Back to You
Page 10
She told Stacey about the thing he’d done at the table the day before and the support he’d shown her at the hospital and even after. And about the argument in the tree house.
“You got mad at him? Like to his face?” Stacey put some potato salad on her sandwich and topped it with a slice of bread. Kelly shook her head. Who was she to judge? She’d eaten mu shu pork before six in the morning.
“Suddenly I just... I wasn’t able to keep it back. So I got mad as hell and said all sorts of stuff. I don’t regret any of it. I thought about being sorry but then, you know what? It felt good to finally let the anger out. The problem is that now it’s like a switch has been flipped or something. I can’t stop thinking about him or why he’s evading my questions.”
Stacey pointed with her fork for extra emphasis. “He’s evading your questions because he wants you back. I actually thought he never would get off his ass to fight for you. Bold move, if he’s committed to it. Maybe he can pull it off. Neither of you are the same people you were when you divorced.”
Kelly blinked, beyond words for long seconds. “And what should Ross think about that?”
Stacey kept eating her sandwich.
“So, let me get this straight. You’re not going to tell me to lock the door and keep an aspirin between my knees?” Kelly asked.
Stacey laughed. “It wouldn’t do any good. I love you and want you to be with a man who loves you and deserves you. Ross is nice, though he’s way more connected to his ex-wife’s family than I think is normal. You let them eat here when your kid was in the hospital. That’s not weekly dinners at your ex-in-laws’ like he does. Regardless, Ross would be a proficient spouse. He’s a good provider—not that you need it, but it’s a good indicator of character—and he enjoys your girls. The ones on your chest and the ones you gave birth to. But he doesn’t adore you. He doesn’t cherish you. He wants you. Plus? You don’t love him.”
Denial sprang to her lips automatically. “I do so love him.” Kelly sighed as she searched for something she was more certain of. “He’s everything I’ve been missing. He’s stable. He came to the hospital because he knew the Hurleys were going to show up and I’d be there alone. I said yes to his proposal. I should have said yes.” Kelly added a sharp nod of her head to underline that. Stacey kept looking at her. “What? I’m sorry, but it’s true. It was a logical choice. His girls and mine get along. We share the same general parenting philosophy. He’s a good choice.”
Kelly winced at how empty the words sounded. Though maybe there was a slight flavor of desperation, a need to believe it. If she just said it all over and over again she’d believe it.
“Jeez. Yes, yes, Ross is a great guy. And he’ll make the right woman a great husband. You’re not that woman. He can’t handle you. He doesn’t even know it yet, but he will sooner or later. And resent you for it. Right now, though, he wants more than you can give so he’s accepting that you’re settling. Which will leave you both unhappy. I think marrying Ross would be a terrible mistake. No matter what you decide with Vaughan,” Stacey added. “The world is full of nice people who make good choices and floss. But those things, in and of themselves, aren’t enough to get married to someone over.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
Stacey peeked in a few containers she’d brought out from the fridge, sniffed a few, putting most back but bringing the rest to the table. “It’s not like I’ve hidden my general feelings about Ross.”
That much was true. But Stacey was really good at seeing past the emotional but not necessarily important stuff to get to the heart of the matter. She gave great advice, even if she herself didn’t always follow it.
“Well, but whether or not he’s bland, that’s not going to color your perception as to my marrying him. You’re too single-minded and Borg-like for that. It would be irrelevant unless you had a good reason,” Kelly said.
“Borg-like?” Stacey snickered. “That’s a good one. Also, correct. Because even if I hated him, if you loved him and I thought he’d make you happy I’d suck it up and hold my tongue. I’ve been waiting until you asked.”
“You’re good at this friend thing. I’m just saying.”
“Right?” Stacey winked. “Back to Ross. He’s nice. So what? Nice?” She blew raspberries. “Fuck nice. I don’t even want nice shoes much less a nice partner.” She put her sandwich down and after a judicious wiping of any potato salad remnants, Stacey grabbed Kelly’s hand for emphasis. “Does he make your heart beat faster? When he says your name, does it feel like your skin can’t hold in the intensity of what you feel? Because if not, don’t get married. Every day I see the end of one marriage after the next and while yes, it does make me jaded, it also convinces me that successful marriages are a mix of things, but they have an essential spark between the couple. Ross would be sure your car got detailed. The guy you should marry? He’d know you get up at four thirty so you can work out an hour before you start your day. He’d accept that you do it because you were raised by a sociopath but that you work quite hard to not let it go into more obsessive behavior.”
“It’s weird that you feel no hesitation bringing up the state of my mental health,” Kelly said.
“Whatever. I’m socially awkward and useless when it comes to being subtle anywhere but in my job. I say what I think. You need that. You ignore that I’m weird in my own ways.”
“You got mad at him? Like to his face?” Stacey put some potato salad on her sandwich and topped it with a slice of bread. Kelly shook her head. Who was she to judge? She’d eaten mu shu pork before six in the morning.
“Suddenly I just... I wasn’t able to keep it back. So I got mad as hell and said all sorts of stuff. I don’t regret any of it. I thought about being sorry but then, you know what? It felt good to finally let the anger out. The problem is that now it’s like a switch has been flipped or something. I can’t stop thinking about him or why he’s evading my questions.”
Stacey pointed with her fork for extra emphasis. “He’s evading your questions because he wants you back. I actually thought he never would get off his ass to fight for you. Bold move, if he’s committed to it. Maybe he can pull it off. Neither of you are the same people you were when you divorced.”
Kelly blinked, beyond words for long seconds. “And what should Ross think about that?”
Stacey kept eating her sandwich.
“So, let me get this straight. You’re not going to tell me to lock the door and keep an aspirin between my knees?” Kelly asked.
Stacey laughed. “It wouldn’t do any good. I love you and want you to be with a man who loves you and deserves you. Ross is nice, though he’s way more connected to his ex-wife’s family than I think is normal. You let them eat here when your kid was in the hospital. That’s not weekly dinners at your ex-in-laws’ like he does. Regardless, Ross would be a proficient spouse. He’s a good provider—not that you need it, but it’s a good indicator of character—and he enjoys your girls. The ones on your chest and the ones you gave birth to. But he doesn’t adore you. He doesn’t cherish you. He wants you. Plus? You don’t love him.”
Denial sprang to her lips automatically. “I do so love him.” Kelly sighed as she searched for something she was more certain of. “He’s everything I’ve been missing. He’s stable. He came to the hospital because he knew the Hurleys were going to show up and I’d be there alone. I said yes to his proposal. I should have said yes.” Kelly added a sharp nod of her head to underline that. Stacey kept looking at her. “What? I’m sorry, but it’s true. It was a logical choice. His girls and mine get along. We share the same general parenting philosophy. He’s a good choice.”
Kelly winced at how empty the words sounded. Though maybe there was a slight flavor of desperation, a need to believe it. If she just said it all over and over again she’d believe it.
“Jeez. Yes, yes, Ross is a great guy. And he’ll make the right woman a great husband. You’re not that woman. He can’t handle you. He doesn’t even know it yet, but he will sooner or later. And resent you for it. Right now, though, he wants more than you can give so he’s accepting that you’re settling. Which will leave you both unhappy. I think marrying Ross would be a terrible mistake. No matter what you decide with Vaughan,” Stacey added. “The world is full of nice people who make good choices and floss. But those things, in and of themselves, aren’t enough to get married to someone over.”
“Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”
Stacey peeked in a few containers she’d brought out from the fridge, sniffed a few, putting most back but bringing the rest to the table. “It’s not like I’ve hidden my general feelings about Ross.”
That much was true. But Stacey was really good at seeing past the emotional but not necessarily important stuff to get to the heart of the matter. She gave great advice, even if she herself didn’t always follow it.
“Well, but whether or not he’s bland, that’s not going to color your perception as to my marrying him. You’re too single-minded and Borg-like for that. It would be irrelevant unless you had a good reason,” Kelly said.
“Borg-like?” Stacey snickered. “That’s a good one. Also, correct. Because even if I hated him, if you loved him and I thought he’d make you happy I’d suck it up and hold my tongue. I’ve been waiting until you asked.”
“You’re good at this friend thing. I’m just saying.”
“Right?” Stacey winked. “Back to Ross. He’s nice. So what? Nice?” She blew raspberries. “Fuck nice. I don’t even want nice shoes much less a nice partner.” She put her sandwich down and after a judicious wiping of any potato salad remnants, Stacey grabbed Kelly’s hand for emphasis. “Does he make your heart beat faster? When he says your name, does it feel like your skin can’t hold in the intensity of what you feel? Because if not, don’t get married. Every day I see the end of one marriage after the next and while yes, it does make me jaded, it also convinces me that successful marriages are a mix of things, but they have an essential spark between the couple. Ross would be sure your car got detailed. The guy you should marry? He’d know you get up at four thirty so you can work out an hour before you start your day. He’d accept that you do it because you were raised by a sociopath but that you work quite hard to not let it go into more obsessive behavior.”
“It’s weird that you feel no hesitation bringing up the state of my mental health,” Kelly said.
“Whatever. I’m socially awkward and useless when it comes to being subtle anywhere but in my job. I say what I think. You need that. You ignore that I’m weird in my own ways.”
