Bite Me
Page 1
CHAPTER 1
Livy Kowalski blew out a breath when the battling females landed hard on top of the casket.
Livys father was in that casket. And it was her fathers sister and Livys mother busy fighting on top of it.
Her cousin Jake leaned in and whispered, Like watching a somber and ancient grieving ceremony with the Windsor family, isnt it?
Thank God Jake was here. She didnt know if she could have faced this nightmare without him.
No. Not the death of her father, but dealing with her family. Then again, this was how they mourned. Although why they all seemed so surprised by her fathers death, Livy didnt know. Damon Kowalski was not exactly known for his quiet, even-tempered ways. He was a thief, a liar, a brawler, an instigator, and a drinker. Not just a drinker, but a honey badger drinker. Her father drank liquor spiked with different snake poisons. Poisons that would kill most humans unless they were treated immediately with antiveninand sometimes not even thenbut for HBs they merely caused a ridiculous high and intense hunger.
Most of Livys kind just kept their venom intake to the rattler family, but her father had actually tried the more odious poison-spiked beers and tequila, like Black Mamba or the Puff Adder.
And, sadly, her father hadnt been right since the first time he drank that swill, going from a verbose, sometimes annoying thief to a downright bastard of a human being.
It had become so bad that, eventually, even Livys mother refused to put up with him. Shed thrown him out of their Washington State home and eventually divorced him, but the connection between her parents had always been . . . ridiculous. Because no matter how much they argued, no matter how many times they threw things at each other, or threatened each other with the murder of whomever they might be dating at the moment, there were two things the pair did well togethersex and stealing.
Livys parents made a great team when it came to stealing, and money was king to the honey badger shifter. Because money allowed them to pursue their off-putting lifestyle without worries as well as purchase extremely robust and necessary health insuranceplastic surgery for scarring could be costly these days.
And, it turned out, money also allowed for even more robust life insurance that Livys aunt didnt think Livys mother had a right to, considering her parents had been divorced since Livy was fifteen. Sadly, Livys mother didnt agree with that logic since shed been the one paying the premiums on that insurance for the last twenty years, always guessing that shed easily outlive Damon Kowalski. Even if that meant killing him herself.
Even worse, this particular issue came to a head at Damons graveside. Not appropriate for most people during a funeral, but honey badgers . . . well, appropriate was relative when itcame to Livys kind.
Livy looked around at the rest of her relatives, wondering if some of her uncles or cousins would break her mother and aunt apartbut they were too busy watching . . . and drinking . . . and bickering among themselves.
So youre still hanging around with her, huh?
Livy glanced over her shoulder at her.
Toni Jean-Louis Parker, in her mourning best, gave Livy a little wave and an encouraging smile. That smile said, You can get through this! Livy hoped her friend was right.
But Toni wasnt here for Livy on her own. There was also Tonis parents, Jackie and Paul. Sadly, Tonis brother Cooper and Tonis sister Cherise were on tour in Europe. They were brilliant musicians who got a lot of money to perform for sold-out audiences. Their sixteen-year-old sister Oriana was trainingand soon to performwith the Royal Ballet in England. Twelve-year-old Kyle was studying art in Italy. Ten-year-old Troy was getting his masters in math . . . or science . . . one of those. Livy never really knew or cared. Eight-year-old Freddy was getting his bachelors in theoretical physics and, in his off time, creating video games that were seriously fun. The youngest brother, six-year-old Dennis, was studying architecture; and the three-year-old twins, Zia and Zoe, were busy learning the many dialects of most of the worlds major languages while terrorizing their nanny by just being themselves.
Oh. And there was nineteen-year-old Delilah, but no one really talked about her much. She was currently running a cult in Upstate New York that saw her as their messiah. She and her cult were also making the federal government kind of nervous, but the family liked to pretend that wasnt happening.
And no, Livy wasnt a blood relative of the Jean-Louis Parkers. They were jackals, after all. In the wild, their kind were enemies. Then again, HBs were enemies to . . . well . . . everyone. Lions. Hyenas. Leopards. Beekeepers. Beekeepers really hated their kind, but only because one didnt find grizzly bears on the African plains. Yet the fact that Livy wasnt blood had never mattered to the Jean-Louis Parkers. As far as they were concerned, she was family, which was why Toni had left her job in Manhattan and come with Livy to watch Livys mother deck her ex-husbands younger sister while scuffing up the steel casket of her ex-husband.
Jake looked Livy over. Where is it?
Wheres what?
Your camera. I dont think Ive ever seen you without it.
Livy shrugged. Seemed wrong to bring my camera to my fathers funeral, she lied.
You brought it to our great-aunts funeral in Poland. Won awards for the pictures you took, if I remember correctly.
Livy Kowalski blew out a breath when the battling females landed hard on top of the casket.
Livys father was in that casket. And it was her fathers sister and Livys mother busy fighting on top of it.
Her cousin Jake leaned in and whispered, Like watching a somber and ancient grieving ceremony with the Windsor family, isnt it?
Thank God Jake was here. She didnt know if she could have faced this nightmare without him.
No. Not the death of her father, but dealing with her family. Then again, this was how they mourned. Although why they all seemed so surprised by her fathers death, Livy didnt know. Damon Kowalski was not exactly known for his quiet, even-tempered ways. He was a thief, a liar, a brawler, an instigator, and a drinker. Not just a drinker, but a honey badger drinker. Her father drank liquor spiked with different snake poisons. Poisons that would kill most humans unless they were treated immediately with antiveninand sometimes not even thenbut for HBs they merely caused a ridiculous high and intense hunger.
Most of Livys kind just kept their venom intake to the rattler family, but her father had actually tried the more odious poison-spiked beers and tequila, like Black Mamba or the Puff Adder.
And, sadly, her father hadnt been right since the first time he drank that swill, going from a verbose, sometimes annoying thief to a downright bastard of a human being.
It had become so bad that, eventually, even Livys mother refused to put up with him. Shed thrown him out of their Washington State home and eventually divorced him, but the connection between her parents had always been . . . ridiculous. Because no matter how much they argued, no matter how many times they threw things at each other, or threatened each other with the murder of whomever they might be dating at the moment, there were two things the pair did well togethersex and stealing.
Livys parents made a great team when it came to stealing, and money was king to the honey badger shifter. Because money allowed them to pursue their off-putting lifestyle without worries as well as purchase extremely robust and necessary health insuranceplastic surgery for scarring could be costly these days.
And, it turned out, money also allowed for even more robust life insurance that Livys aunt didnt think Livys mother had a right to, considering her parents had been divorced since Livy was fifteen. Sadly, Livys mother didnt agree with that logic since shed been the one paying the premiums on that insurance for the last twenty years, always guessing that shed easily outlive Damon Kowalski. Even if that meant killing him herself.
Even worse, this particular issue came to a head at Damons graveside. Not appropriate for most people during a funeral, but honey badgers . . . well, appropriate was relative when itcame to Livys kind.
Livy looked around at the rest of her relatives, wondering if some of her uncles or cousins would break her mother and aunt apartbut they were too busy watching . . . and drinking . . . and bickering among themselves.
So youre still hanging around with her, huh?
Livy glanced over her shoulder at her.
Toni Jean-Louis Parker, in her mourning best, gave Livy a little wave and an encouraging smile. That smile said, You can get through this! Livy hoped her friend was right.
But Toni wasnt here for Livy on her own. There was also Tonis parents, Jackie and Paul. Sadly, Tonis brother Cooper and Tonis sister Cherise were on tour in Europe. They were brilliant musicians who got a lot of money to perform for sold-out audiences. Their sixteen-year-old sister Oriana was trainingand soon to performwith the Royal Ballet in England. Twelve-year-old Kyle was studying art in Italy. Ten-year-old Troy was getting his masters in math . . . or science . . . one of those. Livy never really knew or cared. Eight-year-old Freddy was getting his bachelors in theoretical physics and, in his off time, creating video games that were seriously fun. The youngest brother, six-year-old Dennis, was studying architecture; and the three-year-old twins, Zia and Zoe, were busy learning the many dialects of most of the worlds major languages while terrorizing their nanny by just being themselves.
Oh. And there was nineteen-year-old Delilah, but no one really talked about her much. She was currently running a cult in Upstate New York that saw her as their messiah. She and her cult were also making the federal government kind of nervous, but the family liked to pretend that wasnt happening.
And no, Livy wasnt a blood relative of the Jean-Louis Parkers. They were jackals, after all. In the wild, their kind were enemies. Then again, HBs were enemies to . . . well . . . everyone. Lions. Hyenas. Leopards. Beekeepers. Beekeepers really hated their kind, but only because one didnt find grizzly bears on the African plains. Yet the fact that Livy wasnt blood had never mattered to the Jean-Louis Parkers. As far as they were concerned, she was family, which was why Toni had left her job in Manhattan and come with Livy to watch Livys mother deck her ex-husbands younger sister while scuffing up the steel casket of her ex-husband.
Jake looked Livy over. Where is it?
Wheres what?
Your camera. I dont think Ive ever seen you without it.
Livy shrugged. Seemed wrong to bring my camera to my fathers funeral, she lied.
You brought it to our great-aunts funeral in Poland. Won awards for the pictures you took, if I remember correctly.
