded.
They’d found a few cigarette butts in the alley, which had an excellent view of the back of the Town Hall building. And beneath the burned wreckage of the car, the same incendiary device that they’d found at the auto parts store—a bucket of oily rags.
This was no vagrant.
It was 2:00 a.m. before Jack got back to the station. By the time dawn arrived and he dragged his tired ass—and Kevin’s—home, he was gritty-eyed and exhausted. Far too exhausted to be surprised when he found his mom and Ben waiting for him.
They dragged him out to breakfast, and then they went with Dee to her doctor’s appointment, where they got good news from the results of her last tests.
The treatment was working.
It was nearly noon by the time Jack got home, with bed firmly on his mind.
Leah was sitting on the top step of his porch in a sundress, another of her cropped sweaters, and strappy, high-heeled sandals that had a bow around her ankle. Kevin bounded over to her like he hadn’t seen her in years. She gave him a full body rub that had the dog sinking to the ground in boneless ecstasy, rolling onto his back, with his legs straight up in the air, tongue lolling.
Leah smiled and shook her head at his antics. “You boys are all the same,” she said. “You just want to show off your junk.” She pulled a doggie biscuit from her purse, and Kevin wriggled like a beached whale trying to right himself in a hurry.
“Sit,” she said firmly.
“He doesn’t sit,” Jack said.
Kevin sat.
“Good boy! Oh, what a very good boy,” Leah said in that high, silly voice that all women used with dogs and gave Kevin another big, warm hug.
Kevin glanced back at Jack, who would have sworn the dog was grinning at him. “Careful,” he said. “Or I’ll let you adopt him.”
“No thank you,” she said. “I don’t have big enough baggies.”
Jack moved to the top step and sat next to her. He told himself it was because she always smelled so good and he wanted to get the scent of the fire out of his nostrils. And also because his legs were so tired he didn’t think he could keep standing up. “So.”
She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. “So…”
“Where were we?”
She flushed. “I don’t remember.”
“Seriously,” he said. “How is it that your nose isn’t a foot long by now?”
She smiled and handed him a small white bag. “Happy birthday.”
He should have known she would remember. She always remembered. “What is it?” he asked cautiously. And with good reason. One year, she’d gotten him a gift certificate for a spa treatment that had turned out to be for a male Brazilian wax. He’d never cashed that one in… Another year, she’d left him a pair of really huge women’s underpants on his truck antenna out in front of the station along with a “love note” from a secret admirer. That one had taken a while to live down.
“Open it,” she said, sounding far too innocent.
“Do I need insurance first?”
“Maybe it’s just what you wanted,” she said.
What he wanted was her in his bed wearing nothing but those sexy shoes. He started to open the bag, and Kevin moved in close, licking his chops hopefully.
“You already got yours,” Jack told him.
Kevin whined.
“I’ll tell you what,” Jack told him. “If you sit, maybe I’ll share.”
Kevin offered a paw.
“No, I said sit.”
Kevin barked.
Leah laughed, the sound going a long way toward reviving Jack. Shaking his head, he opened the bag. Cream cheese croissants. “I like the lack of public humiliation with this one,” he said as he pulled the first one from the bag.
She smiled. “I figured it was time to grow up just a little bit. Aren’t you going to go inside to eat?” she asked.
“Nope.” He downed the croissant in two bites and pulled out number two. “Can’t wait that long.” He swallowed. “You made these when the cast from Sweet Wars guested on the Today Show.”
“Yes.”
“And you fed one to that host guy, whatever his name is.”
They both knew damn well that he knew Rafe’s name. Leah didn’t respond, just pulled something else from her big bag. A thermos.
Milk, which as it turned out was gloriously, icy cold. He washed down the croissant, filling his stomach with something more than adrenaline and acid. “God, you’re good.”
“That’s what they tell me.” She waited until he’d taken a big, long gulp. “As for Rafe.” She paused until he looked at her. “I did sleep with him,” she said quietly.
The milk went down the wrong pipe, and he choked. When he could breathe again, he swiped his face with his forearm. “I didn’t want to know that.”
“Yes you did. But it was only once. I didn’t like him enough to repeat the experience.”
Their gazes met again and held as he wondered if she liked him enough to repeat their experience. In his pocket, his phone vibrated. He ignored it. “Go on,” he said.
“There’s nothing else to tell.” Standing up, she moved to the porch railing and leaned on it, staring out into the bright morning. “He got pissed off and made a big stink about how if I didn’t sleep with him again, I was going to blow the chance of a lifetime.”
Jack narrowed his eyes. “He threatened you?”
“He was just blowing off steam after getting rejected. I could have handled it better.” She shrugged. “He wasn’t my type. We weren’t a thing. You’ll see that in the finals, where he ignores me completely.”
Feeling a whole lot better, he looked at her and realized she wasn’t feeling better at all. She was tense. “You okay?”
She let out a low, mirthless laugh that told him she wasn’t, and why.
It hit him then, like a bucket of ice water. She’d been watching the fire last night with everyone else in town. Watching and worrying. He remembered those years his mom had made herself sick with the strain and stress and fear of waiting. Just the thought of having a woman do that for him had always been enough to keep himself from letting anyone get too close. Lots of other people managed to do the job and have families, and it all seemed to work out. But after watching his mom fall apart when his dad had died, Jack had known he’d never be one of them.
He set the bag and the thermos down and stood up. Turning her to face him, he stepped into her, his boots on the outside of her pretty shoes, his hands gliding up her arms to her face, which he tilted to his. “I’m really good at what I do, Leah.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I know.”
“I’m not my dad.”
“I know that too.”
“I’m trying to honor his memory,” Jack said. “Trying to live up to what he believed in, but trust me, I have no intention of being a hero. Not like he turned out to be.”
She set her hands on his biceps and looked into his eyes. “There was a time that wasn’t true,” she reminded him. “When you were wild and reckless.”
“I’m past that,” he assured her. “Long past. And knowing what my mom went through, how she suffered, it’s made it easy to say no to any sort of deep relationship.”
“To any relationship.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Fine. Yeah. I stay away from them.”
“Except for one,” she said, and drew in a deep breath. “Me.”
This was true. His relationship with her had stood the test of time—although not without its share of bumps and bruises along the way.
“Because we’ve been friends,” he said. “Not lovers.”
She arched a brow.
“Until recently,” he allowed.
She took in his expression. “Let me guess,” she said quietly. “We’re going back into negotiations on our rules.” She pulled out her phone. “Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll take notes.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“Well, give the man an A.”
Irritation bubbled at the base of his skull. His very tired skull. “Tell me this, Leah. Where do you see this charade going? Or ending?”
Something flashed across her face that he couldn’t quite interpret. Maybe guilt.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I didn’t think that far. It’s not like this was premeditated,” she said, voice heavy with regret. “I only meant to make your mom happy—”
“I know.” And he did know. “It’s worked. She’s eating. Getting up and out.” He shook his head in marvel. “She’s happy. But…”
“You’re not,” she said softly. “Happy.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“Probably not.”
“I think you’re using this opportunity to avoid whatever the hell you’re running from this time.”
She stared at him for one stunned beat before pushing at him. “I’ve got to go.”
“Shit,” he muttered, catching her, pulling her around, and pinning her to the railing. “I’m right, aren’t I? You ran from whatever happened. Was it Rafe?”
“No.” In his arms, she squirmed. Her hair tickled his nose, caught on the stubble of his jaw. It smelled good. She felt good too, and like always when it came to being with her, she both aroused and frustrated the shit out of him. “So are your plans to run from me, Leah? Because that’s next, right? And how are you going to explain that?”
“Hey, aren’t you at least going to answer any of the questions before you storm out of your own place?” Aubrey asked.
Leah turned back. “No, no, and most definitely no.” She picked up the tray of pastries and hugged it close as both Ali and Aubrey hooted with laughter. “You’re both cut off.”
“Aw, don’t go away mad,” Ali said, laughing.
“I don’t care if you go,” Aubrey said. “But leave the pastries.”
Leah moved back to the table. “I have a question.”
“No answers until you put down the tray,” Aubrey said.
Leah set the tray down and bit her lip.
“Spill it,” Aubrey said, mouth already full as she gave her a go-ahead gesture with her hand.
“Okay.” Leah took a deep breath. “Have either of you ever secretly started to like someone, and then you sort of blow it, and I don’t know, say, vanish for a while? Like for years. And then you come back, and it turns out you still feel something for him, but now he’s over you and also a little wary. So you then blow it again by making it so you’re together but it’s pretend. Only you don’t want it to be pretend…”
They were both staring at her, goggle-eyed.
“You know what?” Leah said. “Never mind.” She started to turn, but Aubrey caught her and pointed to a chair. “Sit,” she said.
“I’m such an idiot,” Leah said, and sat.
“Yes.” Aubrey patted her hand. “But the good news is that I know all about being an idiot.”
“Me too,” Ali said, raising her hand. “I’m quite the experienced idiot.”
Leah’s phone vibrated. Her grandma. “Hey,” she answered. “I’ll be out of here in just a few—”
“Are you listening to the kitchen scanner?”
Leah glanced at it. She’d turned it off as Jack had asked. “No.”
“Town Hall’s on fire.”
Leah hurried down the street, Ali and Aubrey at her side. It was only a two-block walk, but they heard the sirens and saw the ominous plume of smoke the minute they’d stepped outside the bakery.
It was dark outside now, but commercial row was well lit. And if it hadn’t been, the flashing strobes and the glare of headlights made it easy to see the scene.
The entire block was cordoned off, and yellow police tape stretched everywhere, holding the crowd back. Police officers were standing guard. Fire trucks and emergency vehicles were angled between police cars, lights flashing.
The spectators were multiplying, spilling onto the street and clogging up the sidewalk. Leah moved as close as she could and stood there in shock. Ali found Luke and came back to Aubrey and Leah with news. “It started as a car fire in the back lot,” she said. “Possibly set purposely. The car exploded and the building caught.”
“Oh my God,” Aubrey said. Up until six weeks ago, she’d worked inside the building as an admin to the town clerk. “Did everyone get out?”
“Yes.”
“Except for the firefighters,” Dee said from right behind them, looking pale and shaken. “They’re still inside, including Jack.” She reached for Leah’s hand and gave her a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes. “But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
She was talking to herself, and knowing it, Leah pulled her in for a hug. “Of course it’s going to be okay. Hell, this is your crazy son’s idea of fun.”
Dee let out a watery laugh and hugged Leah so tight it hurt to breathe. “Oh, Leah, you’re so good for him, you know that?”
Again she felt that now-familiar stab of guilt.
Dee held on to her. “You’re just so much stronger than I could ever hope to be.”
If only that were true.
Chapter 18
Several hours later, the fire had been put out. There was still a police presence, but the crowd had dwindled.
Jack was supervising the cleanup and going through the scene with Ronald. Town Hall had been saved, though there was some fairly extensive damage to the second floor and the roof, both of which had caught when the car exploded.
They’d found a few cigarette butts in the alley, which had an excellent view of the back of the Town Hall building. And beneath the burned wreckage of the car, the same incendiary device that they’d found at the auto parts store—a bucket of oily rags.
This was no vagrant.
It was 2:00 a.m. before Jack got back to the station. By the time dawn arrived and he dragged his tired ass—and Kevin’s—home, he was gritty-eyed and exhausted. Far too exhausted to be surprised when he found his mom and Ben waiting for him.
They dragged him out to breakfast, and then they went with Dee to her doctor’s appointment, where they got good news from the results of her last tests.
The treatment was working.
It was nearly noon by the time Jack got home, with bed firmly on his mind.
Leah was sitting on the top step of his porch in a sundress, another of her cropped sweaters, and strappy, high-heeled sandals that had a bow around her ankle. Kevin bounded over to her like he hadn’t seen her in years. She gave him a full body rub that had the dog sinking to the ground in boneless ecstasy, rolling onto his back, with his legs straight up in the air, tongue lolling.
Leah smiled and shook her head at his antics. “You boys are all the same,” she said. “You just want to show off your junk.” She pulled a doggie biscuit from her purse, and Kevin wriggled like a beached whale trying to right himself in a hurry.
“Sit,” she said firmly.
“He doesn’t sit,” Jack said.
Kevin sat.
“Good boy! Oh, what a very good boy,” Leah said in that high, silly voice that all women used with dogs and gave Kevin another big, warm hug.
Kevin glanced back at Jack, who would have sworn the dog was grinning at him. “Careful,” he said. “Or I’ll let you adopt him.”
“No thank you,” she said. “I don’t have big enough baggies.”
Jack moved to the top step and sat next to her. He told himself it was because she always smelled so good and he wanted to get the scent of the fire out of his nostrils. And also because his legs were so tired he didn’t think he could keep standing up. “So.”
She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth. “So…”
“Where were we?”
She flushed. “I don’t remember.”
“Seriously,” he said. “How is it that your nose isn’t a foot long by now?”
She smiled and handed him a small white bag. “Happy birthday.”
He should have known she would remember. She always remembered. “What is it?” he asked cautiously. And with good reason. One year, she’d gotten him a gift certificate for a spa treatment that had turned out to be for a male Brazilian wax. He’d never cashed that one in… Another year, she’d left him a pair of really huge women’s underpants on his truck antenna out in front of the station along with a “love note” from a secret admirer. That one had taken a while to live down.
“Open it,” she said, sounding far too innocent.
“Do I need insurance first?”
“Maybe it’s just what you wanted,” she said.
What he wanted was her in his bed wearing nothing but those sexy shoes. He started to open the bag, and Kevin moved in close, licking his chops hopefully.
“You already got yours,” Jack told him.
Kevin whined.
“I’ll tell you what,” Jack told him. “If you sit, maybe I’ll share.”
Kevin offered a paw.
“No, I said sit.”
Kevin barked.
Leah laughed, the sound going a long way toward reviving Jack. Shaking his head, he opened the bag. Cream cheese croissants. “I like the lack of public humiliation with this one,” he said as he pulled the first one from the bag.
She smiled. “I figured it was time to grow up just a little bit. Aren’t you going to go inside to eat?” she asked.
“Nope.” He downed the croissant in two bites and pulled out number two. “Can’t wait that long.” He swallowed. “You made these when the cast from Sweet Wars guested on the Today Show.”
“Yes.”
“And you fed one to that host guy, whatever his name is.”
They both knew damn well that he knew Rafe’s name. Leah didn’t respond, just pulled something else from her big bag. A thermos.
Milk, which as it turned out was gloriously, icy cold. He washed down the croissant, filling his stomach with something more than adrenaline and acid. “God, you’re good.”
“That’s what they tell me.” She waited until he’d taken a big, long gulp. “As for Rafe.” She paused until he looked at her. “I did sleep with him,” she said quietly.
The milk went down the wrong pipe, and he choked. When he could breathe again, he swiped his face with his forearm. “I didn’t want to know that.”
“Yes you did. But it was only once. I didn’t like him enough to repeat the experience.”
Their gazes met again and held as he wondered if she liked him enough to repeat their experience. In his pocket, his phone vibrated. He ignored it. “Go on,” he said.
“There’s nothing else to tell.” Standing up, she moved to the porch railing and leaned on it, staring out into the bright morning. “He got pissed off and made a big stink about how if I didn’t sleep with him again, I was going to blow the chance of a lifetime.”
Jack narrowed his eyes. “He threatened you?”
“He was just blowing off steam after getting rejected. I could have handled it better.” She shrugged. “He wasn’t my type. We weren’t a thing. You’ll see that in the finals, where he ignores me completely.”
Feeling a whole lot better, he looked at her and realized she wasn’t feeling better at all. She was tense. “You okay?”
She let out a low, mirthless laugh that told him she wasn’t, and why.
It hit him then, like a bucket of ice water. She’d been watching the fire last night with everyone else in town. Watching and worrying. He remembered those years his mom had made herself sick with the strain and stress and fear of waiting. Just the thought of having a woman do that for him had always been enough to keep himself from letting anyone get too close. Lots of other people managed to do the job and have families, and it all seemed to work out. But after watching his mom fall apart when his dad had died, Jack had known he’d never be one of them.
He set the bag and the thermos down and stood up. Turning her to face him, he stepped into her, his boots on the outside of her pretty shoes, his hands gliding up her arms to her face, which he tilted to his. “I’m really good at what I do, Leah.”
“Yes,” she agreed. “I know.”
“I’m not my dad.”
“I know that too.”
“I’m trying to honor his memory,” Jack said. “Trying to live up to what he believed in, but trust me, I have no intention of being a hero. Not like he turned out to be.”
She set her hands on his biceps and looked into his eyes. “There was a time that wasn’t true,” she reminded him. “When you were wild and reckless.”
“I’m past that,” he assured her. “Long past. And knowing what my mom went through, how she suffered, it’s made it easy to say no to any sort of deep relationship.”
“To any relationship.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Fine. Yeah. I stay away from them.”
“Except for one,” she said, and drew in a deep breath. “Me.”
This was true. His relationship with her had stood the test of time—although not without its share of bumps and bruises along the way.
“Because we’ve been friends,” he said. “Not lovers.”
She arched a brow.
“Until recently,” he allowed.
She took in his expression. “Let me guess,” she said quietly. “We’re going back into negotiations on our rules.” She pulled out her phone. “Go ahead,” she said. “I’ll take notes.”
“This isn’t funny.”
“Well, give the man an A.”
Irritation bubbled at the base of his skull. His very tired skull. “Tell me this, Leah. Where do you see this charade going? Or ending?”
Something flashed across her face that he couldn’t quite interpret. Maybe guilt.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I didn’t think that far. It’s not like this was premeditated,” she said, voice heavy with regret. “I only meant to make your mom happy—”
“I know.” And he did know. “It’s worked. She’s eating. Getting up and out.” He shook his head in marvel. “She’s happy. But…”
“You’re not,” she said softly. “Happy.”
“You want to know what I think?”
“Probably not.”
“I think you’re using this opportunity to avoid whatever the hell you’re running from this time.”
She stared at him for one stunned beat before pushing at him. “I’ve got to go.”
“Shit,” he muttered, catching her, pulling her around, and pinning her to the railing. “I’m right, aren’t I? You ran from whatever happened. Was it Rafe?”
“No.” In his arms, she squirmed. Her hair tickled his nose, caught on the stubble of his jaw. It smelled good. She felt good too, and like always when it came to being with her, she both aroused and frustrated the shit out of him. “So are your plans to run from me, Leah? Because that’s next, right? And how are you going to explain that?”
