Before I Wake
Page 28
Sabine had never lied to me before. Not even when she was trying to break up me and Nash.
She heaved a bitter sigh and scrubbed both hands over her face. Hes sleeping with me, but look where he winds up the minute I fall asleep. Her open-armed gesture took in my entire house.
That doesnt mean anything, I insisted. He probably came here on autopilot. Out of habit.
No, Kaylee, she said as I clung to Tods hand, feeling awkward and helpless in the face of her obvious angst. Youre his choice. Im the habit.
6
TOD HAD TO head back to work, but Sabine wanted to stay the night with Nash, and I let her, adhering to the whole strength in numbers philosophy. Alone, shed make a much better target for Avari, and I couldnt risk letting her be either possessed, if Cujoher Netherworld guard dogfell down on the job, or was hurt, if he warned her and she fought.
I checked on Em and Sophie both twice during the night, and every time I got back to my room, Sabine was just sitting in my desk chair, watching Nash sleep. Not in the creepy way. In the worried way.
Hes going to be okay, I said, perching on the edge of my desk to watch him with her. I tried to say it like I meant it, but the truth was that I held no authority on the subject of Nash.
Or the subject of being okay.
He wanted to go visit Scott, you know, Sabine said, like we were in the middle of a conversation I couldnt remember starting. I told him I didnt think that was a good idea.
Why?
Because thats what he needed to hear. He wanted to go see Scott because Scott is a piece of his life from back when his life made sense. He wanted to recapture some of that, and he wanted to apologize for being part of what put Scott in the psych ward. But he was scared that the Scott he knew wouldnt be in there anymore, and if that was true, thered be nothing left of his life from before. His best friends are either dead or insane, and the rest of them avoid him at school because they dont know how to talk to him anymore. And half of them think he tried to kill you. But
Sabine looked up at me, and her dark eyes only hinted at the raw pain her voice laid bare. But beyond all that, Nash was terrified that being that close to Avari would be too much for him. That he wouldnt be able to resist the temptation, so close to the source. She shrugged. So I told him he shouldnt go. Not that it mattered. A couple of weeks later, you made out with his brother, and sent him right over the deep end again.
Neither of us meant for any of that to happen, I said. On the list of conversations I never wanted to have with Sabine, this one was right at the top. And anyway, you got whatyou wanted, right?
Her dark eyes narrowed as she tossed a one-armed gesture at Nash, still passed out on my bed. Does this look like what I wanted?
Hes having a rough month. We all are.
A rough month? Kaylee, I spent years trying to find him, and when I finally did, you were standing in my place. So I backed off and let your blatantly ill-fated relationship run its course
You didnt back off, you tried to kill me! I interjected.
Well, I had to try, didnt I? she demanded, and I couldnt decide which fallacy in that sentence to address first, so I saved my breath. But even with me there, waiting almost patiently, doing all the best-friend stuff because I love him, hes moping over the friends hes lost instead of seeing what hes gained. And now youre finally out of the pictureor so I thoughtand look where he winds up. She glanced at Nash again, and I flinched, though Id played no part in his drunken late-night walk. Thats probably the longest hes ever even been in your bed.
It is.
What does that mean, Kaylee? Why would he rather be alone in your bed than with me in his?
Well, damn. Sad Sabine was no easier to deal with than angry Sabine. The last time shed been distraught over Nash, shed hijacked both me and my car and tried to make me fix what shed messed up.
Okay, look. He didnt come here to climb into my bed, Sabine. He came here because he wanted answers, and its obviously a lot easier to ask for them when hes drunk. Youre just going to have to give him some time. Hes lost right now, but hes strong, and he will bounce back from this. And when he does, hes going to realize that you were there the whole time.
You really believe that?
Id never seen her so vulnerable. Yeah. I do. She really loved him. That had to mean something, and when Nash was thinking straight, he had to see that.
Sabine glanced at her hands in her lap, like whatever she had to say next required a little bit of a lead-in. Then she met my gaze again. Thank you. Sabine blinked, and the vulnerability Id glimpsed was gone. Now, could we maybe pretend this whole bonding exercise never happened?
I laughed. Id like nothing better.
* * *
I started cooking around six-thirty in the morning, my hair still dripping from the shower. Id never made anything more complicated than microwave pancakes, but with time on my hands, a house full of guests, and a father obsessed with the concept of the family meal, I thought Id give it a go.
She heaved a bitter sigh and scrubbed both hands over her face. Hes sleeping with me, but look where he winds up the minute I fall asleep. Her open-armed gesture took in my entire house.
That doesnt mean anything, I insisted. He probably came here on autopilot. Out of habit.
No, Kaylee, she said as I clung to Tods hand, feeling awkward and helpless in the face of her obvious angst. Youre his choice. Im the habit.
6
TOD HAD TO head back to work, but Sabine wanted to stay the night with Nash, and I let her, adhering to the whole strength in numbers philosophy. Alone, shed make a much better target for Avari, and I couldnt risk letting her be either possessed, if Cujoher Netherworld guard dogfell down on the job, or was hurt, if he warned her and she fought.
I checked on Em and Sophie both twice during the night, and every time I got back to my room, Sabine was just sitting in my desk chair, watching Nash sleep. Not in the creepy way. In the worried way.
Hes going to be okay, I said, perching on the edge of my desk to watch him with her. I tried to say it like I meant it, but the truth was that I held no authority on the subject of Nash.
Or the subject of being okay.
He wanted to go visit Scott, you know, Sabine said, like we were in the middle of a conversation I couldnt remember starting. I told him I didnt think that was a good idea.
Why?
Because thats what he needed to hear. He wanted to go see Scott because Scott is a piece of his life from back when his life made sense. He wanted to recapture some of that, and he wanted to apologize for being part of what put Scott in the psych ward. But he was scared that the Scott he knew wouldnt be in there anymore, and if that was true, thered be nothing left of his life from before. His best friends are either dead or insane, and the rest of them avoid him at school because they dont know how to talk to him anymore. And half of them think he tried to kill you. But
Sabine looked up at me, and her dark eyes only hinted at the raw pain her voice laid bare. But beyond all that, Nash was terrified that being that close to Avari would be too much for him. That he wouldnt be able to resist the temptation, so close to the source. She shrugged. So I told him he shouldnt go. Not that it mattered. A couple of weeks later, you made out with his brother, and sent him right over the deep end again.
Neither of us meant for any of that to happen, I said. On the list of conversations I never wanted to have with Sabine, this one was right at the top. And anyway, you got whatyou wanted, right?
Her dark eyes narrowed as she tossed a one-armed gesture at Nash, still passed out on my bed. Does this look like what I wanted?
Hes having a rough month. We all are.
A rough month? Kaylee, I spent years trying to find him, and when I finally did, you were standing in my place. So I backed off and let your blatantly ill-fated relationship run its course
You didnt back off, you tried to kill me! I interjected.
Well, I had to try, didnt I? she demanded, and I couldnt decide which fallacy in that sentence to address first, so I saved my breath. But even with me there, waiting almost patiently, doing all the best-friend stuff because I love him, hes moping over the friends hes lost instead of seeing what hes gained. And now youre finally out of the pictureor so I thoughtand look where he winds up. She glanced at Nash again, and I flinched, though Id played no part in his drunken late-night walk. Thats probably the longest hes ever even been in your bed.
It is.
What does that mean, Kaylee? Why would he rather be alone in your bed than with me in his?
Well, damn. Sad Sabine was no easier to deal with than angry Sabine. The last time shed been distraught over Nash, shed hijacked both me and my car and tried to make me fix what shed messed up.
Okay, look. He didnt come here to climb into my bed, Sabine. He came here because he wanted answers, and its obviously a lot easier to ask for them when hes drunk. Youre just going to have to give him some time. Hes lost right now, but hes strong, and he will bounce back from this. And when he does, hes going to realize that you were there the whole time.
You really believe that?
Id never seen her so vulnerable. Yeah. I do. She really loved him. That had to mean something, and when Nash was thinking straight, he had to see that.
Sabine glanced at her hands in her lap, like whatever she had to say next required a little bit of a lead-in. Then she met my gaze again. Thank you. Sabine blinked, and the vulnerability Id glimpsed was gone. Now, could we maybe pretend this whole bonding exercise never happened?
I laughed. Id like nothing better.
* * *
I started cooking around six-thirty in the morning, my hair still dripping from the shower. Id never made anything more complicated than microwave pancakes, but with time on my hands, a house full of guests, and a father obsessed with the concept of the family meal, I thought Id give it a go.
