Beautiful Darkness
Page 125
"You had it all this time?"
"Yeah. Aunt Prue gave it to me. It works as long as you have the tag."
"Wait? How did your aunt end up with a Caster cat?"
"Arelia gave Lucille to my aunt so she could find her way around the Tunnels."
Lena started to untangle the chain, untying the knots that had formed since she lost it. "I can't believe you found it. When I left it behind, I never thought I'd see it again."
She hadn't lost it. She had taken it off. I resisted the urge to ask her why. "Of course I found it. It's got everything I've ever given you on it."
Lena closed her hand around it and looked away. "Not everything."
I knew what she was thinking about -- my mother's ring. She had taken off the ring, too, but I hadn't found it.
Not until this morning, when I discovered it lying on my desk, as if it had always been there. I reached into the drawer again and opened Lena's hand, pressing the ring into it. When she felt the cool metal, she looked up at me.
You found it?
No. My mom must have. It was sitting on my desk when I woke up.
She doesn't hate me?
It was a question only a Caster girl would ask. Had the ghost of my dead mother forgiven her? I knew the answer. I found the ring lying inside a book Lena loaned me, Pablo Neruda's Book of Questions , the chain serving as a bookmark under the lines "Is it true that amber contains / the tears of the sirens?"
My mother had been more of an Emily Dickinson fan, but Lena loved Neruda. It was like the sprig of rosemary I found in my mom's favorite cookbook last Christmas -- something of my mother's and something of Lena's, together, as if that was always how it was intended to be.
I answered Lena by fastening the chain around her neck, where it belonged. She touched it and stared into my brown eyes with her green and gold ones. I knew she was still the girl I loved, no matter what color her eyes were. There was no one color that could paint Lena Duchannes. She was a red sweater and a blue sky, a gray wind and a silver sparrow, a black curl escaping from behind her ear.
Now that we were together, it felt like home again.
Lena leaned into me, grazing my lips gently at first. Then she kissed me with an intensity that sent heat buzzing up my spine. I felt her find her way back to me, to our curves and our corners, the places our bodies fit together so naturally.
"Okay, this is definitely my dream." I smiled, running my fingers through her incredible mess of black hair.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
She ran her hands across my chest as I breathed her in. My mouth wandered down her shoulder, and I pulled her closer until I could feel her hipbones digging gently into my skin. It had been so long, and I had missed her so much -- the taste of her, the smell of her. I held her face in my hands, kissing her even more deeply, and my heart began to race. I had to stop and catch my breath.
She looked into my eyes, leaning back on my pillow, careful not to touch me.
Is it any better? Are you -- am I hurting you?
No. It's better.
I looked at the wall and counted silently, steadying my heart.
You're lying.
I slid my arms around her, but she wouldn't look at me.
We'll never really be able to be together, Ethan.
We're together now.
I ran my fingers lightly down her arms, watching goose bumps spring up under my touch.
You're sixteen, and I'll be seventeen in two weeks. We have time.
Actually, in Caster years, I'm already seventeen. Count the moons. I'm older than you now.
She smiled a little, and I crushed her in my arms.
Seventeen. Whatever. Maybe by eighteen we'll figure it out, L.
L.
I sat up in bed, staring at her.
You know, don't you?
What?
Your real name. Now that you're Claimed, you know it, right?
She tilted her head to the side, with a half-smile. I grabbed her up into my arms, my face hovering just above hers.
What is it? Don't you think I should know?
Haven't you figured it out yet, Ethan? My name is Lena. It's the name I had when we met. It's the only name I'll ever have.
She knew it, but she wasn't going to tell me. I understood why. Lena was Claiming herself again. Deciding who she was going to be. Binding us back together with the things we had shared. I was relieved, because she would always be Lena to me.
The girl I met in my dreams.
I pulled the cover up over our heads. Though none of my dreams went remotely like this, in a matter of minutes, we were both sound asleep.
6.22
New Blood
For once I wasn't dreaming. It was Lucille's hissing that woke me up. I rolled over, Lena curled up next to me. It was still hard to believe she was here and she was safe. It was the thing I had wanted most in the world, and now I had it.
How often did that happen? The waning moon outside my bedroom window was so bright, I could see her eyelashes touching her cheek as she slept.
Lucille leaped off the bottom of my bed, and something moved in the shadows.
A silhouette.
Someone was standing in front of my window. It could only be one person, who wasn't actually a person at all. I bolted upright in bed. Macon was standing in my room, and Lena was under the covers in my bed. Weakened or not, he was going to kill me.
"Ethan?" I recognized his voice the second I heard it, even though he was trying to be quiet. It wasn't Macon. It was Link.
"What the hell are you doing in my room in the middle of the night?" I hissed, trying not to wake Lena.
"Yeah. Aunt Prue gave it to me. It works as long as you have the tag."
"Wait? How did your aunt end up with a Caster cat?"
"Arelia gave Lucille to my aunt so she could find her way around the Tunnels."
Lena started to untangle the chain, untying the knots that had formed since she lost it. "I can't believe you found it. When I left it behind, I never thought I'd see it again."
She hadn't lost it. She had taken it off. I resisted the urge to ask her why. "Of course I found it. It's got everything I've ever given you on it."
Lena closed her hand around it and looked away. "Not everything."
I knew what she was thinking about -- my mother's ring. She had taken off the ring, too, but I hadn't found it.
Not until this morning, when I discovered it lying on my desk, as if it had always been there. I reached into the drawer again and opened Lena's hand, pressing the ring into it. When she felt the cool metal, she looked up at me.
You found it?
No. My mom must have. It was sitting on my desk when I woke up.
She doesn't hate me?
It was a question only a Caster girl would ask. Had the ghost of my dead mother forgiven her? I knew the answer. I found the ring lying inside a book Lena loaned me, Pablo Neruda's Book of Questions , the chain serving as a bookmark under the lines "Is it true that amber contains / the tears of the sirens?"
My mother had been more of an Emily Dickinson fan, but Lena loved Neruda. It was like the sprig of rosemary I found in my mom's favorite cookbook last Christmas -- something of my mother's and something of Lena's, together, as if that was always how it was intended to be.
I answered Lena by fastening the chain around her neck, where it belonged. She touched it and stared into my brown eyes with her green and gold ones. I knew she was still the girl I loved, no matter what color her eyes were. There was no one color that could paint Lena Duchannes. She was a red sweater and a blue sky, a gray wind and a silver sparrow, a black curl escaping from behind her ear.
Now that we were together, it felt like home again.
Lena leaned into me, grazing my lips gently at first. Then she kissed me with an intensity that sent heat buzzing up my spine. I felt her find her way back to me, to our curves and our corners, the places our bodies fit together so naturally.
"Okay, this is definitely my dream." I smiled, running my fingers through her incredible mess of black hair.
I wouldn't be so sure about that.
She ran her hands across my chest as I breathed her in. My mouth wandered down her shoulder, and I pulled her closer until I could feel her hipbones digging gently into my skin. It had been so long, and I had missed her so much -- the taste of her, the smell of her. I held her face in my hands, kissing her even more deeply, and my heart began to race. I had to stop and catch my breath.
She looked into my eyes, leaning back on my pillow, careful not to touch me.
Is it any better? Are you -- am I hurting you?
No. It's better.
I looked at the wall and counted silently, steadying my heart.
You're lying.
I slid my arms around her, but she wouldn't look at me.
We'll never really be able to be together, Ethan.
We're together now.
I ran my fingers lightly down her arms, watching goose bumps spring up under my touch.
You're sixteen, and I'll be seventeen in two weeks. We have time.
Actually, in Caster years, I'm already seventeen. Count the moons. I'm older than you now.
She smiled a little, and I crushed her in my arms.
Seventeen. Whatever. Maybe by eighteen we'll figure it out, L.
L.
I sat up in bed, staring at her.
You know, don't you?
What?
Your real name. Now that you're Claimed, you know it, right?
She tilted her head to the side, with a half-smile. I grabbed her up into my arms, my face hovering just above hers.
What is it? Don't you think I should know?
Haven't you figured it out yet, Ethan? My name is Lena. It's the name I had when we met. It's the only name I'll ever have.
She knew it, but she wasn't going to tell me. I understood why. Lena was Claiming herself again. Deciding who she was going to be. Binding us back together with the things we had shared. I was relieved, because she would always be Lena to me.
The girl I met in my dreams.
I pulled the cover up over our heads. Though none of my dreams went remotely like this, in a matter of minutes, we were both sound asleep.
6.22
New Blood
For once I wasn't dreaming. It was Lucille's hissing that woke me up. I rolled over, Lena curled up next to me. It was still hard to believe she was here and she was safe. It was the thing I had wanted most in the world, and now I had it.
How often did that happen? The waning moon outside my bedroom window was so bright, I could see her eyelashes touching her cheek as she slept.
Lucille leaped off the bottom of my bed, and something moved in the shadows.
A silhouette.
Someone was standing in front of my window. It could only be one person, who wasn't actually a person at all. I bolted upright in bed. Macon was standing in my room, and Lena was under the covers in my bed. Weakened or not, he was going to kill me.
"Ethan?" I recognized his voice the second I heard it, even though he was trying to be quiet. It wasn't Macon. It was Link.
"What the hell are you doing in my room in the middle of the night?" I hissed, trying not to wake Lena.
