Angelfire
Page 80
With a deep breath, I peeked past him and saw my car sitting unharmed in the al ey on the side of the warehouse that hadn't col apsed, covered in a thick layer of dirt. The sarcophagus sat just beyond the Audi and was equal y unharmed. Wil had somehow gotten himself and the sarcophagus out of harm's way just in time. Just in time before I let a building fal down on top of him.
I didn't know how long he held me there before I stepped away. It could have been hours, but I wouldn't have noticed.
"What did Ragnuk mean when he wanted you to show your true self?" A part of me didn't want to know the answer, but another part ached for it.
He didn't answer at first and his hands rubbed my shoulders gently. His cheek burrowed into my hair. "He believed I'm something I'm not," he said. "I've tried very hard not to be the kind of dark they are. The demonic reapers hate my kind for that, and they hate me even more for protecting you."
I leaned into him. I understood what it felt like to be something frightening and try to maintain some shred of humanity. Wil fought the same kind of darkness that threatened to destroy who I real y was, the darkness that threatened to destroy him and take him away from me. We both waged internal wars against the monsters inside us. It made us dangerous to everyone around us, and to each other. I'd been so busy worrying about fighting the scary side of me that I'd forgotten he was doing the same. He was always thinking of me and what I needed, and I never thought about what he needed.
"What's wrong, El ie? Tel me how I can fix this."
My breath trembled as I drew it in and I pressed my face deeper into his chest. "I thought he had kil ed you."
He exhaled and kissed my hair.
"I thought I was going to lose you," I confessed, biting back a sob that threatened to break free.
Wil pul ed away so that our eyes met. The centuries we had spent together were fil ing my heart with so much emotion that I felt it was about to burst. I didn't remember any of it, but I knew it al in my soul.
"You'l never lose me," he said gently, and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'l always be here."
I wrapped my arms around his back and held him as tightly as I could, afraid he'd drift away.
He dropped his head to mine, his body so close to mine I could hardly stand it. "If we're separated--if I lose you--I'l find you," he breathed, his cheek touching mine gently, lighting tiny fireworks on my skin.
Fresh, relentless, warm tears rol ed down my cheeks. His promise melted through me, and my heart ached for everything that I wanted and couldn't have. In the end, he was al I had. Through each lifetime, every last thing that I came to know and love in the world changed or vanished completely except for him. He was the only thing permanent in al of forever.
Then he kissed me, slowly and gently. It was just a light brush of his lips on mine, but I stiffened, surprised and unsure of how to react. He pul ed away, only just, holding my gaze with his, his lips almost touching mine, as if waiting for me. I tilted my chin up and parted my mouth until his returned, kissing me again, long and leisurely. He seemed too careful, as if he expected me to be frightened. I forced myself to relax and I lifted a tentative hand to stroke his cheek and I kissed him back. His fingers trailed up my spine and brushed across my bare throat before threading tenderly through my hair, his thumb tracing along my cheek. When I didn't pul away, he deepened his kiss with a hunger, fervently, as if it were our last, even though it was our first. He final y broke free, but he didn't pul away. He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
My hands wound around his neck. My nails traced the contours of his back and shoulders, and I felt his muscles lock where I touched him. I breathed in his scent, trying to take al of him in. For a moment I forgot about the beast that might destroy my soul, and the only thing I feared was losing this and never seeing his face again. If I died before I had to fight the Enshi, I didn't want to forget his face or his voice or what it felt like when he touched me. I couldn't let myself forget him again. "Don't be," I said, my hands sliding up into his hair.
"I shouldn't have done that," he breathed, pushing a lock of my hair behind my shoulders.
"There's nothing to regret," I replied urgently.
He pul ed away until he was no longer touching me at al , and I craved for him to come back. I fought everything in me to not reach for him.
His expression was terribly vulnerable and pained; he seemed to be trying desperately not to break. "You have to understand how difficult this is for me," he said final y. "I've been devoted to you for so long. I've done my best to serve you and keep you safe. And this--how I feel--is going against too many of the rules. I know it's wrong, and I know it's stupid, but I don't real y care."
I studied his face for several moments, watching for the intensity of his eyes to give me a sign. "Whose rules are they?"
"The angel who made me your Guardian," he said. "I think he was an archangel. He told me I was to protect you and nothing more. I'm not supposed to feel what I feel."
"What exactly . . . do you feel?" I asked careful y. "What do you mean?"
He closed his eyes and looked away. "I'm so confused."
We didn't speak for some time but only stood there next to the col apsed warehouse. Final y he turned away from me.
"We should get out of here," he suggested. "Someone is bound to have heard the building fal ."
I didn't know how long he held me there before I stepped away. It could have been hours, but I wouldn't have noticed.
"What did Ragnuk mean when he wanted you to show your true self?" A part of me didn't want to know the answer, but another part ached for it.
He didn't answer at first and his hands rubbed my shoulders gently. His cheek burrowed into my hair. "He believed I'm something I'm not," he said. "I've tried very hard not to be the kind of dark they are. The demonic reapers hate my kind for that, and they hate me even more for protecting you."
I leaned into him. I understood what it felt like to be something frightening and try to maintain some shred of humanity. Wil fought the same kind of darkness that threatened to destroy who I real y was, the darkness that threatened to destroy him and take him away from me. We both waged internal wars against the monsters inside us. It made us dangerous to everyone around us, and to each other. I'd been so busy worrying about fighting the scary side of me that I'd forgotten he was doing the same. He was always thinking of me and what I needed, and I never thought about what he needed.
"What's wrong, El ie? Tel me how I can fix this."
My breath trembled as I drew it in and I pressed my face deeper into his chest. "I thought he had kil ed you."
He exhaled and kissed my hair.
"I thought I was going to lose you," I confessed, biting back a sob that threatened to break free.
Wil pul ed away so that our eyes met. The centuries we had spent together were fil ing my heart with so much emotion that I felt it was about to burst. I didn't remember any of it, but I knew it al in my soul.
"You'l never lose me," he said gently, and wiped the tears from my cheeks. "I'l always be here."
I wrapped my arms around his back and held him as tightly as I could, afraid he'd drift away.
He dropped his head to mine, his body so close to mine I could hardly stand it. "If we're separated--if I lose you--I'l find you," he breathed, his cheek touching mine gently, lighting tiny fireworks on my skin.
Fresh, relentless, warm tears rol ed down my cheeks. His promise melted through me, and my heart ached for everything that I wanted and couldn't have. In the end, he was al I had. Through each lifetime, every last thing that I came to know and love in the world changed or vanished completely except for him. He was the only thing permanent in al of forever.
Then he kissed me, slowly and gently. It was just a light brush of his lips on mine, but I stiffened, surprised and unsure of how to react. He pul ed away, only just, holding my gaze with his, his lips almost touching mine, as if waiting for me. I tilted my chin up and parted my mouth until his returned, kissing me again, long and leisurely. He seemed too careful, as if he expected me to be frightened. I forced myself to relax and I lifted a tentative hand to stroke his cheek and I kissed him back. His fingers trailed up my spine and brushed across my bare throat before threading tenderly through my hair, his thumb tracing along my cheek. When I didn't pul away, he deepened his kiss with a hunger, fervently, as if it were our last, even though it was our first. He final y broke free, but he didn't pul away. He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
My hands wound around his neck. My nails traced the contours of his back and shoulders, and I felt his muscles lock where I touched him. I breathed in his scent, trying to take al of him in. For a moment I forgot about the beast that might destroy my soul, and the only thing I feared was losing this and never seeing his face again. If I died before I had to fight the Enshi, I didn't want to forget his face or his voice or what it felt like when he touched me. I couldn't let myself forget him again. "Don't be," I said, my hands sliding up into his hair.
"I shouldn't have done that," he breathed, pushing a lock of my hair behind my shoulders.
"There's nothing to regret," I replied urgently.
He pul ed away until he was no longer touching me at al , and I craved for him to come back. I fought everything in me to not reach for him.
His expression was terribly vulnerable and pained; he seemed to be trying desperately not to break. "You have to understand how difficult this is for me," he said final y. "I've been devoted to you for so long. I've done my best to serve you and keep you safe. And this--how I feel--is going against too many of the rules. I know it's wrong, and I know it's stupid, but I don't real y care."
I studied his face for several moments, watching for the intensity of his eyes to give me a sign. "Whose rules are they?"
"The angel who made me your Guardian," he said. "I think he was an archangel. He told me I was to protect you and nothing more. I'm not supposed to feel what I feel."
"What exactly . . . do you feel?" I asked careful y. "What do you mean?"
He closed his eyes and looked away. "I'm so confused."
We didn't speak for some time but only stood there next to the col apsed warehouse. Final y he turned away from me.
"We should get out of here," he suggested. "Someone is bound to have heard the building fal ."
