Beyond the Consequences
Page 29
The tips of her fingers traced an imaginary path over the arm that was wrapped about her midsection. “Tony, I realized today while I was talking to Dr. Brown that I have multiple reasons why I want to get off my medications—”
“Wait!” His voice boomed through their suite. “Off? You said decrease, not off.”
Claire turned to face him. “Well, it has to start as a decrease and then it’ll eventually be tapered off completely.”
“No, not until I hear from the doctor that you can do that. I’m not losing you again.”
“Tony,” she tried to hide the hurt from her voice. “I’m not going anywhere. Dr. Brown and I discussed it. I went wherever I went—in my head—because I thought you and Nichol were gone. I thought I killed you! I know you’re here. I know Nichol’s here. This, the real world, is where I want to be. I don’t need medicine to keep me here.”
Though his dark eyes reflected his unspoken argument, he stopped the words from coming. Finally, he replied, “Next week, I’m going with you to your appointment. I’ll have my schedule cleared. I want to hear this from her.”
This wasn’t going the way she wanted it, but Claire knew if Tony planned to talk to Dr. Brown, she wanted to be the one to mention her desires for a baby. She didn’t want it coming up in a group-therapy session. “That’s fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I don’t care, come to my appointment. Before you do, I need to tell you what I realized.”
“Shit, that wasn’t it? It wasn’t about stopping your medicine?”
“No, it wasn’t, well not really.” Claire eyed him suspiciously. “Forget it. This doesn’t feel like the right time.”
Tony cupped her chin. “I’m sorry if my concern for your well-being is spoiling your right time. However, I’m not sorry for being concerned. Tell me what you realized.”
She took a deep breath. “Once I’m off the medicine and the doctors clear me physically… I want to be off all my medicine.” She waited for him to understand. The dark eyes before her confirmed he didn’t. “Tony, I want to quit my birth control too.” Before he could speak or the shock in his gaze registered, she plowed ahead. “I want another baby.”
Perhaps the sofa caught on fire. Had a spark jumped from the stone enclosure to their location? There was no other plausible explanation for the speed at which Tony stood, leaving Claire suddenly alone and chilled from the loss of his embrace.
Running his hand through his mane, Tony declared, “No.”
Refusing to submit to the tears that stood at the ready, Claire chose instead to fuel her indignation. Her volume rose with each statement. “No? Excuse me. You can’t just say no. If you want to talk about it, fine. If you want a doctor’s confirmation, fine. But a blanket CEO-tone no is unacceptable.”
His gaze continued to be one of disbelief. It was as if he were looking at her trying to distinguish which of her three heads was speaking. Finally, he spoke, “That’s too bad, because that’s all you’re getting. I’m in shock that you’d even consider such a thing. What is it? Is it because of Emily? Is it all her baby talk that has you thinking this way? Maybe you should spend your time elsewhere?”
What the hell?
Claire stood. “I’ll spend my time wherever I want. And yes, the talk of Baby Beth is part of it. More than that, it’s Nichol. Perhaps I shouldn’t spend my time with her either?” The last part of Claire’s statement dripped with ire and sarcasm.
“You’re being ridiculous. Nichol doesn’t have you worked up. It’s Emily. She—”
“She’s my sister and she’s having a baby. But it is Nichol. I keep thinking about how much we missed with her. Didn’t you want to experience all those milestones?”
Tony’s chest expanded and contracted with each breath. “I did.” His eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t the one who kept those milestones away from me.”
Claire slapped her hands against her sides. “This isn’t about Emily.”
Spinning first in place, Tony then paced to the windows and back. “How the fuck did this happen? Ten minutes ago I wanted to make love to my wife. Now we’re screaming at one another. There. Is. Nothing. To. Fight. About! We. Are. Not. Having. Another. Baby.”
“You’re right, Tony, about fighting, but you’re not right about a baby. It’s my body. If I want to have another baby, I’ll have one. I was ready to do it without you the first time. I can do it without you now.”
He seized her shoulders. “Stop it. You’re not doing anything without me. Don’t you get it? Do you have any idea how close to death you were when Nichol was born? I lived through two days of hell on earth thinking you wouldn’t survive her birth. There would’ve been no escape from the pain if you had died. Do you know who would’ve been responsible for that? Me!” His back stiffened. “I’ve been in that position more than once. I won’t do it again.”
Claire saw the man she loved with all of her heart and soul. She saw the pain and anguish and heard the same emotions in his words. Her voice calmed. “Tony, we’re not on a deserted island. We’re here, in Iowa, in the United States. I’ll have the best medical care that money can buy. I’ll be all right.”
His lips pressed together in a rigid line.
She lifted herself on her tiptoes and gently kissed his scowl. “It can’t happen right away, but I want to begin the process. Please…” She kissed him again. “…don’t say no and end this discussion. Say you’ll think about it. Say you’ll talk with the doctors. Say you’ll support the idea.”
“Wait!” His voice boomed through their suite. “Off? You said decrease, not off.”
Claire turned to face him. “Well, it has to start as a decrease and then it’ll eventually be tapered off completely.”
“No, not until I hear from the doctor that you can do that. I’m not losing you again.”
“Tony,” she tried to hide the hurt from her voice. “I’m not going anywhere. Dr. Brown and I discussed it. I went wherever I went—in my head—because I thought you and Nichol were gone. I thought I killed you! I know you’re here. I know Nichol’s here. This, the real world, is where I want to be. I don’t need medicine to keep me here.”
Though his dark eyes reflected his unspoken argument, he stopped the words from coming. Finally, he replied, “Next week, I’m going with you to your appointment. I’ll have my schedule cleared. I want to hear this from her.”
This wasn’t going the way she wanted it, but Claire knew if Tony planned to talk to Dr. Brown, she wanted to be the one to mention her desires for a baby. She didn’t want it coming up in a group-therapy session. “That’s fine. If it’ll make you feel better, I don’t care, come to my appointment. Before you do, I need to tell you what I realized.”
“Shit, that wasn’t it? It wasn’t about stopping your medicine?”
“No, it wasn’t, well not really.” Claire eyed him suspiciously. “Forget it. This doesn’t feel like the right time.”
Tony cupped her chin. “I’m sorry if my concern for your well-being is spoiling your right time. However, I’m not sorry for being concerned. Tell me what you realized.”
She took a deep breath. “Once I’m off the medicine and the doctors clear me physically… I want to be off all my medicine.” She waited for him to understand. The dark eyes before her confirmed he didn’t. “Tony, I want to quit my birth control too.” Before he could speak or the shock in his gaze registered, she plowed ahead. “I want another baby.”
Perhaps the sofa caught on fire. Had a spark jumped from the stone enclosure to their location? There was no other plausible explanation for the speed at which Tony stood, leaving Claire suddenly alone and chilled from the loss of his embrace.
Running his hand through his mane, Tony declared, “No.”
Refusing to submit to the tears that stood at the ready, Claire chose instead to fuel her indignation. Her volume rose with each statement. “No? Excuse me. You can’t just say no. If you want to talk about it, fine. If you want a doctor’s confirmation, fine. But a blanket CEO-tone no is unacceptable.”
His gaze continued to be one of disbelief. It was as if he were looking at her trying to distinguish which of her three heads was speaking. Finally, he spoke, “That’s too bad, because that’s all you’re getting. I’m in shock that you’d even consider such a thing. What is it? Is it because of Emily? Is it all her baby talk that has you thinking this way? Maybe you should spend your time elsewhere?”
What the hell?
Claire stood. “I’ll spend my time wherever I want. And yes, the talk of Baby Beth is part of it. More than that, it’s Nichol. Perhaps I shouldn’t spend my time with her either?” The last part of Claire’s statement dripped with ire and sarcasm.
“You’re being ridiculous. Nichol doesn’t have you worked up. It’s Emily. She—”
“She’s my sister and she’s having a baby. But it is Nichol. I keep thinking about how much we missed with her. Didn’t you want to experience all those milestones?”
Tony’s chest expanded and contracted with each breath. “I did.” His eyes narrowed. “I wasn’t the one who kept those milestones away from me.”
Claire slapped her hands against her sides. “This isn’t about Emily.”
Spinning first in place, Tony then paced to the windows and back. “How the fuck did this happen? Ten minutes ago I wanted to make love to my wife. Now we’re screaming at one another. There. Is. Nothing. To. Fight. About! We. Are. Not. Having. Another. Baby.”
“You’re right, Tony, about fighting, but you’re not right about a baby. It’s my body. If I want to have another baby, I’ll have one. I was ready to do it without you the first time. I can do it without you now.”
He seized her shoulders. “Stop it. You’re not doing anything without me. Don’t you get it? Do you have any idea how close to death you were when Nichol was born? I lived through two days of hell on earth thinking you wouldn’t survive her birth. There would’ve been no escape from the pain if you had died. Do you know who would’ve been responsible for that? Me!” His back stiffened. “I’ve been in that position more than once. I won’t do it again.”
Claire saw the man she loved with all of her heart and soul. She saw the pain and anguish and heard the same emotions in his words. Her voice calmed. “Tony, we’re not on a deserted island. We’re here, in Iowa, in the United States. I’ll have the best medical care that money can buy. I’ll be all right.”
His lips pressed together in a rigid line.
She lifted herself on her tiptoes and gently kissed his scowl. “It can’t happen right away, but I want to begin the process. Please…” She kissed him again. “…don’t say no and end this discussion. Say you’ll think about it. Say you’ll talk with the doctors. Say you’ll support the idea.”
