Bedroom Games
Page 50
I frowned at my own analogy. I was the bone. Lovely.
“If you win the final Power Play, have you decided what you’ll do?”
I hugged my legs tighter against my body, bothered by the question. “Have I decided what I’ll do? Yes and no. Either way I decide, I have to betray someone. If I go with Brodie, I’ll upset Jendan, and he’s had my back since day one. But…I can’t go against Brodie. Not with things the way they are right now.”
God, I fucking love you, Kandis.
I shivered to myself. His confession had completely caught me off guard. I didn’t know if it was the truth, but I wanted desperately to believe it. I needed to believe that he really did love me, and that it wasn’t all just one big epic game-move to him.
“So, yeah,” I concluded lamely. “If I go with Jendan and honor my word, I destroy Brodie’s chances of winning. Which I don’t think I can do. Not now. I feel awful about it either way—just a few days ago I was thrilled that the house was going to come down to this, and either way, I’d have a seat in the final two. But now that it’s here, I just feel sick about it. I keep playing everything through my mind. If I take Jendan with me to the final two, I can probably beat him because I played harder. I’m just a girl, and they’re two big strong guys, so for me to win the final two Power Plays would make me look like I fought hard. But Brodie? All the girls love Brodie, so if I go to the end with him, I don’t know that I can beat him. So I’m screwed if I do, and screwed if I don’t. If I play this careful and go for strategy, I fuck over what could potentially be a real relationship.”
If Brodie wasn’t lying to me.
And I didn’t know if he was or not. Which meant that if I chose Brodie and he was playing me and he won the money? I’d have nothing.
“So you’re going to give it your all in the challenge?” the interview voice asked.
My mouth pulled into a wry, bitter smile. “That would make things easier, wouldn’t it? I considered it. If I don’t win, there’s no way I can choose, right? The decision will be made for me. But…I can’t do it. There’s part of me that needs to compete no matter what, so I can make sure that I have control of the situation. Even if I don’t win it, I want to go in knowing I tried my hardest. So, yeah, even though it would make my life easier, I can’t just go out there and blow the final challenge. What if Jendan won the challenge and it pissed him off that I gave up? I wouldn’t blame him—as many times as he’s saved my ass and then I just belly-up on the final Power Play? If that was me, I’d be angry.”
I shrugged. “So I’m going to go out there, I’m going to fight my hardest to win the final round, and then I’m going to take Brodie with me because I’m a sucker and I believe in happily ever after.”
And because I was pretty sure I’d fallen in love with the guy.
The confessional interviewer asked me a few more questions, and then I was free to go. I unfolded my legs and climbed out of the chair, yawning as I padded out of the room. It was early still, and when I’d come downstairs for breakfast, Brodie was still asleep. I wondered if he was awake yet. It was weird that I missed him when he wasn’t by my side, but I’d take advantage of it while we were together. I exited the confessional and headed to the living room.
It was like the man could read my mind. Sure enough, Brodie was lounging on one of the old-fashioned couches in the living room. He frowned at something off in the distance and then his smile returned at the sight of me. He sat up and patted the couch, indicating that I should join him.
I looked around. No Jendan. That made me feel a little easier about being openly affectionate with Brodie. Instead of sitting on the couch, I crawled into Brodie’s lap and greeted him with a kiss.
He hugged me close, his arms wrapping around me and cradling me against him. “Well hello, gorgeous.”
I laughed and ran a hand through my messy mohawk. It had been sticking up at all angles this morning so I’d simply wet it down and gone on my way. Gorgeous, I was not. But Brodie was always sweet like that to me, and the way he watched me with such appreciative eyes made me think that he thought I was beautiful.
Either that, or I was a total sucker after all.
He glanced over my shoulder again.
“What?” I asked.
Brodie shook his head, frowning. “I just…thought I saw something. A shadow.”
I snorted. “I told you I’ve been seeing those for weeks now, and you kept saying I was crazy.”
“You think this place is haunted?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, glancing around at the shadowy room. I’d been so wrapped up in the game itself that I’d forgotten all about the fact that the house was supposed to be haunted. “You mean to tell me you’re going to finally going to worry about ghosts two days before we leave?”
He shrugged. “I’ll just cuddle under the blankets with you if I get scared.”
Now that had potential. I grinned. “If you must.”
“Morning confessional?” he asked, leaning in to nibble on my ear.
“Mmm, something like that,” I told him. “All kinds of questions about the final challenge. I thought it might be the case, but it was still weird to hear.”
Brodie’s expression grew serious, and he regarded me for a long moment. “Can I ask you something?”
His blond hair was flopping adorably on one side of his forehead, and I smoothed it back with my fingers. “Of course.”
“What’s it mean to you to win?”
That…wasn’t what I expected him to ask. I frowned a little. “You know what it means to me. It’s a chance to save my mom—”
“No, that’s what it means for her. I want to know what it means for you.” His blue eyes were serious, arguably the most serious I’d seen since I’d met him.
I thought for a moment, wanting to give this question the consideration it deserved since it apparently bothered him so much. After a pause, I answered. “Relief. It means that I won’t have to spend my days worrying if I should do more for my mother. If I should get a second job, or a third one, to help her out when I know she won’t appreciate it or do anything to help herself. It’ll let me relax and just, I don’t know, be me. It’ll be an end to stress.”
He leaned in and nuzzled my neck. “It worries you to have to look after her, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” I agreed, and I felt that familiar, sick clench in my stomach. “There are days that I can’t sleep because I don’t know what she’s going to do or how I’m going to save her. She doesn’t have anyone but me.” My eyes pricked with tears. “And if I can’t save her, what kind of daughter am I?”
“One that tries really, really hard,” he said softly. “No matter what happens, she should be proud of you.”
I nodded, though it was hard to think about not winning and what that would mean. I pushed the thought out of my mind a moment later. I refused to think about it. Instead, I ran a finger along Brodie’s jaw-line, feeling the overnight growth of blond beard stubble. “What about you? What does winning mean to you?”
“It’d be a new start for me,” he admitted. “I like being on these shows, but I realize now that I can’t make a life out of this. I need a back-up plan.” His mouth crooked to one side. “I was thinking about starting a business. Showing everyone that I can be successful at something other than flirting.”
“If you win the final Power Play, have you decided what you’ll do?”
I hugged my legs tighter against my body, bothered by the question. “Have I decided what I’ll do? Yes and no. Either way I decide, I have to betray someone. If I go with Brodie, I’ll upset Jendan, and he’s had my back since day one. But…I can’t go against Brodie. Not with things the way they are right now.”
God, I fucking love you, Kandis.
I shivered to myself. His confession had completely caught me off guard. I didn’t know if it was the truth, but I wanted desperately to believe it. I needed to believe that he really did love me, and that it wasn’t all just one big epic game-move to him.
“So, yeah,” I concluded lamely. “If I go with Jendan and honor my word, I destroy Brodie’s chances of winning. Which I don’t think I can do. Not now. I feel awful about it either way—just a few days ago I was thrilled that the house was going to come down to this, and either way, I’d have a seat in the final two. But now that it’s here, I just feel sick about it. I keep playing everything through my mind. If I take Jendan with me to the final two, I can probably beat him because I played harder. I’m just a girl, and they’re two big strong guys, so for me to win the final two Power Plays would make me look like I fought hard. But Brodie? All the girls love Brodie, so if I go to the end with him, I don’t know that I can beat him. So I’m screwed if I do, and screwed if I don’t. If I play this careful and go for strategy, I fuck over what could potentially be a real relationship.”
If Brodie wasn’t lying to me.
And I didn’t know if he was or not. Which meant that if I chose Brodie and he was playing me and he won the money? I’d have nothing.
“So you’re going to give it your all in the challenge?” the interview voice asked.
My mouth pulled into a wry, bitter smile. “That would make things easier, wouldn’t it? I considered it. If I don’t win, there’s no way I can choose, right? The decision will be made for me. But…I can’t do it. There’s part of me that needs to compete no matter what, so I can make sure that I have control of the situation. Even if I don’t win it, I want to go in knowing I tried my hardest. So, yeah, even though it would make my life easier, I can’t just go out there and blow the final challenge. What if Jendan won the challenge and it pissed him off that I gave up? I wouldn’t blame him—as many times as he’s saved my ass and then I just belly-up on the final Power Play? If that was me, I’d be angry.”
I shrugged. “So I’m going to go out there, I’m going to fight my hardest to win the final round, and then I’m going to take Brodie with me because I’m a sucker and I believe in happily ever after.”
And because I was pretty sure I’d fallen in love with the guy.
The confessional interviewer asked me a few more questions, and then I was free to go. I unfolded my legs and climbed out of the chair, yawning as I padded out of the room. It was early still, and when I’d come downstairs for breakfast, Brodie was still asleep. I wondered if he was awake yet. It was weird that I missed him when he wasn’t by my side, but I’d take advantage of it while we were together. I exited the confessional and headed to the living room.
It was like the man could read my mind. Sure enough, Brodie was lounging on one of the old-fashioned couches in the living room. He frowned at something off in the distance and then his smile returned at the sight of me. He sat up and patted the couch, indicating that I should join him.
I looked around. No Jendan. That made me feel a little easier about being openly affectionate with Brodie. Instead of sitting on the couch, I crawled into Brodie’s lap and greeted him with a kiss.
He hugged me close, his arms wrapping around me and cradling me against him. “Well hello, gorgeous.”
I laughed and ran a hand through my messy mohawk. It had been sticking up at all angles this morning so I’d simply wet it down and gone on my way. Gorgeous, I was not. But Brodie was always sweet like that to me, and the way he watched me with such appreciative eyes made me think that he thought I was beautiful.
Either that, or I was a total sucker after all.
He glanced over my shoulder again.
“What?” I asked.
Brodie shook his head, frowning. “I just…thought I saw something. A shadow.”
I snorted. “I told you I’ve been seeing those for weeks now, and you kept saying I was crazy.”
“You think this place is haunted?”
I wrapped my arms around his neck, glancing around at the shadowy room. I’d been so wrapped up in the game itself that I’d forgotten all about the fact that the house was supposed to be haunted. “You mean to tell me you’re going to finally going to worry about ghosts two days before we leave?”
He shrugged. “I’ll just cuddle under the blankets with you if I get scared.”
Now that had potential. I grinned. “If you must.”
“Morning confessional?” he asked, leaning in to nibble on my ear.
“Mmm, something like that,” I told him. “All kinds of questions about the final challenge. I thought it might be the case, but it was still weird to hear.”
Brodie’s expression grew serious, and he regarded me for a long moment. “Can I ask you something?”
His blond hair was flopping adorably on one side of his forehead, and I smoothed it back with my fingers. “Of course.”
“What’s it mean to you to win?”
That…wasn’t what I expected him to ask. I frowned a little. “You know what it means to me. It’s a chance to save my mom—”
“No, that’s what it means for her. I want to know what it means for you.” His blue eyes were serious, arguably the most serious I’d seen since I’d met him.
I thought for a moment, wanting to give this question the consideration it deserved since it apparently bothered him so much. After a pause, I answered. “Relief. It means that I won’t have to spend my days worrying if I should do more for my mother. If I should get a second job, or a third one, to help her out when I know she won’t appreciate it or do anything to help herself. It’ll let me relax and just, I don’t know, be me. It’ll be an end to stress.”
He leaned in and nuzzled my neck. “It worries you to have to look after her, doesn’t it?”
“It does,” I agreed, and I felt that familiar, sick clench in my stomach. “There are days that I can’t sleep because I don’t know what she’s going to do or how I’m going to save her. She doesn’t have anyone but me.” My eyes pricked with tears. “And if I can’t save her, what kind of daughter am I?”
“One that tries really, really hard,” he said softly. “No matter what happens, she should be proud of you.”
I nodded, though it was hard to think about not winning and what that would mean. I pushed the thought out of my mind a moment later. I refused to think about it. Instead, I ran a finger along Brodie’s jaw-line, feeling the overnight growth of blond beard stubble. “What about you? What does winning mean to you?”
“It’d be a new start for me,” he admitted. “I like being on these shows, but I realize now that I can’t make a life out of this. I need a back-up plan.” His mouth crooked to one side. “I was thinking about starting a business. Showing everyone that I can be successful at something other than flirting.”
