Becoming Calder
Page 6
But she squeezed my hands in hers and she seemed to understand what I was asking for, even if I didn't. "I've always wanted a girl. I love my boys, but, well, to have a girl would be just lovely." She stood up and clapped her hands together. "Well now, this is cause for celebration."
I grinned up at her and felt relief and happiness.
She took my hand and we went downstairs and I watched her as she prepared and cooked dinner, and for the first time since I was a little girl, I felt the love of family around me. I soaked it up like an overly dry sponge suddenly plunged into a sink full of water. Hailey and Hector's four boys raced around the large kitchen, laughing and playing, and Hailey hummed as she worked, shooting me smiles every once in a while.
As she peeled the potatoes, I asked her, "Mother Hailey, do you like being with Hector?"
She looked up at me. "Yes, Eden, he's a kind man if you're obedient."
"And if you're not obedient?" I asked, my cheeks heating as I studied Hailey. It's not that I planned on being disobedient, it was just I had so many hopes and dreams, and I didn't know what I'd do with those once I knew for sure they could no longer come true. Could I simply pack them away in my mind, like old clothes meant to be handed down to someone else? Did Hailey have hopes and dreams that were her own, too?
Hailey stopped peeling and looked up at me, a concerned look replacing the gentle one that had been there a moment before. "Eden, you must always be obedient. You of all of our people. You have an entire family depending on you. The foretelling is the key to our salvation and you are at the center of it. I know you understand that."
I nodded. Yes, I understood. It was the only thing I had been educated on since the day I left my home with Hector. That and my music. But in my room alone, I daydreamed. I allowed my mind to wander in ways that were far from obedient.
My days after that were filled with the first real happiness I'd known since I had arrived. I spent the mornings playing with Jason, Phineus, Simon, and baby Myles and the afternoons reading from the Holy Book—a compilation of the teachings and foretellings of the gods, as spoken to Hector. Then I would practice the piano in the early evening as I continued my real full-time job, which was daydreaming about Calder Raynes.
It was now easier for me to sneak out and leave butterscotch candies for him, and so I ramped up my efforts. Calder had a belly full of sugar those first few weeks.
But it was on my way back to the lodge, right next to the field where Calder had first called me “morning glory,” that I saw him bending over a girl to help her with something on the wooden table where she was sitting.
She said something and glanced back at him and he leaned his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said in the history of life on earth.
Red-hot jealousy spiked down my spine and I stopped in my tracks and simply stared as my heart clenched with pain.
Longing shot through my body, so powerful, I actually jolted where I was standing. My face felt hot and I was slightly dizzy, but I couldn't look away.
The girl laughed, too, glancing over her shoulder at him and shrugging innocently.
Calder straightened up, and the girl turned around, and that's when they both caught sight of me, standing there like a big, dumb fish with my mouth in an O, my face filled with heat, gawking rudely at them.
Embarrassment overcame me as I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the main lodge.
When I got there, I slammed the door behind me and stood against it, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing, hurting heart. I'd never have him. He'd never be mine—not even his laughter.
Mother Hailey came into the room and saw me. "Eden, I've been looking for you. Did you leave the lodge?"
I just stared at her, unable to form words right at that moment. "Uh . . ."
Mother Hailey pursed her lips and then sighed. "Eden, you mustn't leave the main lodge. Hector forbids it. I'm to watch you and check on you often during the day." She paused. "Of course, I have to give the boys their lessons from noon to two every day, and it's easy to get distracted with those four, that's for sure." Then she winked at me and left the room.
I stood there for a minute digesting her meaning, and although anguish still clawed at my heart, I let out a surprised breath. It was the first hint at freedom I'd had in over five years.
CHAPTER FOUR
Calder
The small amount of water at the bottom of the jugs on my shoulders sloshed as I made my way down the steep slope. I usually carried smaller containers in a pack, but today I needed extra. Helen Whitney was in labor and the midwives required plenty of the holy water in the birthing tent to assist in a healthy delivery.
I walked as fast as possible, lost in my own thoughts. It was a peace I craved, to be away from the others for just a little while. These days, I constantly longed to be away from the incessant noise of Acadia, away from my parents who were always discussing Hector's sermons late into the night. And most of all, away from those tiny two rooms of our family cabin that I had outgrown¸ literally and figuratively, years before.
This was my seventeenth year. I'd be eighteen soon and it was almost time for my water purification ceremony. I didn't know if it would happen right on my birthday or not since Hector was gone on another pilgrimage. If he wasn't back by then, it would have to wait until he returned.
Being purified meant I'd be washed clean of all my childhood sins and officially be part of the Temple. I would be responsible for my own choices, and I'd reap the consequences if I sinned.
As I walked, I considered what that was going to mean. First of all, it meant no more enjoying the benefits of Xander's trips to the ranger's station. This in turn, meant no more Coca-Cola for me when and if he brought it back—which, for the salvation of his own soul, I hoped he wouldn't. He would be eighteen in a couple months, too.
I groaned in despair. The Coca-Cola was going to be the worst of it.
It could be argued I was employing a loophole by acting like it was okay to sin at all when I knew it was a sin, "child" or not. Still, that washed clean part of the deal made it really tempting to get as much good stuff in while I still could. Yeah, I knew it wasn't supposed to work that way, but I was still only human after all.
My mom told me I had a wicked way of justifying things in my own favor, which I admitted was probably true. It was just that life seemed so full of so many pleasures. I wondered why every single one of them had to be sins. I couldn't help but to picture the gods in Elysium with pinched faces and constant displeased expressions, which didn't make it seem all that great if I was honest. But I supposed there was no way I'd be disappointed in Elysium. After all, it was paradise.
My dad said we just had to prove ourselves here, with all the temptations the gods put in front of us, and the rewards for our sacrifice would shower down on us in the after life. Although there probably wouldn't be Coca-Cola in Elysium, and that was a truly depressing thought.
So I needed to stop thinking about Coca-Cola. And I really needed to stop thinking about sex. My body tightened at the thought of the word alone—which spoke for itself as far as how much I needed that purification. I didn't know if the ceremony itself would help redirect my thoughts somewhere more appropriate, somewhere more befitting of a council member, but I sure hoped so.
I had been working on my irrigation system for over two years now, and I was pretty sure it would work as I'd planned it to and using only the materials available to us from the land. I also hoped fervently it was what would convince Hector I deserved a place on the council, and I'd be able to go out into the big community and work like some of the other members did.
Hector said we should use only the tools and materials from the land the gods had bestowed upon us, rather than the wicked instruments of society, where laws and rules were all based on greed, sin, and selfishness. It pleased the gods that workers only used that which was provided by them. It made us a holier people.
I couldn't help but wonder, though, why so many of those tools and instruments seemed to be in use up at the main lodge. I watched my own mother scrub our clothes down at the river on a flat river rock, and from what Maya told me, there was a big machine that did the job up at the main lodge—just toss a whole bunch of clothes in there, push a button, and they all came out shiny and clean, she'd said. I figured Maya was exaggerating, but it couldn't be denied that life was a lot easier for Hector and the council members.
I tried not to think about it too much because a sinful feeling of anger, and way more questions than I wanted to consider, would bubble up inside of me, and I knew that was wrong.
I made it to the spring and set the water vessels down on the grass. I noticed immediately that the plants and brush had been moved aside and the crack in the rock that led to the larger spring was visible.
I had been back there a few times over the years, but I knew Eden hadn't been. Her toys sat unmoved and the few times I went in, there was no sign of any human disturbance at all.
I made my way through the rocks and open areas until the spring was in view, and it was then I saw her. Her back was to me and she was facing the large rock sitting at the back edge of the spring. Her hands were fisted at her sides and a glorious spill of pale blonde waves cascaded down her back, covering most of her. But her legs were bare, as were her shoulders and I blinked at her nakedness. With her back to me, I allowed my eyes to move slowly down her body—her delicate shoulders to her narrow waist, to her h*ps that rounded so very slightly, down her slim legs and back up again. My body stirred, tightened, and blood pounded in my ears. I swallowed heavily, unable to move, rooted to my spot as I watched her.
She, Eden, put her hands on her h*ps and made a strangled, angry sound. I leaned in farther to get a better view of what she was so angry about and I saw the small snake sun bathing on the rock, just like he owned the place. Apparently, Eden wanted him gone and hoped her sounds of anger would compel him to move along. I almost laughed, but got a hold of myself before I made a sound and gave myself away.
Eden fisted her hands down by her sides again and then stood still for a good minute, seeming to be trying to decide what to do. I waited, enchanted by her; there was no other word for it. I startled slightly as she suddenly darted out into the water and waded across the shallow pool, only up to her shoulders. It was the only way across as large rocks sat on either side of the small spring. The only rock accessible was the one that snake was currently occupying. Eden emerged from the water and marched up the very small shore next to the rock. She climbed up on that rock as I watched, spell bound, grabbed that snake and flung it into the foliage beyond. She then brushed her hands off and plunked herself down, having evicted said snake with a swiftness I sure didn't see coming.
I couldn't help it then. I started laughing out loud. I didn't think I'd ever seen a spectacle quite like that one before.
When I finally opened my eyes and got control of my laughter, I looked up and Eden was sitting there in nothing but her wet undergarments, staring at me with wide eyes and her lips parted in that same O shape they had been in when she had seen me talking to Hannah Jacobson.
I went serious, now in control of the initial lust that had swept over me at the sight of her. As I stared at her, a strange feeling gripped me, almost like a sort of déjà vu, as if this moment was a memory—not one that was in my mind, but in my blood, in the very fiber of who I was. It felt like some sort of recollection, or maybe a vision. Or perhaps a misty, long-forgotten dream coming true.
"Hi, Morning Glory," I finally managed.
She just stared at me for several beats before she sat up straighter and said, "Hi, Butterscotch."
I cleared my throat, as Eden seemed to remember she was half-naked and covered herself with her arms. "Will you . . . will you," she pointed to her clothes discarded on the grass next to the spring, "bring me those?"
I went over and gathered them up and waded through the spring, only up to my chest and handed her clothes to her as I pulled myself up on the rock. She put them on quickly as I looked away. When I looked back, she was doing the last of the buttons up the front of her shirt, and I saw her hands were shaking.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
Her eyes darted to mine and her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. "I . . . I hate snakes," she said, her lips quivering now. "Like, really, really hate them."
I stared at her for a couple seconds. "Sure didn't seem like it to me. I don't think it seemed like it to that snake either." I grinned at her.
She let out a big breath and smiled timidly back at me.
I had been half right. Her eyes were the color of a deep blue morning glory. Only up close I saw gold flecks along the outer rim. They were the color of a blue morning glory, bathed in sparkling, early morning sunlight.
She looked down at her lap and said quietly, "It's just I haven't been here in a while, and I was really looking forward to it. It's all I wanted. Just to swim across the spring and sit on this very rock, the only one in the sun. And then I saw that snake, and I . . . I never get what I want." Her eyes flew to mine again. "And I know that's selfish. I shouldn't just think of myself. I just . . . it made me so angry . . ." she trailed off.
"I understand," I said, taking her hand in mine. Something raced across the inside of my skin when our hands touched and I pulled away quickly.
Our eyes met again, and Eden blurted out, "I've kept every single morning glory. All forty-six of them."
I grinned. "I've eaten every single butterscotch candy. All . . . well, I lost count, but all of them." I grinned bigger and so did she.
I grinned up at her and felt relief and happiness.
She took my hand and we went downstairs and I watched her as she prepared and cooked dinner, and for the first time since I was a little girl, I felt the love of family around me. I soaked it up like an overly dry sponge suddenly plunged into a sink full of water. Hailey and Hector's four boys raced around the large kitchen, laughing and playing, and Hailey hummed as she worked, shooting me smiles every once in a while.
As she peeled the potatoes, I asked her, "Mother Hailey, do you like being with Hector?"
She looked up at me. "Yes, Eden, he's a kind man if you're obedient."
"And if you're not obedient?" I asked, my cheeks heating as I studied Hailey. It's not that I planned on being disobedient, it was just I had so many hopes and dreams, and I didn't know what I'd do with those once I knew for sure they could no longer come true. Could I simply pack them away in my mind, like old clothes meant to be handed down to someone else? Did Hailey have hopes and dreams that were her own, too?
Hailey stopped peeling and looked up at me, a concerned look replacing the gentle one that had been there a moment before. "Eden, you must always be obedient. You of all of our people. You have an entire family depending on you. The foretelling is the key to our salvation and you are at the center of it. I know you understand that."
I nodded. Yes, I understood. It was the only thing I had been educated on since the day I left my home with Hector. That and my music. But in my room alone, I daydreamed. I allowed my mind to wander in ways that were far from obedient.
My days after that were filled with the first real happiness I'd known since I had arrived. I spent the mornings playing with Jason, Phineus, Simon, and baby Myles and the afternoons reading from the Holy Book—a compilation of the teachings and foretellings of the gods, as spoken to Hector. Then I would practice the piano in the early evening as I continued my real full-time job, which was daydreaming about Calder Raynes.
It was now easier for me to sneak out and leave butterscotch candies for him, and so I ramped up my efforts. Calder had a belly full of sugar those first few weeks.
But it was on my way back to the lodge, right next to the field where Calder had first called me “morning glory,” that I saw him bending over a girl to help her with something on the wooden table where she was sitting.
She said something and glanced back at him and he leaned his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said in the history of life on earth.
Red-hot jealousy spiked down my spine and I stopped in my tracks and simply stared as my heart clenched with pain.
Longing shot through my body, so powerful, I actually jolted where I was standing. My face felt hot and I was slightly dizzy, but I couldn't look away.
The girl laughed, too, glancing over her shoulder at him and shrugging innocently.
Calder straightened up, and the girl turned around, and that's when they both caught sight of me, standing there like a big, dumb fish with my mouth in an O, my face filled with heat, gawking rudely at them.
Embarrassment overcame me as I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the main lodge.
When I got there, I slammed the door behind me and stood against it, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing, hurting heart. I'd never have him. He'd never be mine—not even his laughter.
Mother Hailey came into the room and saw me. "Eden, I've been looking for you. Did you leave the lodge?"
I just stared at her, unable to form words right at that moment. "Uh . . ."
Mother Hailey pursed her lips and then sighed. "Eden, you mustn't leave the main lodge. Hector forbids it. I'm to watch you and check on you often during the day." She paused. "Of course, I have to give the boys their lessons from noon to two every day, and it's easy to get distracted with those four, that's for sure." Then she winked at me and left the room.
I stood there for a minute digesting her meaning, and although anguish still clawed at my heart, I let out a surprised breath. It was the first hint at freedom I'd had in over five years.
CHAPTER FOUR
Calder
The small amount of water at the bottom of the jugs on my shoulders sloshed as I made my way down the steep slope. I usually carried smaller containers in a pack, but today I needed extra. Helen Whitney was in labor and the midwives required plenty of the holy water in the birthing tent to assist in a healthy delivery.
I walked as fast as possible, lost in my own thoughts. It was a peace I craved, to be away from the others for just a little while. These days, I constantly longed to be away from the incessant noise of Acadia, away from my parents who were always discussing Hector's sermons late into the night. And most of all, away from those tiny two rooms of our family cabin that I had outgrown¸ literally and figuratively, years before.
This was my seventeenth year. I'd be eighteen soon and it was almost time for my water purification ceremony. I didn't know if it would happen right on my birthday or not since Hector was gone on another pilgrimage. If he wasn't back by then, it would have to wait until he returned.
Being purified meant I'd be washed clean of all my childhood sins and officially be part of the Temple. I would be responsible for my own choices, and I'd reap the consequences if I sinned.
As I walked, I considered what that was going to mean. First of all, it meant no more enjoying the benefits of Xander's trips to the ranger's station. This in turn, meant no more Coca-Cola for me when and if he brought it back—which, for the salvation of his own soul, I hoped he wouldn't. He would be eighteen in a couple months, too.
I groaned in despair. The Coca-Cola was going to be the worst of it.
It could be argued I was employing a loophole by acting like it was okay to sin at all when I knew it was a sin, "child" or not. Still, that washed clean part of the deal made it really tempting to get as much good stuff in while I still could. Yeah, I knew it wasn't supposed to work that way, but I was still only human after all.
My mom told me I had a wicked way of justifying things in my own favor, which I admitted was probably true. It was just that life seemed so full of so many pleasures. I wondered why every single one of them had to be sins. I couldn't help but to picture the gods in Elysium with pinched faces and constant displeased expressions, which didn't make it seem all that great if I was honest. But I supposed there was no way I'd be disappointed in Elysium. After all, it was paradise.
My dad said we just had to prove ourselves here, with all the temptations the gods put in front of us, and the rewards for our sacrifice would shower down on us in the after life. Although there probably wouldn't be Coca-Cola in Elysium, and that was a truly depressing thought.
So I needed to stop thinking about Coca-Cola. And I really needed to stop thinking about sex. My body tightened at the thought of the word alone—which spoke for itself as far as how much I needed that purification. I didn't know if the ceremony itself would help redirect my thoughts somewhere more appropriate, somewhere more befitting of a council member, but I sure hoped so.
I had been working on my irrigation system for over two years now, and I was pretty sure it would work as I'd planned it to and using only the materials available to us from the land. I also hoped fervently it was what would convince Hector I deserved a place on the council, and I'd be able to go out into the big community and work like some of the other members did.
Hector said we should use only the tools and materials from the land the gods had bestowed upon us, rather than the wicked instruments of society, where laws and rules were all based on greed, sin, and selfishness. It pleased the gods that workers only used that which was provided by them. It made us a holier people.
I couldn't help but wonder, though, why so many of those tools and instruments seemed to be in use up at the main lodge. I watched my own mother scrub our clothes down at the river on a flat river rock, and from what Maya told me, there was a big machine that did the job up at the main lodge—just toss a whole bunch of clothes in there, push a button, and they all came out shiny and clean, she'd said. I figured Maya was exaggerating, but it couldn't be denied that life was a lot easier for Hector and the council members.
I tried not to think about it too much because a sinful feeling of anger, and way more questions than I wanted to consider, would bubble up inside of me, and I knew that was wrong.
I made it to the spring and set the water vessels down on the grass. I noticed immediately that the plants and brush had been moved aside and the crack in the rock that led to the larger spring was visible.
I had been back there a few times over the years, but I knew Eden hadn't been. Her toys sat unmoved and the few times I went in, there was no sign of any human disturbance at all.
I made my way through the rocks and open areas until the spring was in view, and it was then I saw her. Her back was to me and she was facing the large rock sitting at the back edge of the spring. Her hands were fisted at her sides and a glorious spill of pale blonde waves cascaded down her back, covering most of her. But her legs were bare, as were her shoulders and I blinked at her nakedness. With her back to me, I allowed my eyes to move slowly down her body—her delicate shoulders to her narrow waist, to her h*ps that rounded so very slightly, down her slim legs and back up again. My body stirred, tightened, and blood pounded in my ears. I swallowed heavily, unable to move, rooted to my spot as I watched her.
She, Eden, put her hands on her h*ps and made a strangled, angry sound. I leaned in farther to get a better view of what she was so angry about and I saw the small snake sun bathing on the rock, just like he owned the place. Apparently, Eden wanted him gone and hoped her sounds of anger would compel him to move along. I almost laughed, but got a hold of myself before I made a sound and gave myself away.
Eden fisted her hands down by her sides again and then stood still for a good minute, seeming to be trying to decide what to do. I waited, enchanted by her; there was no other word for it. I startled slightly as she suddenly darted out into the water and waded across the shallow pool, only up to her shoulders. It was the only way across as large rocks sat on either side of the small spring. The only rock accessible was the one that snake was currently occupying. Eden emerged from the water and marched up the very small shore next to the rock. She climbed up on that rock as I watched, spell bound, grabbed that snake and flung it into the foliage beyond. She then brushed her hands off and plunked herself down, having evicted said snake with a swiftness I sure didn't see coming.
I couldn't help it then. I started laughing out loud. I didn't think I'd ever seen a spectacle quite like that one before.
When I finally opened my eyes and got control of my laughter, I looked up and Eden was sitting there in nothing but her wet undergarments, staring at me with wide eyes and her lips parted in that same O shape they had been in when she had seen me talking to Hannah Jacobson.
I went serious, now in control of the initial lust that had swept over me at the sight of her. As I stared at her, a strange feeling gripped me, almost like a sort of déjà vu, as if this moment was a memory—not one that was in my mind, but in my blood, in the very fiber of who I was. It felt like some sort of recollection, or maybe a vision. Or perhaps a misty, long-forgotten dream coming true.
"Hi, Morning Glory," I finally managed.
She just stared at me for several beats before she sat up straighter and said, "Hi, Butterscotch."
I cleared my throat, as Eden seemed to remember she was half-naked and covered herself with her arms. "Will you . . . will you," she pointed to her clothes discarded on the grass next to the spring, "bring me those?"
I went over and gathered them up and waded through the spring, only up to my chest and handed her clothes to her as I pulled myself up on the rock. She put them on quickly as I looked away. When I looked back, she was doing the last of the buttons up the front of her shirt, and I saw her hands were shaking.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
Her eyes darted to mine and her cheeks turned a beautiful shade of pink. "I . . . I hate snakes," she said, her lips quivering now. "Like, really, really hate them."
I stared at her for a couple seconds. "Sure didn't seem like it to me. I don't think it seemed like it to that snake either." I grinned at her.
She let out a big breath and smiled timidly back at me.
I had been half right. Her eyes were the color of a deep blue morning glory. Only up close I saw gold flecks along the outer rim. They were the color of a blue morning glory, bathed in sparkling, early morning sunlight.
She looked down at her lap and said quietly, "It's just I haven't been here in a while, and I was really looking forward to it. It's all I wanted. Just to swim across the spring and sit on this very rock, the only one in the sun. And then I saw that snake, and I . . . I never get what I want." Her eyes flew to mine again. "And I know that's selfish. I shouldn't just think of myself. I just . . . it made me so angry . . ." she trailed off.
"I understand," I said, taking her hand in mine. Something raced across the inside of my skin when our hands touched and I pulled away quickly.
Our eyes met again, and Eden blurted out, "I've kept every single morning glory. All forty-six of them."
I grinned. "I've eaten every single butterscotch candy. All . . . well, I lost count, but all of them." I grinned bigger and so did she.
