Always on My Mind
Page 30
Of course, he knew that wasn’t going to happen, not when he’d crossed over the line—way the hell over it—with her just now.
“We both know you meant every word you said to me,” she replied in an even voice, though her eyes flashed with fire. “And I meant every word I said to you. But don’t worry.” She stroked a gentle hand over Mo’s patchy fur and the cat gave a soft purr of joy at being showered with such pure, sweet love. “As soon as Sweetpea doesn’t need me anymore, I’ll be out of your hair.” Lori sneezed before adding, “And until then, we can just stay out of each other’s way as much as possible.”
She turned her full attention back to the cat, then, and he knew he’d been dismissed. So completely that he might never have been there at all.
Leave. He should leave, go back to his room, take a shower, and hit the sack to make up for all the sleep he hadn’t been able to get with Lori only a wall away at night—with visions of her naked and beautiful beneath her sheets running through his head on repeat until sunrise.
But he knew she had to be hungry after the long day she’d put in, so instead of leaving, he started to pull together dinner. Thirty minutes later, after having listened to Lori sneeze practically the entire time, he had two plates of spaghetti ready for both of them.
“Dinner’s ready,” he told her.
“I’m not hungry.”
“I know how hard you’ve worked today,” he said in a soft voice. “And I’ve seen you eat. You’ve got to be starved.” He put the plate down on the coffee table in front of her. “Please eat dinner, Lori.”
She looked from the plate to him, her brow furrowed with confusion. For another moment, he thought she’d refuse his peace offering, but then she said, “I really don’t understand you, Grayson.”
He wanted to tell her she understood him better than anyone else ever had, that everything she’d said to him had been right.
He wanted to tell her how wrong he’d been for lashing out at her when it wasn’t her fault that his wife had died.
He wanted to confess that he didn’t know how to get over his guilt for the way his marriage had crumbled and turned into tragedy.
He wanted to make up to her every harsh thing he’d said and done.
He wanted to hear the beautiful sound of her laughter and know that he’d pleased her, rather than constantly being the source of her tears.
But three years of near-constant silence made the words stutter to a halt inside his head long before they reached his lips. Grayson brought his plate over from the kitchen, sat down in the living room, and ate in silence with Lori and his cat.
Chapter Fourteen
“Do you have anything nice to wear?”
Lori was in the barn the next day getting another bag of feed for the chickens when Grayson walked in and asked her the totally random question. She hadn’t been able to forget the unexpectedly deep look of longing in his eyes as he’d come into the living room the previous evening to apologize. But neither could she forget the way they’d blown up at each other in the barn. So, instead of telling him that, yes, she had several really pretty dresses in her suitcase, she gestured at her mud-spattered jeans and T-shirt.
“What could possibly be nicer than this?”
That muscle in his jaw started moving. He needed to stop clenching it so hard or he was going to end up with terrible headaches. Not that she was going to make the mistake of telling him that. No, from here on out she’d keep her mouth shut and her opinions out of his life. That was what they both wanted, after all.
And yet, even though she knew she could have left his farm at any moment, somehow that hadn’t been an option. Sweetpea still needed her, of course, but on top of that, Lori still didn’t have anything to go back to...and she couldn’t bear to face her family and friends like this.
They all thought she was invincible.
It was one thing for Grayson to be disappointed in her. It was another entirely for the people who loved her to feel that way.
Grayson swept his dark gaze over her again before saying, “If you show up with me at the barn dance looking like that, people are going to talk.”
The word dance grabbed her gut and twisted it. Hard enough that she lost her breath and her balance for a minute, and had to reach out to grab a beam to steady herself.
“Why would you want me to go anywhere with you? I thought we agreed to keep to ourselves from here on out.”
He shrugged. “I’ve been alone on this farm long enough that people are starting to think I’m fair game. If you’re there, they’ll stop thinking that.”
“People? Fair game?” She finally realized what he was talking about. “You mean women?”
“Yes.” He gritted out the word between teeth that were clenched even tighter than she’d previously thought.
“So if you go to this barn—” She didn’t even want to say the word. “—thing without me, you’ll be subjected to pretty little ladies throwing themselves at you left and right?”
“Be ready at six,” he said without bothering to answer her snarky question.
He was already walking away when she said, “Why should I?”
She wasn’t sure she liked the look in his eyes when he turned to face her. “I’ve let you hide out here on my farm all week, that’s why.”
She could no longer argue with him about the hiding out part, but she could take issue with the fact that he was acting like she’d been a freeloader. And she was sick to death of men who thought they could take her accomplishments down a peg. “I’ve been working hard, not just lying on the grass in a bikini asking you to crank up the blender for my next drink refill.” She could only imagine the fit Grayson would have pitched if she’d done that. “I know I screwed up some things at first, but I’ve been doing a great job since then.”
He moved closer, close enough that her heartbeat kicked into overdrive. “If you’re that afraid to go to the dance, just tell me and I’ll let you off the hook.”
The challenge in his words reverberated through every last cell in her body despite how softly he’d uttered them. And this time she was the one gritting her teeth so hard she nearly cracked her molars.
“I’ll see you at six.”
Fury had Lori weeding like a fiend for the rest of the afternoon, but she didn’t get any satisfaction out of the ground she covered. Not when she was too busy planning how to make Grayson regret he’d ever made that challenge to her.
“We both know you meant every word you said to me,” she replied in an even voice, though her eyes flashed with fire. “And I meant every word I said to you. But don’t worry.” She stroked a gentle hand over Mo’s patchy fur and the cat gave a soft purr of joy at being showered with such pure, sweet love. “As soon as Sweetpea doesn’t need me anymore, I’ll be out of your hair.” Lori sneezed before adding, “And until then, we can just stay out of each other’s way as much as possible.”
She turned her full attention back to the cat, then, and he knew he’d been dismissed. So completely that he might never have been there at all.
Leave. He should leave, go back to his room, take a shower, and hit the sack to make up for all the sleep he hadn’t been able to get with Lori only a wall away at night—with visions of her naked and beautiful beneath her sheets running through his head on repeat until sunrise.
But he knew she had to be hungry after the long day she’d put in, so instead of leaving, he started to pull together dinner. Thirty minutes later, after having listened to Lori sneeze practically the entire time, he had two plates of spaghetti ready for both of them.
“Dinner’s ready,” he told her.
“I’m not hungry.”
“I know how hard you’ve worked today,” he said in a soft voice. “And I’ve seen you eat. You’ve got to be starved.” He put the plate down on the coffee table in front of her. “Please eat dinner, Lori.”
She looked from the plate to him, her brow furrowed with confusion. For another moment, he thought she’d refuse his peace offering, but then she said, “I really don’t understand you, Grayson.”
He wanted to tell her she understood him better than anyone else ever had, that everything she’d said to him had been right.
He wanted to tell her how wrong he’d been for lashing out at her when it wasn’t her fault that his wife had died.
He wanted to confess that he didn’t know how to get over his guilt for the way his marriage had crumbled and turned into tragedy.
He wanted to make up to her every harsh thing he’d said and done.
He wanted to hear the beautiful sound of her laughter and know that he’d pleased her, rather than constantly being the source of her tears.
But three years of near-constant silence made the words stutter to a halt inside his head long before they reached his lips. Grayson brought his plate over from the kitchen, sat down in the living room, and ate in silence with Lori and his cat.
Chapter Fourteen
“Do you have anything nice to wear?”
Lori was in the barn the next day getting another bag of feed for the chickens when Grayson walked in and asked her the totally random question. She hadn’t been able to forget the unexpectedly deep look of longing in his eyes as he’d come into the living room the previous evening to apologize. But neither could she forget the way they’d blown up at each other in the barn. So, instead of telling him that, yes, she had several really pretty dresses in her suitcase, she gestured at her mud-spattered jeans and T-shirt.
“What could possibly be nicer than this?”
That muscle in his jaw started moving. He needed to stop clenching it so hard or he was going to end up with terrible headaches. Not that she was going to make the mistake of telling him that. No, from here on out she’d keep her mouth shut and her opinions out of his life. That was what they both wanted, after all.
And yet, even though she knew she could have left his farm at any moment, somehow that hadn’t been an option. Sweetpea still needed her, of course, but on top of that, Lori still didn’t have anything to go back to...and she couldn’t bear to face her family and friends like this.
They all thought she was invincible.
It was one thing for Grayson to be disappointed in her. It was another entirely for the people who loved her to feel that way.
Grayson swept his dark gaze over her again before saying, “If you show up with me at the barn dance looking like that, people are going to talk.”
The word dance grabbed her gut and twisted it. Hard enough that she lost her breath and her balance for a minute, and had to reach out to grab a beam to steady herself.
“Why would you want me to go anywhere with you? I thought we agreed to keep to ourselves from here on out.”
He shrugged. “I’ve been alone on this farm long enough that people are starting to think I’m fair game. If you’re there, they’ll stop thinking that.”
“People? Fair game?” She finally realized what he was talking about. “You mean women?”
“Yes.” He gritted out the word between teeth that were clenched even tighter than she’d previously thought.
“So if you go to this barn—” She didn’t even want to say the word. “—thing without me, you’ll be subjected to pretty little ladies throwing themselves at you left and right?”
“Be ready at six,” he said without bothering to answer her snarky question.
He was already walking away when she said, “Why should I?”
She wasn’t sure she liked the look in his eyes when he turned to face her. “I’ve let you hide out here on my farm all week, that’s why.”
She could no longer argue with him about the hiding out part, but she could take issue with the fact that he was acting like she’d been a freeloader. And she was sick to death of men who thought they could take her accomplishments down a peg. “I’ve been working hard, not just lying on the grass in a bikini asking you to crank up the blender for my next drink refill.” She could only imagine the fit Grayson would have pitched if she’d done that. “I know I screwed up some things at first, but I’ve been doing a great job since then.”
He moved closer, close enough that her heartbeat kicked into overdrive. “If you’re that afraid to go to the dance, just tell me and I’ll let you off the hook.”
The challenge in his words reverberated through every last cell in her body despite how softly he’d uttered them. And this time she was the one gritting her teeth so hard she nearly cracked her molars.
“I’ll see you at six.”
Fury had Lori weeding like a fiend for the rest of the afternoon, but she didn’t get any satisfaction out of the ground she covered. Not when she was too busy planning how to make Grayson regret he’d ever made that challenge to her.
