Becoming the Whiskey Princess
Page 59
“I know,” I say with a nod. “But I don’t want to think of her as being deceptive like that.”
“Well, don’t. But don’t hold Declan to it.”
“No?” I ask. “What if it’s a sign to run?”
“Would ya run?”
I look at her with wide eyes. “I came to your house.”
“’Cause ya knew I would tell ya to go back,” she says just as the door opens and Kane comes stomping in.
“I smell like hell. Don’t come near me ’cause I’m going right back out.”
“Didn’t plan on it,” she calls back at him. “Where ya off to?”
“Well, since yer best friend and my best friend are fighting, I’m gonna go sit with mine and get smashed while yous two cry in ya ice cream or whatever ya lassies do,” he says as he rustles through the fridge.
With a grin, she says, “Love ya, honey.”
“Love ya too. Get yer head out yer arse there, Amberlyn,” he calls before going back out the door, slamming it behind him.
Fiona grins over at me and says, “Ya know, I love that man.”
I roll my eyes. “’Cause he’s a good guy. You two complete each other.”
“Yer right. Do ya think he’d love Declan the way he does if Declan weren’t a stand-up guy?”
Looking down, I shake my head. “I don’t think he isn’t. I’m just scared to lose myself.”
“Ya won’t. Yer too strong, Amberlyn.”
I know this. I do, and I know that I am being a little ridiculous, but something is holding me back from getting up and going back home with Declan.
“Amberlyn, what do you want?”
Looking down, I bite my lip. Tears gather in pools in my eyes, making my vision blurry. I know what I want. “I want my mom.”
“Aw, sweetie, come here.”
As she gathers me in her arms, I don’t know why I said that. Yes, I want my mom—I would do anything to have her back—but maybe it’s because I need her here. I need to hear from her that I am being dumb and that I won’t change. That I’ll be me no matter what. I want her to meet Declan and love him the way I do. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and tell me how gorgeous I am as he gives me away. Is this really what my problem is?
“Didn’t ya tell me that she loved Declan in your dream?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I nod. “She did.”
“Okay, don’t ya think that means something?”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding my head. “I just miss her.”
A sob escapes my lips as I fall into her lap, closing my eyes tightly as I cry. She doesn’t say anything as she runs her hands through my hair, slowly massaging my head as we sit in complete silence. Gathering me tighter to her, she kisses my forehead.
“What if ya went back to the States?”
Opening my eyes, I look up at her. “Huh? What for?”
“To go see her. Yer da too. Maybe it will make you feel better, and maybe it will also help with knowing that you’ll never change because they raised ya.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe it’s the fact that everything is changing so fast, ya know? You need that reassurance. Go back to your roots and get that. I think it might help.”
Holding her gaze, I think that through. It’s a good idea. Maybe it will help. But then I shake my head. “The wedding is in three weeks.”
“Yeah, so? Go this weekend. We can go dress shopping when you get back. I look good in anything.”
I scoff as I nod, but then my grin falls. “I really don’t want to leave Declan behind though. He might think I’m leaving him or something.”
She laughs. “Well, tell him of course, but also, how ya gonna say you don’t want to leave him, but you come over here unsure if ya should marry him?”
I shake my head as I laugh. “I love him and maybe I’m blinded by that. That’s why I would change.”
With a deadpan look, she asks, “That’s dumb. Ya haven’t changed yet, why ya going to later?”
She does have a point.
Standing up, I grab my bag and lean to her, kissing her forehead. “Thank you.”
She smacks my ass playfully. “Anytime. Call me when ya get back so we can go shopping.”
“I will,” I say, opening the door. Declan and Kane look up from where they are drinking beers against his car.
“Hey there, ya get yer head out yer arse?” Kane calls to me, and Declan smacks his chest.
“Shut up, Kane,” I say as I walk toward them.
“Well, here’s to hoping, yeah?” Kane says, smacking his shoulder, but then he pauses, whispering something before he turns to head toward the apartment. When he reaches me though, he leans into me, giving me a side hug and then whispering, “He’s really hurting over this, Amberlyn. Don’t go over there saying Fiona helped you to realize yer outta ya Godforsaken mind thinking he would change ya ’cause he’d never do no such thing. His ma is off her rocker too. Don’t listen to a word from her. He loves ya, okay? Let him help you realize this. All he wants is for ya to be happy. Okay, lass?”
Looking up into his dark eyes, I smile. He loves his friend so much, and maybe I was completely out of my mind for thinking Declan would do anything but love me completely. Hoping to convey that to him, I nod my head before saying, “You smell like death, Kane.”
Giving me a lopsided grin, he nods. “I know, see ya.”
“See ya,” I say, and then my gaze meets Declan’s. Leaning against the car in all his sexy glory, he holds his beer by the neck of the bottle, his eyes trained on me. Sucking in a breath, I head toward him and his eyes don’t leave mine as I stop before him. Neither of us says anything for a moment, both of us searching each other’s eyes as we stand in the last light of the day.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Hey.”
“Howya,” he says, taking a pull of his beer. “That didn’t take long. Only two beers.”
I nod as I look down, kicking the dirt. I hate feeling like this. I just want to go back to us. Before all this. I’ve messed everything up, and I feel that the root of the problem is my grief. I’m so scared to lose the person my parents molded me into that I’ll believe anything that could threaten that.
“Well, don’t. But don’t hold Declan to it.”
“No?” I ask. “What if it’s a sign to run?”
“Would ya run?”
I look at her with wide eyes. “I came to your house.”
“’Cause ya knew I would tell ya to go back,” she says just as the door opens and Kane comes stomping in.
“I smell like hell. Don’t come near me ’cause I’m going right back out.”
“Didn’t plan on it,” she calls back at him. “Where ya off to?”
“Well, since yer best friend and my best friend are fighting, I’m gonna go sit with mine and get smashed while yous two cry in ya ice cream or whatever ya lassies do,” he says as he rustles through the fridge.
With a grin, she says, “Love ya, honey.”
“Love ya too. Get yer head out yer arse there, Amberlyn,” he calls before going back out the door, slamming it behind him.
Fiona grins over at me and says, “Ya know, I love that man.”
I roll my eyes. “’Cause he’s a good guy. You two complete each other.”
“Yer right. Do ya think he’d love Declan the way he does if Declan weren’t a stand-up guy?”
Looking down, I shake my head. “I don’t think he isn’t. I’m just scared to lose myself.”
“Ya won’t. Yer too strong, Amberlyn.”
I know this. I do, and I know that I am being a little ridiculous, but something is holding me back from getting up and going back home with Declan.
“Amberlyn, what do you want?”
Looking down, I bite my lip. Tears gather in pools in my eyes, making my vision blurry. I know what I want. “I want my mom.”
“Aw, sweetie, come here.”
As she gathers me in her arms, I don’t know why I said that. Yes, I want my mom—I would do anything to have her back—but maybe it’s because I need her here. I need to hear from her that I am being dumb and that I won’t change. That I’ll be me no matter what. I want her to meet Declan and love him the way I do. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle and tell me how gorgeous I am as he gives me away. Is this really what my problem is?
“Didn’t ya tell me that she loved Declan in your dream?”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I nod. “She did.”
“Okay, don’t ya think that means something?”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding my head. “I just miss her.”
A sob escapes my lips as I fall into her lap, closing my eyes tightly as I cry. She doesn’t say anything as she runs her hands through my hair, slowly massaging my head as we sit in complete silence. Gathering me tighter to her, she kisses my forehead.
“What if ya went back to the States?”
Opening my eyes, I look up at her. “Huh? What for?”
“To go see her. Yer da too. Maybe it will make you feel better, and maybe it will also help with knowing that you’ll never change because they raised ya.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe it’s the fact that everything is changing so fast, ya know? You need that reassurance. Go back to your roots and get that. I think it might help.”
Holding her gaze, I think that through. It’s a good idea. Maybe it will help. But then I shake my head. “The wedding is in three weeks.”
“Yeah, so? Go this weekend. We can go dress shopping when you get back. I look good in anything.”
I scoff as I nod, but then my grin falls. “I really don’t want to leave Declan behind though. He might think I’m leaving him or something.”
She laughs. “Well, tell him of course, but also, how ya gonna say you don’t want to leave him, but you come over here unsure if ya should marry him?”
I shake my head as I laugh. “I love him and maybe I’m blinded by that. That’s why I would change.”
With a deadpan look, she asks, “That’s dumb. Ya haven’t changed yet, why ya going to later?”
She does have a point.
Standing up, I grab my bag and lean to her, kissing her forehead. “Thank you.”
She smacks my ass playfully. “Anytime. Call me when ya get back so we can go shopping.”
“I will,” I say, opening the door. Declan and Kane look up from where they are drinking beers against his car.
“Hey there, ya get yer head out yer arse?” Kane calls to me, and Declan smacks his chest.
“Shut up, Kane,” I say as I walk toward them.
“Well, here’s to hoping, yeah?” Kane says, smacking his shoulder, but then he pauses, whispering something before he turns to head toward the apartment. When he reaches me though, he leans into me, giving me a side hug and then whispering, “He’s really hurting over this, Amberlyn. Don’t go over there saying Fiona helped you to realize yer outta ya Godforsaken mind thinking he would change ya ’cause he’d never do no such thing. His ma is off her rocker too. Don’t listen to a word from her. He loves ya, okay? Let him help you realize this. All he wants is for ya to be happy. Okay, lass?”
Looking up into his dark eyes, I smile. He loves his friend so much, and maybe I was completely out of my mind for thinking Declan would do anything but love me completely. Hoping to convey that to him, I nod my head before saying, “You smell like death, Kane.”
Giving me a lopsided grin, he nods. “I know, see ya.”
“See ya,” I say, and then my gaze meets Declan’s. Leaning against the car in all his sexy glory, he holds his beer by the neck of the bottle, his eyes trained on me. Sucking in a breath, I head toward him and his eyes don’t leave mine as I stop before him. Neither of us says anything for a moment, both of us searching each other’s eyes as we stand in the last light of the day.
Clearing my throat, I say, “Hey.”
“Howya,” he says, taking a pull of his beer. “That didn’t take long. Only two beers.”
I nod as I look down, kicking the dirt. I hate feeling like this. I just want to go back to us. Before all this. I’ve messed everything up, and I feel that the root of the problem is my grief. I’m so scared to lose the person my parents molded me into that I’ll believe anything that could threaten that.
