Before I Wake
Page 38
Tod shrugged. Nah. Dont get me wrongits hot. But its hot in an obvious kind of way. Its not really you.
I frowned. Because Im not obviously sexy?
Because you are obviously sexy. Some girls may need costumes to make guys want them, but I couldnt possibly want you more than I do right now, no matter what you were wearing. Or not wearing.
I stared up at him. How is it possible that every time you open your mouth, I fall more in love with you melt a little more? Seriously. Theres nothing in here but mush. I waved one hand over my own torso.
You dont feel very mushy to me. His hands slid over my waist and up my sides slowly, his fingers whispering against the material of my shirt. In fact, you feel really good.
You, too. I tried to say more, then realized I couldnt speak because I didnt have enough air in my lungs. Because Id stopped breathing. I inhaled, and suddenly I sounded breathless. Which was exactly how I felt. How long until you have to goreap? I whispered as my arms slid around his neck. Like we were dancing. Only we werent moving, and there was no music.
Dont know. Dont care.
Wont you get in trouble if you miss something?
Tod leaned down until his lips brushed the corner of my mouth. See my previous answer.
Mmm I said as he walked me backward slowly, arms around me so I couldnt stumble. But its not a very good time to get on Levis bad side.
Tod groaned. Damn your logic and forethought. He pulled away from me long enough to glance at the time on his phone, and his frown deepened. I have a dislodged blood clot in eight minutes. Be right back.
Youre going to go kill someone, then come back and kiss me? Is that what forevers going to be like? Making out between corpses?
Is that too weird? He looked worried. Like I might actually say yes. A month earlier, I would have, but now
I dont know. It probably should be, but honestly, right now, I just want to be with you, even if that means waiting through the occasional reaping. My frown mirrored his. How morbid is our relationship?
Havent you seen Corpse Bride? Were practically average. Tod grinned, then took a step back. Nine minutes. I swear.
I nodded, and he disappeared.
I spent the first three seconds after Tod left staring at the space where hed been. Then I realized I needed to use the restroom, a relative rarity, now that most of the time, I only remembered to drink water when my throat got dry and my voice started tocrack.
Afterward, as I washed my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to see what it was that made Tods irises swirl when he looked at me, and twist feverishly when he touched me. Whatever it was, I couldnt see it. Except for the scar on my stomach, I looked exactly the same as I had before I died. The same as I would for all of eternity.
That thought was still too big for me to hold in my head all at once, but occasionally I got a fleeting understanding of eternityit was like glimpsing a silhouette in your peripheral vision, but being unable to pull the form into focus. Those moments came when I was alone. When everyone else was sleeping. When it was hardest for me to remember why Id wanted this afterlife in the first place.
I shook those thoughts off as I dried my hands, then froze with a thick brown paper towel clenched in one fist when someone knocked on the bathroom door. I threw away the tissue and opened the door, already smiling at Tod. But it wasnt Tod who looked back at me from inches away.
It was Thane, one hand propped on the doorframe like he was both lounging and blocking my exit, still wearing the same clothes and sunglasses hed had on behind the doughnut shop. Only this time he didnt look scared of me.
Thanes brows rose as he studied the surprise surely written on my face. What, you didnt think you were rid of me, did you?
Yeah. Kinda. Which was why Id decided to ask Luca to find him. And why I couldnt just blink out of the room, which seemed like the smart thing to do. Fortunately, Tod would be back any minute.
Being that close to the reaper whod killed my mother completely creeped me out, but I couldnt back away from him without looking scared. As a reaper, he could theoretically take my soul and end my afterlife. But the reverse was also true, which made this whole encounter feel a bit like a deadly game of chickenwe were waiting to see who would swerve first.
What are you doing here? I said.
The real question is what are you doing here? Thane glanced over my shoulder at the costume hanging on the shower rod. Is this trick-or-treat, or show-and-tell?
Its none of your business. What do you want? I could see myself reflected in the lenses of his sunglasses, and that unnerved me. I could see my own eyes, but I couldnt see his.
I want the soul you stole from me.
It wasnt yours.
It wasnt yours, either, Thane said, still blocking the doorway, and I nodded. Then I realized I wasnt stuck in the bathroom. I blinked out, then reappeared in the hospital room behind him, wondering how long it would take for my new afterlife abilities to become second nature.
I frowned. Because Im not obviously sexy?
Because you are obviously sexy. Some girls may need costumes to make guys want them, but I couldnt possibly want you more than I do right now, no matter what you were wearing. Or not wearing.
I stared up at him. How is it possible that every time you open your mouth, I fall more in love with you melt a little more? Seriously. Theres nothing in here but mush. I waved one hand over my own torso.
You dont feel very mushy to me. His hands slid over my waist and up my sides slowly, his fingers whispering against the material of my shirt. In fact, you feel really good.
You, too. I tried to say more, then realized I couldnt speak because I didnt have enough air in my lungs. Because Id stopped breathing. I inhaled, and suddenly I sounded breathless. Which was exactly how I felt. How long until you have to goreap? I whispered as my arms slid around his neck. Like we were dancing. Only we werent moving, and there was no music.
Dont know. Dont care.
Wont you get in trouble if you miss something?
Tod leaned down until his lips brushed the corner of my mouth. See my previous answer.
Mmm I said as he walked me backward slowly, arms around me so I couldnt stumble. But its not a very good time to get on Levis bad side.
Tod groaned. Damn your logic and forethought. He pulled away from me long enough to glance at the time on his phone, and his frown deepened. I have a dislodged blood clot in eight minutes. Be right back.
Youre going to go kill someone, then come back and kiss me? Is that what forevers going to be like? Making out between corpses?
Is that too weird? He looked worried. Like I might actually say yes. A month earlier, I would have, but now
I dont know. It probably should be, but honestly, right now, I just want to be with you, even if that means waiting through the occasional reaping. My frown mirrored his. How morbid is our relationship?
Havent you seen Corpse Bride? Were practically average. Tod grinned, then took a step back. Nine minutes. I swear.
I nodded, and he disappeared.
I spent the first three seconds after Tod left staring at the space where hed been. Then I realized I needed to use the restroom, a relative rarity, now that most of the time, I only remembered to drink water when my throat got dry and my voice started tocrack.
Afterward, as I washed my hands, I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to see what it was that made Tods irises swirl when he looked at me, and twist feverishly when he touched me. Whatever it was, I couldnt see it. Except for the scar on my stomach, I looked exactly the same as I had before I died. The same as I would for all of eternity.
That thought was still too big for me to hold in my head all at once, but occasionally I got a fleeting understanding of eternityit was like glimpsing a silhouette in your peripheral vision, but being unable to pull the form into focus. Those moments came when I was alone. When everyone else was sleeping. When it was hardest for me to remember why Id wanted this afterlife in the first place.
I shook those thoughts off as I dried my hands, then froze with a thick brown paper towel clenched in one fist when someone knocked on the bathroom door. I threw away the tissue and opened the door, already smiling at Tod. But it wasnt Tod who looked back at me from inches away.
It was Thane, one hand propped on the doorframe like he was both lounging and blocking my exit, still wearing the same clothes and sunglasses hed had on behind the doughnut shop. Only this time he didnt look scared of me.
Thanes brows rose as he studied the surprise surely written on my face. What, you didnt think you were rid of me, did you?
Yeah. Kinda. Which was why Id decided to ask Luca to find him. And why I couldnt just blink out of the room, which seemed like the smart thing to do. Fortunately, Tod would be back any minute.
Being that close to the reaper whod killed my mother completely creeped me out, but I couldnt back away from him without looking scared. As a reaper, he could theoretically take my soul and end my afterlife. But the reverse was also true, which made this whole encounter feel a bit like a deadly game of chickenwe were waiting to see who would swerve first.
What are you doing here? I said.
The real question is what are you doing here? Thane glanced over my shoulder at the costume hanging on the shower rod. Is this trick-or-treat, or show-and-tell?
Its none of your business. What do you want? I could see myself reflected in the lenses of his sunglasses, and that unnerved me. I could see my own eyes, but I couldnt see his.
I want the soul you stole from me.
It wasnt yours.
It wasnt yours, either, Thane said, still blocking the doorway, and I nodded. Then I realized I wasnt stuck in the bathroom. I blinked out, then reappeared in the hospital room behind him, wondering how long it would take for my new afterlife abilities to become second nature.
