Better off Friends
Page 44
“A door? What door did I slam in your face? I couldn’t wait for you to get home!”
Instead of yelling back at me, her voice wavered. “The entire time I was in Ireland, I thought of you. You certainly gave me a lot to think about. And I did, Levi. A lot. I wanted to make this work between us. So much. I got off the plane thinking we’d have this happy ending. And then I had the rug pulled from under me. I think all the time about when the plane was landing in Chicago. How different things are now compared to what I thought they’d be. How foolish I’d been. So yes, Levi, I’m not there for you as much, but you’re not here, either.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve been here the entire time, Macallan. You were the one who left. Left me. And you’re the one who’s been ignoring me. I waited months for you to return, and you’re here, but you’re not really here. So just tell me what you want from me because I’m tired of guessing and tired of feeling like I can never satisfy you. So please, enlighten me.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Her gaze was transfixed on the floor. She refused to even look at me.
I wanted her to stand up and fight. To fight for this relationship, but I already knew she was giving up on me. And at the moment, I didn’t care. Why was it solely up to me to fix things between us? Especially when I had no clue what more I could’ve done. But nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough for her. She always expected so much from me. And that was the heart of the problem. Macallan didn’t want to share me with others.
I got up and started walking toward the door. Had she said something, I would’ve turned around. But she didn’t.
As soon as the door was closed, the fight left me. I was exhausted by the constant questioning. All the drama.
I began walking home. Putting distance between me and my former best friend.
If this was how it was going to be, it was better to know than to pretend. I felt a newfound freedom with every step.
Maybe Macallan going to Ireland was the best thing that could have happened to me. It proved that I didn’t need her to be around to be happy. Sure, I had missed her. But it was more the memory of her. How things used to be. She had changed, and so had I. It seemed we both were hanging on to someone who no longer existed.
I decided right there that all I wanted was a drama-free junior year.
If that meant it was without Macallan, so be it. I was done with her games.
We both went through the motions on Sunday nights. Fortunately, I only had to put up the act for the first two weeks of school before I started making excuses to get out of the dinners.
It didn’t matter. I had an awesome birthday. The guys came over after the game. Stacey brought some of her friends. Of course, Mom invited Macallan, but, thankfully, she couldn’t come. She didn’t even give me anything. Her birthday was in a couple of weeks and I planned on returning the favor.
If only our family could’ve figured it out and stop forcing us together. Fortunately, I was always free on Saturday nights, so it could be just me and my girl. My real girl.
Stacey had been great about the whole Macallan thing — which meant she never really brought it up. She let us be us, which had nothing to do with that. I appreciated it.
That Saturday when she pulled up in her car, she seemed extra excited to see me.
“Hey, handsome.” She bent over and gave me a kiss, her high ponytail brushing against my cheek. “I thought we’d try someplace different for dinner tonight. You in?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. I wasn’t in a great mood. The previous night had been our third game of the season and I still hadn’t gotten any playing time. I could run fast, was getting better with catching, but Coach wasn’t putting me in. I couldn’t show him my frustration, so it bounced onto the other people in my life.
“Where we going?” I asked when Stacey pulled into a hotel parking lot.
“I heard the restaurant here is really good.” She laughed nervously.
I got out of the car. Stacey looked at her phone. “Can you hold on? I have to make a quick call.”
“Sure.” A hotel seemed like a strange place for dinner. But whatever. Stacey usually knew what she was doing.
But then things got weirder.
“Levi?” I turned around and saw Macallan with Danielle. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”
Danielle looked at each of us and stepped in the middle. “So crazy, right? I guess this is the new place to be.” She laughed as Stacey came over.
“Hey, guys,” Stacey said warmly to Macallan. “So insane that you’re here.” She exchanged a look with Danielle. “Um, I guess we should go in.” She started walking faster, with Danielle keeping step and saying she liked Stacey’s shoes.
This left me next to Macallan.
“Are you following me?” I asked her.
She groaned. “Yeah, whatever.”
“It’s just a little odd that you’re here. I never even knew this place had a restaurant.”
“It wasn’t my idea — it was Danielle’s,” she said coldly.
“How convenient for you.”
Danielle and Stacey led us inside and stopped in front of these giant double doors.
I was so annoyed at this. That I had to be stuck eating in the same vicinity as Macallan. And I highly doubted this was a mere coincidence. She clearly couldn’t handle not being around me anymore.
Macallan stopped and looked right at me as if she could read my mind. “Get over yourself, Levi.” She stepped in front of me.
Instead of yelling back at me, her voice wavered. “The entire time I was in Ireland, I thought of you. You certainly gave me a lot to think about. And I did, Levi. A lot. I wanted to make this work between us. So much. I got off the plane thinking we’d have this happy ending. And then I had the rug pulled from under me. I think all the time about when the plane was landing in Chicago. How different things are now compared to what I thought they’d be. How foolish I’d been. So yes, Levi, I’m not there for you as much, but you’re not here, either.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve been here the entire time, Macallan. You were the one who left. Left me. And you’re the one who’s been ignoring me. I waited months for you to return, and you’re here, but you’re not really here. So just tell me what you want from me because I’m tired of guessing and tired of feeling like I can never satisfy you. So please, enlighten me.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Her gaze was transfixed on the floor. She refused to even look at me.
I wanted her to stand up and fight. To fight for this relationship, but I already knew she was giving up on me. And at the moment, I didn’t care. Why was it solely up to me to fix things between us? Especially when I had no clue what more I could’ve done. But nothing I did ever seemed to be good enough for her. She always expected so much from me. And that was the heart of the problem. Macallan didn’t want to share me with others.
I got up and started walking toward the door. Had she said something, I would’ve turned around. But she didn’t.
As soon as the door was closed, the fight left me. I was exhausted by the constant questioning. All the drama.
I began walking home. Putting distance between me and my former best friend.
If this was how it was going to be, it was better to know than to pretend. I felt a newfound freedom with every step.
Maybe Macallan going to Ireland was the best thing that could have happened to me. It proved that I didn’t need her to be around to be happy. Sure, I had missed her. But it was more the memory of her. How things used to be. She had changed, and so had I. It seemed we both were hanging on to someone who no longer existed.
I decided right there that all I wanted was a drama-free junior year.
If that meant it was without Macallan, so be it. I was done with her games.
We both went through the motions on Sunday nights. Fortunately, I only had to put up the act for the first two weeks of school before I started making excuses to get out of the dinners.
It didn’t matter. I had an awesome birthday. The guys came over after the game. Stacey brought some of her friends. Of course, Mom invited Macallan, but, thankfully, she couldn’t come. She didn’t even give me anything. Her birthday was in a couple of weeks and I planned on returning the favor.
If only our family could’ve figured it out and stop forcing us together. Fortunately, I was always free on Saturday nights, so it could be just me and my girl. My real girl.
Stacey had been great about the whole Macallan thing — which meant she never really brought it up. She let us be us, which had nothing to do with that. I appreciated it.
That Saturday when she pulled up in her car, she seemed extra excited to see me.
“Hey, handsome.” She bent over and gave me a kiss, her high ponytail brushing against my cheek. “I thought we’d try someplace different for dinner tonight. You in?”
“Sure.” I shrugged. I wasn’t in a great mood. The previous night had been our third game of the season and I still hadn’t gotten any playing time. I could run fast, was getting better with catching, but Coach wasn’t putting me in. I couldn’t show him my frustration, so it bounced onto the other people in my life.
“Where we going?” I asked when Stacey pulled into a hotel parking lot.
“I heard the restaurant here is really good.” She laughed nervously.
I got out of the car. Stacey looked at her phone. “Can you hold on? I have to make a quick call.”
“Sure.” A hotel seemed like a strange place for dinner. But whatever. Stacey usually knew what she was doing.
But then things got weirder.
“Levi?” I turned around and saw Macallan with Danielle. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”
Danielle looked at each of us and stepped in the middle. “So crazy, right? I guess this is the new place to be.” She laughed as Stacey came over.
“Hey, guys,” Stacey said warmly to Macallan. “So insane that you’re here.” She exchanged a look with Danielle. “Um, I guess we should go in.” She started walking faster, with Danielle keeping step and saying she liked Stacey’s shoes.
This left me next to Macallan.
“Are you following me?” I asked her.
She groaned. “Yeah, whatever.”
“It’s just a little odd that you’re here. I never even knew this place had a restaurant.”
“It wasn’t my idea — it was Danielle’s,” she said coldly.
“How convenient for you.”
Danielle and Stacey led us inside and stopped in front of these giant double doors.
I was so annoyed at this. That I had to be stuck eating in the same vicinity as Macallan. And I highly doubted this was a mere coincidence. She clearly couldn’t handle not being around me anymore.
Macallan stopped and looked right at me as if she could read my mind. “Get over yourself, Levi.” She stepped in front of me.
