Awaken To Pleasure

Page 11

"He has to know. And we have to see how he reacts to me." Taking the bag she'd packed in anticipation of spending the night before the wedding at his house,Jacksontouched her on her lower back, a subtle pressure that reminded her she now belonged to him.
Her feelings of confusion intensified but she didn't move away, because whileJacksonmight be the most disturbing thing in her life, he was also the safest. "I don't want him to know why we're marrying." She couldn't bear it if Nick thought she was sacrificing something for him, because she wasn't.
"I agree."
As they drove to the school.Jacksonsaid, "Don't worry. He's met me before so it won't be a total surprise." The fleeting touch on her cheek was unexpected but welcome.
Dutifully chaperoned by his camp counselor, her brother was waiting for them by the gate. When the sleek black Mercedes stopped in front of him, she saw his eyes widen. She stepped out and feltJackson follow. While she went to hug Nick, after thanking the counselor, he picked up her brother's bags and dumped them in the trunk.
After a quick hug that apparently embarrassed him from the speed with which he pulled away, Nick looked up at the man beside her. "Hi,Jackson."
"Nick."
Nick was a smart boy. He looked from her toJackson. "What?" Speculation turned his blue eyes sky-bright.
Taylordidn't want to tell him right now but realized that she didn't really have a choice. "What would you say if I told you that ... me and Jackson..."
Nick started to grin. "Are you gonna marry my sister?"
Her jaw dropped. "How did you know that?"
The boy shrugged. "I dunno. 'CauseJacksonlikes you?"
Flustered, she looked at Jackson, who just said, "Smart kid. Jump in the car  -  we'll talk on the way."
Nick scrambled in, already asking his first question. "Are we going to live with you?"
"Yes."Jacksonanswered.
A short silence. "Will I always stay with you?"
Taylorfrowned, not understanding. ButJacksonevidently did. Stopping the car at the side of the street, he looked over his shoulder. "Yes. I went to boarding school and I would never send a child of mine there."
"But I'm not yours."
Taylor's heart clenched at that quiet statement. Her instinct was to reassure him but she remained silent, aware that something important was happening between the solemn, ten-year-old and the charismatic man in the driver's seat.
"You are now." There was no arguing withJackson's decisive statement. He turned and restarted the car.
Nick was quiet for a longtime. Then he said, "Will I have my own room like I do now?"
"Sure. You can't sleep with us, after all."Jacksongrinned in the rearview mirror. "You can have one of the two big first floor bedrooms. We'll be on the second floor."
Meanwhile,Taylor's stomach went into freefall. He'd said "us." Did he expect her to have sex with him from the start in spite of everything? The idea of being with him wasn't abhorrent, had never been so. It was the fact that she knew she'd freeze up and he'd hate her for it.
Once at the apartment, she sent Nick off to pack enough fresh clothes to see him through to the wedding.
Jacksoncame to stand in front of her. "Something's bothering you." His body language conveyed that he wasn't moving until she confided in him.
She swallowed and decided to be blunt. "Are we going to be sharing a bedroom?"
His mouth thinned. "I won't go back on my word,Taylor. You may not have noticed, but my bedroom is part of a suite. It's internally connected to a smaller bedroom. You can use that. Nick will never know."
"I hadn't considered what he'd think if we were in separate bedrooms." She was flustered, used to providing everything for her brother's happiness.
Jacksontook her hand in his, his dark gaze trapping hers. "You can't think of everything. Learn to depend on me a little. We males like to be needed."
"I'm depending on you a great deal."
The strong lines of his face were suddenly sharper. "Do not just depend on me as someone powerful, but also as a man. As your husband. You are now in my care." His rough declaration made her eyes widen in surprise.
"Taylor! I don't have a suit for your wedding." Nick barreled out of his room. Worry stamped his face.
Jacksonreached out and tousled his jet-black hair. "I've ordered you a tux. If you're ready, let's head home."
Nick's smile strengthenedTaylor's resolve. She'd do anything for her brother. And, she thought, a little shocked, she'd do anything to keep a smile onJackson's face, too. She would not hurt him by withholding herself  -  he understood her fear but it was a rejection all the same, telling him that she didn't trust him. If she couldn't trust her body withJackson, who could she trust?
It was a startling insight.
That day was a whirlwind of activity. With Nick tagging along quietly,Taylorwent to work withJackson, helping him organize matters so that the studios could temporarily function without him at the helm. After lunch, she left to meet Maggie, the therapist she'd agreed to see. To her surprise, she found herself comfortable with the older woman who welcomed her into her office.
When she returned to the studios,Jacksonsimply asked, "So?"
"I like her. It might work."
Giving her a smile,Jacksonwent back to work and after checking on Nick, she continued to assist him.
They'd agreed to leave town for a few days on the pretext of a honeymoon, so that Lance would have no room to ask awkward questions about their marriage. As Nick was now on vacation, it was decided that he'd spend the time out on a farm, with a friend of his who'd moved out of the city.
"I want to take him with us, but I know we have to give the impression of being on a honeymoon,"Taylor said, late that night. She was pacing in front of the sofa, whileJacksonstood by the window, back to the night, cognac in hand. The amber liquid sparkled through the crystal snifter, momentarily catching her gaze. "I've missed him so much. I don't know if they'll take care of him out on the farm."
"You're overprotective."Jackson's quiet declaration stopped hermidpace .
Shocked, she clenched her fists. Her temper ignited. "What would you know about bringing up a child?"
She thought pain flickered over the rugged beauty of his face but his tone was calm. "I was a boy at one stage."
"And you think that gives you the right to tell me how to raise Nick?" Just because he was helping her keep her brother didn't mean he could dictate to her.
"No. What gives me the right is that I can see he's unhappy and that he'll never say anything to you, because he loves you too much."
An arrow to her heart would have done less damage. "Unhappy?" she whispered.
"He's been getting bullied for being a sissy."
"How do you know? He just got back from camp."
"He told me while you were having a bath  -  he couldn't hide it after I saw the bruise on his leg."
"What!" she cried, fighting the urge to wake Nick and check up onhim. "Who? I'll kill them."
"That's just the problem."
"Why didn't he tell me? What's the problem?" She couldn't bear to think of her sweet baby brother being bullied. Why hadn't he trusted her with this? Why had he toldJackson, whom he hardly knew?
"You're always sticking up for him. Even at school."
"You wouldn't know, but that's what elder siblings do." Her hurt made her cruel. "You don't even know where your sister is at the moment."
Jacksondidn't blink but she knew him well enough to know that her barb had found its target. The skin over his cheekbones tightened and he looked away from her and over the water vista out the window.
The night was peaceful and the water moved in gentle symphony, but inside, she felt like she was crashing and burning. His hurt pained her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, meaning it.
"It doesn't matter." Heshrugged, shoulders taut under the blue shirt. JacksonSantorini , she remembered, was used to being hurt. His wife had torn into his pride and the world had lapped up his suffering. She even knew that his family never contacted him except to complain or ask for something. No wonder he didn't keep in touch. It had only been her own feelings of inadequacy at having let her brother down that had made her strike out.
She wanted to kick herself. "Yes, it does." Walking over, she touched her hand to his back and rested her head against his thickly muscled arm. "I hurt you. And I despise myself for it, for taking out my frustration on you."
He put his drink on the windowsill and slipped his arm around her. "You know something?"
Relieved that he wasn't holding a grudge, she said, "What?"
"I think you're the first person I've ever met who really means they're sorry when they say so."
And she knew she was forgiven. "I do. So don't be angry. I know what yourfamily's like, and I don't blame you for keeping them at a distance. It just makes me crazy to know that Nick's being hurt."
"I showed him some moves."
Her brows furrowed. "Moves?"
"Self-defense."
She bit her lip. Nick had kept something else from her. Once, he'd shared every new experience.
"And?"
"He's a natural."
"But he's not very physical."
"He's never had a chance to be." He hugged her tight, as if aware that this was hurting her. "Trust him, Taylor. He's an extraordinary boy."
She heard the affection in his tone and knew that he meant it. "I hate it when he's hurting. I hate it!"
"Iknow, cara mia ."Theendearment made her want to reach up and kiss him. "Let me help."
Her instincts rebelled. She was used to looking out for Nick on her own. But, though it was a painful concession, she acknowledged that over the past year, his needs had changed in a way she couldn't fulfill.