Before I Wake
Page 33
I was three steps into the living room when I heard Harmonys voice, and when I looked up, I saw her sitting at the kitchen table with my father, cradling a cup of hot tea in one hand. I started to say hi, but then she finished her sentence and I realized they could neither see nor hear me.
Im sorry, Aiden. You have my word that hes clean. Sobriety is harder to enforce. But Im trying, and I think he is, too. Hes just having a really hard time right now.
I know. But thats not the biggest problem involving your sons and my daughter.
Harmony frowned into her mug and closed her eyes for a second, like she was steeling herself for more bad news. What now?
Tod and Kaylee are gettingphysical, my dad said, and I could feel my invisible cheeks flame. Hed left work early and called Harmony over just because Id said the S-word? Seriously?
Harmony burst into laughter, and my fathers expression of confusion must have mirrored my own. Theyve always been physical, Aiden. Thats how this whole thing started, remember? With a kiss?
My fathers frown deepened into a formidable scowl. No. I mean theyre getting intimate. He said the word like it hurt coming out, and the fire behind my face raged on.
Harmony nodded and studied his expression, sipping from her mug, and it looked like she was trying to decide on the right response before she opened her mouth. Id always admired that about her. Okay, she said finally. Then she set her mug down. And you really think that two teenagers contemplating sex is worse than Nash showing up drunk on your doorstep?
My father blinked. Then he blinked again. First of all, Tods not a teenager
And Kaylees not a child, Harmony pointed out, and I wanted to hug her. Except that would have been the most awkward spyfail in history.
Doesnt this bother you at all? Theyve only been together for a month. Doesnt that seem a littlefast?
Harmony wrapped her hands around her mug on the table, but didnt pick it up. How long were you and Darby together before you?
My fathers irritation paled beneath the new flush creeping into his cheeks. Id rarely seen him embarrassed, and Id never seen him blush before. Ever. Thats not the point.
Mmm-hmm. Harmony smiled. Thats what I thought. Yes, Kay and Tod have only been together for a month. And maybe I do think thats too fast, even if that thought could reasonably be considered hypocritical, coming from either of us. But thats not our decision to make.
The hell it isnt. Shes a child.
No, shes days away from her seventeenth birthday. Which was the age of consent, in Texas. And shesdead. As is he. I dont think adolescent norms apply here, Aiden. Not anymore.
Well have to agree to disagree on that.
No. Harmony let go of her mug to take my dads hand, and he looked at her in surprise. She lookedscared. Aiden, dont chase him away. Please. I know you only want to protect her, and I want the same thing for Tod, but theyre good for each other. I promise you that. And if you chase him off because youre afraid of letting your little girl grow up, then what do either of them have left? Eternity alone?
Harmony he said, but she talked over him and refused to let go of his hand.
I wish you could have seen him last year. He was a different person. No longer the boy I lost, but not yet the man Kaylee found. He wasindifferent. He was slipping away. Your daughter changed that. He needs her. And she needs him. I dont think you could keep them apart forever, but even a few years alone in the afterlife could be enough to change them both. If you ruin this for them, youll regret it for the rest of your life. But theyll regret it for eternity.
My father closed his eyes.
Eternity is a long time to be alone, Aiden.
Finally he squeezed her hand and met her gaze across the table. What do you want me to do?
Nothing, she said. You dont have to do anything but let them set their own pace. You dont have to condone anything. You dont even have to change your open-bedroom-door policy. Justlet them figure things out for themselves. Please.
I stopped breathing so I wouldnt miss anything. I was too nervous to move closer, even though they couldnt see or hear me.
My dad inhaled deeply. Then, at last, he nodded. And I snuck back to my room, reeling from what Id just heard.
* * *
Checking Scotts coffin turned out to be impossible, because he didnt have one yet. After a little digging in the online versions of the local newspapers, Id figured out which funeral home his parents had chosen, but after a glance around the placeincorporealty has its advantagesI discovered that the body wasnt scheduled to be picked up until the next day.
Scott was still at the hospital morgue.
That night, I made up for the mornings chaos with a tray of fast-food tacos in front of the TV with my dad. I had to pretend to be surprised by the brownies Harmony had brought over. Fortunately, he seemed no more inclined to discuss her visit than I was to ask about it.
After dinner, I made sure he saw me doing my homework for a couple more hours, then I made sure he didnt see that Tod was in my room when he went to bed. My dad had agreed not to stand between usthough I wasnt supposed to know thatbut he hadnt changed any of the rules.
Im sorry, Aiden. You have my word that hes clean. Sobriety is harder to enforce. But Im trying, and I think he is, too. Hes just having a really hard time right now.
I know. But thats not the biggest problem involving your sons and my daughter.
Harmony frowned into her mug and closed her eyes for a second, like she was steeling herself for more bad news. What now?
Tod and Kaylee are gettingphysical, my dad said, and I could feel my invisible cheeks flame. Hed left work early and called Harmony over just because Id said the S-word? Seriously?
Harmony burst into laughter, and my fathers expression of confusion must have mirrored my own. Theyve always been physical, Aiden. Thats how this whole thing started, remember? With a kiss?
My fathers frown deepened into a formidable scowl. No. I mean theyre getting intimate. He said the word like it hurt coming out, and the fire behind my face raged on.
Harmony nodded and studied his expression, sipping from her mug, and it looked like she was trying to decide on the right response before she opened her mouth. Id always admired that about her. Okay, she said finally. Then she set her mug down. And you really think that two teenagers contemplating sex is worse than Nash showing up drunk on your doorstep?
My father blinked. Then he blinked again. First of all, Tods not a teenager
And Kaylees not a child, Harmony pointed out, and I wanted to hug her. Except that would have been the most awkward spyfail in history.
Doesnt this bother you at all? Theyve only been together for a month. Doesnt that seem a littlefast?
Harmony wrapped her hands around her mug on the table, but didnt pick it up. How long were you and Darby together before you?
My fathers irritation paled beneath the new flush creeping into his cheeks. Id rarely seen him embarrassed, and Id never seen him blush before. Ever. Thats not the point.
Mmm-hmm. Harmony smiled. Thats what I thought. Yes, Kay and Tod have only been together for a month. And maybe I do think thats too fast, even if that thought could reasonably be considered hypocritical, coming from either of us. But thats not our decision to make.
The hell it isnt. Shes a child.
No, shes days away from her seventeenth birthday. Which was the age of consent, in Texas. And shesdead. As is he. I dont think adolescent norms apply here, Aiden. Not anymore.
Well have to agree to disagree on that.
No. Harmony let go of her mug to take my dads hand, and he looked at her in surprise. She lookedscared. Aiden, dont chase him away. Please. I know you only want to protect her, and I want the same thing for Tod, but theyre good for each other. I promise you that. And if you chase him off because youre afraid of letting your little girl grow up, then what do either of them have left? Eternity alone?
Harmony he said, but she talked over him and refused to let go of his hand.
I wish you could have seen him last year. He was a different person. No longer the boy I lost, but not yet the man Kaylee found. He wasindifferent. He was slipping away. Your daughter changed that. He needs her. And she needs him. I dont think you could keep them apart forever, but even a few years alone in the afterlife could be enough to change them both. If you ruin this for them, youll regret it for the rest of your life. But theyll regret it for eternity.
My father closed his eyes.
Eternity is a long time to be alone, Aiden.
Finally he squeezed her hand and met her gaze across the table. What do you want me to do?
Nothing, she said. You dont have to do anything but let them set their own pace. You dont have to condone anything. You dont even have to change your open-bedroom-door policy. Justlet them figure things out for themselves. Please.
I stopped breathing so I wouldnt miss anything. I was too nervous to move closer, even though they couldnt see or hear me.
My dad inhaled deeply. Then, at last, he nodded. And I snuck back to my room, reeling from what Id just heard.
* * *
Checking Scotts coffin turned out to be impossible, because he didnt have one yet. After a little digging in the online versions of the local newspapers, Id figured out which funeral home his parents had chosen, but after a glance around the placeincorporealty has its advantagesI discovered that the body wasnt scheduled to be picked up until the next day.
Scott was still at the hospital morgue.
That night, I made up for the mornings chaos with a tray of fast-food tacos in front of the TV with my dad. I had to pretend to be surprised by the brownies Harmony had brought over. Fortunately, he seemed no more inclined to discuss her visit than I was to ask about it.
After dinner, I made sure he saw me doing my homework for a couple more hours, then I made sure he didnt see that Tod was in my room when he went to bed. My dad had agreed not to stand between usthough I wasnt supposed to know thatbut he hadnt changed any of the rules.
