Becoming Calder
Page 16
I took a deep breath, trying to steady my rising anger and frustration. I felt my hopes crumbling all around me.
"And if I'm not able to accept what the gods have ordained, Father?"
Hector narrowed his eyes and looked at me for a long time. "Try harder. There are paths much rockier than the one I'm offering you. I'd hate to see you choose the wrong one." He looked back at my irrigation system and then back at me, regarding me with such derision I wanted to look away, but I held my ground, holding his eye contact. Something about it felt disrespectful, but it was almost as if I responded by instinct alone, one man to another. Finally, Hector was the one to look away, back to my system.
"It took a lot of strength to build this," he said, almost as if to himself. "But brute strength alone doesn't get you anywhere in the long run. In any great endeavor, mind power is your greatest tool. Planning, strategizing. For example, you can obviously lift stone and hollow out trees, but the problem is something like this isn't completely structurally sound, because no thought went into its construction."
I furrowed my brow, a current of anger buzzing steadily in my system. "With all due respect, Father, it's extremely structurally sound. I figured out the whole thing in my mind long before I started construction. We've been using it for months, even through several storms. It's been a big help to the laborers, not only for crops, but for other water needs as well." I was talking, but I felt as if my jaw wasn't moving and my words came out clipped.
He shook his head as if what I said was nothing more than a bald-faced lie and then he took one foot and kicked the section in front of him violently.
I startled, unable to comprehend for a few brief seconds exactly what he was doing.
"No," he said, shaking his head again. "Not structurally sound at all. Practically anything could bring it down." He kicked at it again and again, and several sections beyond the one that had taken the blow, came crashing to the ground. I was frozen, disbelieving. He was destroying everything I'd worked so hard for. On purpose.
"Father—" I started, stepping forward.
"See, son? When you build something from the ground up, you have to build it in such a way that no man can ruin it. It can't be flimsy and easy to destroy. Why, if that were the case, anyone could knock it over, take what was yours as if they had that right. When in fact, they should know that would be a disastrous thought and action on their part. Am I right?" His eyes bored into mine, making his point very clear.
As I stared back at him, I felt anger. I felt hot, my skin prickled, and my hands automatically curled into fists.
"I'm sorry I have to cut this meeting short, but I'm expected by the council now. Remember what I said, Water Bearer," he said as he started to leave, kicking over other sections of the system as he walked away from me. "Don't ever try to be something other than what the gods have ordained."
I stood there, watching him retreat, the world shimmering around me as if filled with heat. What had just happened?
My feet started moving before my brain had a chance to stop them. There weren't any thoughts in my head, just a loud whooshing sound. I didn't even remember covering the ground from the river to the edge of the trail leading down to the spring, but suddenly I was there. I made my way downhill, my calves straining, dust clouding at my feet as I practically ran down the steep incline.
Anger coursed through me, but below that was deep hurt. I had trusted Hector. I had trusted his respect, in the very least, for me, for all of his people. All my life, I had trusted Hector. And in an instant, that was gone.
I moved the brush aside roughly, practically crashing through the small opening to our spring. When I stepped out onto the other side, there she was, just turning toward me from across the grass, a large rock behind her.
"Calder," she breathed, beginning to smile. Her pale blonde hair shone in the sun and her gentle eyes blinked and widened as she took me in. She was so damned beautiful. "I didn't know if you'd be able to make it."
I strode toward her and as she took in my expression, her smile faltered. "Calder, what are you—" Her words died as I made it to her, still breathing hard from my fast descent down the trail. I took her face in my hands, glanced at her lips, and then back at her eyes. They widened even further and she breathed out, "Ohhh," understanding suddenly filling those beautiful blue pools. And then my mouth was on hers, and I plunged my tongue into the forbidden fruit. Hard. Demanding. Despite my harshness, her mouth opened under mine and she let out a breathy sigh, her arms wrapping around my neck. I pushed my tongue deeper into her mouth with no finesse whatsoever, wondering if she'd pull away, but she didn't shrink back. She met my probing tongue with her own and sucked lightly on mine. A growl rose up my throat as if I was a savage. I was on fire everywhere, not from anger now, but from her, from her taste, from the soft yet bold way she was responding to me. She took everything I had to give unflinchingly and gave more in return.
And just like that, the whole world was a place I no longer recognized.
My senses cleared and our kiss slowed. Suddenly, the only thing I was focusing on was Eden: the way her hands were gripping the hair at the nape of my neck, the way her skin smelled like apple blossoms, the way her mouth tasted like the very first springtime. This was her first real kiss, and I had practically mauled her. Shame hit me in waves. But I couldn't stop. It was my first real kiss, too.
I kissed her with all I had and everything I was worth, which, most likely, wasn't very much right about then.
We kissed and tasted and sucked and nipped at each other's mouths, lips and tongues, until we were both so breathless I had to pull away. She mewled and her head fell back as I dragged my lips down the satiny skin of her throat. She wrapped one leg around my hips. I put my hands under her bottom and lifted her up so we were at the same level. I took a few steps and pressed her against the flat rock behind her, her legs circled around my hips. My erection, hot and pulsating, was pressed to her core now and we both moaned together. It felt so blessedly good, so right.
As I nipped at the skin at her neck, words came flowing out of my mouth, unbidden. I barely knew what I was saying. It was as if a dam of emotion had opened and I was helpless to stop. "I've wanted you for so long. So long. Every waking minute, in my dreams, too. I want to bury myself in you, drown in you, and never come up for air. I want you to be mine, and only mine. I'm so sorry, Eden, so sorry—"
"Please don't be sorry," she breathed out, her head still back. "Anything but that. Please don't be sorry. I'll never be sorry. If this is the last piece of heaven I get before I'm dragged down to hell, then I'll gladly take it."
I groaned, part misery, part overwhelming desire. "Don't say that, Eden." I put my lips to the pulse, beating strong and sure at the base of her throat and used my tongue to trail around it. Eden pressed her body into mine, moaning, too. I was evil and disgusting. This was wrong. But if it was, then why did it feel like I would die without it? Why did Eden's touch suddenly feel necessary to my very existence?
And so I continued to kiss her, despite what I knew to be right, and against all reason, except for that which spoke to me through every heartbeat.
"We should stop," I said, totally unconvincingly since my mouth met hers and I slid my tongue inside to taste her again and again. Her tongue joined with mine and we kissed for long, luxurious minutes, completely lost in each other. This. This was Elysium. This beautiful girl in my arms. I'd longed to hold her close for so long. She was so soft, so beautiful.
She broke away, drawing in air and gazing into my eyes. Her lips were swollen and red, her face flushed, and her eyes heavy-lidded with desire. In that moment, I knew I'd never see anything as beautiful as Eden's face after she'd been kissed.
"Make love to me," she whispered. "I want you so much I ache." I froze, all except for the parts between my legs. Those parts surged forward with attention, apparently under the impression their services were needed. Now.
I used every shred of willpower I had to calm my raging blood. I leaned forward so our foreheads were touching and I let her down gently onto the ground. We breathed together for a minute, our heart rates slowing. "I can't. Not here. Not like this."
She looked down, hurt.
"I want to, believe me, I want to—more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." I grabbed her hands in mine and brought them to my heart. She looked up at me. "But I have to know you're mine—"
"I am yours. I've always been yours. I'll be yours here on earth, in Elysium. I'll fight the gods if I have to. I'll stand before them and declare it."
I let out a small laugh and then smiled down at her. "Where do you find your strength, Morning Glory?"
She gave me a small smile in return. "From you," she whispered, her gaze direct and filled with trust. "What will we do?"
I breathed out. "I don't know. Something, though. Something has to be done."
She nodded. "Why did you kiss me today? What made you do it?"
I hesitated. "Hector rejected my plan. He kicked over my irrigation system." I shook my head, the humiliation seizing me for a minute. I met Eden's eyes again and took a deep breath. "That was the catalyst. But I swear to you, Eden, I swear to you on every part of me, it's because I've wanted to kiss you for so long that it was brewing inside me like an out-of-control storm. I'm sorry it started in anger. You deserved better than that."
Eden regarded me for a minute and then she smiled. "I'm not sorry. I don't care how it started. Just that it did." She paused. "As long as it'll happen again." She blinked up at me.
I leaned down and kissed her lips again softly, nipping the bottom one with my teeth until she smiled against my mouth.
I leaned back. She took one hand and put it on my cheek, her expression filled with care and kindness. I leaned into her. "I'm sorry Hector did that." She paused. "I heard him talking to Clive Richter. Something went wrong for him on the pilgrimage he was just on. I don't know what, but something . . . something's different about him. And also, he sees you as a threat, and rightly so. He saw us today."
I stepped back, took her hand, and led her to the smaller rock where we sat down together. "I know. It's part of the reason, and I see how he's different, too, but . . . I see it clearly now. I was never going to get a spot on the council. It was a pipe dream."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
I stared out at the spring for a minute, realizing nothing in me felt surprised. I turned to her and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear, letting my gaze roam over her beautiful face. She looked like a goddess sitting there, her hair cascading over her shoulders and her pale skin glowing in the sunlight. For just a second, I wanted to fall to my knees at her feet and worship at her shrine.
"This changes everything, you know. We can't go back. We can't pretend this didn't happen. I can't pretend this didn't happen."
She nodded, letting out a breath. "Yes, I know."
I nodded, furrowing my brow. "I don't know exactly what to do, but I'm going to come up with something. You trust me, right?"
"With my life."
My chest tightened and I leaned forward and kissed her again. "Okay. We need to get back now. Hector's meeting will be ending. No more coming to my cabin, all right? If you need to contact me, you leave a note in the bushes for Xander. I'll have him check every day."
She nodded her head, biting her full bottom lip. I wanted to kiss her again, but there wasn't time. I wanted to kiss her again and again for the rest of forever, and never stop. "Are we going to leave here?" she asked, her eyes pleading for some sort of confirmation.
I looked back at her for a minute, then pulled her into my chest, holding her tightly against me. She laid her ear over my heart and we just sat like that for long minutes. Could we? Could we leave here? My family? My friends? Our lives? Our destiny? "Only because we have to," I finally said.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Eden
I was walking on air. Things were going on around me, I supposed, but they all had a distant, dreamy quality. I was lost in my own head, at our spring, Calder's lips on mine, his tongue claiming my mouth, his hard body pressed against me. I shivered just recalling the feel of him—overwhelming, delicious, beautiful—everything I'd ever dreamed of and more.
A few days after Calder kissed me, I put a handful of butterscotch candies in the bush in front of the lodge for Xander to take to Maya and my hand touched a folded up piece of paper. I grabbed it and stuffed it in the pocket of my skirt, looked around, and quickly returned to my room.
I sat down on my bed and opened it with shaking fingers. I recognized the thick paper. It was a piece from the pad we left at the spring, torn in half to make it smaller.
Eden,
A pebble. That's the answer to the question you asked a while back about what the male penguin uses to propose to the female penguin. He sifts through all the pebbles until he finds the smoothest one he can to give to his chosen female. Then he presents it to her as a token of his love. If she takes the pebble and places it on her nest, that means she accepts him as her mate.
I asked a girl I took classes with and you were right. That was, of course, the part she remembered.
I feel your lips on me, Eden. When I close my eyes, when I'm awake. I taste you. You are my first breath, and my last. I feel you, and I hope you still feel me, too. I need to see you. Can you meet me at our spring? Leave a note for Xander and he'll bring it to me. It will seem like a thousand years until then.
"And if I'm not able to accept what the gods have ordained, Father?"
Hector narrowed his eyes and looked at me for a long time. "Try harder. There are paths much rockier than the one I'm offering you. I'd hate to see you choose the wrong one." He looked back at my irrigation system and then back at me, regarding me with such derision I wanted to look away, but I held my ground, holding his eye contact. Something about it felt disrespectful, but it was almost as if I responded by instinct alone, one man to another. Finally, Hector was the one to look away, back to my system.
"It took a lot of strength to build this," he said, almost as if to himself. "But brute strength alone doesn't get you anywhere in the long run. In any great endeavor, mind power is your greatest tool. Planning, strategizing. For example, you can obviously lift stone and hollow out trees, but the problem is something like this isn't completely structurally sound, because no thought went into its construction."
I furrowed my brow, a current of anger buzzing steadily in my system. "With all due respect, Father, it's extremely structurally sound. I figured out the whole thing in my mind long before I started construction. We've been using it for months, even through several storms. It's been a big help to the laborers, not only for crops, but for other water needs as well." I was talking, but I felt as if my jaw wasn't moving and my words came out clipped.
He shook his head as if what I said was nothing more than a bald-faced lie and then he took one foot and kicked the section in front of him violently.
I startled, unable to comprehend for a few brief seconds exactly what he was doing.
"No," he said, shaking his head again. "Not structurally sound at all. Practically anything could bring it down." He kicked at it again and again, and several sections beyond the one that had taken the blow, came crashing to the ground. I was frozen, disbelieving. He was destroying everything I'd worked so hard for. On purpose.
"Father—" I started, stepping forward.
"See, son? When you build something from the ground up, you have to build it in such a way that no man can ruin it. It can't be flimsy and easy to destroy. Why, if that were the case, anyone could knock it over, take what was yours as if they had that right. When in fact, they should know that would be a disastrous thought and action on their part. Am I right?" His eyes bored into mine, making his point very clear.
As I stared back at him, I felt anger. I felt hot, my skin prickled, and my hands automatically curled into fists.
"I'm sorry I have to cut this meeting short, but I'm expected by the council now. Remember what I said, Water Bearer," he said as he started to leave, kicking over other sections of the system as he walked away from me. "Don't ever try to be something other than what the gods have ordained."
I stood there, watching him retreat, the world shimmering around me as if filled with heat. What had just happened?
My feet started moving before my brain had a chance to stop them. There weren't any thoughts in my head, just a loud whooshing sound. I didn't even remember covering the ground from the river to the edge of the trail leading down to the spring, but suddenly I was there. I made my way downhill, my calves straining, dust clouding at my feet as I practically ran down the steep incline.
Anger coursed through me, but below that was deep hurt. I had trusted Hector. I had trusted his respect, in the very least, for me, for all of his people. All my life, I had trusted Hector. And in an instant, that was gone.
I moved the brush aside roughly, practically crashing through the small opening to our spring. When I stepped out onto the other side, there she was, just turning toward me from across the grass, a large rock behind her.
"Calder," she breathed, beginning to smile. Her pale blonde hair shone in the sun and her gentle eyes blinked and widened as she took me in. She was so damned beautiful. "I didn't know if you'd be able to make it."
I strode toward her and as she took in my expression, her smile faltered. "Calder, what are you—" Her words died as I made it to her, still breathing hard from my fast descent down the trail. I took her face in my hands, glanced at her lips, and then back at her eyes. They widened even further and she breathed out, "Ohhh," understanding suddenly filling those beautiful blue pools. And then my mouth was on hers, and I plunged my tongue into the forbidden fruit. Hard. Demanding. Despite my harshness, her mouth opened under mine and she let out a breathy sigh, her arms wrapping around my neck. I pushed my tongue deeper into her mouth with no finesse whatsoever, wondering if she'd pull away, but she didn't shrink back. She met my probing tongue with her own and sucked lightly on mine. A growl rose up my throat as if I was a savage. I was on fire everywhere, not from anger now, but from her, from her taste, from the soft yet bold way she was responding to me. She took everything I had to give unflinchingly and gave more in return.
And just like that, the whole world was a place I no longer recognized.
My senses cleared and our kiss slowed. Suddenly, the only thing I was focusing on was Eden: the way her hands were gripping the hair at the nape of my neck, the way her skin smelled like apple blossoms, the way her mouth tasted like the very first springtime. This was her first real kiss, and I had practically mauled her. Shame hit me in waves. But I couldn't stop. It was my first real kiss, too.
I kissed her with all I had and everything I was worth, which, most likely, wasn't very much right about then.
We kissed and tasted and sucked and nipped at each other's mouths, lips and tongues, until we were both so breathless I had to pull away. She mewled and her head fell back as I dragged my lips down the satiny skin of her throat. She wrapped one leg around my hips. I put my hands under her bottom and lifted her up so we were at the same level. I took a few steps and pressed her against the flat rock behind her, her legs circled around my hips. My erection, hot and pulsating, was pressed to her core now and we both moaned together. It felt so blessedly good, so right.
As I nipped at the skin at her neck, words came flowing out of my mouth, unbidden. I barely knew what I was saying. It was as if a dam of emotion had opened and I was helpless to stop. "I've wanted you for so long. So long. Every waking minute, in my dreams, too. I want to bury myself in you, drown in you, and never come up for air. I want you to be mine, and only mine. I'm so sorry, Eden, so sorry—"
"Please don't be sorry," she breathed out, her head still back. "Anything but that. Please don't be sorry. I'll never be sorry. If this is the last piece of heaven I get before I'm dragged down to hell, then I'll gladly take it."
I groaned, part misery, part overwhelming desire. "Don't say that, Eden." I put my lips to the pulse, beating strong and sure at the base of her throat and used my tongue to trail around it. Eden pressed her body into mine, moaning, too. I was evil and disgusting. This was wrong. But if it was, then why did it feel like I would die without it? Why did Eden's touch suddenly feel necessary to my very existence?
And so I continued to kiss her, despite what I knew to be right, and against all reason, except for that which spoke to me through every heartbeat.
"We should stop," I said, totally unconvincingly since my mouth met hers and I slid my tongue inside to taste her again and again. Her tongue joined with mine and we kissed for long, luxurious minutes, completely lost in each other. This. This was Elysium. This beautiful girl in my arms. I'd longed to hold her close for so long. She was so soft, so beautiful.
She broke away, drawing in air and gazing into my eyes. Her lips were swollen and red, her face flushed, and her eyes heavy-lidded with desire. In that moment, I knew I'd never see anything as beautiful as Eden's face after she'd been kissed.
"Make love to me," she whispered. "I want you so much I ache." I froze, all except for the parts between my legs. Those parts surged forward with attention, apparently under the impression their services were needed. Now.
I used every shred of willpower I had to calm my raging blood. I leaned forward so our foreheads were touching and I let her down gently onto the ground. We breathed together for a minute, our heart rates slowing. "I can't. Not here. Not like this."
She looked down, hurt.
"I want to, believe me, I want to—more than I've ever wanted anything in my life." I grabbed her hands in mine and brought them to my heart. She looked up at me. "But I have to know you're mine—"
"I am yours. I've always been yours. I'll be yours here on earth, in Elysium. I'll fight the gods if I have to. I'll stand before them and declare it."
I let out a small laugh and then smiled down at her. "Where do you find your strength, Morning Glory?"
She gave me a small smile in return. "From you," she whispered, her gaze direct and filled with trust. "What will we do?"
I breathed out. "I don't know. Something, though. Something has to be done."
She nodded. "Why did you kiss me today? What made you do it?"
I hesitated. "Hector rejected my plan. He kicked over my irrigation system." I shook my head, the humiliation seizing me for a minute. I met Eden's eyes again and took a deep breath. "That was the catalyst. But I swear to you, Eden, I swear to you on every part of me, it's because I've wanted to kiss you for so long that it was brewing inside me like an out-of-control storm. I'm sorry it started in anger. You deserved better than that."
Eden regarded me for a minute and then she smiled. "I'm not sorry. I don't care how it started. Just that it did." She paused. "As long as it'll happen again." She blinked up at me.
I leaned down and kissed her lips again softly, nipping the bottom one with my teeth until she smiled against my mouth.
I leaned back. She took one hand and put it on my cheek, her expression filled with care and kindness. I leaned into her. "I'm sorry Hector did that." She paused. "I heard him talking to Clive Richter. Something went wrong for him on the pilgrimage he was just on. I don't know what, but something . . . something's different about him. And also, he sees you as a threat, and rightly so. He saw us today."
I stepped back, took her hand, and led her to the smaller rock where we sat down together. "I know. It's part of the reason, and I see how he's different, too, but . . . I see it clearly now. I was never going to get a spot on the council. It was a pipe dream."
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
I stared out at the spring for a minute, realizing nothing in me felt surprised. I turned to her and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear, letting my gaze roam over her beautiful face. She looked like a goddess sitting there, her hair cascading over her shoulders and her pale skin glowing in the sunlight. For just a second, I wanted to fall to my knees at her feet and worship at her shrine.
"This changes everything, you know. We can't go back. We can't pretend this didn't happen. I can't pretend this didn't happen."
She nodded, letting out a breath. "Yes, I know."
I nodded, furrowing my brow. "I don't know exactly what to do, but I'm going to come up with something. You trust me, right?"
"With my life."
My chest tightened and I leaned forward and kissed her again. "Okay. We need to get back now. Hector's meeting will be ending. No more coming to my cabin, all right? If you need to contact me, you leave a note in the bushes for Xander. I'll have him check every day."
She nodded her head, biting her full bottom lip. I wanted to kiss her again, but there wasn't time. I wanted to kiss her again and again for the rest of forever, and never stop. "Are we going to leave here?" she asked, her eyes pleading for some sort of confirmation.
I looked back at her for a minute, then pulled her into my chest, holding her tightly against me. She laid her ear over my heart and we just sat like that for long minutes. Could we? Could we leave here? My family? My friends? Our lives? Our destiny? "Only because we have to," I finally said.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Eden
I was walking on air. Things were going on around me, I supposed, but they all had a distant, dreamy quality. I was lost in my own head, at our spring, Calder's lips on mine, his tongue claiming my mouth, his hard body pressed against me. I shivered just recalling the feel of him—overwhelming, delicious, beautiful—everything I'd ever dreamed of and more.
A few days after Calder kissed me, I put a handful of butterscotch candies in the bush in front of the lodge for Xander to take to Maya and my hand touched a folded up piece of paper. I grabbed it and stuffed it in the pocket of my skirt, looked around, and quickly returned to my room.
I sat down on my bed and opened it with shaking fingers. I recognized the thick paper. It was a piece from the pad we left at the spring, torn in half to make it smaller.
Eden,
A pebble. That's the answer to the question you asked a while back about what the male penguin uses to propose to the female penguin. He sifts through all the pebbles until he finds the smoothest one he can to give to his chosen female. Then he presents it to her as a token of his love. If she takes the pebble and places it on her nest, that means she accepts him as her mate.
I asked a girl I took classes with and you were right. That was, of course, the part she remembered.
I feel your lips on me, Eden. When I close my eyes, when I'm awake. I taste you. You are my first breath, and my last. I feel you, and I hope you still feel me, too. I need to see you. Can you meet me at our spring? Leave a note for Xander and he'll bring it to me. It will seem like a thousand years until then.
