Beautiful Player
Page 71
I forced myself back into the conversation. “You just told me you don’t know what you want. And then you said you had feelings that went past sexual. I have to be honest, it doesn’t seem like you have a very good grasp on anything that’s going on here. The first time we had sex you basically brushed me off, only to now tell me you want more?”
“Hello!” he yelled. “I didn’t brush you off. I told you, it was jarring to have you be so cavalier—”
“Will,” I said, voice firm. “For twelve years I’ve lived with the stories of you and my brother. I saw the aftermath of you hooking up with Liv—she was hung up on you for months and I bet you had no idea. I’ve seen you sneak off with bridesmaids or disappear at family gatherings and nothing’s changed. You’ve spent the majority of your adult life acting like a nineteen-year-old guy, and now you think you want more? You don’t even know what that means!”
“And you do? Suddenly you know everything? Why would you assume that I knew this thing with Liv was so monumental? Not everyone discusses their feelings and sexuality and whatever comes to mind as openly as you do. I’ve never known a woman like you before.”
“Well, statistically speaking, that’s really saying something.”
I didn’t even know where all this was coming from, and the minute the words left my mouth I knew I’d gone too far.
All at once the fight seemed to leave him and I watched his shoulders fall, the air leave his lungs. He stared at me for a long beat, eyes losing their heat until they were just . . . flat.
And then, he left.I paced the old rug in the dining room so many times I wondered if I was wearing a track in it. My head was a mess, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. I had no idea what had just happened, but all along my skin and into my muscles I felt tight and tense, afraid that I had just chased off my best friend, and the best sex of my entire life.
I needed something familiar. I needed my family.
The phone rang four times before Liv picked up.
“Ziggy!” my sister said. “How’s the lab rat?”
I closed my eyes, leaning into the doorway between the dining room and kitchen. “Good, good. How’s the baby maker?” I asked, quickly adding, “And I was most definitely not talking about your vagina.”
Her laugh burst through the line. “So the verbal filter hasn’t grown in yet. You’re going to confuse the hell out of some man one day, you know that?”
She didn’t know the half of it. “How’re you feeling?” I asked, steering the conversation to safer waters. Liv was married now and very pregnant with the first, oft-heralded Bergstrom grandchild. I was surprised my mother ever left her alone for more than ten minutes at a time.
Liv sighed, and I could imagine her sitting at the dining room table in her yellow kitchen, her giant black Labrador moving to lie down at her feet. “I’m good,” she said. “Tired as hell, but good.”
“Kiddo treating you okay?”
“Always,” she answered, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “This baby’s going to be perfect. Just wait.”
“Of course it is,” I said. “I mean, look at its aunt.”
She laughed. “My thoughts exactly.”
“You guys picked a name yet?” Liv was thoroughly set on not knowing the sex of their incoming package until it was born. It made spoiling my new niece or nephew a lot more difficult.
“We may have narrowed it down.”
“And?” I asked, intrigued. The list of gender-neutral names my sister and her husband had come up with was bordering on comical.
“Nope, not telling you.”
“What? Why?” I whined.
“Because you always find something wrong with them.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I gasped. Though . . . she was right. So far her name choices were terrible. Somehow she and her husband Rob had decided that tree names and types of birds were gender-neutral and fair game.
“Now what’s new with you?” she asked. “How has your life improved since your epic showdown with the boss man last month?”
I laughed, knowing of course she meant Jensen, and not Dad, or even Liemacki.
“I’ve been running, and getting out more. I mean, we came to sort of a . . . compromise?”
Liv didn’t miss a beat. “A compromise. With Jensen?”
I’d spoken to Liv a few times in the past weeks, but had steered clear of my growing friendship, relationship, whatevership with Will. For obvious reasons. But now I needed my sister’s thoughts on all of it, and my stomach clenched into a giant ball of dread.
“Hello!” he yelled. “I didn’t brush you off. I told you, it was jarring to have you be so cavalier—”
“Will,” I said, voice firm. “For twelve years I’ve lived with the stories of you and my brother. I saw the aftermath of you hooking up with Liv—she was hung up on you for months and I bet you had no idea. I’ve seen you sneak off with bridesmaids or disappear at family gatherings and nothing’s changed. You’ve spent the majority of your adult life acting like a nineteen-year-old guy, and now you think you want more? You don’t even know what that means!”
“And you do? Suddenly you know everything? Why would you assume that I knew this thing with Liv was so monumental? Not everyone discusses their feelings and sexuality and whatever comes to mind as openly as you do. I’ve never known a woman like you before.”
“Well, statistically speaking, that’s really saying something.”
I didn’t even know where all this was coming from, and the minute the words left my mouth I knew I’d gone too far.
All at once the fight seemed to leave him and I watched his shoulders fall, the air leave his lungs. He stared at me for a long beat, eyes losing their heat until they were just . . . flat.
And then, he left.I paced the old rug in the dining room so many times I wondered if I was wearing a track in it. My head was a mess, my heart wouldn’t stop pounding. I had no idea what had just happened, but all along my skin and into my muscles I felt tight and tense, afraid that I had just chased off my best friend, and the best sex of my entire life.
I needed something familiar. I needed my family.
The phone rang four times before Liv picked up.
“Ziggy!” my sister said. “How’s the lab rat?”
I closed my eyes, leaning into the doorway between the dining room and kitchen. “Good, good. How’s the baby maker?” I asked, quickly adding, “And I was most definitely not talking about your vagina.”
Her laugh burst through the line. “So the verbal filter hasn’t grown in yet. You’re going to confuse the hell out of some man one day, you know that?”
She didn’t know the half of it. “How’re you feeling?” I asked, steering the conversation to safer waters. Liv was married now and very pregnant with the first, oft-heralded Bergstrom grandchild. I was surprised my mother ever left her alone for more than ten minutes at a time.
Liv sighed, and I could imagine her sitting at the dining room table in her yellow kitchen, her giant black Labrador moving to lie down at her feet. “I’m good,” she said. “Tired as hell, but good.”
“Kiddo treating you okay?”
“Always,” she answered, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “This baby’s going to be perfect. Just wait.”
“Of course it is,” I said. “I mean, look at its aunt.”
She laughed. “My thoughts exactly.”
“You guys picked a name yet?” Liv was thoroughly set on not knowing the sex of their incoming package until it was born. It made spoiling my new niece or nephew a lot more difficult.
“We may have narrowed it down.”
“And?” I asked, intrigued. The list of gender-neutral names my sister and her husband had come up with was bordering on comical.
“Nope, not telling you.”
“What? Why?” I whined.
“Because you always find something wrong with them.”
“That’s ridiculous,” I gasped. Though . . . she was right. So far her name choices were terrible. Somehow she and her husband Rob had decided that tree names and types of birds were gender-neutral and fair game.
“Now what’s new with you?” she asked. “How has your life improved since your epic showdown with the boss man last month?”
I laughed, knowing of course she meant Jensen, and not Dad, or even Liemacki.
“I’ve been running, and getting out more. I mean, we came to sort of a . . . compromise?”
Liv didn’t miss a beat. “A compromise. With Jensen?”
I’d spoken to Liv a few times in the past weeks, but had steered clear of my growing friendship, relationship, whatevership with Will. For obvious reasons. But now I needed my sister’s thoughts on all of it, and my stomach clenched into a giant ball of dread.
