Beautiful Broken Mess
Page 16
“Yeah, I’m hoping I can,” she replies. Without letting her step out of my grasp, I reach out and tuck a wandering strand of hair behind her ear. In the dark, her eyes look as black as midnight when she gazes up at me. Slowly, I lean down so my mouth is level with her ear.
“We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” I whisper. She nods her head up and down. With my face still close to hers, I run my lips lightly against her temple. From a few feet away, I catch Em watching us over Jax’s shoulder. When she sees me looking at her, she smiles and gives me the ‘thumbs up’ signal behind his back. I stare at her, confused. Why is she happy about Audrey being here?
I lean away from Audrey and stand up straight before Jaxon catches on. I lead her back up the hill so we can rejoin the partygoers.
“Why doesn’t Em want you to leave?” I ask.
“So I can talk to Jaxon,” she says simply.
“What? You’re going to tell him before me?”
“I don’t really want to tell either of you anything anymore,” she states in a hard tone. I grab her arms and stop her before we reach the crowd, then sit down in the sand, gesturing for her to join me. After a heavy sigh, she relents, but sits a good foot away from me. I don’t understand why she’s being cold all of a sudden. I take hold of her legs and pull her closer to me, her body leaving a trail in the sand as she reaches my side.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Jace… let’s not do this here.”
“Where? Here, where no one can hear a word we say? Or did you actually mean, let’s not do this ever? I think here is pretty damn perfect.”
A fire ignites behind her eyes as she glares at me. “Yes, I actually meant let’s not do this ever. You want to know why? Because none of y’all cared when it actually mattered. You heard a rumor and you believed it. You assumed and you ran with it. At what point did you come to me and ask if any of it was true? When, Jace?”
My mouth opens and shuts because I’ve got nothing to say to that. “Exactly,” she huffs out in frustration and stands. “You don’t deserve to know what happened in MY life, because you never bothered before. Why are you HERE now? Why do you care NOW?” she yells.
As if he has an internal alarm for an upset Audrey or just super-sonic hearing when she’s distressed, Lane emerges from the crowd with a determined look on his face. When he spots her, he stalks forward.
“What’s going on over here?” A voice I wasn’t expecting makes my head pivot backward. Jax is standing behind me, taking in the scene. “Jace?” he asks.
Everyone is just staring at one another, and before I can even begin to formulate a response, Audrey says, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”
- Nine -
AUDREY -
Jace has that deer-in-the-headlights look. I didn’t mean to rip into him like that, but I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by the situation. Em has just spent the better part of thirty minutes trying to convince me to talk to Jaxon. Then Jace comes along, acting like he’s entitled to know anything and everything about me.
I’m so confused that I don’t know which way is up and which way is down. Hell, right now I can’t tell the difference between my right and my left. I know I need to get everything off my chest and come clean. But why can’t it be on my own time? I feel like I’m always being forced to say and do things at everyone else’s convenience.
As always, my protector hears my cries and stomps through the crowd to take down the threat toward me. As I watch Lane’s approach, I’m startled to hear Jaxon’s voice behind me. So many people all at once, I’m beginning to feel claustrophobic. Lane can see the panic in my eyes, and I know he’s two seconds away from dragging me out of here. Over his shoulder, if necessary.
Quickly, I blurt out, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”
“Uh, yeah,” he says in a less-than-sure tone.
Lane steps forward, ready to interject in this terrible scenario, but Em cuts him off and guides him toward the party. Jax’s eyes follow their retreat. I can see the desire and need when he looks at her, but when his eyes transfer to Lane, they transform into a raging fire.
“He won’t try anything with her,” I reassure him. “He knows who she is and who she’s with.” He nods his head, and though he still appears confused, Jaxon seems to calm down a bit at my words. Jace stands up next to both of us and doesn’t look like he plans on leaving.
“Jace, what the hell’s going on with you?” Jaxon asks.
Before Jace can create an excuse, I interrupt, “Forget it. Let’s just get this over with, Jaxon.” I turn to walk away from the crowd again, back toward the water where worries are washed away with the calming waves.
I find the imprints where Em and I were just sitting moments ago. As I sit down, I reflect upon the day. Getting Quinn to warm up to the idea of my presence was easier said than done. But as Em had predicted, once we cracked through her loyal shell, she began to understand the circumstances. I don’t see us trading friendship bracelets anytime soon, but we still managed to have a fun day together. I got my first manicure and pedicure, and I almost glued myself to that massage chair.
Jaxon clears his throat and I realize he’s sitting down next to me, facing the ocean as well. Without looking at me, he says, “I’m supposed to be nice to you. If I’m not, my typically sweet girlfriend has threatened me with some pretty violent actions. Why is that, Audrey?”
His words make me laugh at Em’s protectiveness. Once again, I’m shocked by her instant acceptance of me. “You got lucky with her, you know?”
A relieved sigh leaves his lungs. “I know. I feel like I’m just waiting for her to realize how much better she can do.”
“From what she told me, she got lucky in finding you as well,” I assure him.
“I think I was just more determined than all the others.”
“I’m pretty sure there was a little more at play than determination, Jaxon. She really has brought out a good side in you. I’m glad you’re happy,” I say honestly.
He brings his knees up and wraps his arms around them. “We’re talking like we used to. Like friends.”
“Were we even friends?” I ask.
“Yes, of course we were.” Finally, he looks toward me with a furrowed brow, obviously questioning my statement.
“We certainly didn’t have a traditional relationship. We were using each other, Jaxon. You used me to get your family off your back, and I used you to get out of my house. It seemed to work for us. I’ll admit, we shouldn’t have continued to sleep together, but we were young and less than clever at the time.”
“You act like you regret sleeping with me?” he feigns insult.
“I wanted someone else.”
“Ouch.” His hurt feelings don’t last long as he laughs it off. “We were quite the pair.”
“Yeah, until everything went to hell.” Might as well get down to the hard stuff.
“Based on some indications I’m getting from Emerson, I’m beginning to think that maybe I was misinformed.”
“You were the one that informed yourself, Jaxon.”
“Audrey, you came to me one day and said you were pregnant. I tried to do the right thing and get married! You had so many opportunities to come clean.”
My hands begin to shake as we start to get to the heart of our problems. The day I saw the positive sign on that little, white stick, I knew my world would never be the same. For some reason, I knew life was out to get me, and it was almost as if I had been waiting for this moment to happen. I was lost in a world full of pain and hate. I ran to Jaxon for help because I knew he would take responsibility, and I just needed someone to take care of me for once in my life.
“You guys okay?” Jace’s anxious voice questions from behind.
“We’re fine, dude, just clearing the air,” Jaxon snaps.
“Then why were you just yelling at her?” Jace questions. I would hardly have called it yelling, but if Jace could hear him raising his voice, then he hadn’t been too far away. It’s clear that Jace wants to hear this story even more than Jaxon does, and I really don’t feel like telling it for the fourth time in less than a week. Hell, we might as well bring over Cole and whoever else wants to hear.
“You might as well sit down and listen instead of eavesdropping, Jace,” I call out, without looking behind me. With no shame or hesitation, he immediately sits down on my opposite side. He’s far enough away that it’s appropriate, but close enough that he can extend his fingers and touch the bare skin of my thighs without Jaxon seeing.
“Why are you being so nosy all of a sudden, Jace?” Jax asks from my other side.
“I was there when this all went down. I’m curious too,” Jace says in defense.
“Who cares? The less I have to repeat this, the better.” I wave off any further argument. Jace quickly squeezes my arm three times and smiles at me in support.
JACE -
The moon catches the natural highlights in her brown hair and lights up her silhouette as she sits in the sand. As I watch Audrey talk to my brother about everything that went down between the two of them, I find a spot on the beach far enough back that they can’t see me. It’s not close enough to hear their words, but it’s as far away as I can physically get right now. Everything about her is calling out to me. The distress in her eyes when everyone crowded around her had every cell in my body lighting up in defense.
The second I hear Jaxon raise his voice, I jump to my feet, but I decide to hang back and see if she can handle it on her own. Of course she can, she’s strong. She’s always been strong.
Leaning back on her hands in the sand, I notice that her hands and arms begin to tremble slightly at his shouting. If I hadn’t been watching for it, I would have missed it. She won’t ask for help, that’s just not who she is. Hell, she doesn’t even need my help. But damn it, I’m here now and I’m stepping in. After I interrupt and shamelessly claim the spot on the opposite side of her, I squeeze her arm while smiling at her. When she takes in a deep breath, I wrap my pinky around hers and give it a little tug to show my support.
“As you were…” I gesture with a flourish of my hand for them to continue.
Audrey clears her throat nervously and releases my pinky, clenching her hands together in her lap. “I’m sorry for making you believe that the… ba… that the pregnancy was yours.” I watch as she looks up at him and he continues to stare out at the thrashing waves. “And I’m sorry that I let you go through with the marriage. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why did you though? That’s what I don’t get,” Jaxon questions softly.
“I just needed help from someone. Anyone. I shouldn’t have done it, but you were the only person I knew that would actually help. You know I hated going home. I could have been on fire, and no one there would have even given me a second glance.” Her words are a knife to my heart. I should have been her someone, her anyone.
“It still seems a bit dramatic, Auds,” Jax starts.
She quickly interrupts him, “Don’t you dare start with that nickname. I hated it four years ago and I hate it now.” Her strength and vitality shine through with her ability to make light of this dark moment.
“Sorry,” he says with a small smile. “But it does seem that way. I’m sorry to say this, but girls from your school were getting pregnant all the time. That wasn’t a reason to make me think the baby was mine and agree to marry me when I tried to be the good guy.”
Audrey and Jaxon’s past could have easily been portrayed on a late-morning soap opera. After the whirlwind way the two got together, they dated and appeared to be quite happy. Audrey was always over or out with Jaxon, and I spent that time trying to make myself scarce. For about four months, I had to watch those two dance around, f**king merrily.
Then one day, Jaxon came home and told us that he and Audrey had eloped because she was pregnant. I’d never seen my mom turn as many shades of red as she did that day. I remember being glad that her fury was directed at Jaxon and not me. I, on the other hand, may or may not have punched multiple holes into the walls of my bedroom. When mom demanded that he ask Audrey for a paternity test, she ended up admitting it wasn’t his and it was actually her physics teacher’s child.
After countless hours with a lawyer, my mom was able to get the marriage annulled due to fraudulent claims. Then Audrey slipped away quietly, never to be seen or heard from again. That is, until the day she showed up at our apartment last year, trying to talk to Jaxon. Although according to Lane, she was attempting to talk to me.
“I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I should have never told you it was yours. I freaked, and I just needed someone to be on my side for a second. But I was young and stupid; I approached it all wrong. You’re also right about the girls at my school getting pregnant all the time.” Her hands begin to turn white as she grinds them against one another. Her fingers are threading in and out with those on the opposite hand, and I can tell she’s squeezing them together as tightly as she can. Slowly, I reach out and gently rub my pinky against the outside of her thigh. I want to give her courage, anything that will help her get through whatever she is about to say.
After a deep inhale and a sluggish exhale, she continues, “But they weren’t getting...raped by their physics teachers in the back storage room of the lab.”
If it were possible to hear a heart breaking, then the sound of three shattering like glass right here in the sand off the Pacific would ring loud and clear. I hear the slight hitch in her throat which clues me in to look up, just in time to see the tears falling from her dark eyes. It’s as if a dam has broken and there’s no stopping the flood pouring down her beautiful, porcelain face. Screw my brother. I lean over and wrap her wilting body into my arms and push her face into my chest, hoping my shirt can soak up the tears and the pain.
“We’re still on for tomorrow, right?” I whisper. She nods her head up and down. With my face still close to hers, I run my lips lightly against her temple. From a few feet away, I catch Em watching us over Jax’s shoulder. When she sees me looking at her, she smiles and gives me the ‘thumbs up’ signal behind his back. I stare at her, confused. Why is she happy about Audrey being here?
I lean away from Audrey and stand up straight before Jaxon catches on. I lead her back up the hill so we can rejoin the partygoers.
“Why doesn’t Em want you to leave?” I ask.
“So I can talk to Jaxon,” she says simply.
“What? You’re going to tell him before me?”
“I don’t really want to tell either of you anything anymore,” she states in a hard tone. I grab her arms and stop her before we reach the crowd, then sit down in the sand, gesturing for her to join me. After a heavy sigh, she relents, but sits a good foot away from me. I don’t understand why she’s being cold all of a sudden. I take hold of her legs and pull her closer to me, her body leaving a trail in the sand as she reaches my side.
“Tell me what’s wrong.”
“Jace… let’s not do this here.”
“Where? Here, where no one can hear a word we say? Or did you actually mean, let’s not do this ever? I think here is pretty damn perfect.”
A fire ignites behind her eyes as she glares at me. “Yes, I actually meant let’s not do this ever. You want to know why? Because none of y’all cared when it actually mattered. You heard a rumor and you believed it. You assumed and you ran with it. At what point did you come to me and ask if any of it was true? When, Jace?”
My mouth opens and shuts because I’ve got nothing to say to that. “Exactly,” she huffs out in frustration and stands. “You don’t deserve to know what happened in MY life, because you never bothered before. Why are you HERE now? Why do you care NOW?” she yells.
As if he has an internal alarm for an upset Audrey or just super-sonic hearing when she’s distressed, Lane emerges from the crowd with a determined look on his face. When he spots her, he stalks forward.
“What’s going on over here?” A voice I wasn’t expecting makes my head pivot backward. Jax is standing behind me, taking in the scene. “Jace?” he asks.
Everyone is just staring at one another, and before I can even begin to formulate a response, Audrey says, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”
- Nine -
AUDREY -
Jace has that deer-in-the-headlights look. I didn’t mean to rip into him like that, but I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by the situation. Em has just spent the better part of thirty minutes trying to convince me to talk to Jaxon. Then Jace comes along, acting like he’s entitled to know anything and everything about me.
I’m so confused that I don’t know which way is up and which way is down. Hell, right now I can’t tell the difference between my right and my left. I know I need to get everything off my chest and come clean. But why can’t it be on my own time? I feel like I’m always being forced to say and do things at everyone else’s convenience.
As always, my protector hears my cries and stomps through the crowd to take down the threat toward me. As I watch Lane’s approach, I’m startled to hear Jaxon’s voice behind me. So many people all at once, I’m beginning to feel claustrophobic. Lane can see the panic in my eyes, and I know he’s two seconds away from dragging me out of here. Over his shoulder, if necessary.
Quickly, I blurt out, “Jaxon, can I talk to you?”
“Uh, yeah,” he says in a less-than-sure tone.
Lane steps forward, ready to interject in this terrible scenario, but Em cuts him off and guides him toward the party. Jax’s eyes follow their retreat. I can see the desire and need when he looks at her, but when his eyes transfer to Lane, they transform into a raging fire.
“He won’t try anything with her,” I reassure him. “He knows who she is and who she’s with.” He nods his head, and though he still appears confused, Jaxon seems to calm down a bit at my words. Jace stands up next to both of us and doesn’t look like he plans on leaving.
“Jace, what the hell’s going on with you?” Jaxon asks.
Before Jace can create an excuse, I interrupt, “Forget it. Let’s just get this over with, Jaxon.” I turn to walk away from the crowd again, back toward the water where worries are washed away with the calming waves.
I find the imprints where Em and I were just sitting moments ago. As I sit down, I reflect upon the day. Getting Quinn to warm up to the idea of my presence was easier said than done. But as Em had predicted, once we cracked through her loyal shell, she began to understand the circumstances. I don’t see us trading friendship bracelets anytime soon, but we still managed to have a fun day together. I got my first manicure and pedicure, and I almost glued myself to that massage chair.
Jaxon clears his throat and I realize he’s sitting down next to me, facing the ocean as well. Without looking at me, he says, “I’m supposed to be nice to you. If I’m not, my typically sweet girlfriend has threatened me with some pretty violent actions. Why is that, Audrey?”
His words make me laugh at Em’s protectiveness. Once again, I’m shocked by her instant acceptance of me. “You got lucky with her, you know?”
A relieved sigh leaves his lungs. “I know. I feel like I’m just waiting for her to realize how much better she can do.”
“From what she told me, she got lucky in finding you as well,” I assure him.
“I think I was just more determined than all the others.”
“I’m pretty sure there was a little more at play than determination, Jaxon. She really has brought out a good side in you. I’m glad you’re happy,” I say honestly.
He brings his knees up and wraps his arms around them. “We’re talking like we used to. Like friends.”
“Were we even friends?” I ask.
“Yes, of course we were.” Finally, he looks toward me with a furrowed brow, obviously questioning my statement.
“We certainly didn’t have a traditional relationship. We were using each other, Jaxon. You used me to get your family off your back, and I used you to get out of my house. It seemed to work for us. I’ll admit, we shouldn’t have continued to sleep together, but we were young and less than clever at the time.”
“You act like you regret sleeping with me?” he feigns insult.
“I wanted someone else.”
“Ouch.” His hurt feelings don’t last long as he laughs it off. “We were quite the pair.”
“Yeah, until everything went to hell.” Might as well get down to the hard stuff.
“Based on some indications I’m getting from Emerson, I’m beginning to think that maybe I was misinformed.”
“You were the one that informed yourself, Jaxon.”
“Audrey, you came to me one day and said you were pregnant. I tried to do the right thing and get married! You had so many opportunities to come clean.”
My hands begin to shake as we start to get to the heart of our problems. The day I saw the positive sign on that little, white stick, I knew my world would never be the same. For some reason, I knew life was out to get me, and it was almost as if I had been waiting for this moment to happen. I was lost in a world full of pain and hate. I ran to Jaxon for help because I knew he would take responsibility, and I just needed someone to take care of me for once in my life.
“You guys okay?” Jace’s anxious voice questions from behind.
“We’re fine, dude, just clearing the air,” Jaxon snaps.
“Then why were you just yelling at her?” Jace questions. I would hardly have called it yelling, but if Jace could hear him raising his voice, then he hadn’t been too far away. It’s clear that Jace wants to hear this story even more than Jaxon does, and I really don’t feel like telling it for the fourth time in less than a week. Hell, we might as well bring over Cole and whoever else wants to hear.
“You might as well sit down and listen instead of eavesdropping, Jace,” I call out, without looking behind me. With no shame or hesitation, he immediately sits down on my opposite side. He’s far enough away that it’s appropriate, but close enough that he can extend his fingers and touch the bare skin of my thighs without Jaxon seeing.
“Why are you being so nosy all of a sudden, Jace?” Jax asks from my other side.
“I was there when this all went down. I’m curious too,” Jace says in defense.
“Who cares? The less I have to repeat this, the better.” I wave off any further argument. Jace quickly squeezes my arm three times and smiles at me in support.
JACE -
The moon catches the natural highlights in her brown hair and lights up her silhouette as she sits in the sand. As I watch Audrey talk to my brother about everything that went down between the two of them, I find a spot on the beach far enough back that they can’t see me. It’s not close enough to hear their words, but it’s as far away as I can physically get right now. Everything about her is calling out to me. The distress in her eyes when everyone crowded around her had every cell in my body lighting up in defense.
The second I hear Jaxon raise his voice, I jump to my feet, but I decide to hang back and see if she can handle it on her own. Of course she can, she’s strong. She’s always been strong.
Leaning back on her hands in the sand, I notice that her hands and arms begin to tremble slightly at his shouting. If I hadn’t been watching for it, I would have missed it. She won’t ask for help, that’s just not who she is. Hell, she doesn’t even need my help. But damn it, I’m here now and I’m stepping in. After I interrupt and shamelessly claim the spot on the opposite side of her, I squeeze her arm while smiling at her. When she takes in a deep breath, I wrap my pinky around hers and give it a little tug to show my support.
“As you were…” I gesture with a flourish of my hand for them to continue.
Audrey clears her throat nervously and releases my pinky, clenching her hands together in her lap. “I’m sorry for making you believe that the… ba… that the pregnancy was yours.” I watch as she looks up at him and he continues to stare out at the thrashing waves. “And I’m sorry that I let you go through with the marriage. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why did you though? That’s what I don’t get,” Jaxon questions softly.
“I just needed help from someone. Anyone. I shouldn’t have done it, but you were the only person I knew that would actually help. You know I hated going home. I could have been on fire, and no one there would have even given me a second glance.” Her words are a knife to my heart. I should have been her someone, her anyone.
“It still seems a bit dramatic, Auds,” Jax starts.
She quickly interrupts him, “Don’t you dare start with that nickname. I hated it four years ago and I hate it now.” Her strength and vitality shine through with her ability to make light of this dark moment.
“Sorry,” he says with a small smile. “But it does seem that way. I’m sorry to say this, but girls from your school were getting pregnant all the time. That wasn’t a reason to make me think the baby was mine and agree to marry me when I tried to be the good guy.”
Audrey and Jaxon’s past could have easily been portrayed on a late-morning soap opera. After the whirlwind way the two got together, they dated and appeared to be quite happy. Audrey was always over or out with Jaxon, and I spent that time trying to make myself scarce. For about four months, I had to watch those two dance around, f**king merrily.
Then one day, Jaxon came home and told us that he and Audrey had eloped because she was pregnant. I’d never seen my mom turn as many shades of red as she did that day. I remember being glad that her fury was directed at Jaxon and not me. I, on the other hand, may or may not have punched multiple holes into the walls of my bedroom. When mom demanded that he ask Audrey for a paternity test, she ended up admitting it wasn’t his and it was actually her physics teacher’s child.
After countless hours with a lawyer, my mom was able to get the marriage annulled due to fraudulent claims. Then Audrey slipped away quietly, never to be seen or heard from again. That is, until the day she showed up at our apartment last year, trying to talk to Jaxon. Although according to Lane, she was attempting to talk to me.
“I’m so sorry, Jaxon. I should have never told you it was yours. I freaked, and I just needed someone to be on my side for a second. But I was young and stupid; I approached it all wrong. You’re also right about the girls at my school getting pregnant all the time.” Her hands begin to turn white as she grinds them against one another. Her fingers are threading in and out with those on the opposite hand, and I can tell she’s squeezing them together as tightly as she can. Slowly, I reach out and gently rub my pinky against the outside of her thigh. I want to give her courage, anything that will help her get through whatever she is about to say.
After a deep inhale and a sluggish exhale, she continues, “But they weren’t getting...raped by their physics teachers in the back storage room of the lab.”
If it were possible to hear a heart breaking, then the sound of three shattering like glass right here in the sand off the Pacific would ring loud and clear. I hear the slight hitch in her throat which clues me in to look up, just in time to see the tears falling from her dark eyes. It’s as if a dam has broken and there’s no stopping the flood pouring down her beautiful, porcelain face. Screw my brother. I lean over and wrap her wilting body into my arms and push her face into my chest, hoping my shirt can soak up the tears and the pain.
