Becoming the Whiskey Princess
Page 5
Pulling away a bit, she looks deep into my eyes and says, “Only if you stop blaming yourself.”
Looking away, I suck in a deep breath. She sees right through me, doesn’t she? “It isn’t your fault. I’ve told you this so many times, and I can see in your eyes that you are blaming yourself. That has to stop or we can’t move forward. I made the choice; I had to protect you—”
“But it isn’t your job to protect me, yeah?” I point out.
“You protect the ones you love, and I did that. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“But I didn’t.”
“Declan, he was shooting at you.”
“I should have known he wasn’t playing around.”
“Maybe so, but whatever. It’s over. It’s time to move forward. In no way, shape, or form do I think this is your fault. I hold no one responsible but him. I love you.”
I move my fingers along her jaw as I focus on her lips. I don’t know how to let go of my guilt, but I know I need to try. I have to, or this beautiful woman who has taken me as hers will plan a wedding within a week with not a care in the world for the wound on her chest. Since that wouldn’t be protecting her, I have to push all the guilt aside and focus on her. Meeting her gaze, I say, “Fine, I won’t blame myself anymore. It’s all that gobshite’s fault.”
Still holding my gaze, she says, “You have to forgive him.”
“Over my dead body,” I spit back. “I can forgive myself, but I hope he rots.”
She shakes her head as she slowly shrugs her shoulders. “Fine, but please try.”
“Sure,” I say, but we both know I won’t.
“We have better things to do.”
I smile. “Oh?”
“Yup, wedding to plan ’cause I want a huge one. I’m becoming a princess for goodness’ sakes,” she says with a wink, and I smile.
“I’ll give you the biggest damn wedding ever as long as you keep smiling like that.”
Her smile doesn’t move as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Good, but we do have one other thing to worry about.”
“Yeah?”
“Yup, the small matter of my virginity.”
I close my eyes as I shake my head. “Ah, Amberlyn, later on that. I couldn’t imagine that right now. My need for ya is so fuckin’ wild, I’d probably tear ya to pieces.”
She giggles beside me. “Isn’t that the point?”
I shake my head against hers, my cock throbbing in my shorts as I gaze into my future wife’s eyes. “A week. Give me a week and we’ll talk everything out.”
“So if I got naked right now, you wouldn’t take me?”
I groan loudly as her laughter fills the room. I smile widely and look over at her. “You wanted a laugh.”
“I did.”
“At my expense?”
She nods, cuddling into me. “I just want us to feel normal.”
Taking her tightly in my arms, I kiss her fully on her lips and then smile against them. “It feels great for sure, my love. Thank you.”
She grins, running her fingers through my hair. “I love you.”
“I love you more, sweetheart,” I say against her lips. “And if you were naked right now…”
“Yeah?” she asks with a teasing grin.
“I think I might die from the pure beauty of ya.”
She giggles and shakes her head as I continue, “But if I don’t, then I’m hightailing it out of here. Your uncle is sure to have me killed if he caught us.”
That has her dissolving in giggles. Which is what I want. I want her happy.
Because she is everything to me.
Like I wanted, Amberlyn falls asleep with her nose against my neck. It’s cold, but I don’t mind; hopefully, she’ll warm up a bit. Closing my eyes, I want to fall asleep too. I’m so damn tired. It’s been a long two weeks. Worrying constantly if she is okay and praying that she would heal. By the grace of God, she is, but still I’m finding it hard to sleep. My mind is going a hundred kilometers per hour.
She is so set on marrying me, but I can’t help but think I did this all wrong. I was wrong for holding that part of me from her. I should have told her about the deadline, but I didn’t. I was wrong to ask her when she was drugged out of her mind, even if she wanted it. I just feel wrong. I didn’t even ask Mr. Maclaster if I could marry her. I went about this completely wrong, and I just have this dire need to fix it.
I honestly wish I could go back and change everything. I wish I had made Lena and Amberlyn go inside. I wish I would have taken care of Casey myself, been done with him and then gone inside to confront the issue at hand. She had every right to be mad at me. I was wrong to hold that from her, and I needed to make it right. But it all went to shit. And now I am going to marry a girl that when we get older, our babies running around us, she’ll go, “Your da and I got married after I was shot. And he asked me in the hospital because he was gonna lose his distillery, and I couldn’t let that happen.” I don’t want that to be the memory of my asking her. I want it to be beautiful and to blow her away.
Detangling myself from her, I kiss the side of her mouth before slowly getting out of the bed. When I look down, she is still sleeping blissfully. I pray she doesn’t have those dreams she’s been having. They scare me, but at the same time, comfort me. I believe in spirits and all that, and to know her ma came back to say she approves of me is straight wicked. But still, they upset Amberlyn and have her on edge. I just want her to sleep soundly, with no cares in the world. I need her to heal. I want to make a life with her.
Making sure she is covered well, I head out the door, and when I shut it, Fiona opens hers. She looks at me and then behind me, her brow raised. “Whaddya doin’?”
“I’m gonna go talk to your da.”
Her brows don’t move as she asks, “For what? Do you want me to sit with her?”
“You can, but she is dead to the world.”
“Okay, what you want with my da?”
“Wanna ask him if it’s okay to marry her,” I say slowly, my eyes trained on hers. “She already said yes, but I feel wrong about it. I want to mend my wrongs with rights.”
She nods, crossing her arms across her chest. “He’s mad that you didn’t ask.”
Looking away, I suck in a deep breath. She sees right through me, doesn’t she? “It isn’t your fault. I’ve told you this so many times, and I can see in your eyes that you are blaming yourself. That has to stop or we can’t move forward. I made the choice; I had to protect you—”
“But it isn’t your job to protect me, yeah?” I point out.
“You protect the ones you love, and I did that. I know you’d do the same for me.”
“But I didn’t.”
“Declan, he was shooting at you.”
“I should have known he wasn’t playing around.”
“Maybe so, but whatever. It’s over. It’s time to move forward. In no way, shape, or form do I think this is your fault. I hold no one responsible but him. I love you.”
I move my fingers along her jaw as I focus on her lips. I don’t know how to let go of my guilt, but I know I need to try. I have to, or this beautiful woman who has taken me as hers will plan a wedding within a week with not a care in the world for the wound on her chest. Since that wouldn’t be protecting her, I have to push all the guilt aside and focus on her. Meeting her gaze, I say, “Fine, I won’t blame myself anymore. It’s all that gobshite’s fault.”
Still holding my gaze, she says, “You have to forgive him.”
“Over my dead body,” I spit back. “I can forgive myself, but I hope he rots.”
She shakes her head as she slowly shrugs her shoulders. “Fine, but please try.”
“Sure,” I say, but we both know I won’t.
“We have better things to do.”
I smile. “Oh?”
“Yup, wedding to plan ’cause I want a huge one. I’m becoming a princess for goodness’ sakes,” she says with a wink, and I smile.
“I’ll give you the biggest damn wedding ever as long as you keep smiling like that.”
Her smile doesn’t move as she wraps her arms around my neck. “Good, but we do have one other thing to worry about.”
“Yeah?”
“Yup, the small matter of my virginity.”
I close my eyes as I shake my head. “Ah, Amberlyn, later on that. I couldn’t imagine that right now. My need for ya is so fuckin’ wild, I’d probably tear ya to pieces.”
She giggles beside me. “Isn’t that the point?”
I shake my head against hers, my cock throbbing in my shorts as I gaze into my future wife’s eyes. “A week. Give me a week and we’ll talk everything out.”
“So if I got naked right now, you wouldn’t take me?”
I groan loudly as her laughter fills the room. I smile widely and look over at her. “You wanted a laugh.”
“I did.”
“At my expense?”
She nods, cuddling into me. “I just want us to feel normal.”
Taking her tightly in my arms, I kiss her fully on her lips and then smile against them. “It feels great for sure, my love. Thank you.”
She grins, running her fingers through my hair. “I love you.”
“I love you more, sweetheart,” I say against her lips. “And if you were naked right now…”
“Yeah?” she asks with a teasing grin.
“I think I might die from the pure beauty of ya.”
She giggles and shakes her head as I continue, “But if I don’t, then I’m hightailing it out of here. Your uncle is sure to have me killed if he caught us.”
That has her dissolving in giggles. Which is what I want. I want her happy.
Because she is everything to me.
Like I wanted, Amberlyn falls asleep with her nose against my neck. It’s cold, but I don’t mind; hopefully, she’ll warm up a bit. Closing my eyes, I want to fall asleep too. I’m so damn tired. It’s been a long two weeks. Worrying constantly if she is okay and praying that she would heal. By the grace of God, she is, but still I’m finding it hard to sleep. My mind is going a hundred kilometers per hour.
She is so set on marrying me, but I can’t help but think I did this all wrong. I was wrong for holding that part of me from her. I should have told her about the deadline, but I didn’t. I was wrong to ask her when she was drugged out of her mind, even if she wanted it. I just feel wrong. I didn’t even ask Mr. Maclaster if I could marry her. I went about this completely wrong, and I just have this dire need to fix it.
I honestly wish I could go back and change everything. I wish I had made Lena and Amberlyn go inside. I wish I would have taken care of Casey myself, been done with him and then gone inside to confront the issue at hand. She had every right to be mad at me. I was wrong to hold that from her, and I needed to make it right. But it all went to shit. And now I am going to marry a girl that when we get older, our babies running around us, she’ll go, “Your da and I got married after I was shot. And he asked me in the hospital because he was gonna lose his distillery, and I couldn’t let that happen.” I don’t want that to be the memory of my asking her. I want it to be beautiful and to blow her away.
Detangling myself from her, I kiss the side of her mouth before slowly getting out of the bed. When I look down, she is still sleeping blissfully. I pray she doesn’t have those dreams she’s been having. They scare me, but at the same time, comfort me. I believe in spirits and all that, and to know her ma came back to say she approves of me is straight wicked. But still, they upset Amberlyn and have her on edge. I just want her to sleep soundly, with no cares in the world. I need her to heal. I want to make a life with her.
Making sure she is covered well, I head out the door, and when I shut it, Fiona opens hers. She looks at me and then behind me, her brow raised. “Whaddya doin’?”
“I’m gonna go talk to your da.”
Her brows don’t move as she asks, “For what? Do you want me to sit with her?”
“You can, but she is dead to the world.”
“Okay, what you want with my da?”
“Wanna ask him if it’s okay to marry her,” I say slowly, my eyes trained on hers. “She already said yes, but I feel wrong about it. I want to mend my wrongs with rights.”
She nods, crossing her arms across her chest. “He’s mad that you didn’t ask.”
