Bite Me
Page 83
Mitch tried to sit in the booth, but that would mean Bo would have to get out of his way. With Blayne on his lap, Bo didnt seem inclined to bother.
Could you move? Mitch asked.
I could . . . but I wont.
Rolling his eyes, Mitch grabbed a chair from one of the other tables and slammed it down in front of them. There are honey badgers here, he announced.
I thought you liked Livy, Blayne said, sipping her sugar-free Mountain Dew.
Not just Livy. Theres a bunch of them now.
Gwen lifted her head a bit. Nodded. And one of them is heading for the stage.
But I was enjoying the wild dog version of The Safety Dance.
Bo shook his head at Blayne. No, you werent. Please dont lie.
I was trying to enjoy it. Okay? Happy now? She crinkled up her nose a bit. Im not sure Im in the mood for a song that a honey badger would sing, though.
Why not?
One time at the Sports Center I saw Livy sitting on the floor, wearing earbuds. I asked her what she was listening to. Turns out it was the Lords of Acid. Tech music with a lot of singing about fucking, which Im fine with. But what freaked me out was that she was just sitting there. Like she was meditating. Who listens to dance music that talks about fucking and doesnt move?
A honey badger who coldly and brutally crushed the kneecap of a She-lion who pissed her off? Lock asked.
The male honey badger got on stage. Hed already chosen a song, and it began to play. But when he started to sing without even looking at the words on the screen, Blayne didnt know if she should be charmed or completely and utterly freaked the fuck out.
The Pia Colada Song? Mitch asked them, flabbergasted. Honey badgers like The Pia Colada Song?
No, Gwen observed, her gaze moving over the crowd. They love it.
Obviously, since theyd all moved to the stage to sing along, some raising lighters in the air, others just their arms. They waved and they sang.
But when Livy got up on the stage with that badger, put her arm around his shoulders, and sang along with him, Blayne was sure about one thing . . .
The worlds about to end! she announced cheerfully, certain that if the Rapture was coming, shed done enough good in her life to ensure her passage to Paradise. Because Im sure this is a sign of the End of Days.
Mitch stared at Blayne for a good minute before he agreed, Its The Pia Colada Song. And honey badgers. It just doesnt seem right, does it?
Livy sat back down beside Vic. ThePia Colada Song? he asked.
Its a family favorite. Played at all Kowalski weddings, along with every polka song you can think of.
Vic scratched his head, stared at Livy, until he finally asked, Polka?
It was enough of a shock that the karaoke machine actually had polka music on it. But it was even more startling to see Livy up on the stage with Jake and Jocelyn, singing along . . . in Polish.
Vic had thought he knew Livy . . . but he didnt know her at all. She was, however, fascinating.
Freaky, yes. But fascinating.
You need to make this stop.
Vic looked up to see Novikov standing over him.
Come on, Vic said. I know the Novikov name. Youre Russian like I am, and we have polka, too.
Im half-Russian and half-Mongolian, but thats not the point. Blayne likes the polka music. She now wants it at our wedding. So we can dance to it. Dance to polka. Me.
Im sure your Cossack ancestors would happily dance to polka music at their weddings. You should feel honored. Its probably a family tradition.
It is not a family tradition.
Vic snorted. It is now.
The pair sized each other up until Novikov asked, Why dont I want to kill you right now?
Remember that song the wild dog sang a few minutes ago?
The Lion Sleeps Tonight?
Thats the one. Your lions asleep.
Pardon?
You had a couple of drinks, right?
Yeah.
The feline part of you is out cold, numbed by the alcohol and lack of danger. I had a couple of vodka shots, so my tiger is out for the night. My grizzly, however, is up and ready to party. Vic grinned. Wanna dance?
Not with a dude.
See? The polar gives a rational response to my question. If the male lion in you had been awake when I asked that, wed be tearing each other apart and destroying this quaint bar right now to sadly prove how manly we both are.
Novikov thought on that, shrugged, and replied, Yeah. Whatever. Is that vodka you were drinking good?
Vic grinned. The best. Lets get some.
Livy and Jake helped Vic up the stairs to the Jean-Louis Parker rental home. Blayne, who was sober, ended up driving Vics SUV back to the house. She and Novikov would then spend the night at the wild dog house across the street.
He weighs a ton, Livy, Jake complained.
Put your back into it. Were almost there.
Move, Novikov said, pushing Livy and Jake away.
Could you move? Mitch asked.
I could . . . but I wont.
Rolling his eyes, Mitch grabbed a chair from one of the other tables and slammed it down in front of them. There are honey badgers here, he announced.
I thought you liked Livy, Blayne said, sipping her sugar-free Mountain Dew.
Not just Livy. Theres a bunch of them now.
Gwen lifted her head a bit. Nodded. And one of them is heading for the stage.
But I was enjoying the wild dog version of The Safety Dance.
Bo shook his head at Blayne. No, you werent. Please dont lie.
I was trying to enjoy it. Okay? Happy now? She crinkled up her nose a bit. Im not sure Im in the mood for a song that a honey badger would sing, though.
Why not?
One time at the Sports Center I saw Livy sitting on the floor, wearing earbuds. I asked her what she was listening to. Turns out it was the Lords of Acid. Tech music with a lot of singing about fucking, which Im fine with. But what freaked me out was that she was just sitting there. Like she was meditating. Who listens to dance music that talks about fucking and doesnt move?
A honey badger who coldly and brutally crushed the kneecap of a She-lion who pissed her off? Lock asked.
The male honey badger got on stage. Hed already chosen a song, and it began to play. But when he started to sing without even looking at the words on the screen, Blayne didnt know if she should be charmed or completely and utterly freaked the fuck out.
The Pia Colada Song? Mitch asked them, flabbergasted. Honey badgers like The Pia Colada Song?
No, Gwen observed, her gaze moving over the crowd. They love it.
Obviously, since theyd all moved to the stage to sing along, some raising lighters in the air, others just their arms. They waved and they sang.
But when Livy got up on the stage with that badger, put her arm around his shoulders, and sang along with him, Blayne was sure about one thing . . .
The worlds about to end! she announced cheerfully, certain that if the Rapture was coming, shed done enough good in her life to ensure her passage to Paradise. Because Im sure this is a sign of the End of Days.
Mitch stared at Blayne for a good minute before he agreed, Its The Pia Colada Song. And honey badgers. It just doesnt seem right, does it?
Livy sat back down beside Vic. ThePia Colada Song? he asked.
Its a family favorite. Played at all Kowalski weddings, along with every polka song you can think of.
Vic scratched his head, stared at Livy, until he finally asked, Polka?
It was enough of a shock that the karaoke machine actually had polka music on it. But it was even more startling to see Livy up on the stage with Jake and Jocelyn, singing along . . . in Polish.
Vic had thought he knew Livy . . . but he didnt know her at all. She was, however, fascinating.
Freaky, yes. But fascinating.
You need to make this stop.
Vic looked up to see Novikov standing over him.
Come on, Vic said. I know the Novikov name. Youre Russian like I am, and we have polka, too.
Im half-Russian and half-Mongolian, but thats not the point. Blayne likes the polka music. She now wants it at our wedding. So we can dance to it. Dance to polka. Me.
Im sure your Cossack ancestors would happily dance to polka music at their weddings. You should feel honored. Its probably a family tradition.
It is not a family tradition.
Vic snorted. It is now.
The pair sized each other up until Novikov asked, Why dont I want to kill you right now?
Remember that song the wild dog sang a few minutes ago?
The Lion Sleeps Tonight?
Thats the one. Your lions asleep.
Pardon?
You had a couple of drinks, right?
Yeah.
The feline part of you is out cold, numbed by the alcohol and lack of danger. I had a couple of vodka shots, so my tiger is out for the night. My grizzly, however, is up and ready to party. Vic grinned. Wanna dance?
Not with a dude.
See? The polar gives a rational response to my question. If the male lion in you had been awake when I asked that, wed be tearing each other apart and destroying this quaint bar right now to sadly prove how manly we both are.
Novikov thought on that, shrugged, and replied, Yeah. Whatever. Is that vodka you were drinking good?
Vic grinned. The best. Lets get some.
Livy and Jake helped Vic up the stairs to the Jean-Louis Parker rental home. Blayne, who was sober, ended up driving Vics SUV back to the house. She and Novikov would then spend the night at the wild dog house across the street.
He weighs a ton, Livy, Jake complained.
Put your back into it. Were almost there.
Move, Novikov said, pushing Livy and Jake away.
