At Peace
Page 162
She stopped speaking but he knew what she was trying to do. Save him from the wrath of his Ma because she was right. Frankie saw him from two blocks away and his mother knew it, Ma would lose her f**king mind. Since Benny’s Ma lost her f**king mind on a regular basis, Benny could handle it, but it’d be a pain in the ass like it always was and it was cool Frankie tried to shield him from that shit.
He didn’t say thanks, he didn’t speak at all and she turned again and walked away.
She stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and turned back.
“Benny,” she called.
“Got things to do, Frankie,” he reminded her.
She didn’t listen or didn’t care.
Instead, she said, “It’s a sin to speak ill of the dead.”
Benny felt his body get tight.
“Don’t –” he whispered.
She did. “I never told anyone this before.”
“Frankie –”
“Everyone thought it was me. The franchise idea. That sandwich shop that went bust. Sal.”
Benny started toward her but she didn’t stop talking and she didn’t move.
“It was all Vinnie.”
He grabbed her arm and pulled her through the kitchen.
“Ask Sal. He knows,” she told him as he reached for the door but he never made it. She dug her heels in and yanked her arm out of his hold. “I didn’t say shit because I loved him. I didn’t want anyone to think he was weak. I didn’t want anyone to think he’d failed. I didn’t want anyone to think he was anything but what they thought he was. That he was great because he was. He just wasn’t perfect.”
“Save this shit, Frankie, I don’t wanna hear it.”
“But I don’t want you to think that, not about me,” she kept on. “I don’t know why but I don’t want you to think it.”
“Too bad. I know this is bullshit.”
She got close. She didn’t touch him but she got close enough he could smell her perfume and her hair.
“You know it isn’t,” she whispered. “Vinnie Senior, Theresa, Manny. They were blind but you know. Cal knows. Carm knows. You know. Cal, Carm, they won’t say it but they know it. You got them away from Vinnie, from Theresa, you asked, they’d tell it to you straight. But you… you just won’t admit it.”
“Babe, I got shit to do,” he reminded her.
She stared at him and then shook her head. “I don’t know why I…” she stopped speaking and reached for the doorknob, “don’t bother tellin’ me about Cal. I’ll get it from Sal.”
The tone of her voice gone hard, dead, Benny didn’t like. It didn’t suit her. These days she was all about attitude but it wasn’t hard. Back in the day, she laughed a lot. Even if someone told a joke that wasn’t funny, she’d laugh and it’d sound real even though she was only doing it to make them feel good. And she was all energy. She seemed electric even sitting curled up to Vinnie and watching TV.
He hadn’t seen that in years, hadn’t heard her laughter, but he’d never heard her voice sound hard and dead.
He put his hand to her arm. “Frankie –”
She yanked her arm free and pulled open the door.
“Be well, Ben,” she said in that same voice and she did it without looking at him. Then she moved down his back stoop.
For some f**king reason he followed her, grabbed her arm and swung her around. When her head tipped back to look at him, he had no goddamned clue what to say.
“What?” she asked.
“I’ll call about Cal.”
“Like I said, don’t bother.”
“I’ll call.”
“Ben, you don’t wanna talk to me, fine. I get it, it’s cool, been livin’ with that for years. I’ll get the news from Sal or one of the boys.”
His hand tightened on her arm and he brought her closer to his body, close enough to smell that perfume again and in a moment of lunatic honesty he had to admit he liked it.
“I’ll f**king call.”
She went still for a moment that seemed to stretch for a long time and she stared up at him and all he could see were her eyes, her hair and all he could smell was her perfume and his hand automatically tightened further on her arm.
When it did, she whispered, “Suit yourself.”
She yanked her arm from his hand and he watched her walk two paces then for some reason she started running. He stood still as he listened to his back gate open and close and he stayed still as he heard her start her car and drive away.
The current situation hit him, his body jolted, he cleared his mind of Frankie, turned and jogged into the house.
* * * * *
I felt Joe’s hand on the small of my back and his hip pressed to mine in bed.
“Buddy, girls need to get to school,” he said into my ear.
He was sitting on my side of the bed. I was lying on my stomach in it. He’d been up for awhile. I had not.
“Mm,” I replied and didn’t open my eyes because my eyelids weighed three tons.
“They’ve had breakfast and they’re ready to go,” Joe went on.
I continued to ignore him and made no reply.
Joe sounded like he was trying not to laugh when he finished. “Don’t you want to say good-bye?”
“Go away,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“Baby –”
“Away,” I partially repeated myself.
I heard Joe’s laughter and if I had it in me I’d glare at him. Lucky for him, I didn’t have it in me.
His lips were back at my ear. “Best part about last night was you comin’ home.”
At this point, if I had it in me, I would have rolled my eyes.
“And then you makin’ me come,” he continued, his voice lower. “That is, after you made me watch you makin’ yourself come.”
“Leave me alone,” I muttered not wanting to remember even as good as it was. I’d been out-of-control. No inhibitions, none. It had been wild and considering our sex life, that was practically unbelievable. Even Joe had been surprised, I could tell. He didn’t complain nor did he resist, but he’d been surprised.
“Gotta get you drunk more often, buddy,” Joe decided.
“Alone,” I begged.
“Every night,” Joe kept at me.
I forced my eyes open, shifted only my eyeballs to him and declared, “No more drink. No more sex. Ever.”
He burst out laughing which shook the bed and made me hold onto the pillow tighter and close my eyes against my stomach roiling.
He didn’t say thanks, he didn’t speak at all and she turned again and walked away.
She stopped at the doorway to the kitchen and turned back.
“Benny,” she called.
“Got things to do, Frankie,” he reminded her.
She didn’t listen or didn’t care.
Instead, she said, “It’s a sin to speak ill of the dead.”
Benny felt his body get tight.
“Don’t –” he whispered.
She did. “I never told anyone this before.”
“Frankie –”
“Everyone thought it was me. The franchise idea. That sandwich shop that went bust. Sal.”
Benny started toward her but she didn’t stop talking and she didn’t move.
“It was all Vinnie.”
He grabbed her arm and pulled her through the kitchen.
“Ask Sal. He knows,” she told him as he reached for the door but he never made it. She dug her heels in and yanked her arm out of his hold. “I didn’t say shit because I loved him. I didn’t want anyone to think he was weak. I didn’t want anyone to think he’d failed. I didn’t want anyone to think he was anything but what they thought he was. That he was great because he was. He just wasn’t perfect.”
“Save this shit, Frankie, I don’t wanna hear it.”
“But I don’t want you to think that, not about me,” she kept on. “I don’t know why but I don’t want you to think it.”
“Too bad. I know this is bullshit.”
She got close. She didn’t touch him but she got close enough he could smell her perfume and her hair.
“You know it isn’t,” she whispered. “Vinnie Senior, Theresa, Manny. They were blind but you know. Cal knows. Carm knows. You know. Cal, Carm, they won’t say it but they know it. You got them away from Vinnie, from Theresa, you asked, they’d tell it to you straight. But you… you just won’t admit it.”
“Babe, I got shit to do,” he reminded her.
She stared at him and then shook her head. “I don’t know why I…” she stopped speaking and reached for the doorknob, “don’t bother tellin’ me about Cal. I’ll get it from Sal.”
The tone of her voice gone hard, dead, Benny didn’t like. It didn’t suit her. These days she was all about attitude but it wasn’t hard. Back in the day, she laughed a lot. Even if someone told a joke that wasn’t funny, she’d laugh and it’d sound real even though she was only doing it to make them feel good. And she was all energy. She seemed electric even sitting curled up to Vinnie and watching TV.
He hadn’t seen that in years, hadn’t heard her laughter, but he’d never heard her voice sound hard and dead.
He put his hand to her arm. “Frankie –”
She yanked her arm free and pulled open the door.
“Be well, Ben,” she said in that same voice and she did it without looking at him. Then she moved down his back stoop.
For some f**king reason he followed her, grabbed her arm and swung her around. When her head tipped back to look at him, he had no goddamned clue what to say.
“What?” she asked.
“I’ll call about Cal.”
“Like I said, don’t bother.”
“I’ll call.”
“Ben, you don’t wanna talk to me, fine. I get it, it’s cool, been livin’ with that for years. I’ll get the news from Sal or one of the boys.”
His hand tightened on her arm and he brought her closer to his body, close enough to smell that perfume again and in a moment of lunatic honesty he had to admit he liked it.
“I’ll f**king call.”
She went still for a moment that seemed to stretch for a long time and she stared up at him and all he could see were her eyes, her hair and all he could smell was her perfume and his hand automatically tightened further on her arm.
When it did, she whispered, “Suit yourself.”
She yanked her arm from his hand and he watched her walk two paces then for some reason she started running. He stood still as he listened to his back gate open and close and he stayed still as he heard her start her car and drive away.
The current situation hit him, his body jolted, he cleared his mind of Frankie, turned and jogged into the house.
* * * * *
I felt Joe’s hand on the small of my back and his hip pressed to mine in bed.
“Buddy, girls need to get to school,” he said into my ear.
He was sitting on my side of the bed. I was lying on my stomach in it. He’d been up for awhile. I had not.
“Mm,” I replied and didn’t open my eyes because my eyelids weighed three tons.
“They’ve had breakfast and they’re ready to go,” Joe went on.
I continued to ignore him and made no reply.
Joe sounded like he was trying not to laugh when he finished. “Don’t you want to say good-bye?”
“Go away,” I mumbled into my pillow.
“Baby –”
“Away,” I partially repeated myself.
I heard Joe’s laughter and if I had it in me I’d glare at him. Lucky for him, I didn’t have it in me.
His lips were back at my ear. “Best part about last night was you comin’ home.”
At this point, if I had it in me, I would have rolled my eyes.
“And then you makin’ me come,” he continued, his voice lower. “That is, after you made me watch you makin’ yourself come.”
“Leave me alone,” I muttered not wanting to remember even as good as it was. I’d been out-of-control. No inhibitions, none. It had been wild and considering our sex life, that was practically unbelievable. Even Joe had been surprised, I could tell. He didn’t complain nor did he resist, but he’d been surprised.
“Gotta get you drunk more often, buddy,” Joe decided.
“Alone,” I begged.
“Every night,” Joe kept at me.
I forced my eyes open, shifted only my eyeballs to him and declared, “No more drink. No more sex. Ever.”
He burst out laughing which shook the bed and made me hold onto the pillow tighter and close my eyes against my stomach roiling.
