Beautiful Darkness
Page 9
"What?"
"Why should it?"
"Because life goes on, L. The birds do their thing, and the bees do theirs. Seeds get scattered, and everything grows back."
"Then it al gets burnt again. If you're lucky enough to be around me."
There was no point arguing with Lena when she was in one of these moods. A lifetime with Amma going dark had taught me that. "Sometimes it does."
She pul ed her knees up and rested her chin on them. Her shape cast a shadow much larger than she actual y was.
"But I'm stil lucky." I moved my leg until it caught the light, throwing a long line of my shadow into hers.
We sat like that, side by side, with only our shadows touching, until the sun went down and they stretched toward the black trees and disappeared into dusk. We listened to the cicadas in silence and tried not to think until the rain started fal ing again.
5.1
Falling
In the next few weeks, I successfuly convinced Lena to leave the house with me a total of three times. Once to the movies with Link -- my best friend since second grade -- where even her signature combination of popcorn and Milk Duds didn't cheer her up. Once to my house to eat Amma's molasses cookies and watch a zombie marathon, my version of a dream date. It wasn't. And once for a walk along the Santee, where we ended up turning around after ten minutes with sixty bug bites between us. Wherever she was, she didn't want to be.
Today was different. She had final y found somewhere she was comfortable, even if it was the last place I expected.
I walked in her room to find her lying sprawled across the ceiling, arms flung across the plaster, her hair spread out like a black fan around her head.
"Since when can you do that?" I was used to Lena's powers by now, but since her sixteenth birthday they seemed to be getting stronger and wilder, as if she was awkwardly growing into herself as a Caster. With every day, Lena the Caster girl was more unpredictable, stretching her powers to see what she could do. As it turned out, what she could do these days was cause al kinds of trouble.
Like the time Link and I were driving to school in the Beater, and one of his songs came on the radio as if the station was playing it. Link was so shocked he'd swerved a good two feet into Mrs. Asher's front hedge. "An accident," Lena said with a crooked smile. "One of Link's songs was stuck in my head." Nobody had ever gotten one of Link's songs stuck in their head. But Link had believed her, which made his ego even more unbearable. "What can I say? I have that effect on the ladies. This voice is as smooth as butter."
A week after that, Link and I had been walking down the hal , and Lena came up and gave me a big hug, right as the bel was ringing. I figured she had final y decided to come back to school. But she wasn't actual y there at al . It was some kind of projection, or whatever the Caster word was for making your boyfriend look like an idiot. Link thought I was trying to hug him, so he cal ed me "Lover Boy" for days. "I missed you. Is that such a crime?" Lena thought it was funny, but I was starting to wish Gramma would step in and ground her, or whatever it was you did to a Natural who was up to no good.
Don't be a baby. I said I was sorry, didn't I?
You're as big a menace as Link in fifth grade, the year he sucked all the juice out of my mom's tomatoes with a straw.
It won't happen again. I swear.
That's what Link said back then.
But he stopped, right?
Yeah. When we stopped growing tomatoes.
"Come down."
"I like it better up here."
I grabbed her hand. A current crept through my arm, but I didn't let go, pul ing her down onto the bed next to me.
"Ouch." She was laughing. I could see her shoulder shudder even though her back was to me. Or maybe she wasn't laughing but crying, which was rare these days. The crying had mostly stopped and had been replaced by something worse. Nothing.
Nothing was deceptive. Nothing was much harder to describe or fix or stop.
Do you want to talk about it, L?
About what?
I pul ed her closer, resting my head on hers. The shaking slowed, and I held her as tight as I could. Like she was stil on the ceiling, and I was the one hanging on.
Nothing.
I shouldn't have complained about the ceiling. There were crazier places you could hang out. Like where we were now.
"I have a bad feeling about this." I was sweating, but I couldn't wipe my face. I needed my hands to stay right where they were.
"That's weird." Lena smiled down at me. "Because I have a very good feeling about it." Her hair was blowing in a breeze, though I wasn't sure which kind. "Besides, we're almost there."
"You realize this is insane, right? If a cop drives by, we're gonna get arrested or sent to Blue Horizons to visit my dad."
"It's not crazy. It's romantic. Couples come here al the time."
"When people go to the water tower, L, they aren't talking about the top of the water tower." Which is where we would be in a minute. Just the two of us, a wobbly iron ladder about a hundred feet above the ground, and a bright blue Carolina sky.
I tried not to look down.
Lena had talked me into climbing to the top. There was something about the excitement in her voice that made me go along with it, as if something so stupid might be able to make her feel the way she did the last time we were here.
Smiling, happy, in a red sweater. I remembered, because there was a piece of red yarn hanging from her charm necklace.
"Why should it?"
"Because life goes on, L. The birds do their thing, and the bees do theirs. Seeds get scattered, and everything grows back."
"Then it al gets burnt again. If you're lucky enough to be around me."
There was no point arguing with Lena when she was in one of these moods. A lifetime with Amma going dark had taught me that. "Sometimes it does."
She pul ed her knees up and rested her chin on them. Her shape cast a shadow much larger than she actual y was.
"But I'm stil lucky." I moved my leg until it caught the light, throwing a long line of my shadow into hers.
We sat like that, side by side, with only our shadows touching, until the sun went down and they stretched toward the black trees and disappeared into dusk. We listened to the cicadas in silence and tried not to think until the rain started fal ing again.
5.1
Falling
In the next few weeks, I successfuly convinced Lena to leave the house with me a total of three times. Once to the movies with Link -- my best friend since second grade -- where even her signature combination of popcorn and Milk Duds didn't cheer her up. Once to my house to eat Amma's molasses cookies and watch a zombie marathon, my version of a dream date. It wasn't. And once for a walk along the Santee, where we ended up turning around after ten minutes with sixty bug bites between us. Wherever she was, she didn't want to be.
Today was different. She had final y found somewhere she was comfortable, even if it was the last place I expected.
I walked in her room to find her lying sprawled across the ceiling, arms flung across the plaster, her hair spread out like a black fan around her head.
"Since when can you do that?" I was used to Lena's powers by now, but since her sixteenth birthday they seemed to be getting stronger and wilder, as if she was awkwardly growing into herself as a Caster. With every day, Lena the Caster girl was more unpredictable, stretching her powers to see what she could do. As it turned out, what she could do these days was cause al kinds of trouble.
Like the time Link and I were driving to school in the Beater, and one of his songs came on the radio as if the station was playing it. Link was so shocked he'd swerved a good two feet into Mrs. Asher's front hedge. "An accident," Lena said with a crooked smile. "One of Link's songs was stuck in my head." Nobody had ever gotten one of Link's songs stuck in their head. But Link had believed her, which made his ego even more unbearable. "What can I say? I have that effect on the ladies. This voice is as smooth as butter."
A week after that, Link and I had been walking down the hal , and Lena came up and gave me a big hug, right as the bel was ringing. I figured she had final y decided to come back to school. But she wasn't actual y there at al . It was some kind of projection, or whatever the Caster word was for making your boyfriend look like an idiot. Link thought I was trying to hug him, so he cal ed me "Lover Boy" for days. "I missed you. Is that such a crime?" Lena thought it was funny, but I was starting to wish Gramma would step in and ground her, or whatever it was you did to a Natural who was up to no good.
Don't be a baby. I said I was sorry, didn't I?
You're as big a menace as Link in fifth grade, the year he sucked all the juice out of my mom's tomatoes with a straw.
It won't happen again. I swear.
That's what Link said back then.
But he stopped, right?
Yeah. When we stopped growing tomatoes.
"Come down."
"I like it better up here."
I grabbed her hand. A current crept through my arm, but I didn't let go, pul ing her down onto the bed next to me.
"Ouch." She was laughing. I could see her shoulder shudder even though her back was to me. Or maybe she wasn't laughing but crying, which was rare these days. The crying had mostly stopped and had been replaced by something worse. Nothing.
Nothing was deceptive. Nothing was much harder to describe or fix or stop.
Do you want to talk about it, L?
About what?
I pul ed her closer, resting my head on hers. The shaking slowed, and I held her as tight as I could. Like she was stil on the ceiling, and I was the one hanging on.
Nothing.
I shouldn't have complained about the ceiling. There were crazier places you could hang out. Like where we were now.
"I have a bad feeling about this." I was sweating, but I couldn't wipe my face. I needed my hands to stay right where they were.
"That's weird." Lena smiled down at me. "Because I have a very good feeling about it." Her hair was blowing in a breeze, though I wasn't sure which kind. "Besides, we're almost there."
"You realize this is insane, right? If a cop drives by, we're gonna get arrested or sent to Blue Horizons to visit my dad."
"It's not crazy. It's romantic. Couples come here al the time."
"When people go to the water tower, L, they aren't talking about the top of the water tower." Which is where we would be in a minute. Just the two of us, a wobbly iron ladder about a hundred feet above the ground, and a bright blue Carolina sky.
I tried not to look down.
Lena had talked me into climbing to the top. There was something about the excitement in her voice that made me go along with it, as if something so stupid might be able to make her feel the way she did the last time we were here.
Smiling, happy, in a red sweater. I remembered, because there was a piece of red yarn hanging from her charm necklace.
