Archer's Voice
Page 31
I felt the tears shimmering in my eyes, understanding even more deeply the bravery it had taken for Archer to even take one step off this land.
"Then you went out with Travis… and to see me at the diner," I said. "You did that, Archer. And it was incredibly courageous."
He sighed. Yeah, I did it. But it had been four years by that point. It took me four years to take another step–and I didn't even like it.
"You didn't like it with Travis because he was the wrong person, untrustworthy, but you liked it with me, right? It was okay, then?"
He looked down at me, his eyes filled with tenderness when he put one hand up on my cheek for a second and then brought it down. Yes, it's always okay when I'm with you.
I leaned into him. "I won't leave you, Archer," I whispered, blinking the tears out of my eyes as I looked up at him.
His eyes warmed even more as he gazed down at me. That's a big burden for someone, Bree. To feel like if you leave a person, their whole life is going to crumble to dust. That's what I've been out here thinking about. What a burden I might end up being to you, the pressure you'll feel just loving me.
I shook my head. "No," I said, but my heart hammered hollowly in my chest because I understood what he was saying, too. I didn't agree, and as far as I was concerned in that moment, there would be no reason on earth that I would ever leave him, but his insecurity hit me square in the gut because it made sense.
Archer reached down and tilted my head slightly, his eyes moving to the side of my neck where the hickey he had given me was–still dark red and angry looking, I was sure. He cringed and let go of me and then brought his hands up. I don't know how to do any of this. You deserve better than the nothing I have to offer you. But it hurts even more to think of letting you go. He sighed, his eyes moving over my face. There are so many things I feel like I still need to figure out and so many things working against us. He brought one hand up and raked it through his hair, his face pained. My brain hurts when I think about it all.
"Then let's not think about it now," I said gently. "Let's take one day at a time and just figure it out as it comes, okay? It feels overwhelming now because you're thinking about it all at once. Let's just take this slowly."
He gazed down at me for several seconds and then nodded his head. I stood up and sat on his lap and hugged him close, burying my head in his neck. We sat that way for several more minutes and then he picked me up and carried me back to bed. As I drifted off to sleep in his arms, it occurred to me dreamily that I had thought saying we loved each other would make us stronger–but instead, for Archer, it just made the stakes higher.
CHAPTER 26
Bree
The next morning I got up early for work and Archer got up with me, kissing me at the door. He looked sleepy and sexy and I took a few more minutes than I should, lingering at his lips, just rubbing mine over his. I still needed to go home and shower and get my uniform. Hopefully Natalie had taken Phoebe out and fed her. When I leaned back away from Archer, I said, Natalie and Jordan are picking me up right after work, so I'll see you as soon as I get back, okay?
He nodded at me, his face going serious.
Hey, I joked, take this time to get some actual sleep. Think of it as a week long break from having to service my insatiable sexual needs constantly.
He grinned a sleepy grin and signed back, I love your insatiable sexual needs. Hurry back to me.
I laughed a small laugh and breathed out. I will. I love you, Archer.
I love you, Bree. He smiled a sweet smile at me and I lingered, not wanting to say goodbye. Finally, he smacked me playfully on the butt and said, Go. I laughed softly and waved at him as I walked up the driveway, blowing him kisses before I shut the gate behind me. He stood there in his jeans, no shirt on, his hands in his front pockets, a small smile on his face. God, I'd miss him.
**********
It was a busy day at the diner which was good since the day passed quickly, and I didn't have too long to linger in my thoughts over how much I was going to miss Archer–hell, how much I was going to miss the entire town. It had been such a short time, really, but already I felt like this was home. I missed my friends back in Ohio, but I knew that my life was here now.
Natalie and Jordan picked me up right at three o'clock, and I changed into jeans and a t-shirt in the bathroom and said quick goodbyes to Maggie and Norm. We hopped in my car, Jordan driving and Phoebe chuffing softly at me from her carrier, and got right on the road.
"What'd you guys do all day?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the ball of emotion that was already moving up my throat as we got on the highway and moved further away from Pelion.
"We walked along the lake for a little bit," Natalie said. "But it was so cold we didn't stay long. We drove across the lake to the town on the other side for lunch and checked out some of the shops. It was really nice, Bree. I can see why you like it here."
I nodded. "The summer was beautiful, but the fall is–" My phone chimed, cutting me off. I frowned. Who could that be? Maybe Avery? The only other people who ever texted me were sitting in the car.
I picked my phone up and looked at the text from an unknown number. I frowned, clicking on it. It said:
Is it too soon to start missing you? Archer
My eyes widened and I pulled back from the phone, surprise taking over. I sucked in a breath. Archer? How in the world?
I looked up to the front passenger seat where Natalie was sitting. "Archer's texting me!" I said. "How is Archer texting me?"
Natalie just smiled a knowing smile. I gaped. "Oh my God! Did you get him a cell phone?"
Natalie shook her head, smiling and pointed next to her to Jordan in the driver's seat. He looked in the rearview mirror at me sheepishly.
"You got Archer a cell phone?" I whispered, tears springing into my eyes.
"Whoa, whoa. Don't get all emotional. It's just a cell phone. How else are you guys gonna communicate while you're gone? I'm surprised you didn't think of it yourself."
Tears were sliding down my cheeks now, and I choked out a little laugh, shaking my head. "You're… I can't…" I sputtered, looking back over at Natalie who was crying and laughing now, too, swiping the tears off of her cheeks.
"Isn't he?" she asked.
I nodded, a new flood of tears falling out of my eyes as I laughed and wiped them off my cheeks. We were a mess–both of us laughing and crying.
I looked at Jordan in the rearview mirror, and he rubbed a fist into one eye, cringing slightly and saying, "Something in my eye there. Okay, stop all the blubbering. You two are embarrassing. And text him back already. He's waiting, I'm sure."
"What'd he say when you brought it to him?" I asked, my eyes wide.
Jordan shrugged and glanced in the rearview mirror at me. "He looked at me like he was wondering what my ulterior motives were. But I just showed him how to use it and left." He shrugged again like it was no big deal.
"I love you Jordan Scott," I said, leaning forward and kissing him lightly on his cheek.
"I know you do," he said, grinning at me in the mirror again. "And getting laid by hot blondes puts me in a generous mood so there you go."
I laughed, sniffling and bringing my phone up again.
Me: I hope not because I started missing you before I even left. We're about twenty minutes outside of town. What are you doing?
I waited about a minute before his next message came through.
Archer: Reading. It just started raining outside. Hopefully you're moving away from it.
Me: I think so. Skies look clear ahead. Wish I was cuddled up with you. What are you reading?
Archer: Wish you were too. But what you're doing is important. I'm reading Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton. Have you read it?
Me: No. Is it good?
Archer: Yeah. Well, no. It's well written, but it's probably one of the most depressing books of all time.
Me: Lol. So you've read it before? Why read it again if it's depressing? What's it about?
Archer: What's lol?
I paused and smiled, realizing this was Archer's very first time texting. Of course he didn't know what lol meant.
Me: Laugh out loud. Text lingo.
Archer: Oh, okay. I'm not sure why I picked this book up today. My uncle seemed to like it. It's about a miserable man in a loveless marriage who falls in love with his wife's cousin and they try to commit suicide to be together, but only end up broken and paralyzed and still miserable.
Me: Oh God! That's… that's awful! Put the depressing book down, Archer Hale!
Archer: Lol.
I laughed out loud for real when I saw his reply. "Keep it down back there," Natalie grumped, keeping her eyes closed, but smiling slightly as she turned her head on her seat back. My phone dinged softly again, indicating another text from Archer.
Archer: No, really, it's about isolation and a girl who represents happiness for a man who's never had any. I guess I can relate to some of the themes.
I swallowed heavily, my heart squeezing for the man I loved.
Me: I love you, Archer.
Archer: I love you too, Bree.
Me: Pulling into a gas station. Text you in a bit.
Archer: Okay.
**********
Me: What's on your happy list?
Archer: What's a happy list?
Me: Just a short list of a few, simple things that make you happy.
My phone remained quiet for a few minutes before it finally dinged.
Archer: The smell of the earth after it rains, the feeling of falling asleep, the small freckle on the inside of your right thigh. What's on your happy list?
I smiled and leaned my head back on the seat.
Me: Summer evenings, when the clouds part and a ray of golden light suddenly breaks through, knowing you're mine.
Archer: Always.
I leaned back on the seat again, a small dreamy smile on my face. After a minute or two, my phone dinged again.
Archer: When do you think you'll get to Ohio?
Me: Probably about 8 am. I'm up next to drive so I better try to get some rest. I'll text you constantly to let you know what's going on, okay?
Archer: Okay. Will you tell Jordan I said thanks for the phone? I'd like to pay him for it. I didn't think to offer when he came over.
Me: I doubt if he'd take it anyway. But I'll tell him. I love you.
Archer: I love you too.
**********
Me: Slept for a couple hours. Dreamed about you. Stopping for dinner and then I'm going to drive for the next five hrs or so.
Archer: Dream? What kind of dream?
I laughed.
Me: A really, really good dream. ;) Remember that time on the lake shore?
Archer: I'll never forget. I was washing sand out of places sand should never be for a week.
Me: Lol. It was worth it though, right? I miss you.
Archer: Very worth it. I miss you too. Guess what? I went into town for a few things and now I'm walking down the street texting you. I think Mrs. Grady almost had a heart attack. I heard her refer to me as the Unibomber, Jr. once when she passed me in the grocery store. I had to look up who that was at the library. I realized that it hadn't been a compliment.
I groaned, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Some people could be so ignorant. I pictured that isolated teenager bravely fighting his way up to the gate where he would walk out into the world for the first time since he was a small child, and then getting a reception like that. I cringed. Every cell in my body screamed out to protect him, but I couldn't. It had already happened. I didn't even know him then–but the fact that I hadn't been there, shot through my body as guilt and grief anyway. It wasn't rational. It was love.
Me: I'd read your manifesto, Archer Hale. Every word. I bet it'd be beautiful.
Archer: Lol. Which, incidentally, in my case should actually be los (laugh out silently).
Me: :D You being funny? :D
Archer: Yes. What's on your funny list?
I grinned, thinking for a second before typing.
Me: Watching the puppies waddle because their tummies are so fat, hearing other people laugh (it's contagious), funny fail moments. What's on your funny list?
Archer: Mr. Bivens in his crooked hairpiece, the look on a dog's face as it rides by with its head out the window of a car, people who snort when they laugh.
Me: I'm laughing now (maybe snorting) as I'm walking in to the restaurant. :D I'll text in the morning. Ilu.
Archer: Okay. Goodnight, Ilu too.
"Geez, Bree, you're not supposed to be writing novels on text. Both of your fingers are going to be too tired for anything good when you get back," Natalie joked.
I laughed and sighed–it might have been slightly swoony. Natalie rolled her eyes. "I love it. I feel like I'm getting to know him even better this way."
Natalie wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her, and we walked in to the restaurant smiling.
**********
Me: Morning. You up? We only have another hour on the road. Nat's driving now.
Archer: Yeah, I'm up. Walking on the shore with the dogs. Hawk just ate a dead fish. He won't be coming inside today.
I laughed, still sleepy. I sat up and moved my neck from side to side. Sleeping in the front seat of a car was not comfortable. Natalie was at the wheel, sipping a cup of McDonalds coffee, and Jordan was snoring softly in the back seat.
Me: Eww! Hawk! What's on your gross-out list?
Archer: Really long, curved fingernails, barnacles, mushrooms. What's on your gross-out list?
Me: Wait – you don't like mushrooms? I'm going to cook something that will change your mind when I get back.
Archer: No, thanks.
I laughed.
Me: Cigarette breath, maggots, gas station bathrooms.
"Then you went out with Travis… and to see me at the diner," I said. "You did that, Archer. And it was incredibly courageous."
He sighed. Yeah, I did it. But it had been four years by that point. It took me four years to take another step–and I didn't even like it.
"You didn't like it with Travis because he was the wrong person, untrustworthy, but you liked it with me, right? It was okay, then?"
He looked down at me, his eyes filled with tenderness when he put one hand up on my cheek for a second and then brought it down. Yes, it's always okay when I'm with you.
I leaned into him. "I won't leave you, Archer," I whispered, blinking the tears out of my eyes as I looked up at him.
His eyes warmed even more as he gazed down at me. That's a big burden for someone, Bree. To feel like if you leave a person, their whole life is going to crumble to dust. That's what I've been out here thinking about. What a burden I might end up being to you, the pressure you'll feel just loving me.
I shook my head. "No," I said, but my heart hammered hollowly in my chest because I understood what he was saying, too. I didn't agree, and as far as I was concerned in that moment, there would be no reason on earth that I would ever leave him, but his insecurity hit me square in the gut because it made sense.
Archer reached down and tilted my head slightly, his eyes moving to the side of my neck where the hickey he had given me was–still dark red and angry looking, I was sure. He cringed and let go of me and then brought his hands up. I don't know how to do any of this. You deserve better than the nothing I have to offer you. But it hurts even more to think of letting you go. He sighed, his eyes moving over my face. There are so many things I feel like I still need to figure out and so many things working against us. He brought one hand up and raked it through his hair, his face pained. My brain hurts when I think about it all.
"Then let's not think about it now," I said gently. "Let's take one day at a time and just figure it out as it comes, okay? It feels overwhelming now because you're thinking about it all at once. Let's just take this slowly."
He gazed down at me for several seconds and then nodded his head. I stood up and sat on his lap and hugged him close, burying my head in his neck. We sat that way for several more minutes and then he picked me up and carried me back to bed. As I drifted off to sleep in his arms, it occurred to me dreamily that I had thought saying we loved each other would make us stronger–but instead, for Archer, it just made the stakes higher.
CHAPTER 26
Bree
The next morning I got up early for work and Archer got up with me, kissing me at the door. He looked sleepy and sexy and I took a few more minutes than I should, lingering at his lips, just rubbing mine over his. I still needed to go home and shower and get my uniform. Hopefully Natalie had taken Phoebe out and fed her. When I leaned back away from Archer, I said, Natalie and Jordan are picking me up right after work, so I'll see you as soon as I get back, okay?
He nodded at me, his face going serious.
Hey, I joked, take this time to get some actual sleep. Think of it as a week long break from having to service my insatiable sexual needs constantly.
He grinned a sleepy grin and signed back, I love your insatiable sexual needs. Hurry back to me.
I laughed a small laugh and breathed out. I will. I love you, Archer.
I love you, Bree. He smiled a sweet smile at me and I lingered, not wanting to say goodbye. Finally, he smacked me playfully on the butt and said, Go. I laughed softly and waved at him as I walked up the driveway, blowing him kisses before I shut the gate behind me. He stood there in his jeans, no shirt on, his hands in his front pockets, a small smile on his face. God, I'd miss him.
**********
It was a busy day at the diner which was good since the day passed quickly, and I didn't have too long to linger in my thoughts over how much I was going to miss Archer–hell, how much I was going to miss the entire town. It had been such a short time, really, but already I felt like this was home. I missed my friends back in Ohio, but I knew that my life was here now.
Natalie and Jordan picked me up right at three o'clock, and I changed into jeans and a t-shirt in the bathroom and said quick goodbyes to Maggie and Norm. We hopped in my car, Jordan driving and Phoebe chuffing softly at me from her carrier, and got right on the road.
"What'd you guys do all day?" I asked, trying to distract myself from the ball of emotion that was already moving up my throat as we got on the highway and moved further away from Pelion.
"We walked along the lake for a little bit," Natalie said. "But it was so cold we didn't stay long. We drove across the lake to the town on the other side for lunch and checked out some of the shops. It was really nice, Bree. I can see why you like it here."
I nodded. "The summer was beautiful, but the fall is–" My phone chimed, cutting me off. I frowned. Who could that be? Maybe Avery? The only other people who ever texted me were sitting in the car.
I picked my phone up and looked at the text from an unknown number. I frowned, clicking on it. It said:
Is it too soon to start missing you? Archer
My eyes widened and I pulled back from the phone, surprise taking over. I sucked in a breath. Archer? How in the world?
I looked up to the front passenger seat where Natalie was sitting. "Archer's texting me!" I said. "How is Archer texting me?"
Natalie just smiled a knowing smile. I gaped. "Oh my God! Did you get him a cell phone?"
Natalie shook her head, smiling and pointed next to her to Jordan in the driver's seat. He looked in the rearview mirror at me sheepishly.
"You got Archer a cell phone?" I whispered, tears springing into my eyes.
"Whoa, whoa. Don't get all emotional. It's just a cell phone. How else are you guys gonna communicate while you're gone? I'm surprised you didn't think of it yourself."
Tears were sliding down my cheeks now, and I choked out a little laugh, shaking my head. "You're… I can't…" I sputtered, looking back over at Natalie who was crying and laughing now, too, swiping the tears off of her cheeks.
"Isn't he?" she asked.
I nodded, a new flood of tears falling out of my eyes as I laughed and wiped them off my cheeks. We were a mess–both of us laughing and crying.
I looked at Jordan in the rearview mirror, and he rubbed a fist into one eye, cringing slightly and saying, "Something in my eye there. Okay, stop all the blubbering. You two are embarrassing. And text him back already. He's waiting, I'm sure."
"What'd he say when you brought it to him?" I asked, my eyes wide.
Jordan shrugged and glanced in the rearview mirror at me. "He looked at me like he was wondering what my ulterior motives were. But I just showed him how to use it and left." He shrugged again like it was no big deal.
"I love you Jordan Scott," I said, leaning forward and kissing him lightly on his cheek.
"I know you do," he said, grinning at me in the mirror again. "And getting laid by hot blondes puts me in a generous mood so there you go."
I laughed, sniffling and bringing my phone up again.
Me: I hope not because I started missing you before I even left. We're about twenty minutes outside of town. What are you doing?
I waited about a minute before his next message came through.
Archer: Reading. It just started raining outside. Hopefully you're moving away from it.
Me: I think so. Skies look clear ahead. Wish I was cuddled up with you. What are you reading?
Archer: Wish you were too. But what you're doing is important. I'm reading Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton. Have you read it?
Me: No. Is it good?
Archer: Yeah. Well, no. It's well written, but it's probably one of the most depressing books of all time.
Me: Lol. So you've read it before? Why read it again if it's depressing? What's it about?
Archer: What's lol?
I paused and smiled, realizing this was Archer's very first time texting. Of course he didn't know what lol meant.
Me: Laugh out loud. Text lingo.
Archer: Oh, okay. I'm not sure why I picked this book up today. My uncle seemed to like it. It's about a miserable man in a loveless marriage who falls in love with his wife's cousin and they try to commit suicide to be together, but only end up broken and paralyzed and still miserable.
Me: Oh God! That's… that's awful! Put the depressing book down, Archer Hale!
Archer: Lol.
I laughed out loud for real when I saw his reply. "Keep it down back there," Natalie grumped, keeping her eyes closed, but smiling slightly as she turned her head on her seat back. My phone dinged softly again, indicating another text from Archer.
Archer: No, really, it's about isolation and a girl who represents happiness for a man who's never had any. I guess I can relate to some of the themes.
I swallowed heavily, my heart squeezing for the man I loved.
Me: I love you, Archer.
Archer: I love you too, Bree.
Me: Pulling into a gas station. Text you in a bit.
Archer: Okay.
**********
Me: What's on your happy list?
Archer: What's a happy list?
Me: Just a short list of a few, simple things that make you happy.
My phone remained quiet for a few minutes before it finally dinged.
Archer: The smell of the earth after it rains, the feeling of falling asleep, the small freckle on the inside of your right thigh. What's on your happy list?
I smiled and leaned my head back on the seat.
Me: Summer evenings, when the clouds part and a ray of golden light suddenly breaks through, knowing you're mine.
Archer: Always.
I leaned back on the seat again, a small dreamy smile on my face. After a minute or two, my phone dinged again.
Archer: When do you think you'll get to Ohio?
Me: Probably about 8 am. I'm up next to drive so I better try to get some rest. I'll text you constantly to let you know what's going on, okay?
Archer: Okay. Will you tell Jordan I said thanks for the phone? I'd like to pay him for it. I didn't think to offer when he came over.
Me: I doubt if he'd take it anyway. But I'll tell him. I love you.
Archer: I love you too.
**********
Me: Slept for a couple hours. Dreamed about you. Stopping for dinner and then I'm going to drive for the next five hrs or so.
Archer: Dream? What kind of dream?
I laughed.
Me: A really, really good dream. ;) Remember that time on the lake shore?
Archer: I'll never forget. I was washing sand out of places sand should never be for a week.
Me: Lol. It was worth it though, right? I miss you.
Archer: Very worth it. I miss you too. Guess what? I went into town for a few things and now I'm walking down the street texting you. I think Mrs. Grady almost had a heart attack. I heard her refer to me as the Unibomber, Jr. once when she passed me in the grocery store. I had to look up who that was at the library. I realized that it hadn't been a compliment.
I groaned, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. Some people could be so ignorant. I pictured that isolated teenager bravely fighting his way up to the gate where he would walk out into the world for the first time since he was a small child, and then getting a reception like that. I cringed. Every cell in my body screamed out to protect him, but I couldn't. It had already happened. I didn't even know him then–but the fact that I hadn't been there, shot through my body as guilt and grief anyway. It wasn't rational. It was love.
Me: I'd read your manifesto, Archer Hale. Every word. I bet it'd be beautiful.
Archer: Lol. Which, incidentally, in my case should actually be los (laugh out silently).
Me: :D You being funny? :D
Archer: Yes. What's on your funny list?
I grinned, thinking for a second before typing.
Me: Watching the puppies waddle because their tummies are so fat, hearing other people laugh (it's contagious), funny fail moments. What's on your funny list?
Archer: Mr. Bivens in his crooked hairpiece, the look on a dog's face as it rides by with its head out the window of a car, people who snort when they laugh.
Me: I'm laughing now (maybe snorting) as I'm walking in to the restaurant. :D I'll text in the morning. Ilu.
Archer: Okay. Goodnight, Ilu too.
"Geez, Bree, you're not supposed to be writing novels on text. Both of your fingers are going to be too tired for anything good when you get back," Natalie joked.
I laughed and sighed–it might have been slightly swoony. Natalie rolled her eyes. "I love it. I feel like I'm getting to know him even better this way."
Natalie wrapped her arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her, and we walked in to the restaurant smiling.
**********
Me: Morning. You up? We only have another hour on the road. Nat's driving now.
Archer: Yeah, I'm up. Walking on the shore with the dogs. Hawk just ate a dead fish. He won't be coming inside today.
I laughed, still sleepy. I sat up and moved my neck from side to side. Sleeping in the front seat of a car was not comfortable. Natalie was at the wheel, sipping a cup of McDonalds coffee, and Jordan was snoring softly in the back seat.
Me: Eww! Hawk! What's on your gross-out list?
Archer: Really long, curved fingernails, barnacles, mushrooms. What's on your gross-out list?
Me: Wait – you don't like mushrooms? I'm going to cook something that will change your mind when I get back.
Archer: No, thanks.
I laughed.
Me: Cigarette breath, maggots, gas station bathrooms.
