Beyond the Consequences
Page 44
“You were a kid, in your twenties.”
Phil nodded. “I was supposed to go home. My father had this gun shop… But I got an offer to re-up. I never went home.”
Taylor nodded. “I know, and they died while you were away.”
“They didn’t die. They were murdered in their sleep by a kid who wanted to rob the store. The asshole had tried to rob it once before and only spent one night in jail. He used my father’s own gun to shoot them.” He shook his head. “My parents lived in an apartment above the shop.”
Why had he just said all of that? He hadn’t thought about that, not consciously, in years—decades. Taylor reached for his hand. He looked down at the foreign connection, thinking how warm and soft her skin felt against his.
“You weren’t there.” Her voice was soft yet strong. “But you are here. Whatever happened in Olivia, you’re here. That’s what matters. The Rawlingses don’t live above a gun shop. No one’s getting near them. You’ve done everything to protect them.”
He pulled his hand away. The pain in his chest was unbearable. This was shit. He’d done better as the assassin. It was business. This feeling shit was painful. “No! I didn’t. I could’ve done everything, but I didn’t.”
“What? What do you mean?”
Phil stepped away, pacing about the small office. “I could have. Eric would’ve supported my decision either way. Don’t you get it?”
“No, I don’t.”
“She was honest. I asked her about Nichol and she was honest. She could’ve lied. If she had…” He pinched the brow of his nose. “…that’s what I told myself, if she lied…”
Taylor moved to her desk and sat. “Help me, Phil. I can’t follow what you’re saying.”
He stopped pacing and turned. “I asked her what her plans were for Nichol. She admitted that she planned to take her.”
Taylor’s chest moved up and down with deep breaths. “You were doing your job.”
“Stop!” He couldn’t remember ever feeling so out of control. “I didn’t. If I had I wouldn’t be watching the damn monitors all night long. But… she was honest. That was the deal.”
“Phil?”
The golden flecks in his hazel eyes shimmered with moisture.
“Please tell me.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Patricia’s out of the country. She has been for over two weeks. I haven’t heard from her and obviously, neither has the FBI. I gave her another chance.”
Taylor’s lips formed a straight line. “So you didn’t…”
“I should have.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’d planned to, but she wasn’t delusional. She wasn’t crazy. She was just hell-bent on revenge. I sound so fucking soft.” He fell down onto the sofa. “If anyone in this crazy world deserved revenge, it would be Claire. Yet she’s never tried to get it. Hell, she forgave Rawlings. I just thought if Claire talked to Patricia—which I don’t want her to do—she’d see that Patricia didn’t really want Nichol. She wanted Claire to hurt for hurting her.
“This whole thing is so fucked up. Claire didn’t hurt her. Patricia had her sights set on something that would never be. Instead of dwelling on it, and giving up her life and her freedom, I convinced her to leave. I told her to get away before the FBI figured it out. This was her last chance to have a life. We gave her an additional installment on her severance package and provided her with new identification. We explained that she was on her own.
We also warned her. We’d found her once. If she ever came near them or even so much as sent another card, I promised that I’d hunt her down.”
Finally, he made himself meet Taylor’s blue gaze. She feigned a smile. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked. “Admitting that I’ve gone soft and if something happens to anyone in this family it’s my fault?”
She shook her head as her smile became real. Why was she smiling? “No,” she replied. “For showing that you care and that you want to do what’s right. From all that I’ve learned, this family seems to have been consumed with vengeance. You had the chance to continue that, and you didn’t.”
“She didn’t have a plan. If she had… if she’d lied… but she didn’t.”
“We’ll help. You know that, don’t you? Eric and I want the same thing you do. I didn’t take this job for the money or even the glamorous hours.” Her cheeks rose as she found amusement in her own statement.
Despite his mood, Phil grinned too, because though the pay wasn’t bad, the hours definitely sucked. “I took this job,” she continued, “because I wanted to find a place to make a life. I saw the devotion both you and Eric had. I wanted that. I wanted to feel strongly, and I do. I don’t think that making the decision not to kill someone is a bad one. It makes me all the more proud to be on your team.”
Phil closed his eyes and sighed. He’d always been the one to carry the load. Whether it was the death of his parents or the lives he’d taken, it had always been on him and him alone. He’d never considered sharing. The couch shifted as Taylor sat beside him. He looked her direction. “I’m not sure what made me tell you all of that. I haven’t told anyone the stuff about my family. I haven’t spoken of it in over twenty years.”
Phil nodded. “I was supposed to go home. My father had this gun shop… But I got an offer to re-up. I never went home.”
Taylor nodded. “I know, and they died while you were away.”
“They didn’t die. They were murdered in their sleep by a kid who wanted to rob the store. The asshole had tried to rob it once before and only spent one night in jail. He used my father’s own gun to shoot them.” He shook his head. “My parents lived in an apartment above the shop.”
Why had he just said all of that? He hadn’t thought about that, not consciously, in years—decades. Taylor reached for his hand. He looked down at the foreign connection, thinking how warm and soft her skin felt against his.
“You weren’t there.” Her voice was soft yet strong. “But you are here. Whatever happened in Olivia, you’re here. That’s what matters. The Rawlingses don’t live above a gun shop. No one’s getting near them. You’ve done everything to protect them.”
He pulled his hand away. The pain in his chest was unbearable. This was shit. He’d done better as the assassin. It was business. This feeling shit was painful. “No! I didn’t. I could’ve done everything, but I didn’t.”
“What? What do you mean?”
Phil stepped away, pacing about the small office. “I could have. Eric would’ve supported my decision either way. Don’t you get it?”
“No, I don’t.”
“She was honest. I asked her about Nichol and she was honest. She could’ve lied. If she had…” He pinched the brow of his nose. “…that’s what I told myself, if she lied…”
Taylor moved to her desk and sat. “Help me, Phil. I can’t follow what you’re saying.”
He stopped pacing and turned. “I asked her what her plans were for Nichol. She admitted that she planned to take her.”
Taylor’s chest moved up and down with deep breaths. “You were doing your job.”
“Stop!” He couldn’t remember ever feeling so out of control. “I didn’t. If I had I wouldn’t be watching the damn monitors all night long. But… she was honest. That was the deal.”
“Phil?”
The golden flecks in his hazel eyes shimmered with moisture.
“Please tell me.”
He took a deep breath and exhaled. “Patricia’s out of the country. She has been for over two weeks. I haven’t heard from her and obviously, neither has the FBI. I gave her another chance.”
Taylor’s lips formed a straight line. “So you didn’t…”
“I should have.”
“Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’d planned to, but she wasn’t delusional. She wasn’t crazy. She was just hell-bent on revenge. I sound so fucking soft.” He fell down onto the sofa. “If anyone in this crazy world deserved revenge, it would be Claire. Yet she’s never tried to get it. Hell, she forgave Rawlings. I just thought if Claire talked to Patricia—which I don’t want her to do—she’d see that Patricia didn’t really want Nichol. She wanted Claire to hurt for hurting her.
“This whole thing is so fucked up. Claire didn’t hurt her. Patricia had her sights set on something that would never be. Instead of dwelling on it, and giving up her life and her freedom, I convinced her to leave. I told her to get away before the FBI figured it out. This was her last chance to have a life. We gave her an additional installment on her severance package and provided her with new identification. We explained that she was on her own.
We also warned her. We’d found her once. If she ever came near them or even so much as sent another card, I promised that I’d hunt her down.”
Finally, he made himself meet Taylor’s blue gaze. She feigned a smile. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asked. “Admitting that I’ve gone soft and if something happens to anyone in this family it’s my fault?”
She shook her head as her smile became real. Why was she smiling? “No,” she replied. “For showing that you care and that you want to do what’s right. From all that I’ve learned, this family seems to have been consumed with vengeance. You had the chance to continue that, and you didn’t.”
“She didn’t have a plan. If she had… if she’d lied… but she didn’t.”
“We’ll help. You know that, don’t you? Eric and I want the same thing you do. I didn’t take this job for the money or even the glamorous hours.” Her cheeks rose as she found amusement in her own statement.
Despite his mood, Phil grinned too, because though the pay wasn’t bad, the hours definitely sucked. “I took this job,” she continued, “because I wanted to find a place to make a life. I saw the devotion both you and Eric had. I wanted that. I wanted to feel strongly, and I do. I don’t think that making the decision not to kill someone is a bad one. It makes me all the more proud to be on your team.”
Phil closed his eyes and sighed. He’d always been the one to carry the load. Whether it was the death of his parents or the lives he’d taken, it had always been on him and him alone. He’d never considered sharing. The couch shifted as Taylor sat beside him. He looked her direction. “I’m not sure what made me tell you all of that. I haven’t told anyone the stuff about my family. I haven’t spoken of it in over twenty years.”
