Angelfire
Page 38
"I could have sworn you were talking on your phone or something," Kate said, adding a sly smile. "Was it Wil ?"
My face flushed red. "No, I was just . . . saying stupid stuff to the TV. I hate reality shows."
"Right," she said, rol ing her eyes. Since Kate was tal er than me, my pajama pants came down to just above her ankles. "We'l just pretend these were meant to be cropped."
She laughed, pointing down, as if someone might accuse her of dressing poorly between then and morning.
"I won't tel anyone the truth," I said, smiling. I wanted to make jokes and have fun with Kate, but I couldn't get my mind off wondering what else Wil had wanted to say to me. More than that, I was afraid of the End of Days that Ragnuk had spoken of.
"You okay, El ie?"
I looked up to see Kate watching me worriedly. "Sorry. I'm just kind of swamped with life right now."
Kate frowned and plunked down on the carpet, resting her elbow on the edge of the bed. "I'm real y sorry about your dad."
The corner of my mouth twitched as if it were trying to offer her a smile but couldn't. "Yeah. You and me both."
"He shouldn't have said the things he did."
The pity in her expression made me take a deep breath. I wished my dad could understand that what had happened was an accident and I couldn't avoid it. Yeah, I had drunk a couple of shots, and maybe that wasn't exactly legal at my age, but I didn't drive anywhere and no one was hurt because of the alcohol. Landon could have been hurt a lot worse if I hadn't shoved him out of the way of the reaper and then lured the beast away.
I tried so hard to do the right thing, but I didn't know how. If I had to keep covering up the reaper incidents by trashing my reputation and lying to my friends and family, then I wasn't sure how long I could keep fighting. None of this was fair to me. Or them.
"I'm worried about you," Kate said abruptly. "It just seems like your dad is getting worse every day. And I think it's beginning to affect you."
A fleeting memory of my dad giving me the flybal he caught at my first Detroit Tigers basebal game played in my head like a movie. He smiled so much back then, and now I couldn't even remember the last time he had smiled or looked at me with something other than disdain.
I shrugged at Kate. "Wel , I'l graduate in the spring and be off to col ege, so screw him."
"But he's your father," she insisted. "Do you real y want to hate him for the rest of your life?"
"I think he's made up my mind for me, don't you agree?"
She frowned and sighed. "He used to be so cool when we were little. Do you remember when he took us to Crystal Mountain for the weekend and snowboarded with us? That was one of the best weekends of my life."
I smiled at the memory, and it made my eyes sting with tears. My dad had rented a townhouse at that ski resort for him, my mom, Kate, and me the Christmas before Kate and I had started high school. That was the last year we'd felt like a family. Kate had always been like a sister to me, and my parents treated her like an adopted daughter. Now even she felt my dad's frigidness.
"You can't let al these new bad memories wash away the old good ones," she said, tilting her head at me. "They're too good to be canceled out. You have to concentrate hard on the great things about your childhood, al the great memories with your dad. He's not evil, he's just changed. He can change back."
I smiled at her, wiping at a tear in the corner of my eye.
"Thanks, Kate."
She grinned back and tenderly combed my hair back with her fingers. "You know I love you."
"I wish someone else did too." I hated being so angst-y and I would never have admitted that I had "daddy issues" to anyone's face, but it felt wrong to hide what was going on in my life from Kate. That included my Preliator duties. Keeping that from her kil ed me--it hurt almost as much as my relationship with my dad did.
"He loves you," she said. "If he didn't love you, then he would never have been a good dad ever. He was amazing once. He just sucks at it right now. Maybe things wil get better."
"I hope you're right."
She sat up and scoffed at me. "Of course I'm right. I'm kind of amazing, FYI."
I laughed and tossed a pil ow at her. "Oh, real y?"
"Yeah, real y." Her smile got a whole lot slyer. "So how about Wil ? He looked hot tonight."
My cheeks flushed scarlet. "He might have."
Her expression lit up. "I knew it! You like him, don't you?"
My mouth scrunched indecisively and I ran a hand through my hair. "See, I don't know. He's a little different, but not in a real y bad way. He just doesn't act like most guys, you know?"
Kate laughed. "Of course, tal , dark, and stoic would be your type. At least it's better than Landon fol owing you around like a lovesick puppy lately. I'm sorry for that, by the way."
I forced a smile. "Thanks. I feel real y bad about it."
She giggled and looked at me like I was crazy. "Why?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. It's like, he real y likes me and I just don't feel the same way. He's Landon, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess so." Her gaze flickered to the ceiling for a moment. "It's not like he's an ass. He's a little immature, but he's stil a good guy, and he's so cute. And hello? Soccer star! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to say yes and see where it goes."
My face flushed red. "No, I was just . . . saying stupid stuff to the TV. I hate reality shows."
"Right," she said, rol ing her eyes. Since Kate was tal er than me, my pajama pants came down to just above her ankles. "We'l just pretend these were meant to be cropped."
She laughed, pointing down, as if someone might accuse her of dressing poorly between then and morning.
"I won't tel anyone the truth," I said, smiling. I wanted to make jokes and have fun with Kate, but I couldn't get my mind off wondering what else Wil had wanted to say to me. More than that, I was afraid of the End of Days that Ragnuk had spoken of.
"You okay, El ie?"
I looked up to see Kate watching me worriedly. "Sorry. I'm just kind of swamped with life right now."
Kate frowned and plunked down on the carpet, resting her elbow on the edge of the bed. "I'm real y sorry about your dad."
The corner of my mouth twitched as if it were trying to offer her a smile but couldn't. "Yeah. You and me both."
"He shouldn't have said the things he did."
The pity in her expression made me take a deep breath. I wished my dad could understand that what had happened was an accident and I couldn't avoid it. Yeah, I had drunk a couple of shots, and maybe that wasn't exactly legal at my age, but I didn't drive anywhere and no one was hurt because of the alcohol. Landon could have been hurt a lot worse if I hadn't shoved him out of the way of the reaper and then lured the beast away.
I tried so hard to do the right thing, but I didn't know how. If I had to keep covering up the reaper incidents by trashing my reputation and lying to my friends and family, then I wasn't sure how long I could keep fighting. None of this was fair to me. Or them.
"I'm worried about you," Kate said abruptly. "It just seems like your dad is getting worse every day. And I think it's beginning to affect you."
A fleeting memory of my dad giving me the flybal he caught at my first Detroit Tigers basebal game played in my head like a movie. He smiled so much back then, and now I couldn't even remember the last time he had smiled or looked at me with something other than disdain.
I shrugged at Kate. "Wel , I'l graduate in the spring and be off to col ege, so screw him."
"But he's your father," she insisted. "Do you real y want to hate him for the rest of your life?"
"I think he's made up my mind for me, don't you agree?"
She frowned and sighed. "He used to be so cool when we were little. Do you remember when he took us to Crystal Mountain for the weekend and snowboarded with us? That was one of the best weekends of my life."
I smiled at the memory, and it made my eyes sting with tears. My dad had rented a townhouse at that ski resort for him, my mom, Kate, and me the Christmas before Kate and I had started high school. That was the last year we'd felt like a family. Kate had always been like a sister to me, and my parents treated her like an adopted daughter. Now even she felt my dad's frigidness.
"You can't let al these new bad memories wash away the old good ones," she said, tilting her head at me. "They're too good to be canceled out. You have to concentrate hard on the great things about your childhood, al the great memories with your dad. He's not evil, he's just changed. He can change back."
I smiled at her, wiping at a tear in the corner of my eye.
"Thanks, Kate."
She grinned back and tenderly combed my hair back with her fingers. "You know I love you."
"I wish someone else did too." I hated being so angst-y and I would never have admitted that I had "daddy issues" to anyone's face, but it felt wrong to hide what was going on in my life from Kate. That included my Preliator duties. Keeping that from her kil ed me--it hurt almost as much as my relationship with my dad did.
"He loves you," she said. "If he didn't love you, then he would never have been a good dad ever. He was amazing once. He just sucks at it right now. Maybe things wil get better."
"I hope you're right."
She sat up and scoffed at me. "Of course I'm right. I'm kind of amazing, FYI."
I laughed and tossed a pil ow at her. "Oh, real y?"
"Yeah, real y." Her smile got a whole lot slyer. "So how about Wil ? He looked hot tonight."
My cheeks flushed scarlet. "He might have."
Her expression lit up. "I knew it! You like him, don't you?"
My mouth scrunched indecisively and I ran a hand through my hair. "See, I don't know. He's a little different, but not in a real y bad way. He just doesn't act like most guys, you know?"
Kate laughed. "Of course, tal , dark, and stoic would be your type. At least it's better than Landon fol owing you around like a lovesick puppy lately. I'm sorry for that, by the way."
I forced a smile. "Thanks. I feel real y bad about it."
She giggled and looked at me like I was crazy. "Why?"
I shrugged. "I don't know. It's like, he real y likes me and I just don't feel the same way. He's Landon, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess so." Her gaze flickered to the ceiling for a moment. "It's not like he's an ass. He's a little immature, but he's stil a good guy, and he's so cute. And hello? Soccer star! Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to say yes and see where it goes."
