Before I Wake
Page 53
The dead woman was bait, chosen at random, to bring me to Avari. But why? You want to trade my soul for hers?
Precisely. The Heidi-thing leaned forward until her cheek brushed mine, and my heart stuttered to a stop. Ill tell you a secret, she whispered into my ear, and I wondered what the shoppers would see, if one glanced at her then. Could they see her, and her malicious invasion of my personal space? Because they couldnt see me. I dont think your noble streak runs that deep. I dont think youre willing to save a strangers soul at the expense of your own. Am I wrong? She stepped back to look into my eyes, and hers were alight with vicious pleasure at my pain. Will you suffer eternal torment in exchange for her peace?
My chest tightened painfully. You say that like its the only option, but we both know theres another way. My hand curled around the amphora hanging from my neck and I clutched it, wondering how my predecessors had met their true end. Had their souls been stolen? Were they now suffering in the Netherworld?
Ah, the inevitable plan B. Avari glanced at my fist, closed around the gold heart, and shook Heidis head slowly. Like those who came before you, you are ill-equipped for the job. This isnt as simple as taking a soul from a reaper. Youre going to need something more like this.
The Heidi-thing held her hand between us. Lying across her palm was a very familiar double-bladed dagger. I gasped, so shocked it didnt occur to me to run, and I only survived the next few seconds because Avari made no move to kill me.
Id never carried a weapon before, and Id only used one once. The night I killed my math teacher in self-defense. I knew that dagger by heartafter I was resurrected, it sat on my dresser for more than a month. Had he taken it from my room? When had he been in my room?
Chills ran the length of my spine and settled into my bones. This is mine, I whispered in shock.
The hellion in Heidis body looked distinctly amused. That depends on how you define the concept of ownership.
I killed the incubus who killed me with this, I insisted. That makes it mine.
The hellions manicured eyebrows rose. I wrenched the metal from the ground and shaped it with my own hands, several of your human centuries ago, and it has been wielded by many other hands for many purposes since. But it always finds its way back to me eventually. Had I known yours was the soul that incubus intended to capture, I would never have sold him the blade.
Because Avari wanted my soul for himself.
Take it, the hellion said with Heidis voice.
I picked up the dagger in a horrified mental fog, vaguely aware that Avari could kill me anytime he wanted, dagger or no dagger. Was Isupposed to use it against him? If so, why would he give it to me?
The bloodboth mine and Mr. Beckshad been scrubbed clean, but the hilt hummed in my palm with a familiar resonance, like a whispered echo of my own bean sidhe wail. Becks soul was still trapped inside, and it called to me every time I touched the hellion-forged steel.
I dont understand I said, and my voice sounded hollow.
Yes, you do. You now hold the instrument that could have saved your predecessors lives. Surely you must have known this little confrontation could only end in violence. Avari spread Heidis arms, offering her up for sacrifice. Have it done, then. Slaughter the girl you failed to save.
He wanted me to stab her. Him. Themor whatever. He wanted me to shove my knife through flesh hed proven to be solid and warm.
The dagger shook in my hand.
Heidi was already dead. I wouldnt be killing her. Intellectually, I knew that. But this wasnt self-defense. This wasnt even a fair fight, because for no reason I could understand, Avari wasnt trying to kill me.
Ticktock, little bean sidhe. Kill me now, or the next blood I spill is on your hands. It might be her blood. The Heidi-hellion glanced to the left, where a woman in a mall cops uniform walked past us in blissful ignorance. Or his. She nodded toward a boy not much older than me, in a fast-food restaurant uniform.
Why would you let me kill you? I whispered, tightening my grip on the dagger. I had no choice. I couldnt let Avari kill again, nor could I let him leave with an innocent soul.
Because you will suffer from this far more than I will, Heidi whispered, and suddenly I understood. The hellion wouldnt die just because his physical form did, but he would feed from my trauma. Do it now, or I will take the small one.
I followed his gaze and horror swallowed me whole when I found a toddler holding her mothers hand, clutching a star-shaped Mylar balloon in the other.
How many souls do you intend to reclaim today, Ms. Cavanaugh? the Heidi-thing said, already inching toward the mother and child. The choice is yours.
Stab Avari and capture the soul hed stolen in the dagger hed forged, or abandon that soul and let an innocent child die.
There was really no choice at all.
I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed a sob, tightening my grip on the dagger. I tore my gaze from the toddler and stared into Heidis eyes, trying to see Avari staring back at me. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I shoved the double blades deep into Heidis stomach. Warm blood leaked sluggishly onto my hand, slower than what had flowed from Becks chest, but just as warm, and red, and gruesome.
Precisely. The Heidi-thing leaned forward until her cheek brushed mine, and my heart stuttered to a stop. Ill tell you a secret, she whispered into my ear, and I wondered what the shoppers would see, if one glanced at her then. Could they see her, and her malicious invasion of my personal space? Because they couldnt see me. I dont think your noble streak runs that deep. I dont think youre willing to save a strangers soul at the expense of your own. Am I wrong? She stepped back to look into my eyes, and hers were alight with vicious pleasure at my pain. Will you suffer eternal torment in exchange for her peace?
My chest tightened painfully. You say that like its the only option, but we both know theres another way. My hand curled around the amphora hanging from my neck and I clutched it, wondering how my predecessors had met their true end. Had their souls been stolen? Were they now suffering in the Netherworld?
Ah, the inevitable plan B. Avari glanced at my fist, closed around the gold heart, and shook Heidis head slowly. Like those who came before you, you are ill-equipped for the job. This isnt as simple as taking a soul from a reaper. Youre going to need something more like this.
The Heidi-thing held her hand between us. Lying across her palm was a very familiar double-bladed dagger. I gasped, so shocked it didnt occur to me to run, and I only survived the next few seconds because Avari made no move to kill me.
Id never carried a weapon before, and Id only used one once. The night I killed my math teacher in self-defense. I knew that dagger by heartafter I was resurrected, it sat on my dresser for more than a month. Had he taken it from my room? When had he been in my room?
Chills ran the length of my spine and settled into my bones. This is mine, I whispered in shock.
The hellion in Heidis body looked distinctly amused. That depends on how you define the concept of ownership.
I killed the incubus who killed me with this, I insisted. That makes it mine.
The hellions manicured eyebrows rose. I wrenched the metal from the ground and shaped it with my own hands, several of your human centuries ago, and it has been wielded by many other hands for many purposes since. But it always finds its way back to me eventually. Had I known yours was the soul that incubus intended to capture, I would never have sold him the blade.
Because Avari wanted my soul for himself.
Take it, the hellion said with Heidis voice.
I picked up the dagger in a horrified mental fog, vaguely aware that Avari could kill me anytime he wanted, dagger or no dagger. Was Isupposed to use it against him? If so, why would he give it to me?
The bloodboth mine and Mr. Beckshad been scrubbed clean, but the hilt hummed in my palm with a familiar resonance, like a whispered echo of my own bean sidhe wail. Becks soul was still trapped inside, and it called to me every time I touched the hellion-forged steel.
I dont understand I said, and my voice sounded hollow.
Yes, you do. You now hold the instrument that could have saved your predecessors lives. Surely you must have known this little confrontation could only end in violence. Avari spread Heidis arms, offering her up for sacrifice. Have it done, then. Slaughter the girl you failed to save.
He wanted me to stab her. Him. Themor whatever. He wanted me to shove my knife through flesh hed proven to be solid and warm.
The dagger shook in my hand.
Heidi was already dead. I wouldnt be killing her. Intellectually, I knew that. But this wasnt self-defense. This wasnt even a fair fight, because for no reason I could understand, Avari wasnt trying to kill me.
Ticktock, little bean sidhe. Kill me now, or the next blood I spill is on your hands. It might be her blood. The Heidi-hellion glanced to the left, where a woman in a mall cops uniform walked past us in blissful ignorance. Or his. She nodded toward a boy not much older than me, in a fast-food restaurant uniform.
Why would you let me kill you? I whispered, tightening my grip on the dagger. I had no choice. I couldnt let Avari kill again, nor could I let him leave with an innocent soul.
Because you will suffer from this far more than I will, Heidi whispered, and suddenly I understood. The hellion wouldnt die just because his physical form did, but he would feed from my trauma. Do it now, or I will take the small one.
I followed his gaze and horror swallowed me whole when I found a toddler holding her mothers hand, clutching a star-shaped Mylar balloon in the other.
How many souls do you intend to reclaim today, Ms. Cavanaugh? the Heidi-thing said, already inching toward the mother and child. The choice is yours.
Stab Avari and capture the soul hed stolen in the dagger hed forged, or abandon that soul and let an innocent child die.
There was really no choice at all.
I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed a sob, tightening my grip on the dagger. I tore my gaze from the toddler and stared into Heidis eyes, trying to see Avari staring back at me. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I shoved the double blades deep into Heidis stomach. Warm blood leaked sluggishly onto my hand, slower than what had flowed from Becks chest, but just as warm, and red, and gruesome.
