Beyond the Consequences
Page 41
As she made the coffee Claire tried to concentrate on the positive. She thought how Beth reminded her of Nichol at that age. Suddenly, her mind went to Madeline. The kind woman’s gentle touch, caring words, and wealth of knowledge were Claire’s light and encouragement during those first few months of motherhood. Madeline not only taught Claire and Tony about babies, she empowered them to be parents. Thinking about the prospect of another baby, Claire knew what she wanted. She decided that when she and Tony were alone, she’d talk to him about inviting Madeline and Francis to Iowa.
Those thoughts and plans pulled Claire from her feeling of rejection as she settled at the Vandersols’ outdoor table and watched the children running furiously about the yard, laughing and kicking. In the past few weeks, Nichol had become obsessed with soccer. Thankfully both children were wearing little shin guards. Heaven knows what type of tragedy could occur without them. Claire shook her head. Although her daughter knew very little about the real game, Claire heard Nichol’s voice above the giggles, constantly reminding her cousin of the rules, or more accurately her rules. It was at times like this that Claire saw more Tony in their child.
She felt she had a strong argument for nature over nurture. Even without the presence of her father for the first three years of her life, Nichol’s words, actions, and even gestures were all miniature copies of her father’s. Yet as these thoughts streamed through her mind, Michael fell to the ground, holding his leg. Before Claire could stand, Nichol was on her knees at his side. The injury timeout was short-lived. Soon they were both up and the game was once again in full swing. Claire smiled. Nichol may have Tony’s determination, but she also possessed her mother’s gentleness and compassion.
“What are you thinking?” Emily asked as she sat and placed the small monitor on the table. The warm afternoon breeze gently blew through their hair.
“I was thinking about how much I enjoy watching Nichol and Michael together.” Claire didn’t want to address what had happened inside with Beth.
“I do too. They have so much fun together.”
Claire nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.
“I especially like how they wear each other out,” Emily said. “I hope they welcome Beth into their world.”
“I like the wearing out part too, and don’t worry, they will,” Claire reassured. “Nichol’s elated that the girls now outnumber the boys.”
“I worry that they’ll think of her as a nuisance, being younger than them.”
“Did you think I was a nuisance?” Claire asked with a smirk.
Emily grinned over the rim of her coffee mug. “Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t answer that.”
“Well, maybe Beth needs someone closer to her own age?” Claire hadn’t broached the baby subject with Emily in a few months. Her sister had no idea of the work she and Tony had been doing to get Claire ready to be pregnant.
Emily narrowed her gaze toward Claire. “If you’re talking about me, I think I’m done for a while.”
Claire laughed. “Well, since Beth’s barely a month old, I’d be shocked if you wanted to jump on that again.”
“Then I hope you’re suggesting a play group. Claire, you can’t be thinking of—”
Claire sat straighter. “Em, don’t do that. Don’t make everything an argument. You’re my sister. You’re supposed to be my friend, not my mother.”
Emily rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m tired and my filter is sleeping.”
“No,” Claire replied. “When it comes to me you don’t have a filter. Tony and I are planning to try for another child.”
Though her head moved back and forth, Emily remained silent.
“We’re not jumping into anything,” Claire continued. “We’ve been working with my doctors. I’m off all my medicines.” She noticed Emily’s eyes widen. “I have been for over a month. We’re supposed to wait a little longer, but the doctors are all on board and so is Tony.”
“Does that include Dr. Brown?”
“Yes, she was the first one I discussed it with. I still meet with her twice weekly and Tony’s been to a few of my sessions with her. We’re being careful. I’m doing fine. I feel good, and I mean that in the best of ways. I get happy and sad. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
Emily reached out and covered Claire’s hand. “I’m not your mother, but I’m your older sister. I can worry.”
“No, Em, you can’t. You have enough to concern yourself with John, Michael, and Beth. Worrying about me is not a priority. I have a fantastic family and life with Tony and Nichol. We’re ready to try to expand it. Tony even said that if the doctors decide I shouldn’t get pregnant, we could adopt.”
“Really?” Emily’s tired eyes opened wide. “Anthony Rawlings is willing to raise someone else’s child?”
It was Claire’s turn to narrow her gaze. “What does that mean?”
“Hmm, nothing. I’m just surprised; that’s all.”
“Don’t you think it’s possible to love a child even if you weren’t the one to give birth to it?”
“You know I know it’s possible,” Emily replied.
“Then what’s the issue?”
Emily momentarily closed her eyes. “Claire, there’s no issue. If you’re truly doing this with the support of your medical team, I’m happy. I see how excited Nichol is with Beth. She’ll be thrilled to be a big sister.”
Those thoughts and plans pulled Claire from her feeling of rejection as she settled at the Vandersols’ outdoor table and watched the children running furiously about the yard, laughing and kicking. In the past few weeks, Nichol had become obsessed with soccer. Thankfully both children were wearing little shin guards. Heaven knows what type of tragedy could occur without them. Claire shook her head. Although her daughter knew very little about the real game, Claire heard Nichol’s voice above the giggles, constantly reminding her cousin of the rules, or more accurately her rules. It was at times like this that Claire saw more Tony in their child.
She felt she had a strong argument for nature over nurture. Even without the presence of her father for the first three years of her life, Nichol’s words, actions, and even gestures were all miniature copies of her father’s. Yet as these thoughts streamed through her mind, Michael fell to the ground, holding his leg. Before Claire could stand, Nichol was on her knees at his side. The injury timeout was short-lived. Soon they were both up and the game was once again in full swing. Claire smiled. Nichol may have Tony’s determination, but she also possessed her mother’s gentleness and compassion.
“What are you thinking?” Emily asked as she sat and placed the small monitor on the table. The warm afternoon breeze gently blew through their hair.
“I was thinking about how much I enjoy watching Nichol and Michael together.” Claire didn’t want to address what had happened inside with Beth.
“I do too. They have so much fun together.”
Claire nodded as she took a sip of her coffee.
“I especially like how they wear each other out,” Emily said. “I hope they welcome Beth into their world.”
“I like the wearing out part too, and don’t worry, they will,” Claire reassured. “Nichol’s elated that the girls now outnumber the boys.”
“I worry that they’ll think of her as a nuisance, being younger than them.”
“Did you think I was a nuisance?” Claire asked with a smirk.
Emily grinned over the rim of her coffee mug. “Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn’t answer that.”
“Well, maybe Beth needs someone closer to her own age?” Claire hadn’t broached the baby subject with Emily in a few months. Her sister had no idea of the work she and Tony had been doing to get Claire ready to be pregnant.
Emily narrowed her gaze toward Claire. “If you’re talking about me, I think I’m done for a while.”
Claire laughed. “Well, since Beth’s barely a month old, I’d be shocked if you wanted to jump on that again.”
“Then I hope you’re suggesting a play group. Claire, you can’t be thinking of—”
Claire sat straighter. “Em, don’t do that. Don’t make everything an argument. You’re my sister. You’re supposed to be my friend, not my mother.”
Emily rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry, Claire. I’m tired and my filter is sleeping.”
“No,” Claire replied. “When it comes to me you don’t have a filter. Tony and I are planning to try for another child.”
Though her head moved back and forth, Emily remained silent.
“We’re not jumping into anything,” Claire continued. “We’ve been working with my doctors. I’m off all my medicines.” She noticed Emily’s eyes widen. “I have been for over a month. We’re supposed to wait a little longer, but the doctors are all on board and so is Tony.”
“Does that include Dr. Brown?”
“Yes, she was the first one I discussed it with. I still meet with her twice weekly and Tony’s been to a few of my sessions with her. We’re being careful. I’m doing fine. I feel good, and I mean that in the best of ways. I get happy and sad. It’s the way it’s supposed to be.”
Emily reached out and covered Claire’s hand. “I’m not your mother, but I’m your older sister. I can worry.”
“No, Em, you can’t. You have enough to concern yourself with John, Michael, and Beth. Worrying about me is not a priority. I have a fantastic family and life with Tony and Nichol. We’re ready to try to expand it. Tony even said that if the doctors decide I shouldn’t get pregnant, we could adopt.”
“Really?” Emily’s tired eyes opened wide. “Anthony Rawlings is willing to raise someone else’s child?”
It was Claire’s turn to narrow her gaze. “What does that mean?”
“Hmm, nothing. I’m just surprised; that’s all.”
“Don’t you think it’s possible to love a child even if you weren’t the one to give birth to it?”
“You know I know it’s possible,” Emily replied.
“Then what’s the issue?”
Emily momentarily closed her eyes. “Claire, there’s no issue. If you’re truly doing this with the support of your medical team, I’m happy. I see how excited Nichol is with Beth. She’ll be thrilled to be a big sister.”
