Beauty Queens

Page 125

“Thank God you’re okay!” he said.
“Okay? Okay? I’m being shot at and, like, a billion people are trying to kill me and there’s explosives and despite all of that, I am still really, really, really pissed off at you, you ass**le.”
Duff smiled. “Nice to see you, too.”
“Whatever. We have to get to the compound.”
“Lead the way,” Duff said.
“Not so fast, hound dogs.” MoMo B. ChaCha’s platform shoes clunked across the ship’s deck. He moved like an injured cat, but one that could still claw and bite. He raised his gun. “You are responsible for this.” In his other hand, he held the remains of General Good Times.
“We’re responsible for your unfortunate experiments in taxidermy?” Adina asked.
“Don’t be insolent, beauty queen!” The Peacock raised his arm to strike. Duff stopped him.
“I don’t think so, mate.”
“Wait … You are familiar to The Peacock. Did I kill your family?”
“No.”
“Huh. Disappointing.”
“I’m Duff McAvoy of The Corporation’s wildly popular cable show, Captains Bodacious IV: Badder and More Bodaciouser.”
MoMo let fly a small squeal of excitement and clapped his hands. “Of course!” MoMo embraced Duff, kissing him on both cheeks. “I am number-one fan of your show.”
“That’s great!” Duff laughed in relief. “That’s … that’s brilliant.”
Adina forced a laugh.
MoMo tapped the gun against his forehead. “You are … don’t tell me … Casanova of the Sea?”
“That’s me.”
MoMo raised an eyebrow at Adina. “And you are his latest conquest, yes?”
Adina cut her eye at Duff.
“Yeah, we were just about to film a bit for the show, so, you know, nice to meet you. No need to stick around. It’s dead boring, filming,” Duff said, trying to edge away.
“No, no, no. We must make the moment. MoMo will help. With the gun, I will force you both to walk the plank. You will die together. This will be romantical, yes?”
“No!” they yelled.
“Ah, but you are young. Plenty of time to realize these special moments. Then again, considering you are about to die, maybe not. This will be the best show ever!”
“Wait!” Duff called. “Adina didn’t do anything wrong. Let her go.”
“Really? That’s … wow,” Adina said.
Duff kissed her.
MoMo clapped. “Oh, a gesture so beautiful. Like the smell of a spring flower layered like an onion on a sea of hope.”
“Yikes,” Adina muttered.
“Bravo, Ser Peacock!” Duff clapped. “You are truly a poet.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely. In fact, what would you say to working with me on the blog? Casanovas of the Sea?”
The Peacock nodded, grinning. Then he stopped. “Better yet: You die and I take over the blog. To the gangplank.”
“I’m going to add this to my reasons for hating you,” Adina said as they edged out onto the gangplank.
“I may be a f**kup, Adina. But I really like you. I swear.”
He grabbed her hand. Adina felt the warmth of Duff’s fingers. Then she bent them back with all her might and Duff hissed in pain. “I. Will break. Your f**king. Hand,” Adina cooed.
“Hello, lovebirds! Time to die!” The Peacock edged out onto the gangplank and jumped up and down. “Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy!”
Adina and Duff fought to keep their balance. “Cut it out!” Adina shouted.
“Soon I will be reunited with my lady love, Ladybird Hope.”
“You and Ladybird …?”
“It is she who arranged for me to be here. To buy the weapons. But we were betrayed by these Corporation types who do not understand our love.”
Adina’s mind whirred with connections. “Wait a minute — you and Ladybird Hope? She’s behind the arms deal? But then … Ladybird Hope knew we were here. Ladybird organized the pageant. Ladybird is on The Corporation’s Board of Directors.”
“Yes, yes,” MoMo said, gesturing in a get on with it way. “She multitasks, my little minx.”
“Don’t you see? If Ladybird organized all of this, she’s the one who tried to frame you for our murder!”
MoMo’s eyes narrowed. His mustache twitched like a bug suddenly on its back. “My ears burn with hate for what you say. You will answer for this to Ladybird herself. I avenge the General.” He raised his gun.