An Artificial Night
Page 87
“That’s stupid. It’s stupid, and it’s suicidal, and I won’t let you.”
“I don’t think you get a say, hon,” I said, gently removing her fingers from my arm. She didn’t fight me. She just stood there, watching bleakly, as I took Spike from my shoulder, set it down on the floor, and turned to walk out of the room. She didn’t follow.
Spike did. I walked about halfway down the hall, the sound of its claws always clicking a few feet behind me on the marble floor. Finally, I turned to look at it. It promptly sat down, watching me with lambent, narrowed eyes.
“You’re not coming,” I said.
It stood and walked forward, sitting down right next to my feet.
“You’re not coming. It’s not safe.”
The look it gave me was almost disgusted. If you’re going, said the look, I can go, too.
I sighed. “Fine, Spike, whatever you want.” I started walking again, steps accompanied by the soft click-click-click of the goblin’s claws, and tried to hide how pleased I was. I trusted Spike to be safe, and I really hadn’t wanted to go alone. There are a lot of ways to die and alone has always seemed like one of the worst. Almost anything else would be better.
We made it out of the knowe and back into the mortal world without seeing anyone else. The door in the oak slammed shut behind us with a hollow finality, and I stopped, staring blankly out across the hillside.
The others might think they’d saved me, but I knew all the way down to my bones that they hadn’t. Blind Michael had me too long for that sort of salvation to work. Part of me was his—might always be his, no matter what happened next—and if he was allowed to live, that part would just keep trying to find a way to drag me back to him. I could pretend that nothing was wrong, or I could admit that nothing was right and try to do something about it.
Blind Michael was a monster, and he’d been allowed to go unchallenged for too long. How many kids had he taken and twisted over the centuries? Hundreds? Thousands? Faerie prizes children above almost everything else, and still no one had dared to try stopping him—not since the Luidaeg tried, and failed. Someone had to do it. Someone should have done it a long time ago.
I just wished it didn’t have to be me.
There was no warning before the hand dropped onto my shoulder. I stiffened, ready to run, until Sylvester said, “I know where you’re going, October.”
I turned to look up at him. “How long have you been out here?” I hadn’t seen him until he moved. For someone with such red hair, he could blend astonishingly well.
“Since Luna told me they’d brought you home.”
“I’ve been just inside. Why did you come wait out here?”
“Because I know you better than you think I do.” He sighed, looking deeply weary. “I know the rest of this conversation. You apologize, I tell you it’s all right. You tell me you’re going back to Blind Michael’s lands and say I can’t stop you. Does that sound about right?”
“Yes . . .”
“I wouldn’t dream of trying to stop you.”
Okay: that was something I hadn’t expected to hear. I stared at him, and he smiled. I wanted to ask why he wouldn’t try to stop me, but I couldn’t find any words. Not a single one.
“I know you too well, Toby,” he said, still smiling. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t, believe me. I’d love to have some illusions to cling to—but I don’t anymore. I just know you too well.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. I went off to play the hero myself, once. I’d do it again, if I had to.” His smile turned wistful. “I’d do it all again, and I’d do it differently. When certain people wanted to walk away, well . . . it would be different. But we can’t change the past, and now I get to watch you ride away. I saw you born. I watched you grow from a confused little girl into one of my finest knights. I shouldn’t have to see you die.”
I closed my eyes, shuddering. He wasn’t trying to talk me out of it, and somehow, that made it worse. “I’m sorry. But this is important.”
“That’s the only reason I can let you go. Look at me, please.” I opened my eyes. He was holding out his sheathed sword with steady hands. “I know where you’re going. I won’t stop you. But I won’t let you go alone.”
“Sylvester—”
He kept talking, ignoring my objection. “This was my father’s sword. He gave her to me the first time I rode to war; he said she’d never failed him, and that she wouldn’t fail me either. If I had a son, she would be his—she would have belonged to Raysel, if Raysel wanted her. But my daughter never understood what it meant to bear your father’s sword.”
“Sylvester?” This was too much, too fast. I didn’t know how to defend myself from it.
“She’s not a gift: I want her back. If I have to, I’ll reclaim her when I ride to avenge you. But you wouldn’t forgive me if I followed you now; you wouldn’t let me steal your vengeance, and dear May’s presence tells me you won’t come home whether I ride with you or not. I can let you go if you take my father’s sword.”
“Why?”
“Because when I was younger, I was a hero.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead as he pressed the sword into my hands. “Go in glory, Toby. If you have to die, do it well. If you can come back to us, come home.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. “Sylvester—”
“You can’t thank me, and you can’t promise to come back, and those are the only things I want to hear.” He smiled again, smoothing my hair with one hand. “If he kills you, take him with you. End this. That’s all I ask. I love you.”
Turning, he walked away into the woods, leaving me alone with Spike and, clutching his father’s sword. When I was sure he wouldn’t hear me, I whispered, “I love you, too.”
I knelt, meeting Spike’s eyes. “You stay here. Watch Sylvester. Don’t let him cry for me. All right?” It looked at me assessingly before bounding after Sylvester. I straightened. If someone was looking after Sylvester, even a rose goblin, I could go. I could leave him if he wasn’t alone. Not that I had much of a choice.
The sword was surprisingly light; I wasn’t large, but I could lift it. That was probably part of why Sylvester gave it—her—to me. He knew she’d serve me well, and while he couldn’t take vengeance himself, he could make sure his sword did it for him. Clever guy. I could almost make myself forget that he’d mourn for me. Almost, but not quite. Slinging the scabbard over my shoulder, I started down the hill, pausing at the edge of the trees to fill my hands with shadows and wrap myself in a human disguise that hid both my pointed ears and the sword. I shivered as the illusion settled over me, unable to keep from thinking, This is the last time. There wasn’t time to start regretting things. It was time to go.
“I don’t think you get a say, hon,” I said, gently removing her fingers from my arm. She didn’t fight me. She just stood there, watching bleakly, as I took Spike from my shoulder, set it down on the floor, and turned to walk out of the room. She didn’t follow.
Spike did. I walked about halfway down the hall, the sound of its claws always clicking a few feet behind me on the marble floor. Finally, I turned to look at it. It promptly sat down, watching me with lambent, narrowed eyes.
“You’re not coming,” I said.
It stood and walked forward, sitting down right next to my feet.
“You’re not coming. It’s not safe.”
The look it gave me was almost disgusted. If you’re going, said the look, I can go, too.
I sighed. “Fine, Spike, whatever you want.” I started walking again, steps accompanied by the soft click-click-click of the goblin’s claws, and tried to hide how pleased I was. I trusted Spike to be safe, and I really hadn’t wanted to go alone. There are a lot of ways to die and alone has always seemed like one of the worst. Almost anything else would be better.
We made it out of the knowe and back into the mortal world without seeing anyone else. The door in the oak slammed shut behind us with a hollow finality, and I stopped, staring blankly out across the hillside.
The others might think they’d saved me, but I knew all the way down to my bones that they hadn’t. Blind Michael had me too long for that sort of salvation to work. Part of me was his—might always be his, no matter what happened next—and if he was allowed to live, that part would just keep trying to find a way to drag me back to him. I could pretend that nothing was wrong, or I could admit that nothing was right and try to do something about it.
Blind Michael was a monster, and he’d been allowed to go unchallenged for too long. How many kids had he taken and twisted over the centuries? Hundreds? Thousands? Faerie prizes children above almost everything else, and still no one had dared to try stopping him—not since the Luidaeg tried, and failed. Someone had to do it. Someone should have done it a long time ago.
I just wished it didn’t have to be me.
There was no warning before the hand dropped onto my shoulder. I stiffened, ready to run, until Sylvester said, “I know where you’re going, October.”
I turned to look up at him. “How long have you been out here?” I hadn’t seen him until he moved. For someone with such red hair, he could blend astonishingly well.
“Since Luna told me they’d brought you home.”
“I’ve been just inside. Why did you come wait out here?”
“Because I know you better than you think I do.” He sighed, looking deeply weary. “I know the rest of this conversation. You apologize, I tell you it’s all right. You tell me you’re going back to Blind Michael’s lands and say I can’t stop you. Does that sound about right?”
“Yes . . .”
“I wouldn’t dream of trying to stop you.”
Okay: that was something I hadn’t expected to hear. I stared at him, and he smiled. I wanted to ask why he wouldn’t try to stop me, but I couldn’t find any words. Not a single one.
“I know you too well, Toby,” he said, still smiling. “Sometimes I wish I didn’t, believe me. I’d love to have some illusions to cling to—but I don’t anymore. I just know you too well.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be. I went off to play the hero myself, once. I’d do it again, if I had to.” His smile turned wistful. “I’d do it all again, and I’d do it differently. When certain people wanted to walk away, well . . . it would be different. But we can’t change the past, and now I get to watch you ride away. I saw you born. I watched you grow from a confused little girl into one of my finest knights. I shouldn’t have to see you die.”
I closed my eyes, shuddering. He wasn’t trying to talk me out of it, and somehow, that made it worse. “I’m sorry. But this is important.”
“That’s the only reason I can let you go. Look at me, please.” I opened my eyes. He was holding out his sheathed sword with steady hands. “I know where you’re going. I won’t stop you. But I won’t let you go alone.”
“Sylvester—”
He kept talking, ignoring my objection. “This was my father’s sword. He gave her to me the first time I rode to war; he said she’d never failed him, and that she wouldn’t fail me either. If I had a son, she would be his—she would have belonged to Raysel, if Raysel wanted her. But my daughter never understood what it meant to bear your father’s sword.”
“Sylvester?” This was too much, too fast. I didn’t know how to defend myself from it.
“She’s not a gift: I want her back. If I have to, I’ll reclaim her when I ride to avenge you. But you wouldn’t forgive me if I followed you now; you wouldn’t let me steal your vengeance, and dear May’s presence tells me you won’t come home whether I ride with you or not. I can let you go if you take my father’s sword.”
“Why?”
“Because when I was younger, I was a hero.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead as he pressed the sword into my hands. “Go in glory, Toby. If you have to die, do it well. If you can come back to us, come home.”
I bit my lip to keep myself from crying. “Sylvester—”
“You can’t thank me, and you can’t promise to come back, and those are the only things I want to hear.” He smiled again, smoothing my hair with one hand. “If he kills you, take him with you. End this. That’s all I ask. I love you.”
Turning, he walked away into the woods, leaving me alone with Spike and, clutching his father’s sword. When I was sure he wouldn’t hear me, I whispered, “I love you, too.”
I knelt, meeting Spike’s eyes. “You stay here. Watch Sylvester. Don’t let him cry for me. All right?” It looked at me assessingly before bounding after Sylvester. I straightened. If someone was looking after Sylvester, even a rose goblin, I could go. I could leave him if he wasn’t alone. Not that I had much of a choice.
The sword was surprisingly light; I wasn’t large, but I could lift it. That was probably part of why Sylvester gave it—her—to me. He knew she’d serve me well, and while he couldn’t take vengeance himself, he could make sure his sword did it for him. Clever guy. I could almost make myself forget that he’d mourn for me. Almost, but not quite. Slinging the scabbard over my shoulder, I started down the hill, pausing at the edge of the trees to fill my hands with shadows and wrap myself in a human disguise that hid both my pointed ears and the sword. I shivered as the illusion settled over me, unable to keep from thinking, This is the last time. There wasn’t time to start regretting things. It was time to go.
